


Late In The Day

by twdsunshine



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-02
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-12 18:49:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 40
Words: 99,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13553421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twdsunshine/pseuds/twdsunshine
Summary: The reader is on her own in the early days of the apocalypse until she’s rescued by a rude redneck with a crossbow and a chip on his shoulder.  But is there more to him than meets the eye?The story picks up between Seasons 2 & 3, after the escape from the Greene farm, but tells the story of their journey together so far through flashbacks.





	1. Chapter 1

‘Hey, ya doing okay down there?‘ 

The scratchy southern drawl roused you from your zoned out state as you sat, sprawled in the dirt and crusty leaves at the bottom of a big tree several metres into the forest.  The rest of the group was gathered at the edge of the road that the forest bordered but you’d needed some space, just a moment of peace, so you’d taken yourself into the woods just a little way.  You were an only child, used to your own company, and the experience of constantly being around other people was completely draining for you.  You longed for the long hours of solitude you used to spend up in your room, just you alone with your thoughts, free to read or write or listen to music.  Just you on your own doing as you pleased.  Those days were long gone, you knew, and you wouldn’t give up the group that had become your family for anything, but sometimes you just needed to be alone.

You heard a loud sigh beside you when you didn’t respond and felt the warmth of another body sliding down the tree trunk to slump next to you, a big calloused hand reaching to take yours, the rough thumb absently rubbing circles on the back of your hand.  

‘Come on, girl, we gotta move.’

You knew he was right.  It was late in the day and the evening was drawing in.  It wouldn’t be long before the light started to fade and you needed to find somewhere to set up camp for the night before the darkness came.  But as much as you knew this, you just couldn’t bring yourself to move.  A hopelessness had taken over you that you just couldn’t shake.  It seemed like it had been months since you’d lost the safe haven of the Greenes’ farm and everyday on the road, searching, surviving, just reinforced your belief that there was nowhere else for you to go.  The dead were everywhere, an infestation, and there was no escaping them.  Everyday was a fight, a struggle, and you were tired.

'Y/N…'  

The hand holding yours shook it gently and you finally looked up to see concerned eyes raking over your face, the worry evident in his features as he gnawed on his bottom lip.

Giving yourself a mental shakedown, you quickly pulled yourself together and forced a smile.

'Sorry Daryl, I was miles away.’

The concern didn’t leave his expression but he nodded and gave your hand another shake.

'Get yer ass up, come on.’ He pushed himself up from the ground with his free hand and pulled you up to stand facing him.  'I didn’t find no water and Rick’s pissed that you wandered off.  We gotta get back to 'em.’

You nodded in understanding and turned to make your way back to the road but his strong hand, still clutching yours, kept you in place as he reached up to brush the hair back from your face.  

'Ya gotta keep it together for me, girl,’ he whispered, his voice a hoarse rasp almost lost in the whistling of the breeze through the trees.  'Yer the only thing keeping me sane right now.  I need ya.’

With that, he broke away and turned his back on you to lead you out of the wood and back to the others.

You took a deep breath and followed.

 

* * *

 

Your relationship with Daryl Dixon had been complicated in the beginning.  He’d found you picking through supplies in a group of broken down cars just off the highway, not long after everything had gone to hell.  You had your head and shoulders in the footwell of a big SUV, rummaging through a bag of food that had been abandoned, trying to decide what you’d be able to carry, and were completely oblivious to the walkers that had heard your efforts to break into the vehicles and were closing in behind you.  It was only when the closest one grabbed your waist that you span around and realised your predicament, but before you could even reach for your knife an arrow had embedded itself in the monster’s head and it slumped to the ground in front of you.  

'Hey, ya got a weapon?' 

You turned your head towards the voice and saw a sandy-haired man with a crossbow on the floor between his knees as he snapped another arrow into place.  

You nodded dumbly, lost for words for a moment as this was the first living person you’d seen for weeks, and he was shouting at you in panic as more walkers stumbled out of the treeline beside the road and made towards you.

'Use it then, ya stupid girl, use it!’ he was shouting, and you snapped out of your trance to realise that you were surrounded.  

You grabbed your knife from its holster on your hip and began to drive it through the heads of the ones nearest to you, shoving each one off roughly and moving on to the next.  You thought you’d cleared them all when you felt hands grabbing at your hair from behind and you turned to see a hulk of a walker behind you, its jaw hanging slack and its eye sockets drooping and bloody.  You tumbled to the ground under its weight and wrestled to keep its teeth from tearing at your skin.  

Another whistle of an arrow and the creature fell forward onto you, its head resting on your shoulder as the vile stench of death washed over you.  Moments later it was tugged away, leaving you free to move, and you sat up to stare into the face of your rescuer, the only other survivor you’d met.

'Ya stupid bitch!’  He was red-faced and ranting, staring down at you with a look of disgust on his face.  'Ya can’t just be burying yerself in cars and not paying attention!  Ya was almost walker food!  How the hell have ya stayed alive this long?!’

Your relief at finding another living person was short-lived and you pushed yourself to your feet with an infuriated growl.

'I’ve kept myself alive by scavenging, by keeping myself fed and strong, so that I can outrun the dead,’ you snapped, making your way back over to the SUV and reaching inside to pull out a box of cereal bars.  'Which is exactly what I was doing when they snuck up on me.'  

You threw the box at him, satisfied when it hit him in the chest and fell to the ground.  'I didn’t need to be rescued, and I certainly would’ve been just fine without your help.’

You knew that wasn’t strictly true but being yelled at like an idiot had brought out your stubborn streak.  You gestured to the box of bars now laying on the floor at his feet.  'Consider that payment for your unnecessary services and get the hell out of here.’

You turned back to the stash, breathing hard, and listened for the sound of his footsteps retreating, but instead they seemed to be approaching you and you spun around, knife at the ready, only to feel a strong hand wrap itself around your wrist.

'What the hell are you doing?’ you asked, panic rushing through you as you realised exactly how much bigger than you this guy was.  He was several inches taller than you were, and built with broad shoulders, well-defined arms and a barrel chest.  Next to him you felt tiny and vulnerable, and fear coursed through you as you as fought to shove him away.

'Drop the knife, sunshine,’ he snarled, increasing his pressure on your wrist until you let the weapon drop with a whimper.  'Tha’s better.  I ain’t gonna hurt ya, but I also ain’t gonna leave ya.'  He let go of your wrist and backed up a few paces before continuing.  'I saved yer ass, whether you wanna admit it or not, and tha’ makes ya my responsibility.  Can’t have ya go runnin’ off into the jaws of the nearest geek now, can I?’

You were torn.  Part of you was completely embarrassed and ashamed that this stranger had come across you in a weak moment and seemed to believe that you were incapable of taking care of yourself.  It wasn’t the basis for a strong partnership and you wished he would just leave you alone.  Besides, you didn’t know anything about him, and he wasn’t exactly giving you the best first impression either.  However, the other part of you was thinking back over the last few weeks spent alone, just trying to survive day by day, nobody to talk to, nobody to have your back.  You were starved for some company and if this man was the only other person left on the planet then he would have to do.

'Fine,’ you sighed.  'But if you’re determined to be the big man and protect me, you can use those big manly muscles to carry this.’. You thrust the bag of food from the SUV footwell at him, and turned on your heel to march off.

'Hey!' 

You stopped and grunted frustratedly at the sound of his voice.

'Yer going the wrong way.’

You turned to face him and let out a sharp bark of laughter.

'The wrong way?  There’s nothing left!  How can there be a wrong way and a right way anymore?  There is nothing to walk towards so tell me what exactly is back there that makes it the right way other than just you not wanting to follow a 'stupid bitch’?!'  You were shouting now, adrenaline and rage combining to make you lose your temper with this arrogant asshole.

You watched as he lowered his head, gnawing on his thumb, as he hitched the crossbow higher on his shoulder.  He stayed silent for a moment as if trying to keep his anger under control before he glanced up and met your eyes.

'My brother.’

He turned and walked away from you and, not seeing any other option, you followed.

 

* * *

 

Daryl Dixon.  He’d told you that was his name, and you’d told him yours, Y/N.  He was true to his word about protecting you, and you were conscious that you’d made the right decision in following him that day as he kept you fed with deer, rabbits and squirrels that he tracked in the forest.  It wasn’t an easy friendship by any means - he still treated you as if you were weak and defenceless and you still treated him like a giant ego with legs.  But it meant that you weren’t alone: that when a group of walkers stumbled across your camp in the woods, there was somebody to fight with, to watch out for you; that when you couldn’t sleep there was somebody to sit with in the darkness until morning came; that when your legs were lead-heavy and you felt like you couldn’t walk another step, there was somebody to tell you to keep going, to keep fighting.

In any case, Daryl was a prince in comparison to his brother.  Merle Dixon was the biggest waste of space you thought you had ever met.  Big and mean, he did very little to contribute to the group’s survival despite claiming himself to be superior in every way to his little brother.  He spent most of his days, when you’d set up a temporary base somewhere, lounging around and giving out orders to you and Daryl, or else, if you were on the move, marching through the woods gung-ho, cracking jokes and whistling, attracting the dead ones and scaring off any potential dinner that might have been grazing nearby.  You knew he had a supply of pills and powders in his pack, but didn’t bring them up with Daryl as you honestly didn’t see the point.  Daryl was completely under his brother’s thumb and would only tell you that Merle was blood and a good guy deep down.  It must be very damn deep, you thought.  

Time went by, you weren’t sure how long, and your little group had fallen into a routine, moving every few days, setting up a base camp, leaving Merle there whilst Daryl hunted and you went out scavenging.  'Not too far though, ya hear me,’ Daryl always insisted.

In the evenings you and Daryl would sit in silence, listening to Merle ramble on about whatever thought randomly popped into his head.  Sometimes these would be lewd comments about you.  When this happened, Daryl would intervene, change the subject, but otherwise the nights would draw in with Merle’s monologue going on and on…  Then you would try to sleep, take it in turns to keep watch until morning came around again.  It was a simple life but you were alive and for that you were grateful.  

It must’ve been a few weeks after meeting Daryl that you heard two sets of footsteps coming towards camp, where you sat, watching in disgust as Merle slept against a tree, his mouth hanging open and snoring loudly, one hand rammed down the front of his pants.  You grabbed the gun that Daryl had left for you to use in emergencies and clambered to your feet, listening and alert in case Daryl had run into trouble.

You lifted it as Daryl appeared round the corner, half a buck slung over his shoulder, the rear half resting on the shoulder of the man following him.  He was tall, bigger than Daryl, with hooded eyes and a nose that looked as if it may have been broken a couple of times.

'It’s okay, Y/N,’ Daryl nodded at you to lower the gun and you did so, but you still felt uneasy in the presence of the newcomer.  You didn’t like the way his eyes roamed over you and you crossed your arms over your chest to try and deflect his stare.  'This is Shane.  Says he’s got a camp not too far from 'ere.  People.  Quite a few of 'em it sounds like.’

You didn’t respond, locking your eyes on Daryl’s and trying to communicate your discomfort without speaking.

'Look, Y/N, is it?’ Shane spoke, looking to Daryl for confirmation that he’d gotten your name right.  'My name’s Shane Walsh and I’m a sheriff’s deputy.  Or I was, before.  I lead a group of people that are currently camped out at an old quarry about a mile and a half from here.'  He pointed off to the east, and continued, 'It seems to me we could use some people like you in our camp.  Daryl here sounds like a damn good hunter, and I’ve heard you’re pretty hot at scavenging.  We’ve got a lotta people to feed, kids too, and we could use the help to be honest with you.’

He glanced at Daryl when you didn’t respond and when he didn’t receive any encouragement, he shrugged.

'Alright, I can see that you guys maybe need some time to talk this over.  I’m gonna head back before it gets dark, but if you decide you wanna join us, just keep heading in that direction and then follow the treeline.  It’ll lead you right to us.  You’ll get a warm welcome there, I can guarantee.  If not, well, best of luck.’

He turned to Daryl again.  'Thanks for the deer.’

'Yeah, well, ya said ya got kids…’

The two men nodded to each other, before Shane turned and made his way back through the forest.

'Well, well, well,’ Merle cracked open an eye from where he was reclining.  'Wasn’t that interesting?’

The argument about what to do went on for most of the night.  You were adamant that it was a bad idea.  You’d gotten used to it just being the three of you and you’d gotten a bad vibe from Shane.  You felt safe with the Dixon brothers, no matter how lacking their company was, and you were nervous about risking your lives for others.  Daryl thought it was worth giving them a chance, but wasn’t very vocal on why he thought they were trustworthy.  He was playing his cards ridiculously close to his chest which only caused you more frustration.  

Merle…  Well, Merle had other ideas.

'Sounds like they’ve got a sweet set up from the way that Shane guy was talking,’ he took a drag from his cigarette and smiled lazily.  'I say we head over that way, see what they got’s worth takin’.  If it looks like they got some loot to be had, we join 'em, get 'em all comfortable with us, trustin’ and vulnerable…  Then we take off with all their shit!'  He let out a loud guffaw of laughter before stubbing out the cigarette and getting to his feet.  'I’mma take a leak and get some shuteye.  Don’t you kids fight too much while I’m asleep now.'  He winked and walked away, leaving an uncomfortable silence behind him.

You looked over at Daryl who just shrugged and reached for another hunk of venison to cook over the fire.  

'I’m not doing that.’

He glanced over at you when you broke the silence, watching you as you fought to find the right words without sounding like you were attacking his brother.

'You know I don’t wanna go, I don’t think we can trust them and I don’t think it’s worth risking our lives over.  But, if you decide it’s for the best, if we do go and join them, I’m not doing that.'  You sighed loudly.  'That Shane guy said they had kids over there, Daryl.  Could you really rest easy knowing there were children starving and thirsty and cold and, I don’t know, actually dying, because you took all their stuff?  Could you live with yourself?  'Cause I know I couldn’t.’

Daryl remained silent, his eyes flicking back to the piece of meat as it charred and blackened over the fire.

You sighed again.  'Why do you think we should go?  Honestly, Daryl, tell me honestly, please… Why do you think we can trust them?’

He shrugged again before putting the meat aside to cool and turning to face you, chewing on his lip and finally meeting your eyes.

'I don’t know we can trust 'em, Y/N.  They might be psychos or murderers.  Hell, that guy was basically a cop which is as good a reason as any to not trust 'im…’ he tailed off and you saw him glance up towards the night sky as if searching for answers.  'They got people.  Livin’ people.  Nah, I ain’t exactly a people person, but don’t it feel kinda nice to know we ain’t the only ones left.  And they got kids - kids, girl, the next generation or whatever.  Don’t that give ya hope that maybe life goes on after this?  Besides,’ he smirked at you, raising his eyebrows and reaching into his pocket to pull out a cigarette.  'The last time I took a chance on a stranger it turned out okay.’

You smiled at him then, realising that maybe he didn’t think you were as useless as you thought he did.  

'Why didn’t you say any of this before?’ you asked, thinking this may have been the most you’d ever heard Daryl speak.

'Yeah right,’ he chuckled coldly.  'Start talkin’ about hope and the future in front of him?'  He gestured in the direction that Merle had gone off in.  'He sees it as a sign of weakness to believe in that stuff.  As far as he’s concerned, the world’s over an’ done with.  He’d be dead already if he wasn’t so determined to go out in a blaze of glory.  The time just ain’t right yet.’

You turned to look over to where you could just make out the dark heap that was Merle’s sleeping figure.

'He really has no hope?’ you asked quietly.  You knew he talked like a man without any sort of vision of a future, but you’d figured it was an act, a bravado.  After all, what was the point of fighting to survive everyday if you didn’t have hope that things would get better?

Daryl shook his head sadly and took a long pull on his cigarette.  

'We’ll go,’ you decided turning back to Daryl with a grin.  'We’ll go to the quarry and we’ll find the other survivors and we’ll join them.  We’ll join their camp and we’ll help feed them and protect them.  You’re right.  We’re not the only ones still alive and we should all be sticking together, right?  Safety in numbers.  You’re totally right, Daryl.  In the morning, we’ll go.’

Daryl nodded to you and began to pick at the meat he’d just cooked.  It was obvious you weren’t getting any more out of him tonight so you left him to keep watch and decided to get some rest.  Tomorrow was looking like a big day.

As you settled down, your thoughts drifted back to the redneck by the fire.  Maybe there was more to him than you thought.  It had been weeks and tonight was the first time that you felt he’d really let you in, albeit slightly begrudgingly.  You had to admit, it made you feel safer.  It seemed that deep down Daryl Dixon at least really was a good guy.


	2. Chapter 2

It seemed a long time ago that you’d sat with Daryl around that campfire discussing whether or not to join the quarry survivors.  As you emerged from the woods back onto the road with Daryl, you saw Rick break away from the group and stride towards you, looking every inch the leader in spite of his dirty attire and tired eyes.

‘Y/N,’ he addressed you, his mouth pressed into a thin line.  ‘What in the hell were you thinking?’

You shrugged and stared at the ground, no energy left to get into an argument that you knew you would lose.  Rick was the undisputed head of the group these days, and you knew standing up to him would get you nowhere.  He was trying his best and it wasn’t fair for you to make his task more difficult.

At your lack of reply, Rick lowered his tone and leaned in close to you.  ‘You do not go off into the woods on your own.  Do you hear me?  Not without letting somebody know where you’re going.’

You nodded stiffly, before meeting his eyes and realising that he was waiting for an answer.

'Yes Rick, you’re right.  I’m sorry.  I just needed a moment.  It won’t happen again.’

Rick nodded in understanding, and you were reminded again that, although the pressures of leadership and survival had made him cold and hard in some ways, he was still a kind man and one that you respected.

 Daryl scoffed as he walked away, kicking the toe of his boot into the dirt.  'Hate it when he talks to ya like that.’

You put your hand on the archer’s shoulder, squeezing gently.  'It’s okay D, I deserved it.’

'I ain’t sayin’ ya didn’t.  Yer stupid wanderin’ off on yer own.  I just don’t like how he tells it to ya.’

You snorted as the archer smirked at you and linked your arm through his as you made your way over to the rest of the group, where Rick was outlining the plans to build a camp for the night.

As he spoke, you looked round at the group you were with and marvelled at how quickly they had become your family.  Some had been there that day that you’d first joined them at the quarry, Rick had found them later on and been reunited with his wife and son, and then, when the quarry fell and the CDC had held no answers, they’d found the Greene’s farm.  You sniffled a little thinking how secure you’d felt there compared to this nomadic and uncertain existence and Daryl unlinked his arm from yours and wrapped it round your shoulders. 

You smiled up at him, grateful to this man who kept you going time and time again.  Losing track of Merle had killed him, but it had also allowed him to become the best version of himself, finally out from under his brother’s manipulation.  Thinking about it, that’s when you’d really started to get close.  That’s when you’d become the best thing in each other’s lives.

 

* * *

 

The three of you had arrived at the quarry just after sunrise the following morning, hoping to get a good look at the camp before being spotted by its inhabitants.  From where you were crouching in the tree line you could see several tents as well as a large RV, on top of which was sat an older man, a book in hand, a pair of binoculars propped against the leg of his deckchair.  Every so often he would set down the book and scan the surroundings with the binoculars, obviously keeping watch.  A young Asian man appeared from one of the tents, towel drying his wet hair, as he made his way towards the vehicle.

Slinging the towel around his shoulders, he climbed the ladder to join the older man on the roof, before taking his place in the deck chair as the older man descended to the ground and went inside.  Scanning the treeline with the binoculars at his eyes, he seemed to linger on their location, before standing and moving along the length of the RV’s roof to get a closer look.

'He’s spotted us,’ you breathed, noticing Daryl nod in acknowledgement.  'We need to show ourselves now or they’ll think something’s up.’

Before either of  you could make a move, Merle had strode past you, strutting into the camp with his arms spread wide, gun swinging from one shoulder.

'Well, good morning,’ he announced, loud enough to bring others from their tents, several people appearing instantly in the clearing beside the RV.  'Your prayers have been answered, your saviours are here!’

You rolled your eyes at Daryl, keeping close to his side as he followed his brother.

'Merle,’ Daryl warned quietly, but his brother paid him no attention.

'This is a sweet little setup ya got here,’ Merle looked around at the group now gathered in front of him.  'Very, very sweet…'  He approached a blonde woman who was standing in front of a younger girl, her hands on her hips as she took in the newcomers.  Merle’s eyes roamed over her strappy vest top and pyjama shorts.  'If I’d known what was on offer here, I’d have come sooner.'  He winked at her and she sneered, moving herself and the girl behind her back towards the rear of the group.  

'And who might you be?'  The older man had appeared from the RV and approached Merle, gun in hand but not raised yet.  'I don’t believe we were praying for any saviours.’

Daryl intervened, sensing the tension that Merle was creating.

'We’re the Dixons,’ he announced.  'I’m Daryl, this is Merle.'  He cocked his head in your direction.  'This is Y/N.  I mean, she ain’t a Dixon.  But she’s with us.’

When nobody responded, he continued.  'I met Shane in the woods yesterday.  He mentioned y'all had a camp and could maybe use some hunters to join ya.  He said to come by in the mornin’ and check it out.’

'And here we are!’ Merle shouted, raising his arms in the air again as if waiting for applause.  He was already causing issues and you could tell from the faces staring blankly in his direction that these people were no threat.

'Merle!’ you snapped, losing your patience with his peacocking.  'Would you shut the hell up!’

He turned and winked at you, but before he could make things any worse, Shane appeared from round the side of the RV, with a young boy at his side.  They were both damp, their hair wet as if they’d been swimming, and you wondered if there was a lake or a river nearby.  The idea of submerging yourself in cool water made your knees feel weak.  It had been a long time since you’d felt clean and refreshed.

'Hey, you came!'  He was smiling as he approached, turning to the group behind him.  'I met these guys in the woods yesterday and invited them to join us.  I genuinely didn’t think they’d show.’

'You didn’t think about mentioning it to anyone?'  A thin woman with long brown hair and tired eyes questioned him, reaching out a hand to the little boy who ran to her and clung to her tightly.  

'Sorry,’ Shane shrugged.  'Like I said, I was almost certain that’d be the last I saw of them.'  He turned back to you.  'I’m glad you guys came by though.’

Seeing Merle about to launch forth with another tirade of arrogance, Daryl stepped forward to shake Shane’s hand.  

'Ain’t nothin’.  Sounded like you could use some help and, honestly, we could use the numbers.’

'So, they’re staying?'  The lady with the boy was obviously anxious about the three strangers that had wandered out of the woods and you didn’t blame her.  Hadn’t you felt the same way yesterday about seeking out the camp?

'Only if we’re welcome,’ you answered.  'Honestly, we don’t want to do anything that would make any of you uncomfortable.  We’ve just been the three of us for a while now and Lord knows I could use some female company!'  You laughed as you gestured towards Daryl and Merle who both raised their eyebrows at you.  'Look, Shane said you had kids here and we’re…  Well, we can help.  Daryl and Merle have been tracking and hunting their whole lives, and I’ve gotten pretty good at scavenging.  I’ve been going out on runs alone the past few months - I’m quick, y'know.'  

You saw the lady glance at Shane, then turn to the rest of the group as if they were all conversing with their eyes.

'We’re not a threat to you,’ you continued.  'We really do just want to help out.  But if you want us to go, we’ll go right now.’

'Well, I don’t think that’s necessary,’ the older man spoke again, removing a sunhat from his head and wiping his brow with the back of his hand.  'The more the merrier as far as I’m concerned.  We’ve got the space…’

'As long as they contribute,’ the blonde woman that Merle had leered at spoke up.  'We’ve got enough deadwood hanging on as it is.'  She glared over at a dark, thickset man that was sitting outside one of the tents drinking what looked like a beer.  

'We’ll pay our way,’ Daryl insisted.

'That settles it then,’ Shane announced.  'We got some spare camping gear in the back of the jeep.  I’ll grab you guys a couple of tents and you can get yourselves sorted.  I won’t introduce you to everyone yet cos you sure as hell won’t remember all their names, but, when you’re ready, if you come and grab me or Dale-’, he pointed to the older man, 'we’ll show you what’s what around here.’

Later that night, exhausted and overwhelmed by the sheer volume of new faces that you’d met that day, you chose to stay away from the group fire that had been discreetly built up in a small hole in the ground to avoid attracting walkers.  Instead, you took the plate of food that one of the ladies, Carol you thought her name was, had given you and took it back to the tents that you’d put up that morning.  You and Daryl had opted to set them up a short distance away from the others so you had somewhere to separate Merle when he went off on one.  You thought perhaps it was for Daryl’s sanity too.  He had become more surly and monotonous as the day dragged on and you realised that he too was feeling the pressure of being around so many people after so long as a threesome.

You plopped down in front of your tent cross-legged and began to pick at the fish on your plate, pulling it apart with your fingers before nibbling on it slowly to make it last.  Before long, you saw Daryl break away from the group and head over in your direction, flopping down next to you and letting out a loud groan.

'I’d forgotten how much people like to talk,’ he moaned, running his hand through his hair.  'Goddamn, yer’d think they’d never heard of comfortable silence.'  

You laughed softly at his discomfort as you swallowed your food, watching him rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands, before he began to gnaw on his thumb, something you now knew was a nervous habit.

'It’s nice,’ you said.  'People, laughing, chatting…  It’s normal.’

'How comes yer over here on ya own then?'  

You met Daryl’s eyes and sighed.  'Guess I’m just finding it difficult.  I’ve never exactly been a social butterfly and now…  I think I’m just out of practice.’

He nodded and seemed to be considering your words before he spoke again.

'I din’t realise it was that difficult for ya.’

'What?'  You frowned, confused as to what he was talking about.

'Before, ya said ya were dying for some female company.  I guess I din’t realise that it was hard for ya, bein’ stuck with a coupl'a good fer nothin’ rednecks.’

'You’re not good for nothing.'  You wiped your fingers on your jeans and reached over to grab Daryl’s hand.  'I’m alive because of you.  I guess I just never felt like you guys liked me much.  Plus there are some things a girl can only talk about with other girls!’

'Ya think I don’t like ya?'  Daryl’s grip on your hand tightened and you felt his thumb brush over your knuckles.  'I guess I ain’t that good at showin’ it but I do care about ya.  Wouldn’t wan’ ya to die or nothin’.' 

'That’s not really the same as likin’ someone, Daryl,’ you teased but he remained serious.

'I ain’t good with words an’ stuff, I guess.  Or people.  But I like havin’ ya around.  Yer family now, Y/N.  To me an’ to Merle.’

Stunned into silence for a moment, you just sat and stared at the man next to you.  All this time he’d made you feel like you were a nuisance, a burden.  Just another mouth to feed, another person to look after.  Though, you supposed, that was how his brother treated him so maybe that was what family was to the Dixon’s.  

You felt Daryl’s hand leave yours as he climbed to his feet, picking up the crossbow that had been laid beside him. 

'I'mma go and offer to take first watch tonight.  Figure we need to keep on their good sides after Merle’s little show earlier today.'  

You nodded in agreement and watched as he walked away, lighting a cigarette as he went, before crawling into the tent behind you and falling into a deep and dreamless sleep. 

 

* * *

 

As you had when you’d joined Daryl and Merle, you fell into an easy routine in the quarry camp.  Daryl would often spend the days out in the woods tracking wildlife in the hope of bringing something back for dinner.  More often than not he was successful and so, between his efforts and Amy and Andrea’s who were skilled at fishing, the group ate well most evenings.  He sometimes persuaded Merle to go along with him and it was better when he did as Merle tended to create tension in the group when he was around the camp for too long.  He leered at the women, locked horns with the men and scared the kids, but he was tolerated for yourself and for Daryl.  

You spent most of your days helping out with tasks around the camp, women’s chores as Merle called them, the patronising ass.  Some days it was laundry, some days cooking, some days looking after the kids.  You thought you actually preferred the company of the kids and spent hours foraging at the edge of the woods with Carl and Sophia, the two you were particularly fond of.  Sometimes you found things the group could eat, sometimes you just picked up anything that looked interesting and the kids would turn it into a big collage on the ground next to the campfire to be admired while the group ate dinner.  It was a simple existence, but a less lonely one, and you were content, although you could never quite relax until Daryl made it home at the end of the day.  You went out on a few runs yourself with the Asian guy who had first spotted you in the woods, Glenn.  He, like you, was nimble and quick on his feet and you were a good team.  You never went far, but the surrounding area was getting more and more sparse now and you knew it was only a matter of time before you needed to go further in search of supplies.

One morning, when you’d been at the quarry camp for several weeks, you were awoken by the sound of your tent being unzipped.  You looked up blearily to see Daryl stick his head in through the entrance before crawling in beside you.  Sitting up, you rubbed your hands over your face and ran your fingers through your hair, yawning, before looking at him grouchily.

'I know, I know, ya don’t like early wake up calls, I’m sorry,’ Daryl chuckled at you, reaching out to ruffle your hair.  You shook him off and continued to glare.

'This better be good, Dixon.’

'I just wanted to let you know, I’m going out huntin’.’

'Seriously Daryl, you go out hunting every damn day!’ You fell back into your pillow and rolled away from him.  'Go away and let me sleep.’

'Nah, I’m goin’ out longer this time.  Gonna see if I can track somethin’ bigger than the squirrels.' 

You looked over your shoulder at him, before sitting up again.  'Like, how long?’

He shrugged.  'However long it takes.  This neck o’ the woods is gettin’ kinda empty.  I'mma try a bit further in, see what I can find.  The fish catch has gone down too.  It ain’t gonna be long before rations start gettin’ tight round here.’

'Daryl…'  You hated the idea of him being out there on his own for that long.  If something happened to him you wouldn’t even know about it and the thought made you feel very alone.

'An’ Merle, he’s goin’ out on a run with some of the others.  To the city.’

'Atlanta?’

'Yep.  Reckon they can get a big haul o’ supplies to keep us goin’ for a while.’

'Who else is goin?’

'Glenn, Andrea, Morales, T-Dog, and Jacqui.’

'I wanna go.’

'No,’ Daryl shook his head.  'Not a chance.’

'Daryl, I’ve been out on runs before,’ you pleaded.  'I’m good at it, you know I am.  I can help!’

'Not to the big city.  It’s too dangerous and I ain’t havin’ anythin’ happen to ya, Y/N.’

'Fine,’ you argued.  'Then I’m coming with you.’

'No,’ he said again.

'Daryl!’

'Y/N,’ he growled.  'It ain’t happenin’.  I ain’t puttin’ you at risk.  I don’ know how long I’m gonna be out there.  Besides, yer needed here.’

At the sight of your pouting face, he went on.  'I don’t know what’s goin’ on with Carol and Ed, but Merle heard him shouting his head off the other night.  The little girl was in the tent with 'em, Y/N.  It might be nothin’, but, if it’s somethin’, that kid’s gonna need ya.’

Hearing him expressing his concerns about the Peletier family, you nodded in understanding.  'Sophia…’ you began, then paused to try to gauge how Daryl would react to what you were about to say.

'What about 'er?’ he pressed you to continue.

'She had a bruise on her arm the other day.  It might be nothing, she might’ve just slipped on some rocks down by the water, but it looked pretty bad.’

You could tell the archer was gritting his teeth and when he spoke his voice was quiet with suppressed anger.  

'Son of a bitch…’

'What do we do, Daryl?'  You looked to him for answers, trusting his instincts after all of your time together.  He didn’t let anger dominate his decisions in the way that Merle did.

'Nothin’ yet,’ he responded after a moment of thought.  'Ain’t no point startin’ nothin’ until we know for sure what’s goin’ on.  Keep an eye on the kid, keep an eye on Carol.  An’ if you think somethin’ bad is happenin’ you come to me or Merle.’

'But you’re both leaving!’

'Fine, Shane then!'  Daryl was getting frustrated.  'But you ain’t to go interferin’, ya hear me.  If Ed’s the type of man we think he is, ya ain’t to go nowhere near him.’

'Yes, boss.'  You slumped back against your pillows once more, feeling desolate.

'Y/N…'  His eyes were concerned and you felt his fingers ghost against your arm when it rested on top of the sleeping bag.

'You’re leaving me,’ you sniffed.  'You’re both leaving me with these people that I don’t really know and you might never come back and then what will I do.’

Daryl smiled.  'Survive,’ he answered, reaching over to squeeze your shoulder before crawling out of the tent.


	3. Chapter 3

The group followed Rick to a shack that he’d found down a small path that had been worn into the forest floor.  It was rundown, the windows boarded up, but some of the boarding was missing from the roof, leaving the inside exposed to the elements.

‘I know it’s not much.’  He looked mostly at his wife as he said this, almost apologetically.  Lori just nodded, smiling tightly as her arms cradled her swollen stomach.  

‘It’s clear, I’ve checked it out,’ he reassured the group as they bundled inside, dropping bags by the door as they each found themselves a spot on the leaf strewn floor.  A single wooden chair stood in the corner of the one room that made up the cabin, and it creaked in protest as Lori settled herself onto it, grateful for the chance to take her pregnant weight off of her feet.  'We should be fine as long as we keep the noise down and the light to a minimum.’  

Glenn pulled a candle from one of the backpacks and placed it in the middle of the floor, leaning towards Daryl to snag his lighter and hold it to the wick.  A flame flared up and the faces of the group were highlighted by the small amount of light thrown out.  You were struck by how exhausted they all looked, how drained.  You were all on your last legs, you realised, fading fast with little hope on the horizon.  

Your eyes drifted down to little Carl who was sprawled on the floor at his mother’s feet, tossing a can of tinned pasta in the air as if waiting for permission to open it and dig in.  You knew that can would have to feed both him and Lori and your heart ached as you thought that his memories of his childhood would be predominantly of fear and hunger.  

You were digging in your own pack to see what food you still had when Daryl, seated next to you, nudged your shoulder and held a tin out to you.  You took it gratefully and dug your finger in to pull out a chunk of tuna, before passing it back.  He declined the food, and you nudged him again, raising your eyebrows at him.  You knew he was going without to ensure that the rest of the group had more to eat, but he was your hunter and one of the stronger men in the group.  You were going to need him if the rest of you were going to survive and he needed to keep his strength up.

When everybody had eaten their meagre rations for the night, T-Dog volunteered to sit up for first watch and took Lori’s place on the rickety chair, gun in hand.

The rest of you fought for space on the cramped floor as you all settled in for the night.  You found a space in the corner and curled up facing the wall, preferring to hide yourself away as you slept.  You felt Daryl curl in behind you, his arm snaking round your waist to pull you close as he buried his face in the back of your neck, the warmth of his breath a pleasant sensation in the cold night air.  You remembered the first night that Daryl had crawled in with you, back in the quarry, holding you close through the night, and now you weren’t sure you could sleep without his reassuring bulk pressed against your back.  

'Get some rest, girl,’ he breathed, quiet enough so that only you could hear him.  'I got ya.’

 

* * *

 

Daryl had come back from his hunt with only a dozen or so squirrels to show for his efforts.  'Forest’s bare,’ he’d complained to you when you finally got a chance to talk about his errand, 'and it’s a race against the geeks to get anythin’ that was there.  Fuckers got their teeth into the deer I’d been stalkin’ for days.’

He had come back to the news that his brother had been left in Atlanta, chained to a roof, with walkers invading the building below.  Lori’s husband, Rick, had showed up with the group that came back from the run, and every single one of them looked traumatised, though Rick’s reunion with Lori and Carl had brought tears to your eyes.  It was everyone’s dream, wasn’t it, to find their family alive?  It was obvious that the returning group had been through something, but that was of little consolation to Daryl who lost it instantly upon hearing his brother’s fate.  

'You mean to tell me,’ he screamed, 'that you chained him to a roof, and you left him there?!’  

He’d gotten into a scuffle with Rick and Shane as he lashed out but was quickly subdued and had stormed off to the tent in a fit of rage.  You had worried that he’d pack his things and leave so followed him in the hopes of smoothing things over.

'Daryl,’ you called softly from outside the tent, before unzipping the entrance and ducking inside.  He was sitting in the middle of the space, legs crossed, hands balled into fists.  His face was red, his eyes wet with tears as he rocked back and forth.  'Daryl, I’m so sorry.’

He just nodded, too distraught to speak, so you crawled in behind him, wrapped your arms around his chest and rested your cheek against his back, holding him as he rocked.  

'You’ll find him,’ you spoke quietly, trying desperately to reassure him.  You’d never seen him in this state before and it unsettled you to see him so out of control.  'Rick will take you back to the roof.  T-Dog chained the door.  He’ll be fine, Daryl, he’ll be just fine.’

You could feel his breathing evening out and eventually let your arms drop so he could turn and face you.  His face had returned to its normal colour, but the tips of his ears were still red, so you averted your eyes, knowing that he was embarrassed to have shown emotion in front of you.

'Thanks.’

You looked up at him in surprise, having expected to get balled out for following him back to the tent.

'Yer didn’t need to follow me, but I’m glad ya did.  Yer right, Merle’s a tough son of a bitch.  If anyone coulda survived that, it woulda been him.’

You nodded, reaching for Daryl’s hand and giving it a squeeze.

'Whatever happens, Daryl, you’ve got me.’  You leant forward and wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him into a tight hug and feeling his body tense up at the extent of the physical contact.  'I know it’s not the same,’ you whispered to him, 'I know I’m not blood.  But I’m your family and I am with you.’  

As he relaxed into your embrace, you tightened it further, then released him, pulling back to see him grinning awkwardly at you.

'Thanks’, he said again.  

You knew he didn’t sleep that night, you could hear him pacing back and forth in front of your tent, anxious for the sun to rise so he could go and find Merle.  You longed to go to him, to reassure him, but you didn’t know what else you could say.  You eventually drifted off, and, when you woke, they had gone.

 

* * *

 

The following day was a nightmare.  Jim, one of the quieter characters of the camp, had lost his mind.  You’d heard Shane shouting and had followed the sound to find a small group gathered around a series of holes that Jim had apparently dug.  Shane had been forced to tie him to a tree to get him to stop digging.  You’d sat with him for a while, listening to him rant about his family being eaten, his eyes glazed over as if he were seeing it all in his mind, but there was only so much you could take so you eventually retreated and kept an eye on him from afar.  

Later that night, the earlier drama had encouraged you to sit around the campfire with the group rather than heading back to your tent as you would most nights.  You didn’t like being there on your own without Daryl anyway, and were unsettled by Jim’s distress that morning.  He had calmed down by the time the group gathered for dinner, and Shane had untied him and invited him to sit with them.  The conversation was kept light and you had felt yourself starting to relax when Amy had screamed.  You’d turned to see blood pouring from her neck as a walker feasted on her flesh.  You had stood to go to her, to help, but more screams drew your attention to more dead ones stumbling from the treeline.  

Shane had sprung into action, guiding Lori and Carl behind him, drawing the others into a group, pushing them back, away from the oncoming threat.  

'Y/N!’ he shouted to you, trying to get your attention over the sounds of groans and screams.  'Y/N, you can shoot right?’

You nodded dumbly at him and he threw you a handgun.  

A second later, your survival instincts kicked in and you flew into action, firing off bullets at any monsters that got close.  But they just kept coming.

'Shane, there’s too many!’ you screamed, retreating as you shot at the oncoming bodies.  Your breath catching in your throat as the click of the gun told you it was empty.  

Shane was still firing and you could see Morales and Jim bashing in the heads of any walkers that came near them, but you were outnumbered and lacking in weapons.  You pulled your knife from its holster and threw yourself into the fray.  

You moved fast, too fast for the reaching rotting fingers to clutch at you, blade flying, hair whirling as you dipped and ducked under the outstretched arms.  You lost all sense of time, running on pure adrenaline as you fought, and had no idea how long you had been fighting before you heard a barrage of gunfire from the treeline.  Spinning round, your eyes scanned the darkness and you saw the figures of Rick, Daryl and the others emerge from the wood, guns firing.  

You could see Daryl’s eyes scanning the camp, saw his mouth open as he called your name, but the sound got lost in the battle and you made to run to him, before you were knocked from your feet by a ravenous corpse.  You fell hard on your side, winded, and twisted out of the walker’s grasp, wriggling away and searching the ground for your knife.  An arrow whistled past your head and embedded itself in the walker’s skull, and suddenly there were strong hands under your arms, pulling you to your feet.

Daryl spun you round so he could run his eyes over you, searching for injury, for bites and scratches, but you shook your head to tell him you were okay.

'We’ve gotta stop meeting like this,’ you winked at him, grinning.

He smirked at you, moving to stand back to back with you as you continued to defend yourselves.

The onslaught stopped as suddenly as it had started.  Bodies littered the campsite, and you turned to see Andrea hunched over her sister, screaming her name.  Your heart broke for her, and you felt Daryl’s arm snake around your waist, keeping you upright when your legs gave way as the adrenaline rushed from your body.  

You heard a whisper from behind you, as Jim approached, his hands covered with blood.

'I remember my dream now…   Why I dug the holes…’

 

* * *

 

That night was the first night that Daryl had come to you.  He’d stayed up to help with the body count, sending you to bed when you began to shake with exhaustion.  You didn’t sleep.  You sat with your arms wrapped around your knees, sobbing into your pillow as the events of the day caught up with you.  Whether Daryl heard your cries or whether he needed some comfort himself you weren’t sure, but you lifted your head to meet his eyes when he crawled in through the opening.  

'No Merle?’

'Nah,’ Daryl shook his head sadly.  'He’s alive, but he weren’t there.  Chopped his own hand off to escape, crazy motherfucker.’

You snorted, then let your head fall forward into your pillow again as more tears came.

'Hey,’ Daryl moved over to sit beside you and wrapped an arm around your shoulders, allowing you to turn your head and cry into the crook of his neck instead of the sodden pillow.  'It’s okay.  It’ll all be okay.’

'How can you say that?’ you cried, 'People are dead, Daryl, or missing.  How can it be okay?’

You felt his fingers run through the ends of your hair as he leaned further into you.  

'Because yer alive, and I’m alive.  And that’s what matters, right?’  

You pulled back to meet his eyes and nodded slowly.

'Come on, ya gotta get some sleep, girl,’ he pushed on your shoulder to get you to lay down, and curled into your body when you rolled onto your side, your back pressing into his chest, his hand on your arm, stroking it gently with his calloused fingertips.  'Yer all I got now, Y/N, so I'mma make it okay.’  

You fell asleep almost instantly, and when you woke after a nightmare where monsters were tearing at your flesh, he tightened his grip on you, pulling your body flush with his, and rocked you gently until you went back to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

When you woke in the cabin, the warm body that had fallen asleep pressed against you was gone, but a leather vest was laid over you, the angel wings standing out against the darkness.  You sat up, slipping the vest around your shoulders and looked around at your sleeping family.  Everyone was huddled together for warmth and comfort, Carl curled up in Lori’s arms in spite of the massive baby bump that stopped him from getting too close.  

You heard a cough and turned to see Daryl on the chair in the corner, crossbow on his knee, picking at his thumbnail as he watched over the group.  Knowing you were done with sleep, you got up carefully and picked your way over to him, smiling when he shifted the crossbow and patted his knee.

You slid into his lap, sliding one arm around his neck to ruffle his hair.  The chair groaned under your combined weight and you giggled.

‘I’m not sure this chair’s gonna hold the both of us,’ you whispered, leaning into his chest.

'It’ll be fine,’ he smirked.  'It held Lori all evenin’.’

You hit his arm in mock outrage.  'Mean, D!  Too mean!’

You looked down at her sleeping form and sighed.  'She’s getting so big now.’

'We gotta find somewhere to stay 'fore she drops,’ his light-hearted tone had shifted to one of concern as they watched her sleep.

You reached up to smooth the hair back from his face.  'We will.’

He looked at you questioningly.

'I have faith in Rick,’ you explained.  'And I have faith in you.  You’ll find us somewhere.  It’ll all be okay.’

When he scoffed at your optimism you grabbed his chin and forced him to meet your eyes.

'We gotta have hope, right?’  You reminded him of the conversation you’d had before deciding to join the quarry camp.

He nodded and leant his head down to rest his forehead on your shoulder.  

You smiled at the sight.  This Daryl was so different to the Daryl you’d met all those months ago.  That Daryl wouldn’t let himself be touched, was awkward about any sort of physical contact.  This Daryl was holding you so close that you weren’t sure where you finished and he began.  You were the only one he was comfortable touching like this.  As he’d said back on their first night in the quarry, you were family.  And he’d become your very best friend.

'You wanna get some sleep?’ you asked him, stroking the back of his head.  'I can keep watch.’

'Nah, I’m good right here.’

 

* * *

 

After the attack on the quarry camp you’d buried your dead and decided it was time to move on.  The men had disassembled the camp whilst the women packed up the food and supplies.  It had been decided that you were going to try for the CDC.  There’d been friction in the camp about whether it was the right move, but you’d believed it was the only option and were glad when Rick got his way.  Daryl had stayed pretty quiet during the whole exchange and you found yourself frustrated as you knew he had it in him to step up and assume a position of authority within the group.

You were riding next to Daryl in his truck, Merle’s motorbike in the back.  Both vehicles had been abandoned just outside of Atlanta when you met the brothers but, with the fuel they’d managed to scavenge with the quarry camp, they’d managed to retrieve them shortly before Merle had disappeared.  As he drove, you hummed a tune that you vaguely remembered hearing on the radio from before.

'What’s that ya singing?’ Daryl asked, straining to hear you over the roar of the engine.

'I don’t even know,’ you answered sadly.  'It’s crazy, isn’t it?  How quickly we forget the little things?  I swear I heard that damn song on the radio every day at work, but all I remember now is the tune.’

'What work d'you do?’

It struck you as a strange question.  You were closer to Daryl than anyone in this new world, yet he didn’t even know what you did before.  You supposed it wasn’t really important anymore.

'I was a student.  I was literally just about to finish my degree.  I was working in retail to earn a little cash to help pay the bills.  I wanted to be a teacher.’

'Makes sense.  Yer good with the kids.’

'They’re easier than adults.’

He laughed and fell silent, drumming his fingers on the wheel as he drove.

'What about you?’

'Huh?’

'What were you before the world ended?’

'Drunk, mostly.’

You scoffed and scooted across the seat to rest your head on his shoulder.  He tensed up and you giggled again, his discomfort amusing you.

'Seriously, D?  You musta been doing something?’

'Nah, not really.’  You could tell he was uncomfortable as his body tensed up even more and his knuckles were white on the wheel.

He glanced at you before taking a deep breath and continuing.

'I was just hangin’ with Merle.  He was all I had so I pretty much followed him e'rywhere.  All he ever wanted to do was hang out and get wasted so… That’s what we did.’

'Wow.  No job?  No girlfriend?  No other family?’

'We had a bit of a reputation in our town.  Weren’t nobody round there tha’ was gonna hire a Dixon, or date one.  And we had our folks… Well, my Ma died when I was a kid, but our Da’ was around.  Woulda been better if he wasn’t.’

You picked up on his tone, and weren’t sure whether to press him further or not, but your curiosity got the better of you.

'He was…’ you started, faltering as you struggled to word the question.  'He wasn’t a good guy?’

Daryl smirked.  'He was the worst guy.’

The silence stretched on for a while and you stayed still, still pressed up against him, barely daring to breathe as you waited to see if he’d go on.

'He used to drink a lot.  He’d get real mad, just angry at life y'know.  I guess he thought the world owed him somethin’.  He used to beat on Ma.  Put her in the hospital more times than I can count.  Got to the point where she wouldn’t leave her bed she was so damn depressed.’

'Did he ever hurt you?’

Daryl nodded slowly, his eyes focused on the road.

'He started with Merle.  S'why he was the way he was, y'know.  He took a lot of beatings for me when I was little.  I owe him a lot.  But then… Merle left.  And Ma was gone.  It was just me 'n’ him.  Damn, he kicked the shit outta me some nights.  There were times I thought he was gon’ kill me.  There were times I wished he would.  I was just a kid, y'know.  I couldn’t of fought back if I’d wanted to.  He was a bastard.’

Daryl fell quiet and you took a moment to process his words.

'Daryl,’ you began but he interrupted you.

'I don’t need no pity!’ he snapped, shrugging his shoulder as if to shake you off.

'I don’t pity you,’ you said, sitting up straighter and placing your hand on his shoulder.  'Not for a second.  I admire you.’

He glanced at you, before turning back to the road.  'Well, why the hell would ya do that?’

'Because you are the strongest, kindest person I’ve ever met,’ you explained.  'And to know what you came from, to know what you lived through, for you to still be like that…  That’s really something, Daryl Dixon.’

You leaned over and pressed a kiss to his cheek, grinning as, after his body tensed, he fought his instincts and reached over to wrap an arm around your shoulders and pull you close.

'I ain’t that kind.’

'So you didn’t rescue some random girl at the side of the road and insist on looking after her for the next… God knows how long?’

'Yeah, she’s a real pain in the ass though.  I won’t be makin’ that mistake again.’

 

* * *

 

The CDC was heavenly and horrific all at once.  Your hopes that there would be a team there working round the clock to fix the mess that the world had become were short-lived.  All that remained was a lone scientist, Dr Jenner, trying desperately to come up with a cure whilst not completely losing his mind to the crippling loneliness.  However, the hub still had electricity, hot water, food and alcohol so spirits were high.  

It was interesting to see how people changed when drunk.  Daryl became very loud and brash, more like he’d been when Merle was around, spewing casual racism as if it was acceptable dinner conversation.  As he reached for another bottle of liquor, you shifted your chair closer to him and rested your hand on his knee, giving him a small smile when he looked over at you.  Instead of taking the drink, he leant back and rested an arm across the back of your chair, playing with your hair as he took a deep breath and let himself mellow out a little.

After a while you left the party to head to the shower room, in desperate need of some hot water therapy.  You stripped down and left your clothes on one of the benches out of reach of the water, before stepping into a cubicle and drawing the curtain behind you.  Flicking a switch, cold water cascaded down your body, slowly warming until steam began to rise.  You stood for a long time, enjoying the sensation, feeling the dirt and grime wash away, before washing thoroughly, scrubbing every inch of yourself clean, stopping to rub your tummy affectionately - it was more rounded than it had been in a while, the result of the first indulgent meal you’d eaten in months.  The feeling was satisfying, and you found yourself laughing in sheer ecstasy as relief flooded over you.  You could all stay here and be safe.  There were enough rations to last for years if you were careful, though you guessed you’d have to be sparing with the electricity.  That was okay, you could cope with cold showers if it meant being safe from the dead.

You were about to turn the shower off and wrap your towel around you when you felt the curtain behind you being pulled back.  Cold air rushed into the cubicle and you gasped, spinning round to see Shane lounging against the wall, watching you.  You lunged for your towel but he got there first, tossing it behind him so it was out of your reach.

'What the hell are you doing?’ you growled, trying to cover yourself with your hands as best you could.  

'Are you and Dixon fucking?’

'What?!’ you screeched.  'Shane, get out of here!’

He didn’t leave, moving closer to you and reaching out to brush his hand over your hip.

'That’s a no then?  Figures.  I’ve seen the way you look at me.  I’ve been a bit tied up,’ he shrugged.  'But now that Rick’s back, it looks like I’m available again.  Who’d have guessed, right?’

'Shane,’ you tried to sound firm but you were terrified.  You could smell the booze on his breath and he’d backed you up against the wall as he spoke, both hands now resting on the curve of your waist as he nuzzled into your neck.  'I don’t want this.  You need to go.’

He laughed, grabbing your chin and pulling it up to give himself easy access to your mouth.  His lips were hard and unrelenting on yours and your efforts to push him away were useless.  

At a loss for what else to do, you brought your knee up hard, hoping you’d hit your target.

You knew you had when Shane fell to one knee with a groan.  Squeezing past him, you grabbed your towel and wrapped it tightly round your body, turning back to see Shane still stricken on the floor.

'I’m not gonna tell anyone about this because I know you’re drunk and I know you’re hurting over Lori.  I get it, but,’ you took a step closer, leaning down to get right in his face.  'If you ever touch me again, Shane, I will kill you.’

Once you were dry and clothed, you went in search of Daryl.  You were pretty confident that you’d put Shane in his place but you knew you wouldn’t sleep tonight without Daryl nearby.  You eventually found him stretched out on the floor of the library, staring up at the ceiling.  You wandered over to him, nudging him with your foot.

'Of all the places, I did not expect to find you here.’

He smiled and reached for your hand, pulling you down beside him.  You laid your head on his chest and curled yourself into him, finally feeling secure.

'Y'alright?’ Daryl asked, concerned by your tight grasp on him.

'Mmhmm.’

He started to stroke your back, the warmth of his hand comforting through your thin t-shirt, although it wasn’t cold in the hub.

'This was a good night, huh?’ he laughed.  

'I guess.’

'Ya mad at me?’

You leaned up to look at him, shaking your head in confusion.

'For how I got before.  I’m an ass when I drink whiskey.  I know I was running my damn mouth…’

'You were fine D, I’m not mad.’

'Thanks though, for keepin’ me in check.’

You nodded against his chest, feeling his arms tighten around you.  

'Ya wanna go find a bed to sleep in?’

'No,’ you replied.  'I wanna stay right here like this.’

You felt him smile against your hair as you drifted off to sleep.

 

* * *

 

The safety of the CDC had been short-lived.  You’d all almost lost your lives there, but the reality of being back out on the road after a night of comfort and luxury was more than most of you could take.  The truck was silent as Daryl drove, and you imagined the other vehicles to be the same.  Every so often he’d reach over and squeeze your hand, offer you a quick smile of reassurance, but you knew that neither of you were really sure that there was anywhere safe left to drive to.

You had no idea how long you were driving for.  You tried to take turns with Daryl to let him rest, but the truck wasn’t what you were used to and your driving was jerky and uncomfortable.  The journey came to an abrupt halt when the RV shuddered to a stop in the middle of a traffic jam on the highway.  

Daryl jumped out to take a look and came back to you with a look of resignation on his face.  'That caravan ain’t movin’ nowhere for a while.’

'Will Dale be able to fix it?’

'He reckons so.  Probably be quicker to ditch it at this point.’

'We need the space though,’ you pointed out.  'Unless we offer them the truck.  Take the bike.’

Daryl looked at you in amusement.  'Yer ever been on a bike, girl?’

'No,’ you admitted.  'But I trust you not to kill me.’

He nodded before telling you to get some rest.  

'Ya look beat, Y/N.  Yer ain’t gonna be no use to nobody if you don’t get some sleep.  We’re gonna check out the cars, see if we can find any supplies worth havin’.’

'Be careful!’ you called after him as he walked away, pulling the door shut and turning round to curl up in the seat.

You must’ve managed to get some sleep, because the next time you looked out of the window, you were surrounded by walkers.  You felt panic take a hold of you as you struggled to see a break in the sea of bodies.  They hadn’t noticed you yet but you knew it was just a matter of time.  Slowly, so as not to attract their attention, you slid yourself down into the footwell beneath your seat, curling yourself into as small a ball as possible and wrapping your arms around your knees, your knife clutched in your hand.  

You could feel the truck rocking as the herd jostled it and you bit your lip to stop yourself from crying out.  You couldn’t see anything from down in the footwell, and you had no idea where anyone else was.  Had they found time to hide?  Were they fighting somewhere further down the road?  Were they dead?  The questions drove you insane as the minutes ticked by and you pressed your hands to your ears to drown out the sound of the dead ones’ moans.

After what could have been minutes or hours, silence fell.  You pulled yourself back up to the seat and cautiously opened the truck door when it looked as if the coast was clear.  As it swung open you heard footsteps pounding the ground and spun round just in time to see Daryl’s panicked face before he swept you into his arms.

You held him tightly as he reassured himself that you were okay, happy to know that he was alive, that he wasn’t hurt.  

'Where’re the others?’ you asked finally as he released you from his embrace.  'Is everyone okay?’

He hesitated and you felt your breath hitch in your throat.

’T-Dog’s cut pretty bad.  And the little girl’s missin’.’

'Sophia?  No!  We have to-’  You started pacing back and forth, grasping handfuls of your hair as the reality hit you.  'We’ve gotta go look for her!’

'Stop, Y/N.’  Daryl laid a hand on your arm to still your body and turned you to face him.  'In case ya hadn’t noticed, a massive damn herd just passed through here.  It ain’t safe to go tearin’ off into the woods right now.’

'But Daryl-’, you broke off as you burst into tears.  Caught between knowing he was right and wanting to be doing something, anything.

'How’s Carol?’ you asked between sobs.

He grimaced and dropped his eyes groundwards, kicking at the tarmac.  ’'Bout how you’d expect really.’

The injustice of it all crashed over you in a wave.  You knew that Carol had been through something with Ed, though you didn’t know details, and Ed’s death at the quarry camp had finally given her her freedom.  But now her daughter was missing.  The Lord giveth and the Lord definitely taketh away.

'Me 'n’ Rick are gonna go and do a scout around, see if I can pick up any tracks.  Glenn 'n’ Shane too.  You’re gonna stay here.  Lori’s looking after Carol, Andrea’s on watch, and Dale’s looking after T.  Someone’s gotta watch Carl or we’re gonna have two missing kids, ya hear me?’

You nodded, and melted into his embrace as he held his arms out to you.  It ended too quickly as he pulled away to head off on the search and you headed down the road to find the rest of the group. 

 

* * *

 

Sophia hadn’t been found, and things got even worse when the news reached you that Carl had been shot by a hunter in the wood.  Most of the group had gone to the farm where he’d been taken for treatment, but you’d opted to stay at the RV with Daryl, Dale, Andrea and Carol in case the little girl found her way back to the road.

You could hear Carol sobbing through the thin walls of the RV and when Daryl caught your eye and tilted his head towards the door, you followed him outside into the night.

'I’m gon’ go take a walk, see if I can see anythin’.’  He lit up a cigarette and inhaled deeply.  'I can’t just sit 'ere and do nothin’.’

’D, it’s dangerous.’

'So’s sitting here in the middle of a damn graveyard,’ he muttered, gesturing at the body-filled cars that surrounded you.  'I won’ go far.  What if the kid came out further along and couldn’t figure out where she was?’

'Fine, then I’m coming.’

'No.’

'Daryl, you are not going off on your own in the dark.  Seriously, try and fight me on this!  It’s not happening!’

'She’s right, Daryl,’ Dale’s voice came from the top of the caravan where he sat keeping watch.

Daryl huffed indignantly, throwing his cigarette to the ground and grinding his heel into the smoldering butt.

'Fine.  But ya ain’t to leave my side.’

'I don’t intend to,’ you grinned at him, glad that he’d listened to Dale if he wouldn’t listen to you.

You heard movement from the top of the RV, and suddenly Andrea appeared at the top of the ladder and made her way down to you.

'I’m coming too,’ she announced.  'I need to walk, I’ve been sitting round here too long now.’

'Be careful, all of you,’ Dale warned.  'And stay within sight, okay?’

Daryl nodded and began to lead the way along the edge of the road, his expert eyes scanning the edge of the treeline, looking for any signs that the little girl might have come through that way.

As Daryl moved further ahead, leaving you several paces behind with Andrea, the blonde lady grasped your elbow to slow you down a little more and put some distance between you and Daryl.

'Did you know Shane’s thinking of leaving?’

The mention of your attacker caused your heart rate to increase and all you could do was shake your head in response.

After a few moments of silence, you finally managed to find your voice.

'Is it 'cause of Lori, d'you think?’

You’d noticed that there was even more tension between those two than there had been at the quarry, and Shane had turned up for breakfast the morning after the meal at the CDC sporting a vicious-looking scratch across his face.  You couldn’t help but wonder if he’d tried the same thing on Lori as he had on you, and were glad that she’d managed to fight back if that was the case.

'Of course,’ Andrea smirked.  'She hasn’t got any use for him now she’s got hubby back.  And Rick’s taken over as leader.  I think Shane’s feeling pretty irrelevant right now.’

You nodded again, understanding Shane’s desire to leave and silently hoping that he’d go through with it.  

'I’m gonna go with him,’ Andrea went on.  You looked at her in shock, wondering if you should warn her about his actions before she went off alone with him.  'I know, you probably think I’m crazy.  But it’s too hard being here without Amy.  I can’t do it anymore.  I need something new.’

'But Andrea, it’s still so fresh.  You might feel differently once you’ve had a chance to grieve…’  You tailed off as she stopped walking and turned to face you.

'You aren’t going to change my mind.  I just wanted to ask you to keep an eye on Dale for me.’  She sighed.  'I know I’m mad at him right now, but I also know how cut up he’ll be when I go.  Everyone’s so caught up in their own drama, but you see things, you notice when people are struggling…  So, please, will you just look after him for me?’

'Of course,’ you agreed.  'But Andrea, Shane’s not a good guy.  In fact, I’m pretty sure he’s losing it.  So, please, just think about what you’re doing.  I don’t want you to get hurt.’

You saw that your words had hit home, and jogged to catch up with Daryl, leaving Andrea to process your warning.

The sun was just rising when you woke the next morning, your head resting on your arms on the RV’s table.  You quietly made your way outside, stretching your aching muscles, uncomfortable from sleeping in such cramped conditions.  Taking a deep breath of the cool morning air, you climbed up the side of the RV to find Daryl on watch on the roof.

'Do you ever sleep?’ you asked him, slumping down on the floor beside the deckchair and stretching out.

'Never needed much sleep.  Figured Dale could use some rest.’

'You’re a good man, Daryl Dixon.'  You reached up to squeeze his hand.  'But you gotta look after yourself too.’

He scoffed, then his face grew dark.

'A good man, not like Shane?’

You squeezed your eyes shut and grimaced.  You should’ve known he’d have been listening in to your conversation with Andrea the night before, despite her efforts to keep your talk private.

'Y/N, why is Shane a bad guy?  He hurt you?’

'No.’  You refused to meet his eyes, sitting up so your back was to him and turning your gaze to the treeline.  'He tried but he didn’t.’

'When?’

'At the CDC.  I think he might’ve tried to hurt Lori too but I don’t know for sure.’

'Son of a bitch,’ Daryl snapped.  'I'mma kill that rat bastard.’

'Don’t.’

You turned back to Daryl, kneeling to place your hands on his knees and bring your face level with his.

'If you heard the whole conversation you’ll have heard that he’s leaving.  Just let him go.  I’m just worried for Andrea.  She shouldn’t be alone with him.’

He nodded, gnawing on his thumb, and glaring over your shoulder into the distance.

'I’m sorry, Y/N.’

'What?  Why?’

'’Cause if I hadn’t gotten wrecked I coulda been there, I coulda protected ya.’

You giggled and reached up to ruffle his hair, bringing your hand down to rest on his cheek, the stubble rough against your palm.

'Oh, Dixon, I love you for that, but you can’t be by my side every second of every day.  I’d probably kill you if you were!’

When his expression remained serious, you leant forward between his knees to rest your forehead against his, closing your eyes and gripping the open neck of his shirt with both hands.

'It’s not your fault, D.  I don’t blame you.  I promise.’

You pulled back to look into his eyes, currently deep pools of hurt and anger.

'You know the first thing I did when I got away from him?  I came to find you.  And you held me and I felt safe and all the bad stuff just went away.  It isn’t your job to protect me from all the things that can hurt me.  It’s your job to make it all better when they do.  Okay?’

'Okay,’ he conceded, reaching out to brush a lock of hair back from your face.  'But if that prick so much as looks at ya again, ya tell me about it, okay?’

'Okay.’


	5. Chapter 5

The following morning in the cabin, nobody stirred until long after sunrise.  The exhaustion had gotten too much and you were all in need of the extra rest.  This was the first time in a while that you’d had the luxury of walls around you, even if they weren’t particularly strong ones, and it was a welcome opportunity to pause for a moment.  

You’d fallen asleep again on Daryl’s knee on the chair, head nestled into the crook of his neck, but stirred when you felt him shift beneath you.

‘God, I’m sorry,’ you whispered, moving to stand up.  'Your legs must be dead by now.’

'Nah,’ Daryl stood, shouldering his crossbow and stretching his back.  'I was jus’ thinkin’ I might go scout around for some food 'n’ water.  It’s lookin’ like we ain’t gonna be goin’ far today.’

You nodded in agreement, noticing how pale Lori looked in the morning light.  'I think we could all use a rest.’

'Y'alright to keep watch for a while?’

'Of course,’ you plonked yourself back down on the chair and pulled your gun from the holster on your thigh.  'Don’t go far, okay?’

You watched the archer navigate his way carefully through the sleeping bodies and slip silently out of the door.  

You honestly didn’t know how Daryl did it.  He was barely eating and you weren’t sure when he’d last got a decent amount of sleep.  If you felt like you were running on empty then how must he feel?  But he was so driven by his desire to protect and provide for the group.  Ever since his relentless search for Sophia which had almost cost him his life, he’d become more integrated with the others, and was now respected and looked to for answers in the same way that Rick was, although he was often reluctant to step up and provide them.  

You were still the person he was closest to, but it made you happy to see him forming bonds with the others.  You’d often worried about what would he would do if something were to happen to you, but now you knew he would have family to lean on if the unthinkable occurred.  

Carol clucked around him like a mother hen some days, despite being around the same age, you thought.  She was naturally maternal, mothering anyone that she considered needed it, regardless of age or their relationship, and boy, did Daryl need it sometimes.  You’d heard her flirting with him once or twice too, finding his discomfort amusing.  You knew he wasn’t used to that sort of attention from women and wondered whether he might ever let his walls down and fall in love.  They’d be a cute couple, you thought, she’d keep him in line, but gently, understanding that he’d had a rough time of it because she had too.

Rick had begun to depend on Daryl as a deputy now that Shane was dead.  He relied on him to have his back and Daryl had stepped up the plate.  The two men worked well together, motivated by the same desire to keep their people alive, and you found it fascinating to watch the way they could communicate without words.  They were kinda like brothers, you thought, driving each other mad but always supporting each other when it was needed.

Your thoughts were interrupted when you felt movement beside you and turned to see Carl climbing to his feet.

'Hey bud,’ you greeted him quietly as he shuffled over to you, yawning.  'What time d'you call this, sleepyhead?’

He rolled his eyes at you, before looking round and asking, 'Where’s Daryl?’.

Since losing Shane, you’d noticed Carl beginning to look up to Daryl more and more.  In some ways this made you happy, Daryl was a hell of a role model for a young boy in your opinion, but it was also because he’d watched his father kill Shane, and it had damaged the bond that the two had, you hoped not irreparably.  

'He’s gone to find some food.  Or to try, anyway.  Reckons we’ll be here another night at least.’

Carl agreed, looking round at the group on the floor.  'I don’t think anybody’s up for a long walk today.’

'Nope.’

You watched his eyes fall to his mother’s waxen skin and swollen stomach, and worry creased his young brow.

'Hey, do you know what I’d like for breakfast this morning?’ you teased, determined to get a smile on his face and distract his busy mind for a little while.

'What?’ he asked suspiciously, narrowing his eyes at you.

'Blueberry pancakes!’  You picked an imaginary plate up from your knee and pretended to take a big mouthful of food.  'They are super scrummy.  D'you want some?’

'You are so lame.’

'Oh come on, indulge me.  I’m hungry and I want to believe I’m eating blueberry pancakes.’

He continued to look at you with one eyebrow raised, but you could see the beginnings of a grin starting at the corner of his mouth.  

'Fine.  You won’t help me, I’m gonna wake Glenn up and share ‘em with him!’

'No!’ Carl squealed, reaching for an imaginary fork and digging in enthusiastically.  'You’re right, these are yummy.’

'What do they taste like?  Can you describe them to me?’

'They’re fresh,’ he began, taking a moment to chew thoughtfully.  'The blueberries like, explode in your mouth and they’re really juicy.  And the pancakes are soft and fluffy.’

'Can you taste the maple syrup on them?’

He nodded, licking his lips, and reached for another forkful but you snatched the imaginary plate away, leaning back out if his reach.

'Sorry, you’re right!  These are so yummy, they are just too good to share!’

Carl lunged for the plate and the chair finally collapsed beneath the onslaught so that you both fell to the ground in a giggling heap.

'Well, that’s a nice sound to wake up to,’ Lori had been woken by the noise and pushed her large bulk up to sit against the wall.  'What are you giggling at, beautiful boy?’

Between bursts of laughter, Carl managed to squeeze out the words, 'I think Y/N squashed our breakfast!’

'Breakfast?’ Lori was evidently confused and you weren’t surprised.  You knew your silly games were a little young for Carl now but he’d missed so much of what it was to be a kid that you felt it was important that he got to be childish every now and again.  'What was for breakfast?’

'Blueberry pancakes!’  Carl burst into a fresh fit of laughter and you just shrugged at Lori innocently as she shook her head at the pair of you.

 

* * *

 

When Sophia hadn’t returned to the highway, and with your searches throwing up little in the way of clues, the group settled at the farm where Carl was being cared for.  Following a tense couple of days when his life had hung in the balance, he was now awake and eating, recovering well.  The farmer, a veterinarian called Hershel, old and kind, but understandably protective of his land and family, had agreed that you could stay until Carl was better and Sophia was found.  You knew that they’d lost one of their own on a run to get the supplies that would save Carl’s life, and were unbelievably grateful to Hershel and his family for giving you a base to call home, even for a short while.

While the rest of the group bonded with the Greene family, and pitched in to help out around the farm where they could, you’d withdrawn yourself, mostly sitting with Carl, reading him stories, to free Lori up to comfort Carol and Rick to join the search for the missing little girl.

Daryl had pitched his tent a small distance from the others, and you’d joined him in it rather than setting up your own.  He was the only person you really wanted to talk to these days, and even those conversations had become short and stilted.  

You felt, for maybe the first time, completely out of control.  Carl was hurt, Sophia was missing, Andrea was determined to leave the group with a man you knew to be dangerous, and Rick and Shane seemed to be butting heads at every turn as Rick tried to adhere to the conditions that Hershel had set down for them.  You couldn’t bear to look at the exhaustion on Lori’s face, the despair in Carol’s eyes or to be anywhere near Shane.  So instead you shut yourself away, in the bedroom with Carl or in Daryl’s tent, whiling away the hours by reading or sharpening your knife.  

The loneliness was unbearable, but it was preferable to facing up to the group’s drama so you isolated yourself as fully as possible.  

Daryl was spending every daylight hour in the wood attempting to track down Sophia.  He seemed to have been consumed by a need to bring the little girl home, but he insisted that any company would slow him down so out he went alone, time and time again.  You worried about him endlessly when he was out there, but every day around dusk he’d stick his head into the tent and beckon you out to sit with him and eat the food that the group had prepared.  You’d usually eat in silence, before crawling back into the tent to curl up and pretend to sleep until the first light of dawn when Daryl would grab his crossbow and knife and slip into the morning to continue the search.

You’d been in with the horses, absently stroking their velvety noses as they nuzzled into your palm, when you’d heard a gunshot.  You’d frozen, unable to move, stricken by the thought that the walkers had caught up to you, had somehow found their way to your quiet little haven.  And then you heard your name being called and the pounding of footsteps.

'Y/N!’  Dale appeared in the doorway of the barn, pale and panting as he struggled to catch his breath.  'It’s Daryl.’

You flew to the farmhouse, watching as Hershel bent over Daryl’s shaking body, fingers working deftly to mop up blood and patch wounds.  The archer’s groans of pain brought tears to your eyes as the vet worked, but he soon fell quiet and you realised he’d passed out.

When Daryl woke in the same bed that Carl had been laid up in not long before, you were sitting at his side, clutching his hand, your eyes not leaving his face as you waited for a sign of life.  

'Hey you.'  You reached over to brush the hair out of his eyes as he blinked blearily.

'Y/N…’  He moaned loudly as he tried to sit up and you placed a hand on his bare chest to stop him moving

’D, you gotta stay still or you’re gonna rip your stitches.’

'Where’s my shirt?  I need my shirt.’

'They had to cut it off you to get to your wounds.  You’re hurt pretty bad.’

'Can you go get me one?  I want a shirt, Y/N.’

'Daryl, you can’t even sit up right now, how in the hell do you think you’re gonna get a shirt on.’

He glared at you before relenting and closing his eyes for a moment.  When he opened them again, they found yours and he reached up to stroke your cheek.

'Thought I weren’t ever gonna see yer again,’ he murmured.  'Yer okay, right?’

'No, I’m not okay, I’m scared to death, Daryl.  I thought I was gonna lose you.’  Your voice broke as you fought back tears, picturing him lying on Hershel’s makeshift operating table.  'What the hell happened out there?’

'Damn horse threw me.  Managed to impale myself with my own arrow when I landed.  Then the walkers showed up, and when I finally dragged my sorry ass back to camp, that stupid bitch shot me.’  He chuckled and shook his head.  'Bad fuckin’ day.’

'You’re laughing?’  You stared down at him incredulously.  'You’re actually laughing about it?  You could have died Daryl!’  You shouted the last sentence and the smile fell from his lips as he watched you fall apart.

'Hey,’ he grimaced as he rolled over onto his good side to face you, pulling you to his chest.  'I didn’t die.  I’m right here.  I ain’t leavin’ ya, Y/N.’

You continued to sob in his arms as he stroked your hair.

'You wanna know why I was laughin’?’

You looked up at him and nodded through your tears.

'I was so far gone out there I musta been hallucinatin’.  I saw Merle and that sorry son of a bitch told me I was too weak to make it back, that I was gon’ die alone in the woods.’

'Hilarious.'  You rolled your eyes, still not able to see the humour in the situation. 

'Well, then you showed up.’  Daryl brushed his thumb beneath your eyes, wiping away the tears.  'An’ told 'im to go fuck himself.’

The sound of your laughter drew Carol from the other room with plates of dinner for you both.  You watched Daryl struggle to pull the blankets up over his back as you took the food from her and saw him flinch in discomfort as she pressed a soft kiss to his forehead.  

'You did more for my little girl today than her daddy did his whole life,’ Carol said as she was leaving the room.  Pausing in the doorway she turned back to Daryl.  'You’re every bit as good as them. Every bit.’

You smiled at her words as she shut the door behind her, watching Daryl close his eyes, trying to hold back the emotion that her words evoked.

'She’s right, y'know.’

When he didn’t respond, you crawled off the bed and made your way round behind Daryl, easing his hand away from the blankets that he was clutching to him as if his life depended on it.

'Y/N, don’t…’

'Do you trust me?’

His grasp slowly loosened and you pulled the blanket down and away from his back, holding in a gasp of horror as you took in the scars that criss-crossed the pale skin.  

'Is this why you wanted a shirt?’

He nodded slowly.  'Don’ like no-one to see 'em.’

'Okay.’

Between you, you managed to shuffle Daryl across the bed just enough so that you could slide in behind him, curling yourself up against his back.

'No one can see them now,’ you whispered against his skin and you felt him begin to shake as he lost control of his composure.

You held him for a while, glad that he was finally getting a release, before giggling a little at your reversed position.

'Whatcha laughin’ at?’  Daryl’s tone was defensive but you leaned forward so you could whisper into his ear.

'I was just thinkin’, I’ve never been the big spoon before.’

'Stop.’ You heard Daryl chuckle.

The food got cold on the bedside table as sleep stole over you both.

 

* * *

 

Daryl’s recovery was speedy, but not quick enough for the archer.  When Glenn had revealed the news that the barn was full of walkers and Shane had insisted that it was time for the group to move on, the added time pressure only made Daryl more determined to get on with the search for Sophia.  You’d found him in the barn, ready to saddle up one of the horses to cover more ground in the hours before sunset.  

'Daryl, this is ridiculous,’ you’d argued as he’d ignored your pleas to stay.  'All you’re going to do is give us another person to find!  Is that what you want?’

'I wan’ to find the kid,’ Daryl snapped.  'Sittin’ round talkin’ ain’t solvin’ nothin’, but I found her doll when I was out there before.  I was gettin’ close.’

'Yeah, maybe you were!'  You were shouting now, furious that he would put himself at risk again.  'Before you nearly died!’

The raised voices drew Carol to the stables and you immediately felt awkward, knowing that by insisting Daryl stay, you were also insisting that her little girl stay lost in the woods.

She surprised you however when she spoke, urging Daryl to take it easy.  'Can’t lose you too.’

She reached out a hand to him but his rage had taken hold and he threw the saddle he was holding across the building before storming out, kicking up dust in his path.

'I’m sorry, Carol.'  You threw her an apologetic glance as you paced back and forth, unsure of what to do.

'Don’t be,’ she smiled kindly at you.  'Aren’t you going to go after him?’

'I’m not sure that’s a good idea right now.’

'Of course it is.'  Carol linked her arm through yours and guided you out of the stable.  'You’re good with him.  You’ll calm him down.  He listens to you.’

'Like he did just now you mean?’  If you were honest, you were hurt by Daryl’s easy rejection of your concerns.  He was quick to tell you what you could and couldn’t do, to keep you safe, but he seemed to believe himself to be invincible, despite the recent evidence to the contrary.

'He’s a hot head, that’s all,’ Carol reassured you.  'He’s a good man.  He just cares so much that he can’t handle it sometimes.’

'We will find her, Carol.'  You squeezed the other woman’s hand where it lay on your wrist.  'Daryl will bring her home.’

Carol smiled sadly before unlinking her arm from yours and nodding towards Daryl’s tent in the distance.  'Go on.’

You found him on his back in the tent, fists bunched at his sides, eyes closed as he tried to steady his breathing.

Taking a deep breath, you kicked his ankle with the toe of your boot, before dropping down to sit beside him.

'Well…’

'Don’t, alright, I know I was an ass.’

'You were kind of an ass.’

'I jus’ feel so useless, Y/N.  She’s still out there, and no one’s lookin’ for 'er.  Shane 'n’ Rick are too busy arguin’ 'bout stupid shit, an’ none of it matters, not one bit, when there is a little girl on her own in the damn woods.’

'I know.  I get it, D, I do.  But you are still recovering and if you end up lost out there too, they’ll still be fighting about stupid shit, and I’ll have to go out there and look for you by myself, and I will get my ass bit by a damn walker, and it’ll be all your damn fault.’

Daryl smirked when you ended your rant and reached for your hand, playing with your fingers as he gazed up you.

'Ya’d really come find me on yer own?’

'Yeah, well, maybe.  Depends what Patricia’s cooking for dinner.  If she makes that soup again I’m not going anywhere cos I am not missing out on that.’

Daryl pulled you roughly to the ground beside him, growling as he rolled over to tickle your ribs.

'Bitch.’

'Ass.’

The play fight ceased as you fought for breath between bursts of laughter.

When silence fell, you reached over to brush the hair back from Daryl’s face so you could look into his eyes.  The easy intimacy you had with him now made you blissfully happy, particularly as you were the only person who could make any sort of physical contact with the archer without him flinching.  It was so easy to feel alone and isolated in this world, even within the group, so to be able to reach for his hand or to feel his arm wrap around your shoulders… It was everything.

'We will find her Daryl.  We will.  But you gotta get yourself better first, okay?  'Cause I cannot go through seeing you like that again.  I can’t.’

Before Daryl could respond you heard shouts coming from outside, and crawled hurriedly from the tent to see a commotion by the barn.  Shane, his eyes dark with anger was shooting randomly into a walker that Hershel appeared to have on some sort of leash, while Rick stood helplessly by with his own captive corpse.  As you got closer, Shane put a bullet through the skull of both men’s dead ones, before digging into a bag and throwing guns to both you and Daryl before starting towards the barn doors.  Looking round at the group, you saw that everyone was armed, and time slowed down as you saw Shane attack the lock that held the doors closed.  Shouts erupted around you, and you felt Daryl shove you behind his back, heard him tell you to stay behind him, as the lock gave way.

The first walker emerged blinking into the sunlight, only to be gunned down.  Another followed, and another, and another.  You watched Daryl shooting, raising your own gun to take aim and fire.  Stepping out from behind him you shot again and again, taking down the walkers as they stumbled towards you.  You saw Daryl glance in your direction and nodded to let him know you were okay.  

As the last walker was taken down, silence fell.  You could hear crying behind you but you couldn’t move, couldn’t look away from the mass of bodies before you.  You felt Daryl’s hand on your shoulder, urging you to lower your gun, and you did, stepping back to lean into him, but quickly moving away again as the barn door began to swing open.

A small figure shuffled out, hand raised almost as if to shield its eyes from the bright light after so long shut away in the gloom of the barn.  You heard the group gasp collectively as Sophia’s body stumbled towards you, before Carol’s guttural scream tore through the air.  You felt her brush past you to run to her daughter but to your relief Daryl caught her and held her as her legs gave way and she dropped to the ground.  Your eyes met and you could see the disbelief and desperation there as the girl he’d been searching for stood before you.  A shot rang out and she fell.

 

* * *

 

The clean up of the bodies was a welcome chore as the group struggled to come to terms with what had occurred outside the barn.  The tension between the Greenes and your family was palpable and you honestly didn’t believe that there was a way back from this.  Mentally you began preparing yourself to get on the road again, though what the plan would be this time, you really didn’t know.  

Daryl had helped Carol into the RV where she sat motionless.  You couldn’t go to her, though you felt like you should.  What could you possibly say that would bring her any kind of comfort?  Daryl had sat with her for a while but knew he was needed to dig the graves for the walkers that had been family so was forced to leave her alone.

She had refused to come to Sophia’s burial.  It wasn’t her little girl they were burying as far as she was concerned, it was a monster.  You stood close to Daryl as the group paid their respects, reaching for his hand, surprised when he pulled roughly away from you.  He looked down and saw the hurt in your eyes, but turned away, throwing down his shovel and heading for the tent.

You found him there later as you sought a place of refuge from the group’s continuing drama.  Their continued safe haven at the farm was dependent on Shane leaving, Hershel had disappeared in his quest for a drink, and Beth had gone into a catatonic state as the shock of seeing the slaughter outside the barn took hold of her system.

'Hey.’  You approached him awkwardly, scuffing your heels on the ground as you walked over.  He just grunted, not looking up from sharpening his arrows.  

'Daryl, have I done something…?’  You tailed off as he fixed you with an icy glare.

'Jus’ don’ feel like being no one’s support system today, s'all.’

You nodded slowly.

'Fine, well, I’ll be inside.’

You crawled into the tent, zipping up the entrance to make a point, and flopped down to the floor, grabbing a sweatshirt from your backpack and burying your face in it so that he wouldn’t hear you cry.

You must’ve slept as you woke to hear Daryl shouting.  You crawled over to the entrance and unzipped the door, sticking your head out to see what was going on.  You were just in time to see Lori turn on her heel and storm off.

'What’s up with her?’

Daryl shrugged.  'Rick 'n’ Glenn have gone off lookin’ for the old boy.  She thinks they’ve run into trouble.  Wanted me to go look for 'em.’

'Are you going?  I’ll come with you.’

You yawned and stretched, reaching behind you to grab your knife and gun.

'Like hell I am.’

You froze at Daryl’s words.

'You what?’

'I ain’t wastin’ anymore time riskin’ my ass lookin’ for people that’s already dead.  I’m done carin’.’

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing.  This was a side of Daryl you’d never seen and it was not one you liked.  When he reached for his gun and began to disassemble it for cleaning, you snapped.

'You’re a fuckin’ jerk sometimes, Daryl.  Maybe you aren’t the only one that’s done caring.  Find somewhere else to sleep tonight!’

You zipped the tent back up and threw yourself onto your back, rage coursing through you as you hammered the ground with your fists.

You heard him gather up his things and walk away and longed to get up and go to him, but you knew that whatever his problem was, he wasn’t going to let you help him just yet.

You read by candlelight for a little while, waiting to see if Daryl would come back, and had just given up and extinguished the flame when you heard footsteps walking in your direction.  

'Sophia wasn’ mine!’ you heard Daryl scream.  'Why didn’ ya keep an eye on her?!’

You covered your mouth with your hand, shocked by the venom in Daryl’s voice as he snarled at Carol.  You could hear her cries as she fought against his desire to push everyone away.  

'At least let Y/N in,’ you heard her plead with him before she walked away.  'I didn’t know you before, but I can tell that that girl is the best thing that’s ever happened to you.’

You heard Daryl slump to the ground outside the tent and cautiously made your way to the entrance, pulling the zipper down and sliding out to sit beside him.

Neither of you spoke, and you were close to giving up and going to find somewhere else to crash for the night when Daryl’s resolve broke and he crumbled.  

He reached across for you, pulling you into his lap like a ragdoll as he cried into the crook of your neck.  You could feel his tears leaving hot, salty trails on your skin as you wrapped your arms around him and held him close to you.

At last he managed to choke out, 'I really really thought I’d find her.  I thought she’d be okay.’

'I know, D,’ you soothed, rubbing circles on his back as he clung to you.

'I’m an idiot.  Everyone else had given up, but I kept goin’ out there, everyday.  Fuckin’ idiot!'  He was shouting now, his anger and sorrow combining in a misery-fuelled rage.  

You pulled back from him, taking his face in your hands so you could pull his head up and meet his eyes.  

'You are not an idiot.  So, you didn’t find her!  So, she was probably dead in that barn the whole damn time!’

Daryl twisted his head and tried to pull away from you but you held him firmly in place.

'Don’t you think that it meant something to Carol, that someone kept looking?  That someone refused to stop searching?  Don’t you think knowing that someone was out there every day gave her hope when she needed it most?  Yeah, sure, believe you’re an idiot for believing Sophia was alive if you need to, but to that woman you’re a hero.  And you’re a hero to me, too.’  You leant forward and kissed him softly on the cheek, licking the salty tears from your lips.  'If I ever get lost in the woods Daryl, I want you on my team.’

You felt the tension leave Daryl’s body all at once.  

'Lori went out there on her own to look for Rick,’ he confessed, looking down at you with guilty eyes.

'Do you need to do something about that?’

'Nah, Shane’s gone after 'er.’

'Daryl, I really don’t think you’re gonna be of use to anyone for anything unless you let yourself get some sleep.’

He nodded and tried to rise enough to duck into the tent with you still in his arms, overbalancing and sending you both sprawling inside in a tangle of limbs.

'See,’ you giggled, reaching up to pat his cheek as he leaned over you.  'My hero!’


	6. Chapter 6

As the morning sun rose higher, its glare penetrated the small cabin windows, firing shafts of light over the group and causing them to begin to stir.

You and Lori had been sitting chatting quietly, but she turned to her husband as he woke, sitting up and stretching, immediately reaching to check that his gun was beside him.

You watched Maggie rise and make her way over to you, running a hand through her scruffed up hair and pulling it into a messy ponytail.  

Dropping to the floor beside you, she placed an affectionate hand on yours and squeezed it gently.

‘You look beat, sweetheart.'  She smiled kindly at you.  'Why dontcha try and get some more sleep?’

You shook your head.  'Don’t think I could if I tried, Mags.’

'I could always spoon you if ya like.  You can pretend I’m Daryl!’  She nudged you teasingly.  

You nudged her back, smirking.  'Stop!  You know it’s not like that.’

'I don’t know what it’s like, actually.  You two are in your own little bubble half the time.’

'He’s my best friend, y'know.  He’s my family.’

'Okay, if that’s your story,’ Maggie smirked.  'All I’m saying is that you guys are more coupley than me and Glenn, and we’re actually a couple!’

You rolled your eyes and hit her playfully.

'Right, I’m gonna get some fresh air I think.’

Maggie nodded.  'Take your gun.  Don’t go far.’

'Yes, boss.’

You left the cabin, taking a deep breath of fresh air and letting it clear your nose of the stench of too many dirty people crammed into a small space.

You turned down a small track that had been worn into the dense woodland,= and picked your way quietly through the fallen leaves.  You kept your hand on your gun, ready for any random walker that may stumble across your path, or any wildlife that might provide that evening’s dinner.

You’d been walking for maybe 5 minutes when the trees started to thin out a little and you could see the sparkle of sunlight on water ahead of you.  Reaching the clearing you found a small lake, at the edge of which, a few metres over to your left, sat Daryl, carefully skinning something small and furry.  He’d been forbidden to prepare his catches anywhere near Lori whose stomach wasn’t as strong as it had been pre-pregnancy so had taken to doing it at the kill site, if possible.

You took a moment to look over the archer, considering Maggie’s words.  Sure, you guessed he was attractive.  His short hair was growing out and hung down across his forehead, darker now than it had been when you met.  He had high cheekbones and his blue eyes always reminded you of the ocean: immense, with a hint of danger behind them.  The muscles in his strong arms were defined - you were pretty sure they were the safest place in the world when they were wrapped around you - and his broad chest tapered down to slim hips and long legs.  But your feelings for him weren’t romantic.  You’d never looked into his eyes and wanted to kiss him, never wanted any more from him than what he already gave you.  You hoped it was the same for him as you wouldn’t want to lead him on, but he’d never given you any reason to think differently.  He was your favourite person, the one you trusted above everyone else, and you knew he’d never let you down.  That was everything in the world as it was now.

'You jus’ gon’ stand there all day?’  Daryl interrupted your thoughts, as you realised he’d noticed your presence behind him.

'Nope!'  You sprinted past him into the water fully-dressed, launching yourself into the middle of the pool with a loud splash, submerging yourself completely before breaking through the surface and shaking your head, sending water droplets flying from the ends of your hair.

'Yer crazy girl,’ Daryl laughed, shaking his head.

'The water’s amazing!'  You beckoned to him with a finger.  'Come on, Dixon, I know there’s gotta be a real boy under all that dirt.’

He tossed his tools and kill to one side, climbing to his feet and wading in towards you.

'Amazin’ my ass,’ he grumbled.  'Frickin’ freezin’ in 'ere, Y/N.’

You couldn’t help but laugh at his pouting face, swimming up to him and dunking his head under the water.

'Bitch!'  He reached for you as he emerged, wrapping his arms round your waist and dragging you towards him only to flip you at the last moment and slam you into the water.  

As you came back up, he locked his arms around you and pulled you close, twirling you lazily round as you wrapped your legs around his waist and let him support you.  

Silence fell between you as Daryl moved you through the water, the only sound the sloshing of the lake against your bodies and the whistle of the breeze through the trees.

'God, I think this is the most relaxed I’ve felt in… I don’t even know how long,’ you sighed, curling your fingers into the damp hair at the base of the archer’s neck, folding down his damp shirt collar.  

'I’ve been worried about ya,’ Daryl admitted.  'I know you ain’t been sleepin’ well.’

'Look who’s talkin’.'  You raised an eyebrow at him but his expression was serious.  'I’m okay, D.  Just surviving, like we all are.’

He nodded.  'Ya deserve a better life than this.’

You wrapped your arms tighter round his neck, pulling your body completely flush with his as he stopped moving, treading water to keep you both afloat.

'We all do,’ you whispered.  'But I have you, and we have the group.  We could be doing a lot worse, y'know.’

You felt him nod and press a soft kiss to the top of your shoulder.  

You heard the sound of voices behind you and your moment of solitude was interrupted as Carl cannonballed into the lake with a high-pitched squeal, followed more sedately by Rick and Lori who raised a hand to you in greeting as you broke away from Daryl and swam towards them.

The group spent most of the day in the water, cleaning themselves and their clothes, enjoying the sensation of feeling free from dirt and sweat, then drying themselves in the sunshine, before nibbling on small portions of Daryl’s morning kill for dinner.

It was a good day which, in a long streak of bad ones, was vital.

 

* * *

 

The sound of flesh on flesh made you cringe as you leant against the wall of the barn, waiting for Daryl to finish his interrogation of Randall.

Rick and Glenn had returned from their successful mission to track down Hershel with the young man in tow, having gotten into a fight with the group he’d been with and taken mercy on him when he’d gotten hurt and been left behind.  After some debate about the best way to deal with the prisoner, it was decided that Shane and Rick would drive him out 18 miles or so and drop him off with a couple of days supplies to give him a fighting chance of survival, but prevent him from being able to find his way back to the farm.  However, they’d returned exhausted, looking like they’d beaten seven shades of hell out of each other, and with the revelation that Randall had gone to school with Maggie so knew exactly where you all were.  This changed things, as it increased the risk that he’d lead the rest of his group back to the farm.  Hence Daryl’s current task of extracting some information from the prisoner about the nature and location of the rest of his people.

You gritted your teeth as you heard the archer land another blow, before the door flew open and he strode out, wiping his bloody knuckles on his red bandana.  

'That what you are now, D?'  You couldn’t help the scathing tone to your voice.  'Muscle for hire?’

He didn’t break his step so you ran after him, grabbing his shoulder to turn him to face you.

'Had to find out who he’s been runnin’ with, Y/N.’  Daryl’s glare was unapologetic, but he tucked his bruised fist into the pocket of his jeans out of your sight.  

'Why does it matter if Shane’s gonna kill him anyway?’  The group was divided about what should now be done with the man in the barn, but Shane was adamant that he had to die.  'Does the poor guy really need the shit kicked out of him first?’

'If it means keepin’ you safe, keepin’ the group safe, then yeah, he does.’

You started to argue but Daryl cut you off.

'We had to know how close by they are, okay?  Sounds like the guys in his group are bad news.’

'Bad news how exactly?’

Daryl took a step towards you and reached up to cup your cheek in his hand.  'You don’ wanna know.  But I wan’ ya to stay away from Randall, ya hear me?  He says he ain’t like the others but I’m not sure I buy it.’

He held your gaze until you nodded in understanding, and then left to report back to Rick.  

You glanced back at the barn door, imagining the state of the man tied up inside, but fought your instincts to go and clean him up, knowing that Daryl was only looking out for you.  Instead, you decided to retreat to the tent for the day, anything to avoid the continuing argument about whether Randall should be executed.  

You still struggled to wrap your head around the fact that you lived in a world where decisions like that had to be made.  Of course, you wanted the group to be safe and threats needed to be eliminated, but the reality that this meant one of you taking the life of an unarmed and bound man was a little more than you could take.  You knew that Rick was of the same opinion as you in principle, but you also knew that he had a son and a pregnant wife to protect, so you could already see how this was going to play out, you thought.  

You’d stolen another book from the living room of the farmhouse and were a few chapters in when you heard Dale clear his throat as he approached you where you lay stretched out on your stomach in front of the tent.  You sighed, knowing that your intentions to stay out of the discussion on Randall’s fate were being ignored, despite having gone to the lengths of physically separating yourself from the group.  

'Dale, what can I do for you?'  You pushed yourself up into a sitting position and waited for him to take a seat beside you.  

'I’ve come to appeal to your conscience.'  He lifted a hand to shield his eyes from the sun as he surveyed the camp.  'We need to talk about Randall.’

'Dale, I understand what you’re trying to do.'  You reached over to lay a hand on his arm.  'But it doesn’t matter what anyone else says.  This decision will be made by Rick and Shane.’

'Well, that’s not right,’ Dale argued.  'This should be a democracy.  Maybe we do need a leader to give us a focus day-to-day, and Rick does a good job of that, but the big things should be decided together and, dammit, taking a life is a big thing!’

You sighed.  'Daryl said he’s bad news, that his group is a threat.’

'And that’s reason enough to kill him?  He’s just a kid.’

'He’s old enough to make his own decisions,’ you pointed out.  'He’s gotta be around my age.  If he’s decided to run with a bad crowd, he’s dug his own grave.’

'You don’t really believe that.’

You ran your hands through your hair and let out a deep breath.  'No, you’re right, I don’t.  I hate the idea of taking a life, just like I hate that Rick had Daryl practically torture the guy this morning to get information.  It’s all wrong, all of it, and I hate that we’re even having this conversation.’

'So, why not speak up?’

'Because it won’t achieve anything!’

'You won’t know unless you try.’

'Dale.'  You tried to control your rising frustration and keep your tone calm and even.  'Right now, all Rick and Shane are seeing is a threat to the group, the people they’ve sworn to protect.  They are not going to listen to anyone until they are satisfied that the threat has been eliminated.’

'What about Daryl?  He’d listen to you surely.’

'Maybe, but you’ve seen how protective he is.  If he thinks I’m at risk…'  You tailed off as you saw Dale’s shoulders sink.

'I feel like I’m watching this group splinter more and more everyday.’

You snorted.  'Splinter?’

He looked at you in surprise.

'This group is broken, Dale, who are you kidding?!  I’m pretty sure Shane’s gone full on psycho at this point and, if I had to guess, I’d say he tried to kill Rick out there yesterday.  Plus, I’m pretty sure him and Andrea are fucking which is beyond messed up when, let’s be honest, there’s a 50:50 chance that he’s actually the father of Lori’s apocalyptic spawn, and don’t even get me started on the very idea of getting pregnant in the world we’re living in right now.  And in case no one’s noticed, Carol’s hanging on by a thread after losing Sophia, I don’t even remember the last time I heard T actually speak, Beth has the potential to go catatonic whenever anything even remotely distressing happens in front of her, and I’m still kinda expecting Hershel to start trying to house train any walkers that come our way.’  You paused for breath, turning to Dale and taking in his wide-eyed stare as he processed your rant.  'Andrea told me once that I see things and she’s right.  And I can see that this group is completely fucking wrecked.’

'Right.’  Dale struggled to his feet and mopped his brow with the back of his arm.  'Well, thank you for listening at least.’

'I’m sorry,’ you whispered as he walked back to the RV.  You felt a shred of your humanity slip away.

 

* * *

 

'Y/N?'  You heard Daryl’s voice from outside the tent later that evening and crawled outside to join him where he sat smoking in front of the doorway.  'We alright?’

You nodded.  

'Ya not talkin’ to me?’

You shrugged, staring at the ground and hugging your knees to your chest.  

'They’re doin’ it tonight, Rick 'n’ Shane.’

When you remained silent, he sighed and stubbed out his cigarette on the ground.

'It’s for the best.’

You scoffed at that.  

'We all decided…'  He tailed off as he took in the vacant expression on your face.  'You didn’ come to the meetin’.’

'There wasn’t any point,’ you finally spoke.  'Rick and Shane were gonna do whatever they wanted.  It didn’t matter what anyone else said.’

'That ain’t true.’

'Really?  Are you telling me it was a unanimous decision?’

It was Daryl’s turn to fall quiet.

'Are you gonna be there?’

He shrugged.  'Depends if I’m needed.’

'I’m surprised they aren’t making you do their dirty work for them.’

'They ain’t never made me do nothin’ I didn’t wanna do, Y/N.’

'So, this morning…’

'This mornin’ I did what I needed to do to protect ya, just like I’ve always done, just like I’m always gon’ do.’

He reached out and wrapped an arm around your shoulders pulling you into his side.  You resisted for a moment, before melting into him as you always did, twisting round to wrap your arms around his neck.

'I hate this,’ you whispered against his neck.

'I know.  It ain’t easy for any of us.’

He rubbed your back before pulling away.

'I need to get back down there.  It’s nearly time.  You comin’?’

You shook your head.  'I can’t, D, I’m sorry.’  

He nodded sadly, pushing himself to his feet.

'I’m sorry too.’

 

* * *

 

You weren’t sure how much time had passed when you heard a commotion coming from across the field.  You’d lost yourself in your book, trying desperately to distract yourself from what was going on in the barn, but a scream broke your concentration.

Stumbling out of the tent, you listened intently, identifying the direction the noise was coming from before sprinting towards it, gun at the ready.  

You could see torch lights zigzagging across the field in the same direction as you were moving in and shouted out, 'Daryl?’

’M'ere,’ you heard him shout back and you headed for him, so you both reached the scene at the same time.

Dale was lying on the ground, a walker bent over him, his stomach a heaving bloody mess.  Daryl quickly knifed the walker in the skull while you dropped to Dale’s side in shock.

'Oh my God, oh my God…’ you murmured, grabbing Dale’s hand and squeezing it, while you looked desperately around at the faces of the group that had quickly gathered.  

'Somebody do something!’  Andrea had dropped to the floor beside you, her hands hovering over Dale’s wrecked body as if she could somehow fix it, put him back together.  He was groaning in pain, his face ashen, his muscles twitching as the pain consumed him.

Rick pulled his gun from its holster and slowly stepped forward, raising it and aiming it at the old man’s head, his hand shaking.  

Seeing what he was intending to do, you bent your head to Dale’s, your hair falling forward and brushing his face.  

'Close your eyes,’ you whispered.  'It’s gonna be okay.  It won’t hurt anymore.’

You looked to Rick and nodded as you moved back, but Rick’s hand had dropped to his side.  Daryl stepped forward, taking the gun.

'Sorry, brother.’

You heard the tremor in his voice as he took aim and pulled the trigger.

 

* * *

 

'In the end, he was talking about losing our humanity,’ Rick’s voice cut through the silence as he stood beside Dale’s freshly covered grave.  'He said this group is broken.  The best way to honour him is to unbreak it.’

Daryl’s hand slipped into yours, and with your other hand, you reached for Andrea’s.  

You’d found out from Daryl the night before that Randall’s execution hadn’t taken place.  It was a small victory compared to the loss that the group had suffered that night.

Daryl had been shaking as you’d followed him back to the tent after he’d put Dale down, but he’d made it inside the canvas haven before he’d crumbled.  

'I-I ain’t ever killed anyone before,’ he’d stuttered, reaching for you.

'Daryl, you did the right thing.  You did.’

You climbed into his lap, rocking gently with him as he cried.  You’d stayed that way for most of the night, and the sun had been rising when the cool mask that Daryl put on for the rest of the group had fallen back into place.

'I gotta go.  There’s a grave needs digging.  Another one.’

You’d slipped from his lap and watched as he shouldered his crossbow and crawled out into the dawn.  

Now you all stood before the line of graves, literally counting your losses, as the group grieved once again.  

When Rick had finished his eulogy, the crowd dispersed, each heading to their spots on the campsite to grab their belongings.  In light of what had happened to Dale, Hershel had invited you all to move into the house, with the exception of Shane who he still didn’t trust.  You understood that and were secretly thankful for it.

You’d thought Daryl would refuse to pack up the tent, but he was surprisingly enthusiastic.

'I thought you’d pitched it up here to get away from all the drama,’ you muttered, shoving clothes into your backpack as Daryl wrestled with the tent pegs.  'You do realise that it’s gonna be like living in a damn soap opera moving in there with them all.  That house is gonna start feeling real small real quick.’

As the tent collapsed, Daryl stood up, hands behind his head as he stretched his back out.  

'It ain’t safe out here no more, Y/N.  I ain’t lettin’ what happened to Dale happen to you.’

And so it was that you dumped your bag in the farmhouse living room 20 minutes later, staking your claim on a small patch of space behind an armchair, just big enough for you and the archer.  He nodded at your choice, ruffling your hair as he dropped his gear beside yours.

'See, ain’t so bad.’

You huffed, but couldn’t help but grin at him as he winked at you.

'Daryl, can I borrow you for a minute?’  Rick entered the room and gestured for Daryl to follow him out onto the porch, which he did, hitching his bow up onto his shoulder.

You sank down onto the sofa next to Maggie, who rested a hand on your knee.

'How you doin’, sweetheart?’

'As good as anyone I expect,’ you shrugged.  'You okay?’

She sighed.  'I know this is a real shallow thing to moan about given the circumstances, but I asked Glenn to bunk in with me.’

'Oooh!'  Your eyes lit up as you teased the farm girl.  'In your father’s house?  You’re a dirty girl, Maggie Greene!’

'He said no.’

The smile fell from your lips and you reached for her hand.  

'Oh Mags, I’m sure he just feels awkward.  He loves you, y'know?’

’D'you think?’  Her uncertainty was clear on her face and you nodded reassuringly.  'Well, he ain’t said it yet.’

'It’s early days.  I mean, I know the world ended, but guys are still guys.  You gotta give 'em time.’

'I guess.  I just wish it was easier, y'know.  Like with you and Daryl.’

'Me and Daryl?’  You were constantly confused by the assumption that you and Daryl were together, despite your close relationship.  'We’re just friends.’

'Sure.'  She nudged you as the archer re-entered the room and his eyes immediately sought you out.  'Whatever you say!’

She got up and headed into the kitchen, Daryl quickly taking her spot on the couch.  

'What was all that about?’ he asked, nodding at Maggie’s retreating back.

You rolled your eyes.  'She wishes her relationship with Glenn could be as easy as ours.’  

You both smirked at that, before you repeated his question, nodding towards Rick as he passed the living room door.  

'What was that all about?’

'He’s asked me to go with 'im to have another go at releasin’ Randall.’

'Figures.  No way he’s going back out there with Shane after last time.’

'Don’t go far from the house while I’m gone, alright?  Stay with the group.’

You nodded, though you were already finding the walls a little claustrophobic.  'Sure.’

Rick stuck his head through the door.  'You alright to sit tight for a while?’ he asked Daryl.  'There’s something I gotta do.’

'Just holler when ya wan’ me,’ Daryl nodded.  'I ain’t got nothin’ better to do today.’

'You seen Carl?'  Rick turned his attention to you, but you shook your head, realising that you hadn’t seen the little boy since Dale’s burial.

'I’ll find him.’  He turned on his heel and left the house.

 

* * *

 

You and Daryl spent a lazy afternoon lounging on the porch, chatting about nothing much, cleaning your guns and sharpening arrows, at times joined by Jimmy, Maggie and Glenn.

The sun was starting to dip below the treeline when you heard T-Dog shout, and saw him and Rick headed in your direction, closely followed by a bruised and bloody Shane.

'What’s happened?’ you asked as you clambered to your feet, closely followed by Daryl who immediately reached for his crossbow.

'Randall’s gone,’ T-Dog explained.  'I just went in there to check on him and there’s no sign of him.’

'Son of a bitch snuck up on me in the woods,’ Shane was agitated, pacing back and forth in front of the porch steps.  'Took my gun.’

'Goddammit,’ you heard Daryl snarl under his breath as Rick sprung into action.

'We need to scour the woods.  He won’t have got far with his leg all messed up.  Shane, you and me will take the east.  Daryl, you take Glenn and head west.  See if you can pick up any tracks.  The rest of you,’ he gestured to you and the rest of the group that had assembled behind you having heard the raised voices, 'stay in the house.’

Rick’s authority was accepted without question, as Glenn reached for his gun and checked his knife was in his holster, and the rest of the group headed inside.

'Daryl-'  You turned to him but he was already halfway down the steps.

'I know,’ he called over his shoulder.  'I’ll be careful.  Get inside!’

 

* * *

 

You spent an anxious evening pacing back and forth in the Greene’s living room, kneading your stomach to try and get rid of the giant knot that had formed there.  Your nails were bitten down so far that you’d drawn blood on your thumb, and your hair was getting greasy from running your fingers through it over and over.

'Y/N, why don’t you come and sit down?’ Carol said gently, patting the space next to her on the couch.  You made your way over to her and slumped down.  Lori was on your other side, leaning her elbows on her knees, her hands clasped in front of her face as if she were praying.

Time seemed to slow, as darkness fell over the house.  

Daryl and Glenn had just returned and were preparing to go back out in search of the other two men at Lori’s desperate request, when you heard her shout.

'Carl’s gone!’

You saw her run to the front door and were immediately out of your seat in pursuit, knowing it wasn’t safe for her to be out there alone.  But she’d stopped dead on the porch as she was met by the sight of a herd of walkers making their way across the field.  You tried to do a head count, calculate if you could take them, but there were too many.

'Walkers!’ you shouted, raising the alarm.  'Load up!’

'We really gon’ do this?’ Daryl asked, loading his bow as he took in the enormous horde.  

'It’s my farm,’ Hershel was determined.  'I’ll die here.’

'We’re all gon’ die here,’ you heard Daryl mutter under his breath.  He was already heading towards his bike, and you were close on his heels, climbing on behind him and wrapping one arm tight round his waist as he sped off down the field.  As you closed in on the herd he began firing his gun with his free hand, aiming as best he could, and you followed suit, hitting as many walkers as you could.

You were maybe 50 yards away from the barn when it erupted into flames.  Raising a hand to shield your eyes, you saw Rick and Carl stranded in the hatch of the hayloft.

You grabbed Daryl’s arm, pointing towards the figures in the barn roof, and felt him slow the bike just long enough for you to jump off, before speeding off again, wheels spinning on the grass.

You saw Jimmy not far away from you and took off running towards him, yelling to him, 'Jimmy!  RV!’  

He sprinted towards the vehicle, with you hot on his heels, throwing himself into the drivers seat and gunning the engine.  You stood in the open doorway, back braced against the side of the entrance, firing to pick off dead ones en route.

When he brought the vehicle to an abrupt halt beneath the hayloft, you swung round to the ladder and climbed up to the roof.

'Jump!’ you shouted to Rick, and held out your arms for Carl as Rick pushed his son to make the leap.  You caught the boy in mid air, breaking his fall, while Rick landed hard beside you.

'Thanks.'  He nodded to you, but before you could react you heard Jimmy’s screams from beneath you.

'Shit!'  You leaned over the side of the RV and saw that the walkers had broken through the door.  For a second you were paralysed.  It was all happening too fast.

'There’s nothing we can do for him.'  Rick pulled you back, breaking through your terror, and you quietly made your way to the far end of the vehicle and lowered yourselves to the ground.  You headed back towards the farmhouse together, shooting as you went, though you knew you were running low on ammo and would soon be out.  Hershel was still standing on his front porch, firing his shotgun as the dead closed in.  You watched in horror as he ran out of shells and saw Rick sprint ahead of you, reaching the old man just in time.  You reached for Carl’s hand, watching as Rick dragged Hershel away from his family home.  

'The truck!'  You pointed out the only remaining vehicle to Rick and you all loaded in, before Rick floored it and you sped away from the farm.

'Where is everyone?’ you asked breathlessly, turning to stare out of the rear window.  'Did everyone get out?’

Nobody could answer.

'My farm…’ Hershel whimpered.

Rick adjusted his grip on the steering wheel, glancing over at the old man beside him.  

'It belongs to the dead now.’  

 

* * *

 

The sky began to lighten as dawn approached.  Rick cut the engine and the truck fell silent.  You were back on the highway, at the place where Sophia had gone missing.  You had left some supplies for her on the hood of a car in case she found her way back and they were still there, so you eased your aching limbs out of the back seat and stumbled over to retrieve a bottle of water.  Taking a long drink, you passed it to Carl who had followed you and watched him quench his thirst.

'You doing alright?’ you asked him, stretching your limbs and pulling your shirt away from your body where it clung to the sweat and dirt that coated you.

'I’m worried about my Mom.’  

'She’ll be fine, bud.  I’m sure she got out.’

'You don’t know that.’

You couldn’t argue with that, knowing he was right.  You didn’t know if anyone else had made it.

You sank to the floor beside the abandoned car, as the adrenaline left your body, and listened with a breaking heart as Carl pleaded with his father to go back to look for Lori.

Hershel intervened trying to convince Rick that he should take his son to safety, but Rick refused, adamant that the rest of the group would show up at the rendezvous point.  Silence fell as each of you got lost in your own thoughts, and time slowed right down as you waited for more survivors to appear.

You didn’t know how long you’d been sitting there before you heard it:  the rumble of a motorcycle coming down the road towards you.  You sprung to your feet, clambering up onto the bonnet of the car to scan the horizon, before leaping off and sprinting down the road towards the oncoming arrival.  Daryl had barely skidded the bike to a halt before you threw yourself at him, feeling the vehicle wobble under the impact.  Carol squeezed your arm as she climbed off the back of the motorcycle to greet the others, and, seconds later, Daryl managed to dismount with your arms still wrapped around him, so he could lift you up and hold you close.  

You remained like that, not speaking, each just finding comfort in the other’s survival, until the sound of more engines floated down the highway, and Maggie and Glenn’s jeep appeared, closely followed by Lori, Beth and T-Dog in another truck.

Leaning back against Daryl’s chest as his arms circled your waist, you took in the group and those that were missing.  Jimmy, you knew, had gone down fighting, but Patricia was also absent, as were Shane and Andrea.  

'We gotta move,’ Rick announced.  'We can’t go back and we can’t stay here.’

He was met with no resistance and it took little time to get back on the road as no one had any supplies other than the guns they’d been fighting with.

 

* * *

 

That first night had been bleak.  Rick’s car had run out of gas in the middle of nowhere, and they’d been forced to set up camp at the side of the road.  Cold and hungry, they’d huddled round a pitiful fire, each consumed by what had been lost: friends, family, a home, a sense of security.  The grief hung heavy in the air.

Rick’s pep talk fell on largely disbelieving ears.  His hopes of finding a new place to heal and build a life seemed to be a pipe-dream after the events of the night before.  None of you truly thought in that moment that such a place existed.  There was nowhere safe left.

And then the confessions began to spill out:  Shane had killed Randall, Rick had killed Shane, both of whom had turned into walkers despite not having been bitten or scratched.

'We’re all infected,’ Rick whispered, his voice barely audible against the sounds of the forest at night.  'At the CDC, Jenner told me.  We all carry it.’

As an argument broke out, Rick’s control ebbed away and he was soon ranting like a madman.  You could see the group’s faith in him slipping and could hear Carol muttering to Daryl beside you as the group that you had already considered broken completely fell apart.  

'This isn’t a democracy anymore!’  Rick’s angry words echoed in your mind as you tried to sleep, your head in Daryl’s lap as he stroked your hair.  He had issued an ultimatum: stay and follow him, or leave and try their chances alone.  It wasn’t much of a choice.

’D,’ you whispered.  He leaned down to hear you better and you turned your head up to meet his eyes.  'I don’t think I’ve ever been this scared.’

He didn’t say anything to reassure you and you knew he couldn’t, that he had no idea what would happen now.  But he continued to stroke your hair until you finally drifted into an uneasy sleep and your last conscious thought was that he would take care of you and make it okay.  


	7. Chapter 7

After a relaxing day at the lakeside, it was a more optimistic group that wandered back to the cabin just before sunset.  You had your arm linked through Maggie’s, the two of you laughing as Daryl, Glenn and T-Dog played an impromptu game of ‘It’ with Carl.  Rick entered the shack first, checking that nothing and no one had been there in your absence, but quickly gave the all clear.  Entering at the rear of the group, you pulled your gun and knife from your holster belt and laid them on the floor in your corner, slumping down against the wall and leaning your head back with a content smile plastered on your face.  Around you, your family were getting comfortable, whispering quietly to one another as they settled down for the night.  The plan was to leave at first light and continue on the quest for a more permanent abode, but right now everyone was clean and the atmosphere was cheerful.

Daryl entered the cabin last, having taken a quick scout around to check no walkers had wandered into the vicinity.  He picked his way over to you, tripping over Glenn’s outstretched foot with a curse, before sinking to the floor beside you, mirroring your position.

You grinned at him, leaning over to rest your head on his shoulder.

'Ya look happy,’ he observed, leaning down to kiss your sun dried hair.

'Who isn’t?  This was the best day we’ve had in a long while.’

You felt him nod against your head, reaching down to squeeze your hand.

'Well, happy looks good on ya.’

'And clean looks good on you,’ you teased, running a finger down his tanned forearm and bringing it away without its usual covering of dirt.  

'Stop.’

You were both chuckling quietly as you shifted into comfortable sleeping positions and listened as the conversations around you gradually petered out.  The group drifted off to sleep, with T on watch.

You were awoken by a panicked shout, Daryl’s arm instantly tightening around your waist as he too registered the alarm in T-Dog’s voice.

'Walkers!'  

You sat up, instantly alert, watching as Daryl stumbled to his feet and hurried across to join the other man at the window.  

'Shit.'  He turned to the group, all now awake and starting to gather their things, reaching for their weapons.  'We gotta get outta here.’

Slipping your belt back on and sliding your knife into place, you kept your gun to hand as you made your way over to Daryl and leaned past him to peer through the grimy glass.  You could see the disjointed shuffle of a herd making its way out of the trees and knew they’d be on you in another minute or so.  

'They might not have heard us.'  Lori’s voice was hopeful.  'We could wait it out, let them pass.’

'We can’t.'  Rick too was now observing the crowd outside, shaking his head as he processed the threat.  'They’ll knock this place to the ground.  The walls aren’t strong enough.’

The first walkers were nearly at your door now, and it became clear that they’d heard your hushed voices as they began to pound against the wooden barrier.

'Oh my God…’  You backed away from the front of the cabin, reaching round to grab your pack from the floor, before noticing a boarded up window in the back wall that you’d missed before, blending in as it did with the rest of the building.  'Glenn, help me with this.’

Together you prised the rotting planks away from the gaping hole, creating a space just big enough for you all to squeeze through.

'Rick, you go first,’ Glenn instructed.  'Help Lori through from the other side.’  

Rick nodded in agreement, clambering through with ease, his body lithe and slender after so long spent fighting on the road.  

As Daryl and Carol helped Lori over to the window, you moved aside to let her manoeuvre her way to the hole in the wall.

Her eyes widened in horror as she took in the small gap.  'I’m not going to fit through there.’

'You will,’ Rick whispered encouragement from the other side, his hands reaching for his pregnant wife.  'Just be careful, there’s still some glass round the edge.’

You watched with bated breath as Lori hefted herself up onto the ledge and managed to lean her swollen body back through the window frame, reaching behind her for Rick’s strong arms.  Daryl lifted her hips from the inside, and together they managed to slip her out into the night.  

'Carl.'  Daryl reached for the boy at his side, offering him a hand up to the escape route.  'You’re next.’

You heard a deafening crack as the door of the cabin started to give way, and your heart skipped a beat as you saw a pair of decomposing arms reach through the gap left by the broken board.

'Let’s go!’ Daryl clapped his hands together to recover the group’s focus, and one by one they stepped up to the window and slid outside.  You could hear Rick on the other side start to fight against the walkers that had made their round to the back of the shack, but at the moment it was a manageable threat, with most of them still gathered at the front. 

'Y/N,’ Daryl’s voice jolted you back to the room you were in and you realised you were the only two left, as the loud splintering of the front door unleashed the army of walkers on you.  'Come on!’

He backed towards the window, easily swinging himself up and out, his arms reaching forward to help you as you climbed up onto the ledge and leant down to meet him, but, as his hands caught you around your waist, you felt the strong grip of a walker on your legs.  

'No!’  You twisted in Daryl’s grasp, kicking out as you struggled against the corpse that had you in its grasp, screaming as more dead hands reached towards you.  'Daryl!’  

You felt the archer’s hold on you tighten as he pulled, dragging you back through the window.  Your jeans ripped and you felt a piercing pain flash through you as your leg caught on a shard of glass, and then you were outside, laying panting on the grass, as the group fought around you.

Daryl fell to his knees beside you, inspecting your body, checking for bites and scratches, and his frown deepened when he saw your injury.

'It’s not a bite,’ you panted.  'Glass…’  You gestured towards the window where you could now see the horde of undead fighting to get through to you.

Daryl’s concern didn’t ease, but you saw his brain kick into gear as he reached for the red bandana in his back pocket and shoved it into the wound to try to stem the bleeding.  

'We gotta move!’  Rick shouted as the back wall of the cabin began to buckle.  He began to back away from the building, the others in pursuit, and you felt Daryl lean over you, his arms hooking round your back and under your knees as he lifted you and began to run after the rest of the group.

Pain shot through you as the beat of his feet against the forest floor jostled your leg and you felt the world begin to spin beneath you.

’D,’ you murmured, but he didn’t stop, couldn’t stop.

The world faded to black.

 

* * *

 

You gradually became aware of a warm, calloused hand in yours, and a tightness around your upper thigh, almost painful as it slowed the blood supply to your leg.

Your eyes flickered open and the first thing you saw was Daryl, his eyes full of fear, his fringe falling across his face as he stared down at you, his thumb rubbing over the back of your knuckles.  

You groaned as you felt pressure being applied to your wound, and tried to lift your head to see who was responsible but the movement made your head swim.

'Hey, she’s back,’ you heard Daryl’s voice, then felt his hand cupping your cheek, turning your face to look at him.  'Y/N, y'okay?  How ya feelin’?’

'Hurts…’ you croaked weakly.  

'I know, darlin’.  Hershel’s just gettin’ ya cleaned up.  He needs to stop the bleedin’.’

'What happened?’  You tried to sit up again and, noticing your struggle, Daryl shrugged off his jacket and folded it beneath your head.  'Is everyone okay?’

'Everyone’s fine,’ the comforting voice of the old man replied, and Daryl nodded in agreement.  'Thanks to your quick thinking with that window, we all got out.’

'Where are they?  Where are we?’  You tilted your head left and right, but all you could see were trees.  

'In a clearing just off the road,’ Daryl answered.  'The others have gone ahead to try 'n’ find some shelter, but Hershel said ya might not… He said he needed to get ya stitched up.’  You heard the emotion in his voice and raised your hand to his face.

'I’m okay, D.  I’m gonna be okay.’

'Course you are,’ Hershel’s tone was jovial but you could hear the strain behind his words and knew he was out of his depth, treating a human patient in the middle of the woods with limited supplies.  'Right, now you’re going to have to hold her down for me, Daryl.’

'You wan’ me to what?’  Daryl’s tone was aggressive and you saw the look that Hershel gave him in response.

'I need to stitch the wound and I can’t do that if she’s moving around.  I haven’t got any painkillers or sedatives, so I’m gonna need you to hold her down.’

'Shit…’  You felt Daryl lean his weight down on top of you, one arm clamped around the top of your thighs, the other across your shoulders, whilst his chest put pressure on your sternum.  'I’m sorry.’

'It’s okay, it’s okay,’ you murmured before letting out a cry of pain as Hershel stabbed the needle through your damaged skin.

'Doc,’ Daryl warned, but Hershel continued in his task, knowing it was better to get it done quickly.

Through the blind haze of pain, you could hear Daryl calling your name, but the darkness was swirling towards you and you let it claim you once again.

 

* * *

 

When you woke this time, you were back in Daryl’s arms, and the discomfort in your leg had eased slightly.  You could feel something stiff strapped alongside your thigh and when you tilted your head to the side you could see that someone had attempted to create a makeshift splint to minimise the movement around the wound as Daryl walked.

You felt lips brush the top of your head and leant back to look up into the archer’s eyes.  

'Hey you,’ you murmured, turning your face to bury it in the side of his neck and reaching your arms up to wrap around him.  

'Hey yaself,’ he whispered.  'How ya feelin’?’

You carried out a quick self-assessment and decided that you were feeling alright.  

'My head’s still kinda swimmy though,’ you mused, and he snorted.

'Well, s'been a crazy few hours.’

'How long was I out for?’

'A while.  Glenn turned up eventually, said they’d found a house.  We’ve been walkin’ for about 5 miles now I reckon.’

'You’ve been carrying me for 5 miles?’ you gawped, feeling immediately guilty.  'Daryl, you must be exhausted.’

'Ain’t nothin’.’  He shrugged.  'Not like ya can get yaself there.  'Sides, it’s my fault yer hurt.’

'What?’ you looked at him in disbelief.  'How is this your fault, Daryl?  You saved me!’

'If I’d let ya get out first, ya wouldn’t have needed savin’.’  

'If you’d let me get out first, I wouldn’t have been strong enough to pull you through when the walkers caught up to you, and you wouldn’t be here right now.’

'Tha’ don’ matter,’ he argued.  'I shouldn’ have letcha get hurt.’

'Losing you would kill me,’ you stated plainly.  'This,’ you gestured at your injured leg, 'is nothing.’

You fell silent as Daryl continued walking and you turned your head to see Glenn and Hershel talking quietly as they walked along the other side of the road.

'You’re my hero, Daryl Dixon,’ you said after a few more moments of silence, nuzzling into his chest and letting yourself be calmed by the rhythm of his heartbeat.  'That hasn’t changed.’


	8. Chapter 8

The following weeks were spent continuously on the move, drifting from town to town, scavenging for supplies and, if you were lucky, finding a roof over your head for the night.  More than once you were forced to flee in the darkness as the undead stumbled across your resting places, and this process was made more difficult by yourself and Lori, who both had to be assisted at every stage.

You were feeling increasingly like a burden.  A nasty infection had left you still unable to put weight on your injured leg and, though Hershel had found some antibiotics in one of the houses you'd made camp in, the supply was limited and you were making slow progress.  On one particularly bad day, you'd given up, begging Daryl to leave you at the side of the road.

'What is the point of any of this?' you'd raged at him from your position on the dusty ground.  'All I'm doing is slowing everyone down and putting all of you at risk.  That was a really close call back there.'  The group had had to make a hasty getaway in the early hours of that morning when a bunch of walkers had fallen through the ceiling of the underground storage shed you'd taken refuge in.  'And you had to put your ass on the line to save me, again!'

Daryl had listened to your rant with a blank expression, picking distractedly at his thumbnail as you continued.

'I'm not gonna be the reason for anyone else getting hurt or worse, Daryl.  So, I'm not going any further.  I'm sitting my ass right here and I'm gonna stay here 'til I get eaten, or I starve to death, or this damn leg falls off.'

'Yer finished?'

You glared at him, challenging him to argue with you, but he didn't even bother, bending down to scoop you back up into his arms.  When you wriggled away from him, he gave up being gentle and instead hauled you up over his shoulder in a fireman's lift, smacking your ass with his free hand as he turned to saunter over to your waiting companions.

'Quit ya bitchin', girl.'

 

* * *

 

The discovery of the prison complex had been a badly needed win.  Rick and Daryl had found it whilst out on a hunt, and together the group had cleared one of the fenced off fields of walkers to create a safe space to spend the night.  You and Lori had watched from a distance as your best shooters had picked off the dead ones from a couple of guard towers, and now you were sitting around a campfire, huddled together against the cold night air, whilst Rick patrolled the fence line and Daryl kept watch.

You watched as Carol made her way over to the archer with a plate of food and smiled when you saw them laughing together, Daryl's fingers deftly working on the shoulder that Carol had complained was hurting her earlier that day.  

'Don't you mind that?' Beth asked leaning over Maggie to address you.

'Mind what?'

'Those two, flirtin' all the time.'

'Why would I mind?' you shrugged.  'I think she'd be good for him.'

'But aren't you...?'  Beth tailed off as Maggie gave her a sharp dig in the ribs with her elbow.

'They're just friends, Beth.  Ain't that right, Y/N?'  Maggie winked at you and you sighed.

'We are!'

Maggie and Beth exchanged a look, causing you to growl in frustration.

'Okay, well if that's true, maybe you should back off from him a little,' Beth's tone was condescending but her words hit home and your heart sank.  'Give someone else a chance to get close to him, maybe even love him.  Nobody's even gonna try to make a move on him when you're all over him all the time.'

You looked over to where Daryl and Carol were walking over to the group, still laughing, before Daryl broke away and came towards you, dropping down beside you and wrapping an arm around your shoulders.  You saw Beth raise an eyebrow at you before turning to talk to her father.  

'Y'alright?'  Daryl had felt the tension in your body and his gravelly voice broke into your paranoid thoughts.  You shrugged his arm off of you under the pretence of stretching and nodded.

'Yeah, I'm just getting kinda tired.  I think I'm gonna call it a night.'

'Alright, well, I'll help ya.'  He started to get to his feet, ready to carry you away from the group towards where you'd set up the blankets and sleeping bags but you stopped him.

'No, it's okay.  You stay.  Maggie will help me, right, Mags?'

Maggie sprang into action, jumping to her feet, and slipping her arm under yours to haul you upright.  You leaned heavily on her shoulder as you got your balance on your one good leg.

'G'night then,' you heard Daryl mutter behind you as Maggie helped you to hop away.

Once she had you settled comfortably on the ground and had insisted on you having one of the dwindling antibiotics after declaring you to feel a little warm, Maggie kneeled down beside you and studied your face intently.

'Not that I mind, but was that about what Beth said?'

'What?'

'Getting me to drag your ass over here instead of letting your knight in grungey armour carry you to bed?'

'Maybe.'  You turned away so that she wouldn't see the tears forming in your eyes.

'You shouldn't pay her no mind, Y/N.  Seems to me it doesn't matter what Daryl is to you or you are to him.  You obviously make each other happy, and that's all we really have left, isn't it?'

When you didn't answer, she bent to press a kiss to your forehead and left you alone in the dark.

You lay awake worrying for a long time before sleep took you.

You woke after several hours feeling unbearably hot as if flames were licking your skin.  Your clothes were sticking to you uncomfortably, and the body pressed against you burned where it touched.

'Get off,' you mumbled, pushing it away.  'I don't want you.'

And then the fire peaked and you let the flames consume you.

 

* * *

 

You heard a gruff voice in your ear, felt yourself being shaken roughly, and then a strangled cry, 'Doc!  Doc!'

...

You felt yourself being carried, lowered onto something cold and soft.  Felt a hand on yours, rough and warm.

...

You heard shouts coming from nearby, panicked cries and screams.  Someone was crying, and there were groans of pain.

...

 

* * *

 

When you finally opened your eyes, you were alone.  Your head was fuzzy and you had no idea where you were or how long you'd been sleeping.  You tried to call out but your throat was dry and all you could manage was a hoarse croak.  

You struggled into a sitting position and swung your legs over the side of the bed, taking a minute to process your surroundings.  The bed you were sitting on was some sort of bunk, covered with a thin mattress.  There was a small table opposite you, with a wooden chair beside it which you used to pull yourself to your feet.  A hiss of pain escaped your lips as you leant too hard on your injured leg, but after a moment of experimentation you found that it could take a little weight which was progress.  The door to the little room was more like a gate, heavy and made up of metal bars.  That was when you remembered the group's arrival at the prison and, in a moment of clarity, you realised you must be in one of the cellblocks.  Evidently you'd been out of it for a while and the others has been busy.

You took one faltering step towards the doorway of the cell, before crashing to the ground as you overestimated the strength of your bad leg, taking the chair down with you with a loud crash.

'What in the hell-?'  Maggie appeared in front of you, wiping her eyes with her hands, as a smile spread across her face.  'You're awake!'

As she manhandled you back onto your bunk you tried to force sound from your parched body, eventually managing to whisper, 'Water.'

'Of course!  One sec.'

You watched her disappear out into the cellblock, returning a few moments later with a cup of cold water for you to drink.

'Small sips,' she instructed, handing it over.  You heeded her instructions, feeling immediately better as soon as the cool liquid hit your throat.  When you'd finished with the cup you reached over to place it on the table and found your voice came a little more easily, though it was still hoarse.

'What happened?'

She took a deep breath, eyes rolling towards the heavens as if she didn't know where to start.

'Another infection set into your wound the night we got here.  Daryl woke Daddy up in the early hours, said you were delirious and running a fever.'

You nodded, as vague memories started to come back to you, the sound of a shout for the doctor.

'Well, Daddy dosed you up with what antibiotics he had left but he knew it wasn't gonna be enough.  Rick decided we should try to clear out some of the prison buildings so we could check out their infirmary.  We managed to clear this cellblock pretty easily, so they decided to keep on going.  But Daddy...'

She took a deep breath and you saw tears form in her eyes as she tilted her head back to stop them from falling.

'Mags?'  Ypu reached for her hand and pulled her over to sit beside you on the bed.

'Daddy got bit.'

Your mouth dropped open and your eyes were circles of horror on your ashen face as you took in what she'd just told you.  Hershel...

'Rick-,' her voice broke as she tried to keep speaking and you wrapped her up in your arms and held her close as she sobbed.  Pulling herself together after a couple of minutes of release, she wiped the tears away and waited for her breathing to even out.  'Rick took his leg off, got rid of the infection, stopped it spreading, but Daddy still hasn't woken up and I'm not sure he's going to.'

'Oh Mags, I'm so sorry.'

'He stopped breathing a little while ago.  Just for a minute, I mean, Lori brought him back but...'  

'He'll be okay.'  You cupped Maggie's cheek in your palm, wiping away the fresh tears with your thumb.  'He's strong.  He'll pull through.'

'What if he doesn't?  What we gonna do?  What's Lori gonna do?'  

You didn't have the answers she was looking for.

'I'm assuming from the fact that I'm alive that they found the infirmary?'

Maggie cracked a grin as a snort of laughter echoed through the cell.  'Actually, that was Carl.'

'Carl?!'

'Yep, went off on his own and came back loaded up with medical supplies.  Lori was furious!'

'I can imagine she would be.  That kid is fearless, I swear.'

It felt good to get Maggie laughing, but you had more questions that you needed answering.

'Mags, where's Daryl?  Is he okay?'  It sounded like the group had gotten a lot done whilst you'd been out of it, but you still couldn't quite believe that the archer had strayed from your side whilst your life hung in the balance.

'He's fine.  He's with Rick clearing out another cellblock.  They found some more survivors, prisoners that have been locked in here since the start.  Rick's not sure about 'em, so they're clearing a block for them to have to themselves rather than having them in here with us.'  She hesitated and you could tell she was holding something back.

'What is it?'

'Y/N, Daryl is... He's kind of hurt.  Apparently when you woke up all feverish and babbling you told him you didn't want him.  And after you brushed him off earlier, it just kinda hit him hard I guess.  He's all kinds of messed up over it.'

You sighed.  You'd taken Beth's words to heart when she'd told you that you were preventing Daryl from forming closer bonds with others in the group and you knew that you were probably overreacting, but a small part of you still thought she might be right.  Daryl had a good heart, but it was fragile and he needed someone to look after him, to love him.  Of course you loved him, but it wasn't the same.  He deserved to be in love and, with you as his safety blanket, he was never going to put himself out there with Carol or anyone else.

'I'll talk to him.'

'Good.'  Maggie stood up, resting her hands on her hips as she surveyed you.  'I'm gonna wash up and grab some kit, then we'll have a look at that leg of yours.  Then I should really get back to Daddy.'

'Of course.  Thanks, Mags.'

 

* * *

 

 

When Daryl finally appeared in your doorway, he brought good news.

'Doc's awake.'

'Oh God.'  You breathed a sigh of relief as a weight lifted from your mind.  'Thank you.'

'How ya doing?'  He entered the cell and perched on the edge of the chair, facing you as you lay on the bunk.

'Better.  Maggie's declared me officially on the mend.'

He nodded, chewing on his bottom lip.  'Tha's good.'

'Look, D-'

'Y/N, did I miss somethin'?'   His voice with tinged with hurt and confusion and your heart splintered at the lost expression in his eyes.  'I mean, one minute things were fine, 'n' then ya don' wan' me to touch ya, or ya just don' wan' me.  I don' even know anymore.'

'I'm sorry,' you whispered, trying to hold in the tears that were fighting to fall.  'I just-.'  You struggled to find the right thing to say, knowing that if you tried to push him towards Carol or anyone else he'd fight back twice as hard.  'I think I just need some space.'

'From me?'

'From everyone.'

You watched as he gnawed at his thumb, lost for words as he considered what you were telling him.

'Right then.'  He pushed himself up from the chair, and moved to leave the cell.  He turned in the doorway and looked down at you, his face a blank mask, his walls up.  'Enjoy ya space.'


	9. Chapter 9

‘He still ain’t talking to anyone, y'know?’

Maggie entered your cell several days later, dropping into the chair with a knowing look.  'He didn’t say a word the whole time they were out getting the cars, and since he’s been back he’s just sitting up in that guard tower.  Alone.’

You knew that a group had gone out to retrieve your old vehicles which had been abandoned with empty gas tanks shortly before you’d found the cabin.  Having syphoned some fuel from the prison vehicles that remained in the yard, they’d figured that, as they’d been zigzagging aimlessly on foot, the location of the cars actually wasn’t too far away.  It had taken three days, but they’d returned successful, surprised that even Daryl’s bike was still in tact.

‘It’s early days,’ you shrugged, trying hard to block out the guilt that consumed you for pushing the archer away.

'The days are long in the apocalypse though, Y/N.’ Maggie was frustrated at your stubborn refusal to listen to her pleas.  'I just don’t get it.  He needs you and you’re obviously miserable without him.’

'No, I’m miserable 'cause I’m still stuck in this damn bed,’ you growled, thrusting the covers back to reveal your bad leg, still weak and painful.  

'Self-pity don’t look good on you, sweetheart.’  Maggie stood and reached out to pull you up onto your good leg, holding you up with a strong arm round your waist.  'Glenn found Daddy some crutches and he’s determined to get up and about today.  No reason you can’t do the same.  That leg’s gotta have healed up a little by now, you just aren’t trying.’

Tentatively you rested your foot against the ground and tested a little weight on it.  Maggie was right, it wasn’t as bad as the last time you’d tried, and you managed a few stilted steps across the cell with her arm steadying you.  

'There ya go!’  She released her grip on you and applauded your progress before reaching for your hand and guiding you towards the cell door.  'Come and see Daddy, I know he’s been worried about you.’

You limped along beside her, finding the pain lessened with every step as you stretched out your stiff joints, sore from lack of use.  The pain from the wound on your thigh had dulled to a persistent throb rather than the piercing agony that had shocked you when you’d tried to stand on it before, and you found that you could ignore it to some extent if you focused on something else.

Entering the doctor’s cell, you found him sitting on the edge of his bunk, rolling up his trouser leg to prevent it flapping around his missing limb.  You tried to mask the look of horror on your face at the sight of him minus his lower leg, biting your lip and forcing a smile.

'Hey doc, how’re you doing?’

'All the better for seeing you up and about.’  He smiled kindly, nodding towards your injury.  'How’s it feeling?’

'Okay,’ you reported.  'Better.  Still hurts but honestly I think that’s lack of use as much as it is the cut.’

'Thought we were gonna lose you there for a day or two.’ Hershel’s face was serious and you leaned down to squeeze his hand.

'And you.’

'Right, that’s enough of the pity party,’ Maggie announced as Beth appeared with a crutch in each hand, closely followed by Lori and Carl.  'Let’s do this!’

Between them, Maggie and Beth managed to heave Hershel up onto his one remaining leg, before Carl stepped forward to offer up the wooden poles, slipping one under each of the old man’s arms.  As his daughters moved away, you watched as he wobbled for a moment, finding his balance, before making a couple of hesitant hops towards the door.  

'One step at a time, right?’ he grinned, winking at you as you nodded in acknowledgement.  

You sat and watched the doctor swinging himself up and down the main floor of the cellblock, amazed at how easily he seemed to have adapted to his new disability, and felt pathetic for having taken so long to get yourself up and moving.

'You okay?’ Lori asked from beside you, noticing the change in your expression.

'Yeah, I’m just…’  You paused to take stock of your feelings.  'A little ashamed I guess.  I mean, look at him.  He’s literally lost a limb and he’s skipping around without a care in the world.  I get a little cut and I’m laid up for God knows how long.’

'Y/N, it wasn’t a little cut, we all know that.  It was deep and it got infected, twice.  For most of that time we were on the road, malnourished, with hardly any medication.  You nearly died!  No one is judging you and you shouldn’t be judging yourself.’

You nodded at her kind words, feeling a little better, and when Hershel announced that he wanted to go for a walk in the yard, you agreed enthusiastically, despite Beth’s concerns that he was pushing himself too hard.

'No time like the present,’ the old man insisted, and so you made your way outside.  

As Hershel tested himself around the yard, you found yourself longing to feel the give of the grass under your feet and asked Maggie to walk with you towards the guard tower.

'You gonna talk to him?’ she asked quietly, her eyes flicking to where Daryl sat at the edge of the tower platform, his legs dangling.  

'I’m never making it up all those stairs, Mags,’ you laughed.  'I just want some fresh air.’

You split off from the others, making your way slowly across the field, enjoying the feeling of the breeze through your tangled hair.  

A shout from the tower made you both turn and watch in dismay as a group of walkers appeared around the corner of the building, near to the group you’d just left.

'Daddy!’  Maggie’s cry was drowned out by the sound of shots fired and the moans of the undead as they continued to advance.  You watched with panic-stricken faces as Hershel knocked the nearest corpse to the floor with a crutch, before Beth managed to half-guide, half-drag him backwards towards a fenced off walkway that led back into the cells, slamming the gate shut behind them.  

You heard Rick’s voice screaming for his family as Carl fired wildly at the oncoming threat, Lori struggling to move fast enough to get away, cradling her distended belly protectively.  Her husband was fighting to get to her but, due to the nature of the prison layout, he was behind several locked gates, rifling angrily through a jangling bunch of keys.

You saw Carl react as his gun clicked empty and watched him fumble to reload as quickly as he could, but more walkers were appearing, ambling steadily towards him and his mother, others breaking off to stumble across the field towards you.

'Maggie, you gotta go help Lori and Carl,’ you gripped her arm as you instructed her.  'Rick’s not going to get to them in time.’

'I can’t just leave you!’ she protested desperately, torn at the decision you were forcing her to make.

'I’ll be fine,’ you reassured her, shoving her away from you.  'Go!’

As she took off towards the yard, you pulled your gun from your holster, taking down the nearest walkers as you edged your way back towards the prison block.  You knew you wouldn’t have enough ammo to clear the threat but figured you should at least thin the heard before making a break for the buildings.

You emptied the chamber, tossing the gun to the side as you reached for your knife, spinning to stab the point into the skull of a walker that had grabbed you from behind.

'Y/N!’  You heard Daryl call your name from above and looked up to see him aiming his rifle towards the dead ones in your path.  'Run!  I’ll cover you!’

You nodded in acknowledgement and took a deep breath to calm yourself before you threw your body into a sprint, your ankles twisting as your feet pounded across the uneven ground.  A sharp pain shot down the length of your bad leg and you knew instantly that you’d pushed too hard, as it gave way and you tumbled to the ground.  You were aware of bullets hitting flesh as Daryl fought to protect you from his post in the tower, and then all you could hear were the growls and groans of the corpses as they dragged themselves toward you.  You tried several times to climb back to your feet, but your leg refused to hold your weight and you resorted to crawling across the field on your elbows, though this left you unable to use your knife.

You felt hands grasping at your hair, your shoulders, your legs, and screamed in terror as you fought with everything you had left to get away, and then the hands were gone and a strong arm was pulling you from the ground, Daryl holding you up as he dragged you to safety.  Back in the yard, he propped you against the wall to keep you upright, standing guard in front of you as he picked off the last of the walkers in the vicinity , one by one.  Looking round, you realised that you’d lost track of the others in the chaos and hoped with all your heart that they were okay.  

As silence fell, you slumped to the floor as the last of your energy drained away.

'Y'alright?’  Daryl’s eyes were full of concern and you realised this was the first time you’d spoken in nearly a week.

'I’m fine.  My leg just wasn’t ready for the whole running for my life thing yet.’

He nodded, turning to scan the devastation, and raising his arms as Rick appeared from across the yard, with Glenn and the two surviving prisoners on his heels.  'What the hell happened?’

'Someone cut the bolt on the gate,’ Rick explained.  'Let the walkers just wander right on in.’

Daryl swore, kicking the wall in a rage before turning to Axel and Oscar, gun in hand.  'Which one o’ you two assholes came up with that bright idea?’

'Hey man,’ Oscar began to fight his corner but Daryl shut him down instantly.

'We shoulda killed all of y'all as soon as we found ya.  Goddamn convicts!’

'Daryl.’  Rick reached out a hand to still the pacing redneck, and was about to say more when a deafening alarm began to sound.

'What the fuck?!’ you shouted, slamming your hands over your ears and struggling to push yourself to your feet again.  'Where’s that coming from?’

'Everywhere.’ Glenn pointed to the numerous speakers mounted on the side of the buildings and around the yard.

'How do we stop it?’ Rick turned back to the prisoners, his glare icy cold and his fists clenched.  

Already you could see walkers appearing from the treeline and making for the fences.  It was only a matter of time before they either gave way or the corpses found the busted gate.  

'There are back-up generators in the electrical compound,’ Axel offered, shuffling his feet nervously under Rick’s stern gaze.  'Guess someone might’ve fired them up.’

'Show us.’

Rick grabbed Axel by the back of the collar and thrust him towards one of the doors into the prison building, keeping his gun trained on the inmate’s back, whilst Glenn followed close behind with his weapon pointed at Oscar.

'C'mon.’ Daryl heaved you against his side again so that he could support your weakened leg.  'I ain’t leavin’ ya here.’

You shot him a grateful smile, before focusing all of your energy on keeping up with the rest of the men as they stalked purposefully down the corridor.  Your leg was twinging painfully, but every time you felt it give, Daryl would tighten his grip on you, keeping you upright and propelling you forward.  

You’d turned off the main corridor into an unfamiliar part of the prison, and you were trying to take note of your surroundings in case you got separated.  The place was like a maze and you weren’t sure how long you’d wander the halls until you managed to find your way back to your cellblock, but the pain and fear, combined with the blaring alarm, were wrecking your concentration.  

Just as your leg seized in a spasm of agony and you were about to announce that you couldn’t go any further, Axel stopped beside a big metal door.  'Here we go.’

Rick pulled open the heavy door and took point as you all entered after him, fanning out to scan the room.  At this point Daryl was practically carrying you with one arm but you couldn’t do much about it, and you were relying on him for safety too, having dropped your knife in the grass as Daryl hauled you out of the walkers’ reach.

Your attention was caught by a man you didn’t recognise lurking in the shadows, and you tugged on Daryl’s sleeve, tilting your head subtly in the stranger’s direction.

'The one that got away,’ Daryl snarled, drawing the attention of the rest of the group.

'Andrew?’ Axel’s face had drained of colour as he stared as his fellow inmate in disbelief.  'You’re gonna get us all killed, man.’

It was obvious that that had been the intention as Andrew threw himself toward Rick, on the attack.  Rick’s gun fell to the ground as the two tussled and you felt Daryl move to help your leader, before remembering that he was the only thing holding you upright.

'Glenn!’ he hollered, shoving you across into the smaller man’s arms, Glenn immediately taking your weight and ensuring you didn’t fall.

Before Daryl could join the fight though a shot rang out and you turned to see Oscar holding a  pistol.  Andrew dropped.

Rick climbed unsteadily to his feet, wiping blood from his nose as he nodded his thanks to Oscar.  You were all surprised when Oscar handed his weapon over to Rick in a blatant show of submission.  

The alarm finally fell silent and you looked round to where Axel was standing with a bunch of wires clutched in his hand.  'Won’t happen again, boss.’

'Go get your thangs,’ Rick instructed the prisoners.  'You’re moving in with us.  We’ve got a hell of a clean-up job.’

He strode from the room with the prisoners close behind him.  Glenn adjusted his grip on your waist and went to follow, but Daryl placed a hand on his shoulder.

'I got 'er.’

You didn’t argue as you were handed back to the archer and Glenn left the room, leaving you to limp slowly after him with Daryl’s strong arm around you.

'Y'okay?’

You nodded, though you were gritting your teeth as every step sent a jolt of pain up your leg.  ’D'you think the walkers got into the cellblocks?’

'Musta done.  Gonna take forever to clean this mess up.’

'Where did everyone else go?  Did you see?’

Daryl shook his head but remained silent.

You left the block, now a little way behind the other men due to your slow pace, and were confronted by Rick’s howl of pain as he dropped to the ground.  Maggie was standing in front of him cradling a baby, a newborn, blood saturating her shirt, Carl beside her with more spots of blood splattered across his face.

'Oh God,’ you murmured, taking in the scene before you.  'Lori…’

Daryl used his grip on your waist to turn you into him, raising one hand to stroke the back of your neck as you buried your face in his shirt and cried.


	10. Chapter 10

With a new baby in the group and no mother to feed her, Daryl and Maggie were forced to leave immediately on a run to find some formula.  The archer had placed you gently down on a bench, brushing the hair from your face where it clung to the residue of your tears, then had turned on his heel and headed for his bike without another word.  They’d been gone maybe 10 minutes before you heard the clang of the prison door being wrenched open and turned to see Rick disappearing inside, axe in hand, and a cold, murderous look on his face as he spun round to pull the door closed behind him.  You met Glenn’s eyes, then Hershel’s, but both men just shrugged in response.  Rick was out of anyone’s control at the moment and there was nothing they could do with so little in the way of weapons or ammo left between you.

Beth was sitting over on the steps, rocking the baby back and forth in her arms to mute the little girl’s whimpering cries.  You prayed that she wouldn’t get any louder as you could not afford for her to draw the attention of any of the walkers still wandering the complex.  

Carl was slumped on the ground a short distance away from you, and your heart broke for him.  He was so young, but if you had to guess you’d say he’d seen something horrific today and you worried that he would never truly recover from it.  

‘Hey,’ you called to him, beckoning him over to you with your finger.  When he was sitting beside you on the bench, you shrugged off the plaid shirt that you were wearing loose over your stained tank top, and used the cleanest patch you could find to gently wipe his face, rubbing away the blood spots that covered his cheeks.  'That’s better, right?’

He nodded, his face a blank mask, his eyes vacant.  Then all of a sudden his mouth wobbled as he looked up at you and said in hushed tones, 'Do you know what I had to do?’

You answered hesitantly, reaching for his hand and squeezing it tight.  'I don’t know, but I can guess, buddy.’

He nodded to confirm your worst fears and leaned into you, his voice barely more than a whisper.  'I shot her.  I had to do it.  I didn’t want her to become one of them.’

'You did the right thing,’ you reassured him.  'I know it might be hard to remember that sometimes, but you did.  In this world, we have to do things like that, horrific, unthinkable things, for the people we love, and you stepped up and did that, Carl.  It was what needed to be done.’  You hated how your words sounded, hated having to reassure him that it was a good thing that he’d pointed a gun between his mother’s eyes and pulled the trigger.

What you hated even more than that was the expressionless mask that came back down over the little boy’s face as he pulled away from you, pushing down his emotions after the moment of weakness.  You watched as he stood and made his way over to Beth, bending down to inspect his little sister.  

Sighing deeply, you closed your eyes and leant your head back, letting the afternoon sun warm your cheeks.  You tried to pretend that you were a million miles away from here but were brought back to reality when you felt someone else take a seat on the bench beside you.  

You opened your eyes to see Hershel watching you intently, his expression full of sadness.  

'I don’t suppose anyone’s had the capacity to notice how many people we’re missing.’  The absence of T-Dog and Carol as well as Lori from the group was something that nobody had yet vocalised, but they were all very aware of how few of them were gathered in the courtyard.

'We’ve all noticed.  We just can’t…  I just can’t let it sink in until we’ve had a chance to search for them.  They might be fine.  They might just be waiting it out inside somewhere.’

'We need to get in there and find them.’

'We can’t,’ you shook your head.  'Right now, we’re two cripples, a grieving kid, a teenager with a baby and Glenn.  Plus those two,’ you gestured towards Axel and Oscar, 'who I’m not 100% sure I trust.  We’ve got about seven bullets left between us and one knife.  It’s too dangerous.’

'I see your point,’ Hershel nodded slowly, 'But if they are alive, their chances of survival decrease with every minute we waste just sitting here.’

'Let’s give Rick some time to work out his issues.  Hopefully he’ll clear out some of the corridors, give us a fighting chance when we get in there.’

'Okay,’ he rested a hand on your shoulder.  'You doing okay?  I saw Daryl practically carry you out of there.’

'I’m fine.  Just overdid it a bit today.’

'That makes two of us.'  He grinned at you and left you to your thoughts.

 

* * *

 

As the sun began to dip towards the treeline, Glenn stood, drawing everyone’s attention as he cleared his throat.

'I’m going in,’ he announced.  'Someone’s gotta check on Rick.’

'I’ll come with you.’  The pain in your leg had eased over the last couple of hours, and you felt confident that you’d be able to walk on it after taking the time to rest.

'Y/N, I don’t think that’s the best idea.’

You stood and limped slowly over to him.  'Well, you aren’t going in there on your own and I’m your only option.’  

Glenn’s eyes flicked to Carl briefly and you gave an almost imperceptible shake of your head, lowering your voice so that only he could hear.  'You don’t know what state Rick’s in.  We can’t let him see that.’

You could see Glenn’s mind whirring as he looked over you, trying to decide if you were up to the task, before he nodded in agreement.

'Alright, me and Y/N are going to check things out.  Whatever happens, do not come in after us, okay?’

Carl passed you the knife and emptied his gun of bullets.  'You’ll need some of these.’

'We’ll just take two.’  You exchanged a glance with Glenn, knowing that if the building was still overrun, two could well be all you needed.

As prepared as you could be, you stood back and let Glenn pull the heavy door open, trying not to gag at the pungent smell of rotting flesh as you walked inside and shut yourselves in.  The gloom was almost impenetrable and you took a minute to let your eyes adjust to the darkness before starting to make your way carefully along the corridor.  The floor was littered with bodies and you gasped at how much damage Rick had managed to cause.  

'So, I’m a little scared,’ you breathed into the silence and Glenn’s wide eyes met yours as he nodded.

You navigated the twists and turns of the corridors as best you could, with no idea if you were heading the right way.  Everywhere you looked were corpses, and it seemed like Rick had travelled in every direction.

'Wait.’  You felt Glenn’s hand on your shoulder, stilling your slow movements.  'Listen.’

You strained to hear anything above the pounding of your own heart, and then the sound of metal against flesh reached your ears, followed by a strained grunt.

'Guess we found him.’

You began to move forward again, this time with a little more urgency, and followed the noises to a small room that looked like it was once an office.  Rick was inside, covered from head to toe in blood and gore, his axe held aloft before he brought it down hard into the skull of another walker.

'Rick!’  He turned towards you, eyes crazed, as he raised the axe again.  Your breath caught in your throat as he advanced on you, and you let out a scream as he brought it down hard between you and Glenn, slicing into the head of the corpse that had been stumbling up behind you.

'Shit,’ you huffed.  'Jesus, Rick, you scared the hell outta me.’

His eyes were cold as he stepped away from you, already thinking about moving on to the next corridor, the next room.

'Rick, you gotta stop this,’ Glenn pleaded.  'Come on, man.  You’ve got two kids waiting for you outside.  Why don’t you come back out with us?’

'Please Rick.'  You reached a hand out to him but he looked at it blankly before turning away.  

Glenn sighed, moving forward to place a hand on his shoulder.  'Rick, come on-’

Before he could finish his sentence, Rick had shoved him harshly away, throwing him against the wall, before marching off into the opposite adjoining corridor, slamming the gate shut behind him.

Leaning back through, he offered you one lifeline, a hope that maybe he was still in there somewhere, just too caught up in his grief to be able to function in that moment.

'I cleared our cellblock.  It’s safe for you to go back in now.  Keep the gate locked.’

Then he turned on his heel and disappeared into the gloom.

 

* * *

 

Back in the cellblock as the evening drew in, the group were shuffling restlessly around the main floor when Daryl and Maggie returned.  The baby was screaming bloody murder in Carl’s arms as he tried unsuccessfully to settle her and the news that formula had been found was a relief to everyone.

As Beth rushed to prepare the powder for the little one, Daryl surprised you by stooping to take the distressed baby girl from Carl’s arms, rocking her gently as he made quiet nonsense noises, calming her until her screams became happy cooing sounds.  He took the bottle from Beth and placed it between the baby’s lips, watching in wonder as she latched on and began feeding hungrily.  'That’s it, there ya go.’

'She got a name yet?'  He looked to Carl for the answer, but Carl just shook his head.

'I don’t know.  I thought maybe Sophia, or Carol… Andrea… Amy… Jacqui,  or Patricia, or… Lori.’  His list of the women that you’d all loved and lost brought a sombre mood over the group and the conversation petered out as you all got buried in your grief for a moment.

'Lil’ asskicker!’ Daryl announced loudly, pulling everyone from their thoughts.  'Right?’  He looked around for agreement, and you smiled as the people around you began to laugh, the atmosphere lightening instantly.  'Lil’ asskicker it is then!’

 

* * *

 

You couldn’t sleep that night, tossing restlessly under your blanket, before throwing it aside and sitting up in your bed.  Your leg ached, your eyes stung from crying, and your heart hurt thinking about Rick and Carl and the new little girl who would never know her mother.

You could hear a few gentle snores from the other cells so you knew that at least some of you were getting some sleep, but your head was busy and you were sick of staring at the ceiling of your cell.  Crawling out of bed, you tiptoed quietly out of the door, shrugging a clean shirt over your shoulders to protect against the cool night air.

As you crept across the main room, you were brought up short by the sight of the archer sitting on the stairs leading up to the perch where he normally slept, keeping watch over the room.

'Hey,’ you said nervously, not sure how he would be with you after everything that had happened over the last week or so.  'Mind if I sit with you for a little bit?’

His expression was cold, but he only shrugged in response so you limped up a few steps, stopping on one a few below where he was seated, and dropping down to rest against the handrail.  

'Tha’s my shirt.’

'I know.'  You pulled the sleeves down so they covered your hands, rolling the buttons on the cuffs between your fingers.

'How come yer not sleepin’?’

You sighed.  'Mind’s a little too busy tonight, I guess.  What about you?’

'Rick invited those two convicts in.  Ain’t sure they can be trusted.’

'So, you’re going to keep watch all night?’

'Yer in a cell on yer own down there.’

The realisation that he was actually just keeping watch for you made you smile, and then the guilt that you’d been feeling rushed back to wash over you in a wave.

’D, I’m sorry.’

'What for?’

'Everything.’

He fell silent and you waited for him to say something, but when he did he’d changed the subject.

'Tell me 'bout yer family.’

'My family?’

'Yeah,’ he nodded, chewing at his thumbnail.  'When we was goin’ to the CDC, you asked me 'bout mine, but you ain’t never said nothin’ bout yours.’

'Oh.’  You thought for a moment.  'It was just me and my folks really.  My Dad was a farmhand, and my mum worked in the town library.  I never had any brothers or sisters so it’s always just been the three of us.’

'Yer close?’

'We were.  We never had much, y'know, money was always kinda tight.  They saved their whole lives to send me to the school I wanted to go to, and I know they went without to make sure I had what I needed.  But we were happy, I guess.  We got by.’

'What happened to 'em?’

'They got bit, both of them, really early on.  I sat with them as they got sick, watched the fever burn them out, and then I ran.  God, I ran so fast and so far I thought my legs were gonna fall off.’

'Ya didn’t put 'em down?’

'Couldn’t.'  You blinked away tears and took a deep breath.  'I went back, a couple of days later when I’d worked up the courage to do it, but somebody had already raided the house and they’d done it for me.’

'Musta been hard.’

'It was the hardest.  I was on my own after that.  I just kept moving until…’

'Until ya met me.’

'Yep.’

'Goddamn, you were a lil bitch to me on the road that day.’  He smirked, shaking his head at the memory of your first exchange.

'You were being an ass, Dixon, and you know it.’

'What else was I spose’ to do when I jus’ done saved yer ass and all I get is attitude?’

'Whatever, you only saved me cos you were sick of your brother’s damn company and wanted a buffer.’

'Maybe,’ he confessed, the tips of his ears reddening as you hit home with your comment.  'Was still the best thing I ever did though.’

'Me too.'  You smiled up at him, fighting the urge to reach up and link your fingers through his.  'Following you, I mean.  I did hate your brother though.’

Silence fell again and you watched Daryl’s face grow serious.

'Ya think he’s still out there?’

'Merle?’  You considered the question for a moment.  'I’m almost positive.  He’s a stubborn bastard.  He won’t let himself get killed until he’s gotten his revenge on Rick and…’  

'And T.’

'Yeah, and T.’

‘We’ll find ‘em, Y/N.  Tomorrow when it gets light, we’ll get outta here and find ‘em.’

Needing to turn the conversation away from your missing comrades, you grinned at the image of Daryl cradling the Lil’ Asskicker in his arms earlier.

'How’d you get so good with kids, anyway?’

'What?’

'You with that baby!  I never would’ve believed it if I hadn’t seen it myself.’

He snorted, shaking his head as he pulled at a loose thread on the knee of his ripped-up jeans.  

'Merle knocked this chick up, gotta be 'bout twen'y years back now.  Left 'er high an’ dry.  I used to go over 'n’ help 'er out sometimes, try to give 'er a break, y'know.  Whenever he wasn’ around, I’d stop by, see if they needed anythin’.’

'What happened to them?’

'Moved away when she got a new fella.  Never heard from 'em again after that.’

A cry went up from Beth’s cell and you heard her murmuring to the baby, singing quietly to her in her soft country tones.

When you turned back to Daryl, the moment had passed and his face had turned cold again.  'Ya should get some sleep.’

'Yeah, you’re probably right.’

You walked down the stairs, turning when you reached the bottom to say goodnight.  'Thank you for today, Daryl.  You saved me, again.’

He just nodded in response but, as you walked back to your cell, you heard him whisper into the darkness.

'I miss ya.’


	11. Chapter 11

The following day you woke early, hearing from the voices outside your cell that the others were up and about too.  You stretched your leg out tentatively, and felt relieved when it gave a dull twinge rather than a stabbing pain, standing up from your bunk and pushing back the sheet that you’d hung as a curtain across your doorway.  

‘Morning all.’  You shuffled out into the main room, reaching out to ruffle Carl’s hair as you passed him.  'What’s going on?’

'Daryl, Carl and Oscar are gonna sweep the rest of the building,’ Glenn explained, passing out ammo and weapons from the stash you’d had stored in the cellblock.  'See if they can get it cleared out, find any survivors.’

'Do they need help?  I can go with them.’  You were anxious to keep busy, but Daryl shut you down, his voice decisive.

'We got it covered.’

When no one questioned him, you shrugged, feeling pretty useless.  'Great.’

'We could use you here.’ Glenn sidled up to you and nudged you with his shoulder.  'We need to start a fire to burn up the bodies from the areas we know are clear.  Plus, we’ve got at least one grave to dig…’

'Gotcha.'  You nodded in understanding, though you felt a jolt of pain in your heart as Carl shut his eyes at the mention of Lori’s grave.  'Put me to work.’

'Right.'  The archer nodded to Oscar who stood a short distance away, inspecting the knife that he’d been armed with.  'Time to go.  Ready, kid?’  

Carl made to follow the two men to the gate that shut their cellblock off from the rest of the building, but before they could reach it, Rick appeared on the other side.  His hair was damp, his skin glazed with a sheen of sweat, and his clothes were drenched with blood.  The smell emanating from his saturated shirt turned your stomach and you took a subconscious step backwards.

'Is everybody okay?'  His voice was hoarse from lack of use.

'Yeah,’ Glenn spoke up.  'We’re fine.’

Your leader surveyed the group, nodding as he reassured himself that you were all in one piece.  'Okay.’

He turned to head back into the maze and you couldn’t stop yourself from shouting out to him.

'Rick!’

He turned, his face lowered, as he waited for you to approach the gate, your voice a whisper as you spoke only to him.

'We want to have a funeral for Lori.  We’re going to dig the grave this morning but we…’  You tailed off, sensing the tension that seized his body at the mention of his wife’s name.  'We need her body, Rick.’

His eyes met yours for a brief moment before he spun on his heel, marching away from you, calling over his shoulder.

'There’s nothing left!’

As you turned back to the group you couldn’t help but notice that Rick hadn’t asked after the baby or once spoken to his son.

 

* * *

 

You watched from a distance as Daryl knocked together three wooden crosses, his face blank as he focused on his task.

He, Oscar and Carl had returned from their mission with grief in their eyes, having found the remains of T-Dog’s body and a scrap of fabric from Carol’s shirt which led them to believe that she’d met the same fate.  Daryl had walked out as Carl was giving them the news and you’d followed to check on him, but he was already storming across the field to gather the wood he needed to assemble the rustic memorials.  There would be no graves to dig: there were barely any bodies left to bury.

You had known you’d never catch up to him with your limp, so you’d sunk down onto the steps and kept an eye on the archer as he worked.

Finally finished with his carpentry, you watched as he dug out three small holes, inserting the vertical pole of each cross into one and packing the dirt in around them to hold them steady.  You’d watched him scratch a name into each piece of wood, and, as he stood to place a flower at the base of one of the headstones, you knew that must be Carol’s.  

He stood there for a long while and you slowly made your way over to him, tucking your arm through his as you reached his side.

'I’m sorry, Daryl,’ you whispered through the tears that had started to fall at the sight of the three names in front of you, each just crudely etched with a penknife, but you’d seen the time and care that had been taken over the work.  'I know she meant a lot to you.’

'They all meant a lot to all of us,’ Daryl replied.

'They did.’

‘I really thought we’d find ‘em.’

After a few moments of silence, you squeezed his arm and turned away from the crosses to face him.  'Y'know I’m here for you, right?’

He looked up at you with disgust, stepping away from you and pulling his arm free.

'Why now?’ he shouted, his raised tone bringing Carl and Maggie running from the cellblock to see what was going on.  'Why the hell would ya be there for me now?  Thought that ain’t what you wanted no more!’

'Daryl-.'  You were taken aback by his outburst and reached out to him to calm him, but his rage was driven by grief and hurt.

'I don’t need ya pity, I told ya that before.  Ya can’t jus’ push me away with no explanation then decide ya wanna be there for me!  I don’t need ya!'  He shoved past you, noticing that he’d drawn an audience with his yelling.  'I don’t need any of ya!’

He ran off, rounding the side of the building out of your sight, with Carl following him anxiously.

You dropped to the ground and sobbed, hating that you’d managed to do so much damage to your relationship with the one person that you really needed.  It all seemed so stupid after the recent reminder of how fragile and fleeting life could be.  Maggie came to you, kneeling down beside you and pulling you close, holding you tight.

'Mags,’ you croaked between the bursts of misery that racked your body.  'I’m such an idiot.’

'Well yeah,’ she scoffed as she stroked your hair back from your tear-stained face.  'But he’ll forgive you.  He just needs time, Y/N.  He’s grieving.  We all are.’

You nodded, trying to collect yourself as Carl reappeared from his pursuit of Daryl and jogged over to you.

'I couldn’t catch up to him,’ he panted, his face red.  'He’s heading down to the lower levels.  I don’t think anyone ever got round to clearing that bit.’

You sniffed, rubbing the backs of your hands across your face to scrub away the tears.  'I gotta go after him.  He can’t be down there on his own.’

'Honestly, I think right now maybe being on his own is exactly what he needs.’ Maggie helped you to your feet and placed a hand on your shoulder, guiding you back towards the cellblock.  'He ain’t gonna be any walker’s Happy Meal today!’

 

* * *

 

You spent the next couple of hours in your cell.  Maggie and Glenn had headed out on a run, with the group urgently in need of more baby formula and ammo, and you’d offered to help Carl, Axel and Oscar with the bonfire but found that dragging the dead weight of rotting corpses was a little more than you could handle after overdoing it the day before.  You could walk, maybe even jog a little, but that was pretty much your physical limit for the time being.  

Instead, Beth had reluctantly gone outside to lend a hand and you were left with the baby.  You cuddled her close, murmuring gently against the soft skin of her forehead, breathing in her distinctive newborn scent.  

You told her about the world as it was before, about Lucky Charms and cheesy sitcoms and punk rock, about skiing holidays and toasting marshmallows over campfires and sleeping in a big cosy bed.  You talked about your family, your school friends, your college degree and your retail job.  You talked and talked and realised that she would never have any of these things in her life, and then you started to cry again, tucking her into your chest and rocking back and forth.

A rap against the metal railings of your cell, startled you, but you relaxed when Hershel’s face peered around the curtain.

'Mind if I come in?’

You shook your head, wiping your tears hurriedly on the baby’s blanket, and gesturing to the empty chair.

'I didn’t realise anyone else was here.’

'I guessed.  I hope you don’t mind but I was listening in to your talk with the little one.  I think she knows your whole life story now.’  His smile was kind as he watched you stroking a gentle finger down the little girl’s cheek.

'Well, she couldn’t tell me to shut up like the rest of you would if I talked that much.’

The doctor laughed, then sighed, shaking his head.  'She’s going to have a very different childhood to the one you described.’

'I can’t think about it.'  You gazed into the big blue eyes blinking up at you, watching, her little mouth a constant 'O’ of surprise.  'I’m so scared for her, Hershel.  She’s already lost her Mom, and her Daddy’s God knows where doing God knows what.’

'Rick just needs some time.  He’s not quite himself right now, but he’ll come back to us.’

'I hope so.  He’s pretty much all this little girl’s got.  Him and Carl, they’re her whole world.’

'I don’t think that’s true.'  The old man began to count off on his fingers.  'Daryl, you, my little Bethy - she’s barely a day old and that baby’s already got you three wrapped round her little finger.  I gotta say, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her if I could.  We’re a family here, Y/N.  Blood doesn’t come into it.’

You nodded in agreement, offering her to Hershel who reached out to take her gently in his arms.

'Well, would you look at that?’ he cooed, smiling down at her.  'She’s a little miracle.’

'She’s my miracle.’

The voice from the doorway made you jump but your heart leapt as you saw Rick standing there, his eyes fixated on the tiny body in Hershel’s arms.  

'Can I-?'  He reached his arms out for his daughter, taking her carefully from the doctor and holding her close, taking in every detail of her little face.

'Are you back?’ you asked hesitantly, hoping that he’d worked out his demons in the prison corridors.

He nodded slowly, looking up to see the concerned looks on both of your faces.  'I’m back.’

 

* * *

 

You were sitting on the floor at Rick’s feet, with Carl beside you, watching as he smiled adoringly down at his daughter, when the door to the cellblock clanked open.

Suspecting that it would be Daryl, you refused to turn and look at him, afraid of what you’d see in his face after his outburst earlier, but Carl’s sharp intake of breath forced you to glance over.

As you’d thought, Daryl stood before you, but his arms were cradling a very weak and bloodied Carol.

'Oh my God!’  You had no other words as you watched the archer place her gently down on a bench, sitting beside her and supporting her as Beth rushed to bring her water and prepare her some food.

The older lady saw you and Rick watching and beckoned you over, her face creasing into a smile as she reached out a hand to the baby in Rick’s arms.

'Oh, she’s beautiful, just like her Mom.’

Rick smiled sadly, nodding in agreement.  The little girl’s face was the spitting image of Lori.

'Daryl told me she didn’t make it.  I’m so sorry, Rick.’  

Again all Rick could do was nod, his grief rendering him mute for the moment, and you hastily intervened.

'Carol, God, it’s so good to see you.’  You bent down to wrap your arms around her, relieved to see that she wasn’t hurt, and trying to ignore that Daryl flinched away from you as your arm brushed against his shoulder.

'It’s good to be seen!’

'Where have you been?  What happened to you?’

'I was hiding,’ she explained.  ’T-Dog went down and I ran, but there were so many of them.  I found an old storage cupboard and shut myself in, waited for the noise to die down.  But when I went to get out the door wouldn’t open.’  Her voice caught, and you imagined the fear of being trapped down there all alone after seeing one of your companions torn apart.

'Daryl heard me banging against the door.  He got me out.'  She reached out to take the archer’s hand and you saw her give it a tight squeeze.  'He saved me.’

'Yeah.'  You smiled as you met Daryl’s eyes and held his gaze for a moment.  'He does that.’


	12. Chapter 12

It was afternoon, the day that Rick and Carol had returned to the group, and you were up in the guard tower watching for Maggie and Glenn’s return.  They’d been gone for a few hours now and you were expecting them back soon, but the small crowd of walkers that still jostled around the gate meant that you’d need to shout a warning to Rick so that he could get it open in time to allow them to drive through without stopping.

You scanned the road but could still see no sign of them and turned your attention instead to the corpses as they clawed at the fences, their flesh ragged and their postures stooped.  Except one…

‘Rick!’ you hollered, waving to grab his attention.  'There’s a person out there!’

You saw him scan the fenceline, watched the living human move forward towards the gate to meet him, and in horror it hit you that they were carrying Maggie’s backpack.  Now that they were closer you could see that the figure was a black woman, standing strong and proud, despite being covered in walker guts and, from the blood soaking down her trouser leg, obviously injured.  

You kept your rifle trained on the stranger, watching as Rick appraised the situation, knowing that he too must now see the incriminating bag in her hand.  You waited for him to make a move, to speak, to do something, but he remained still, staring the newcomer down.

'Come on, Rick,’ you muttered under your breath, watching as the walkers that had been oblivious to the intruder amongst them before started to pay her more attention.  The entrails plastered over her torso had been masking her scent from them, but she’d drawn their focus as she’d moved closer and she was now attracting their dead-eyed stared.  'Do something.’

As the groaning of the walkers raised in volume, you watched the woman step away from the fence, drawing a long sword from a sheath on her back, swinging it at the head of the nearest corpse and slicing through it easily, moving on to the next and the next.  You could see that she was struggling, her movements were slow and stilted, and you watched in horror as she slowly slumped to the ground. 

'Rick!’ you screamed, jolting him into action.  He raised his handgun, moving towards the gate with Carl at his side, as they cleared the nearest walkers together.  Hauling the gate open, Rick dashed out, pausing to take down a few of the undead figures staggering from the treeline, drawn by the sound of the gunshots, before reaching down to haul the unconscious woman over his shoulder, as Carl dashed over to grab the pack.  

They made it back inside safely and you were left alone in the tower as they made their way towards the prison block. 

You slumped to the floor, leaning back against the tower wall, and letting your feet dangle over the edge of the walkway.  You wouldn’t abandon your post, you decided, although you somehow knew that Maggie and Glenn wouldn’t be returning that night.  You weren’t so sure, however, that your new guest had been alone, so you kept a close eye on the road and the shadows beneath the trees, watching intently for anything that might threaten your family.

'Oh Mags,’ you sighed in frustration.  'Where are you?  We can’t lose anyone else…’

 

* * *

 

You weren’t sure how much time had passed before you heard the sound of footsteps climbing the metal staircase up to where you were still sat, watching the horizon.

When Daryl appeared at your side you knew the news must be bad, and you avoided his gaze as he leant against the railing in front of you, until he cleared his throat.

'Who died?’ you snapped eventually when he didn’t speak.  You’d had every intention of apologising the next time you spoke, but his cold eyes and sullen attitude immediately put your back up.  

'No one, yet.’

'Well, something bad must have happened if you’re here talking to me, because you made it pretty clear this morning that you didn’t want to do that.’

'She’s come from some town up the road a ways.  Reckons they’ve got 70-odd people there.  S'being run by some crazy guy or somethin’.’  He shrugged.  'They’ve got Glenn and Maggie.’

'Why?  What do they want with them?’

'How the hell’d I know?’

When you didn’t respond to his argumentative answer, he pushed himself up from the railing and made to walk off, before turning back to you.

'We’re goin’ over there: me, Rick, Oscar an’ Michonne - tha’s the new girl.  Reckons she can show us the way.  We’re gon’ bring our people back.’

You nodded, but didn’t turn to look at him, and then he was gone, the echo of his footsteps on the stairs filling the silence he left behind.

 

* * *

 

The rescue party had been gone for a long time, almost too long, but as none of you were exactly sure how far away the community they were headed to was, you weren’t sure yet whether it was time to worry.  You and Carl were taking turns up in the guard tower, trading places every few hours through the night and into the next day, but you preferred being up there on your own over being down with the group if you were honest.  Axel gave you the creeps with his appreciative stares and overly friendly manner.  You weren’t sure if he was hitting on you or just trying too hard to integrate himself, but either way you were trying to keep your distance.  You’d seen him getting a little too close to Beth as well and were glad when Carol had put him in his place.  

Carol seemed to have recovered quickly after her ordeal in the lower levels and once again you were amazed at the older lady’s strength.  She’d lost everything and yet she’d bounced back stronger than ever, and you wondered how she conducted herself with such grace with all she’d been through.  You knew Hershel was keeping a close eye on her, concerned for both her mental and physical state, but she didn’t once stumble or falter in her tasks.  She was a powerhouse.  

Your thoughts were interrupted by the stomp of Carl’s boots up the steps and moments later he appeared at your side.

’S'been that long already, huh?’  You were reluctant to return to the cellblock and thought about offering to take another shift but you could see that Carl looked in need of a break.  'You doing okay, buddy?’

'I found some people.’  He leant back against the tower wall, training his eyes on the horizon as he spoke.  'Another group.  They’d come in through the back of one of the other blocks but they ran into some walkers.’

'People?  How many?  Where are they now?  Are they bit?’

'One of them, but they already put her down.  There’s four left.  I’ve locked them in one of the holding cells.’

'Wow,’ you nodded, absorbing the information.  'Are they-’

'Beth thinks I should have let them in,’ Carl interrupted and you could tell it was playing on his mind.  'She said it wasn’t right to lock them up like animals.'  

'And what do you think?’

'I think if my Dad had locked the others up when he found them, my Mom might still be alive right now.’

You were shocked into speechlessness by the boy’s cold observation, but you couldn’t find it in you to argue.  It saddened you to see Carl like this.  The little boy that had eaten imaginary blueberry pancakes with you was long gone, the burden of grief and responsibility resting heavily on his young shoulders.  

'We named her Judith, by the way,’ the kid spoke again.  'I forgot to tell you before.’

You thought of the little baby that you’d cradled in your arms, and smiled.

'It suits her.’

'I chose it.'  Carl grinned back at you.  'It was one of my teacher’s names.’

'Good job, bud.  I like it.’

The breeze picked up as the evening drew in and you shivered, wrapping your arms around yourself.

'You can go in.'  Carl noticed you getting cold.  'I’ve got this.’

'I don’t really like it much in there at the moment.’

'Kinda lonely, huh?’

'Yeah.'  You were surprised at the kid’s insightfulness.  'How’d you know?’

'You and Daryl aren’t really speaking, and now him and Maggie are gone.  They’re your best friends, right?’

'Them and you, yeah.’

'It sucks to be alone.’

'I guess you felt like that after Sophia, huh?’

'Yeah, and Shane.  I miss them a lot.  And now my Mom…’

You pushed yourself to your feet and wrapped the boy in a hug, feeling him relax into you for a minute before pushing you away.

'At least go and get some food.’

'Yes boss.'  You winked at him, turning to leave.  

You’d just reached the bottom of the steps, when you heard a vehicle approaching.

'Y/N!  Get the gate!'  

You raced over to unlock it and hauled the gate back to open the entrance for the approaching car, drawing your gun in case any of the walkers that stumbled around the outer fence got too close.  

The silver SUV sped past you and pulled up further along the prison track.  You pulled the gate closed and locked up, before jogging over to the car as the doors began to open.  You heard footsteps behind you and knew that Carl had joined you too.

Rick climbed out first, running his hand through his hair as he made his way over to you.  Behind him the mysterious lady from the fence had also exited the car, followed by Maggie, supporting a badly beaten Glenn.  

'Mags!'  You went to run to her but Rick caught your arm before you could pass him.  Maggie gave you a small smile, before turning to make her way into the prison, still holding on to her injured boyfriend, Michonne not far behind them.  

'Rick, where’s…?’  You tailed off as you caught the expression on his face, and for a moment you couldn’t breathe.  Daryl hadn’t returned with the group and your mind immediately jumped to the worst possible conclusion.

'He’s alright, Y/N.’  Rick rushed to ease your pain.  'He’s alive.  We found Merle.’

'What?’ You were struggling to comprehend what Rick was telling you as your thoughts raced at a hundred miles a minute.  'Merle?’

'He was one of the Governor’s lieutenants.  He left with us, but I didn’t want him here, Y/N.’

You nodded slowly, absorbing Rick’s words, but unable to form a sentence of  your own.

'I told Daryl I wouldn’t bring Merle back with us, so they went off together.  He said he wouldn’t leave his brother.’

'So, you just let him go?’

Rick sighed, shaking his head.  'I tried to reason with him but he wasn’t having it.  Just said they could fend for themselves and took off into the woods.  There was nothing I could do.’

You slapped Rick hard across the face before you’d even realised that you’d moved, and you stepped back in shock at your actions as he raised a hand to his burning cheek.

'Y/N…’

'You could have stopped him, Rick!  You could!  He says Merle’s his brother, but he sees you as family too and if you’d really wanted to, you could’ve stopped him!’  Your rage was growing and you let rip at your leader as he stood before you, his eyes vacant as you screamed at him.  'He’d do anything for you, Rick!  Anything!  God, would it really have killed you to put up with Merle?  We’re in a damn prison for God’s sake, you coulda locked him in a cell if he got out of hand!  Was it really worth letting Daryl go over some petty vendetta about something that happened so long ago?’

You ran out of steam, standing breathless with your hands on your hips, your eyes flashing with anger as you waited for Rick to say something, to say anything, to explain his decision.

'Merle tortured Glenn.’

'What?’

'You saw the state he was in.  Merle did that, back at Woodbury.’

'Did Daryl know that when he left?’

'He did.’

Your world splintered around you and it was all you could do to keep yourself standing.  The one constant you’d had in the apocalypse was Daryl and, even when you’d pushed him away, he’d been there to protect you, for you to talk to when you couldn’t sleep.  You depended on him and now you might never see him again.  He’d thrown it all away, thrown your family away, for Merle, the brother who you’d seen treat him like dirt every single day, who’d nearly gotten half your group killed in Atlanta, and who’d left Glenn in such a sorry state.  You couldn’t believe that after everything, he’d chosen to leave with his deadbeat brother.  

Without another word to Rick, you turned back to the guard tower and climbed up, wanting nothing else but to be alone.  You sat and watched as Rick made his way back to the prison block to break the news to the others, if Maggie and Glenn hadn’t already done so.  

You remembered feeling cold when Carl had come to relieve you not long ago, but now you felt nothing.  Your whole body had sunk into a state of numbness that was almost unbearable.  You weren’t quite sure what to do without Daryl, of what your role was in the group without him there.  You’d spent the vast majority of your time at his side, on runs, fighting walkers, round the campfire.  He was your safe place, and with him gone, the world felt lonely and terrifying.  
As night fell, you retreated inside the small room at the top of the tower, and cried yourself into a fitful and nightmarish sleep.  


	13. Chapter 13

The morning after the return of the depleted rescue party, you were woken by Carol entering the room at the top of the guard tower with a plate of breakfast and a bottle of water for you.

‘Figured you could use these.’  She smiled kindly at you as you sat up and pulled your loose shirt, Daryl’s shirt, tighter around you.  'You didn’t come down for dinner last night.’

You nodded in thanks and reached for the bottle, taking a long drink.  

‘You know, everyone’s worried about you.’

'I’m fine.’

'You don’t look it, sweetheart.’

You sighed, running your fingers through your hair and leaning your head back against the wall behind you.

'I’m just so angry at him, Carol.’

'I know.’  She reached out to grasp your hand, forcing you to meet her understanding gaze.  'And if I had to guess, I’d say you were a little hurt, too.’

You were fighting a losing battle against the tears that had risen to your eyes. and the words caught in your throat as you cried.  

'I just don’t understand how he could leave me.  I could never have left him like that.  Never.’

'It was an impossible decision to make.  Merle’s his brother.  You saw how he went off when he found out they’d left him on that roof.’

'He told me I was family too.  God, we’re all family, aren’t we?'  

'That why you’ve shut yourself away up here?’

You took a deep breath, scrubbing the tears from your cheeks with the heels of your hands.

'I hit Rick.’

'I know.’

'He must hate me.  I was a complete bitch to him.’

'He understands.’

Silence fell and she stood, getting ready to leave you to your self-imposed solitary.

'Take the time you need,’ she instructed kindly.  'But come back to us soon.  Maggie…’

'What is it?  Is she okay?’

'She’s fine, but she’s been through something I think.  She’s not really talking to anyone.  I think she could use a friend.’

 

* * *

 

'Hey, Mags.’

You’d ventured down from your haven in the tower by early afternoon and were standing in the door of Maggie and Glenn’s cell.  No one else seemed to be around, something you were grateful for as you weren’t yet ready to face Rick, but Carol’s words that morning had left you worried about your friend.

Maggie looked pale and wan and the smile she offered you when she looked up to see you in the doorway was forced.  

'How you doing?  You got everyone worried.’  You ventured in and sat next to her on the bunk, linking your arm through hers.

‘Look who’s talkin’.’

'Yeah, I’m sorry.  I freaked out a bit.  But I’m back.’

'Don’t worry, it’s goin’ around.’

Your brow furrowed in confusion and she shook her head.  ’'I’m sure it’s nothin’ to worry about.  Rick had a… moment earlier today with the group that Carl let in.  Started screamin’ an’ ragin’ at… The air, I guess.’

'Wow, I had no idea.’

'I know he’s sayin’ he’s fine and he’s back, but he seems like he’s losin’ it.  Anyway, the group left.  Guess they decided it was safer out there with the undead than in here with the crazy guy.’

'Probably not wrong.’

She scoffed at the idea, shaking her head again.  'I dunno.  It’s not great out there.’

'What happened to you, Maggie?’

She squeezed her eyes shut, fists clenching in her lap.  'I don’t wanna talk about it.’

'You might not want to, but I think maybe you need to.’

When she didn’t speak, you assumed the worst and gasped in horror.

'Maggie, did he-?’

'No.’  She reached for your hand and squeezed it tight.  'No, he didn’t do that.  But I thought he might for a while.  He made me take off my shirt, had me bent over the table.’

'Oh, Mags.’

'Every time I close my eyes I can feel his hands on me.’

'Have you talked to Glenn?’

'I can’t.  He’ll do something stupid.’

'Not if you ask him not to.’

'He’s so angry right now, Y/N.  I’ve never seen him like this.  Y'know he wanted to sneak back there and assassinate the Governor?’

'What?’

'Yeah.  Michonne thinks Woodbury will plan some kind of counterattack and I agree.  The man’s insane, an’ we’re outnumbered an’ outgunned here.’

'Well, what did Rick say?’

'He just kinda…wandered off.  Daddy thinks we should leave, Glenn wants to stay an’ fight…’  She tailed off and leant her head back against the wall.  

'What do you think?’

'I dunno.’  She shrugged.  'It took us so long to find this place.  I guess maybe I think it’s worth fightin’ for, 'cause we’re all gonna die out there.’

You sighed and bowed your head forward, closing your eyes and drawing your knees up to your chest.

'God, what’s happened to us, Maggie?  It’s all just falling apart.’

She wrapped an arm around your shoulders and you cried together for everything that had been lost.

 

* * *

 

When Beth had come to ask Maggie to watch Judith whilst she helped Carol with the laundry, you wandered back outside and saw Rick pacing back and forth on the opposite side of the fenceline.  He seemed agitated and you let yourself out of the gate, approaching him slowly, not wanting to make him jump when he was in such a worked up state.

'Hey Rick,’ you called out to him as you got near, raising a hand in an awkward wave as he broke his gait momentarily before resuming his pacing.  'Whatcha doing?’

'I’m fine.’

'Good, that’s… good.’

'I just have some stuff I gotta take care of.’  His voice was strained as he glanced in your direction.  'Thangs I need to do.’

'Okay.’  You nodded slowly, unsure of how to handle this.  'Anything I can help you with?’

'No.’

You moved forward to grab his shoulder and halt his purposeful striding.  

'Rick, stop for a minute.  Can I just talk to you, please?’

He remained silent, but his eyes focused on yours which you took as permission to go ahead.

'I am so sorry about yesterday.  I blamed you for a whole bunch of stuff that wasn’t your fault, and I yelled at you, and I hit you, and I’m just really sorry.’

You waited for a response, but he just continued to stare at you vacantly.

'The thing is, Rick, you’re freaking people out.’  You decided to get straight to the point.  'No one wants to say anything 'cause your wife died and it’s just too awful to even contemplate how you must be feeling right now, but there’s someone coming for us and we need you lead us.’

'I’m not sure I can.’  Rick was backing away from you and shaking his head.  'I think I’m losing my mind.’

'We can’t afford for you do that right now, Rick.’

'It’s not something I can control.’

'You can try!’  You were growing frustrated and raised your voice in reaction.

'You’re yelling at me again.’

'Sometimes you need to be yelled at!’

It was as if you’d broken through a wall as a small smile appeared on the face of the man in front of you.  He bowed his head and kicked the toe of his boot against the dirt, before looking back up to meet your eyes.

'I’m so sorry, Rick.’  You reached out a hand to cup his cheek, stroking the stubbly skin with your thumb.  'I’m so sorry for everything.’

You felt a hand on your shoulder and saw that Hershel had joined you on the outside, winking at you before turning to Rick with a smile.

'I was coming out here to try and talk some sense into our leader, but it seems you might’ve already managed it.’

'I think I’ve made some progress.’  You grinned at Rick, who raised an eyebrow at you in return.  'I’ll leave you guys to it.’

You turned to walk away, shoving your hands in your pockets, as you made your way back inside the fences and across the field.  Your toe kicked something hard on the ground and you bent to part the grass in search of the object.  The blade of your knife glinted in the sun as you reached to pick it up.  This must have been where you dropped it as Daryl hauled you from the clutches of the walkers that had a hold of you, the last time he’d saved you.  Your stomach knotted as your realised it would be the last time he ever saved you.  Tucking the knife into the empty sheath on your thigh, you were distracted by the sound of a gunshot and heard a shout from across the yard.

Axel had been with Carol not far from the entrance to the cellblock, but he was now slumped at her feet as she bent over him.  

A barrage of bullets streaked past you and you turned to the fence to see Rick dive for cover and Hershel wobble backwards on his crutches.

You hit the ground hard as you pulled your gun from its holster, crawling through the grass on your stomach to try to get close enough to hit the enemy outside.  
Unable to get a good view of your attackers, you decided to make a break for the guard tower.  The height would give you an advantage and you knew there would be a rifle stashed up there, along with additional ammo.

Steeling yourself, you pushed yourself up into a crouch, then counted yourself down to make your move, praying that your leg would hold up.  It was getting stronger, but it hadn’t been tested properly for a couple of days.

_1, 2, 3…_

You pushed yourself into a low sprint, dashing across the field towards the tower, feeling bullets kicking up the dirt around you.

You were still at least fifty metres away from your destination, when a truck crashed through the fence, narrowly missing you as you threw yourself forward, winding yourself as you landed.  Your survival instincts kicked in and you rolled onto your back, gun raised, ready to protect yourself but the truck had stopped several yards away.  To your horror, the back dropped open and dozens of walkers poured out, stumbling in different directions, attracted by the group’s human scent.

You heard more bullets flying and saw that the whole group had joined the fight, Beth and Carl shooting side by side, trying to provide cover for Carol who was pinned down, trying desperately to shield herself behind Axel’s dead body.  You saw Maggie come flying out of the cellblock with a couple of rifles, one of which she tossed to Glenn, as they took off across the field, switching between shooting at the dead ones and the Governor’s men.  Michonne was already in the midst of the battle, her blade slicing smoothly through the air, as she took down walkers like a warrior.

You’d lost track of Rick and Hershel, knowing that they must be somewhere in the long grass between the fence and the shooters, and panic hit you as you saw more corpses appearing from the trees, drawn by the noise of the fight.  
Taking a deep breath, you pushed yourself to your feet, and made a dash for the hole in the fence, weaving as you went, as bullets whizzed past you.  Once through, you made for the ditch, sliding in and keeping your head down as you crawled along, watching for any sign of your comrades.  

Movement to your left caught your attention and you saw Hershel dragging himself backwards away from the oncoming horde of undead.  He looked exhausted already and you knew it was just a matter of time before the corpses were on him.  

Deciding you had no choice but to make a run for it, you did just that, pushing yourself up out of the ditch and sprinting for the old man, keeping your body as low as possible and picking off the nearest walkers with your gun.  

'Hey, doc.’  You kept your voice level as you reached his side, panting as you struggled to catch your breath.  'How’s it going?’

'Oh, I’ve been better.’

'Okay, I’m gonna try and get you out of here.’

'I don’t know.’  Hershel’s voice wavered, and you saw the fear in his face.  'I’m not fast enough.’

'You don’t have much choice right now.’

You heard the sound of a vehicle approaching and nearly cried with relief when the group’s silver truck pulled up alongside you and the passenger door flew open.

'Get him in!’  Glenn ordered and you followed his instruction, slipping your arm around Hershel’s waist and heaving him up and into the seat, reaching for his crutches and sliding them in with him, before slamming the door shut.  The window wound down and Glenn leaned over the doctor to speak to you.  'You’re not coming?’

'I gotta find Rick.’

You ducked behind the truck for a brief moment of respite from the flying bullets before Glenn pulled away, checking your ammo and finding it drastically low.  Unsheathing your knife, you took a deep breath and then you were off again, weaving between bullets and walkers, firing at the men in the treeline, and stabbing your knife into corpses’ skulls, showering yourself in blood and gore.

'Rick!’ you screamed, scanning the grass as you moved, searching desperately for any sign of him.  'Rick!  Where the hell are you?!’

You heard a muffled shout.  'You yellin’ at me again?'  

You switched course, making your way in the direction of the voice to find Rick pinned down behind a small bridge that crossed the ditch where it got deeper for a short distance.  He was several metres away from you and you dropped into a crouch as you moved towards him, peering through the long grass in the hopes of locating the shooter that was watching him.

And then, the guns fell silent.  You heard a vehicle start up and pull away and you stood slowly, scanning the open area and finding it empty of the living.

'They’re gone.’  You reached out a hand for Rick, helping him to his feet, as you turned to survey the damage.  More walkers were flooding from the forest and in through the gate, drawn by the sounds of the guns, and the group were gradually switching to their knives, running out of ammo one at a time.  'Shit, what a mess.  How are you for ammo?’

Rick checked his pistol.  'Out,’ he declared, sliding it into his holster and reaching for the machete at his hip.  'Looks like we’re doing this the old-fashioned way.’

You nodded at him once, indicating your readiness, and then you were on the move once again, blades flying as you slashed and stabbed, fighting to protect your family, to defend your home.  

You’d managed to get yourself backed up against a section of fence and you’d lost sight of Rick as the hungry corpses surrounded you, reaching for you with clawing hands as you struggled to pick them off one at a time.  The rancid smell of rotten teeth hit you and you turned to see open jaws heading for your forearm, when an arrow pierced the skull above them, dropping the walker to the ground.

Your heart skipped a beat and you stared around wildly, searching for the source of the weapon, but you couldn’t stop moving, and you continued to cut down the mass of undead.  You heard a shout and saw a familiar figure shove his way into the crowd, beating in brains with his handgun, as he cackled loudly.

'Merle fucking Dixon?!’ you shouted, struggling to be heard above the groans and shouts around you.  

'Miss me, sweetheart?’  Merle winked at you before continuing his vicious assault.  

'Y/N?’  As the last walker at the fence fell, you heard Rick call for you and turned to raise a hand to him, signalling that you were unhurt.  

'I’m good,’ you said, more to reassure yourself than anyone else.  'I’m okay.’

From behind you, you heard the squelching of dead flesh and turned to see Daryl pulling an arrow from the skull of a fallen corpse, wiping it on the leg of his trousers before sliding it into the quiver on his back.

'Daryl,’ you breathed, barely audible, as you took in his presence, feeling relief spread through you.  He nodded to you, chewing on his lip as he stood before you, unsure of himself and your reaction to his return.

As you went to take a step towards him, Rick shouted a warning, 'We gotta move!'  

More walkers were emerging from the woods and you were still vulnerable in your position.  You all took off running, moving quickly through the damaged outer fence, across the field, and through the second fence into the yard, slamming the gate shut behind you to ensure that none of the undead were able to penetrate your living quarters.  

You stood side by side, absorbing the events of the last hour.  The field was littered with bodies, walkers stumbling between them, aimless now their food source had fled. 

'Is Hershel okay?’  You turned to Maggie who’d moved to stand beside you and she nodded.  

'He’s inside with Judith.  He’s fine.’

'Good,’ you breathed.  You hadn’t lost any family this time.  

'Well, that was one heck of a welcome home party,’ Merle crowed, and you were momentarily blinded by hatred as you turned and punched him directly in the face.

 

* * *

 

With the group exhausted after the day’s battle, it was a quiet evening in the cellblock.  Merle had been locked in a cell at Glenn’s insistence and his brother had volunteered to keep watch outside, with everyone now wary about the chances of a second attack.  You knew that both Rick and Carol had been out there to speak with their returned comrade and you couldn’t help but feel that his decision to isolate himself out there was an attempt to avoid you.  

As Carol and Beth served up dinner to the sedate group, you grabbed an extra plate and slipped out into the yard.

The archer was perched on the table of the picnic bench with his back to you as you approached, his feet resting on the seat, the glow of his lit cigarette visible through the dusk.  You walked round to sit beside him, placing the plates on the table behind you, before wrapping the shirt you wore over your t-shirt around you more tightly and rubbing your arms to fight off the chill from the night air.    
Without saying a word, Daryl slipped off his vest and jacket, handing the jacket to you before slipping the vest back over his shoulders.  

'Thanks.’

You huddled into the jacket rather than put in on, letting it fall down over your legs as you buried your arms inside it, propping your elbows on your knees and resting your chin on your hands, the soft fabric of the collar smooth against your skin.  

Silence settled around you as you stopped fidgeting and Daryl finished his smoke, and you forced yourself to speak, despite being a little scared as to what might come out of your mouth.

'I’m mad at you.’

Daryl raised his eyebrows at you, which you took as a sign for you to continue.

'You left me, D.  You went off with Merle and you just left me.  Did you not even stop to think about what that might do to me?’

'Course I did.  But it ain’t as if you’ve been actin’ like you actually care, Y/N.  Ya told me to back off.’

'I asked for some space, not for you to leave forever.’

'It weren’t forever.  I’m here now, ain’t I?’

'Yeah,’ you conceded.  'You’re here now, but I don’t understand why.’

'Didn’ take long to remember that Merle’s an ass.’

'Can’t really believe you forgot that in the first place.’

'Yeah, well, let’s just say he outassed himself this time round.’

You smirked at each other and the tension around you dissipated a little.  'I was scared, Daryl.  I thought I wasn’t ever gonna see you again.’

'Why’d that scare ya?’

'Because you’re the person I care about most in the whole world.’

'So, why’d ya push me away?’

You sighed, knowing that you owed him an honest answer.

'It was something Beth said.’

He turned to look at you, his expression confused.

'She said that if we were just friends, I should back off and let you get close to other people.  That I was stopping you from forming bonds, from falling in love and being happy.  I didn’t want that.’

He scoffed quietly, shaking his head at your foolishness.  'Fallin’ in love?  With who?’

'Carol,’ you admitted.  'She was flirting with you when we first got here and Beth said she’d never make a move whilst the whole group thought I had some sort of claim over you.’

'Yer an idiot.’

’D!’

'I mean it.  I ain’t interested in Carol.  She’s a nice lady, sure, and we’ve got some stuff in common, both been through shit or whatever, but tha’s it.  It ain’t nothin’ like that.’

'Even if she liked you?’

'Even if she did, which she don’t.  She just flirts 'cause she knows I hate it.  I ain’t good with that stuff.’

You nodded slowly, processing his words.

'I dunno why yer listenin’ to the lil’ girl anyways,’ he muttered.  'Way she talks, it’s like she ain’t never left the farmyard.’

'I guess I got scared that I was a burden to you.’

He blinked at you in disbelief.  'Ya ain’t never been a burden, girl.’

'But you’re always saving me.  You saved me again today.’

'I told ya I’d always protect ya.  'Sides, ya saved me from myself a long time ago.’  He paused for a moment as though considering what he was going to say next.  'Ya wanna know the real reason I came back?’

'It’s not 'cause your brother’s an ass?’

He chuckled.  'I came back 'cause we was walkin’ through the woods an’ Merle was runnin’ his mouth like he does an’ I turned to catch ya eye, make ya smile, and ya weren’t there.  I missed ya.  I’ve been missin’ ya.  Thought I’d rather be here with ya ignorin’ me than out there without ya at all.’

No longer able to stand the distance between you, you discarded the jacket that you were huddling into, reaching over to wrap an arm around Daryl’s neck and pulling yourself into his lap. 

'I missed you too.  Please don’t ever go off like that again.  Please don’t leave me.’

'Don’ push me away again then.  I can’t take it, Y/N.  Yer the only thing that keeps me goin’.’

'I won’t.  I’m sorry, Daryl.  I’m so sorry.’

You were crying now, your tears muffling the rest of your words as you sobbed into the archer’s shoulder, one of his big hands rubbing circles on your back, whilst the other buried itself in your hair, holding you close to him.

When you’d cried yourself out, you pulled back and met Daryl’s eyes, the deep blue highlighted against his dirt-darkened skin.  

'Thank you for coming back.  Thank you for saving me, again.’

'Thanks for punchin’ Merle in the face.’

You both laughed at the image of the older Dixon’s surprise as blood poured from his nose.

'I think I broke my knuckle,’ you giggled, rubbing the swollen joint with your other hand.  'But it was so worth it!’

'Lemme look.’  Daryl lifted your hand and inspected it, running his fingers gently over the bones.  'Ain’t broke, just bruised.’

'Thanks doc,’ you teased.

'I thrown a few punches in my time.’

'Really?  That was my first.’

'Heard you gave Rick a hell of a slap though.’

You giggled again.  'Oh God, I did.  I was so mad when he came back without you.  I felt awful afterwards.’

'It weren’t his fault.  He tried to make me stay.’

'I know that now.  I think I knew it then, I just didn’t want to believe it.’

'I get all kinds'a messed up when it comes to Merle, y'know.’

'I know.  But look how far you’ve come without him, D.  Remember that the next time he starts trying to make you feel worthless.’

He nodded, bowing his head to avoid your gaze.

'The group don’t wan’ him here.  I get it.  I know what he did to Glenn, what he let that Governor guy do to Maggie.  But I can’t just throw him out.  Ya get that, right?’

'Sure, he’s your brother.  I guess I just need to know that if things get bad, your loyalty lies with us.  Merle isn’t a good guy and I don’t trust him to come down on our side if this turns into a war.’

'My loyalty’s to you.  Ain’t no one else that matters.’

You both fell silent again and you yawned, relinquishing your grip on the archer to stretch your muscles, aching after the thrashing they’d been given earlier.  

'Ya look beat.’  Daryl’s hand gripped your chin, turning your face so he could study the bags under your eyes.  'Ya should get some sleep.’

'Can I stay out here with you?’

He smiled then, shaking his head at your request before answering.

'Ya can if ya want, but yer gon’ freeze.’

You moved from his lap to curl up on the table top, your head resting on his thigh and your face buried in the soft fabric that covered his stomach.  You reached for the discarded jacket and pulled it over you like a blanket, feeling Daryl straighten it out for you so it covered your back.  

'Yer crazy, girl.’

He lit another cigarette, leaning back to keep from dropping ash on you, and you reached out a hand to grip onto his vest, reassuring yourself that he wasn’t going anywhere.

'Ya ever gon’ give me that shirt back?’ you heard Daryl mutter above you, but you were already drifting off into a deep and dreamless sleep, the dinner on the table behind you completely forgotten.


	14. Chapter 14

In the aftermath of the Governor’s attack, the group was divided.  Some of you wanted to run, to leave the prison and chance your luck back out on the road.  Others wanted to stay and fight for your home, knowing that the luxury of fences and thick concrete walls couldn’t be thrown away easily.  Then there was the issue of Merle.  Glenn was adamant that the rough old redneck was a liability and wanted him gone, and Daryl, of course, refused to turn his back on his brother.

You stayed quiet for the most part, standing back from the ongoing argument in the cellblock, letting it all wash over you.  You still believed it would be suicide to let the prison go, particularly with the baby to look after, as well as Hershel who, even on his crutches, wouldn’t be able to take the endless days of walking, searching.  However, you knew that the decision would be made by the leader, regardless of popular opinion, though, as you focused on Rick, who also seemed to stand apart from the debate, lost in his own head, you wondered who was even playing that role anymore.  

‘Y'all are just makin’ his job easier.’

You were leaning against the wall beside Merle’s cell, but jumped when you heard his voice beside you, quiet enough so that no one else would hear him over the group’s raised voices.

‘How’s that?’

‘Yer fallin’ apart, even you must see that, sweetheart.’

'We’ll be fine.’

'What makes ya so sure?’

Your eyes subconsciously flicked to Daryl and Merle noticed, chuckling under his breath.

'Ya think my baby brother’s gonna save ya?  Keep dreamin’.  Daryl’s not gonna be the hero here, he ain’t got it in him.’

'Don’t make me hit you again, Merle.’

'Ooooh, baby, ya keep talkin’ like that, yer gonna turn me on!’

You turned your head to glare at him but he was undeterred.

'Look at 'em all lookin’ to baby bro for the answers.  Yer all gonna end up dead.  Though if ya ask real nice I might just protect ya from the bad man.  Reckon I could find some reason for keepin’ you around.’

Your limit reached, you spun on your heel to face him, your eyes flashing with anger.

'Fuck you, Merle!  When have you ever even tried to help someone other than yourself?’  Your raised voice was attracting the others’ attention but you were too caught up in the redneck’s arrogant smirk to notice.  'You’re a waste of space, good-for-nothing, piece of shit, and you aren’t good enough to shine your brother’s boots!’

'Y/N.’  Daryl’s gruff voice was closer behind you than you realised and you jerked away when his hand touched your elbow.  You turned in time to see him flinch at your reaction, but he covered it quickly.

'God, I’m sorry,’ you whispered, before you looked to the rest of the group.  'We should have someone on watch, right?  Makes no sense to not be keeping an eye on things right now.  Sorry, I just need to… not be here.’

No one spoke as you grabbed your shirt from the table and strode outside, breaking into a jog when you hit the fresh air.  The route to the guard tower was clear now and you made your way up to the top, leaning on the railing with your head in your hands.

You knew that Daryl had followed you when you heard footsteps on the staircase and smelt cigarette smoke behind you.

'I’m sorry,’ you whispered again, lifting your head to survey the treeline.  'I didn’t mean to pull away from you.  I was just mad and I didn’t realise it was you.’

’S'okay, Y/N.  Y'alright?  What happened back there?’

You shrugged.  'Your brother’s an ass.’

'Did he say somethin’ to ya?’

'He was just being his usual charming self.  I shouldn’t have lost my temper but, God, he just pulls all my strings.’

'Merle always was good at that.’

Daryl hesitated for a moment but you could tell by the way he was chewing his lip that he wanted to say something else, so you stayed silent, waiting for him to speak.

’D'ya think Glenn’s right?  D'ya think it’s a mistake to let Merle stay here?’

'I don’t think that’s a decision that anyone but you can make.’

'I know, but…  I just wanna know what ya think.’

'Honestly, I don’t feel safe with him here, D.  I’m not sure even Merle knows what side he’s really on anymore.  He’s changed since we lost him.  He’s harder, somehow.  Before, I kinda knew he wouldn’t hurt me, even if he was a loose cannon.  Now, I’m not so sure.’

'He wouldn’t hurt ya, Y/N.  He knows I care about ya.’

'Daryl, at this point I think that might actually just make me more of a target.’

He sighed deeply, hating what you were saying, but you knew he needed to hear it.

'Thanks.  For bein’ honest with me.’

You nodded.  'Anytime.  What are you gonna do?’

The archer pulled you towards him, wrapping you in a tight hug and resting his chin on the top of your head, speaking into your hair as he replied.

'I ain’t gon’ let him hurt ya, I promise ya that.’

 

* * *

 

You spent the rest of the morning up in the tower together, most of it in a comfortable silence.  You were enjoying the warm glow that came from being back on good terms with Daryl again, and that only intensified when you felt the weight of his head on your shoulder and realised that he’d finally fallen asleep. 

You’d both sat down on the platform, leaning back against the wall, and you’d noticed his breathing begin to slow and become more even, staying quiet to encourage him to allow himself to rest.  He’d been up all night on watch and you didn’t think he’d had more than a couple of hours shuteye in days.  You placed a gentle kiss on the top of his head, careful not to wake him, and watched Rick and Carl as they walked together down below.  

You were still concerned for your leader.  He was definitely getting better, but you felt he was still disconnected somehow and you wished you knew how to bring back the Rick you knew, the Rick you all needed.  You couldn’t afford for him to be spaced out right now, but when he went into one of his trances, it seemed nothing short of a full-blown attack by the Governor would draw him out.

Movement at the treeline caught your eye and you raised a hand to shield your face from the sun so that you assess the scene better.  Somebody was walking from the trees with what looked like a walker on a leash behind her.  The afternoon glare meant that you didn’t recognise her until she got closer, but then you clambered to your feet, waking Daryl with a start, as you called out to Rick to open the gate.

As he’d done with Michonne on her arrival, Rick studied Andrea, waiting to open the gate until the walkers still stumbling around the prison’s fences were almost upon her.  

'Andrea!’ you shouted, raising a hand in greeting as she smiled up at you, but Rick was already raising his gun to point it at her head.

'Welcome back,’ you heard him snarl.

'Daryl-’  You turned to him, gesturing towards the scene unfolding below you, but he was already making for the stairs.  

'Stay here an’ watch for the Governor’s men.  She migh’ not be alone.’

With Daryl at his side, Rick guided Andrea towards the cellblock, and you knew he would be intending to question her on Woodbury.  You wondered how she’d ended up entangled with a psycho like the Governor, but you knew from firsthand experience that when your life was on the line you’d take a chance on pretty much anyone.  You’d just been lucky that you’d taken yours on Daryl Dixon.

 

* * *

 

There’d been no sign of any threat around the prison’s perimeter and you were getting curious as to what was going on inside when you saw Carol leave the cellblock and make her way up to where you still sat at the top of the tower.  When she appeared at your side, she joined you on the floor, crossing her legs at the ankles and clasping her hands in her lap.

'Thought you might like either a break or some company.  You can pick which.’

You returned her kind smile, placing your gun at your side and accepting the bottle of water that she held out to you.

'Company would be great.’

'You sure?  You’ve been up here all day.’

'It’s easier that way,’ you explained.  'I can’t stand just sitting on our asses fighting about what to do next, instead of actually getting on and doing it.’

'And here was I thinking you were just avoiding the less pleasant Dixon.’

'That too,’ you admitted.  'That man makes my skin crawl.’

'Daryl could’ve ended up just like him, y'know.  I’d hazard a guess that you’re the reason he didn’t.’

'I think you’re underestimating him.'  You bowed your head, running a hand through your hair and wiping away the beads of sweat that had formed on the back of your neck.  'He’d have got there on his own.’

Changing the subject, you gestured towards the cellblock.

'What’s going on in there?’

'Andrea’s trying to convince them that there’s a place for us all in their community.  Rick’s not buying it, obviously, and neither is Daryl.  It sounds like Andrea and this Governor are involved.’

You snorted at that, shaking your head in disbelief.  'And in a shocking turn of events, Andrea’s banging the bad guy!  God, I hope her taste in men was better when there was more choice to be had.’

Carol chuckled at that, but sought to defend your misguided companion.  

'There’s something about a powerful man.’  She raised an eyebrow knowingly.  'We all love a man who has the power to take control.  Doesn’t much matter whether he uses that power for good or bad, some of us just can’t resist, and then once you’re in, it’s so hard to get out.’

You realised that she was, to some extent, talking about her and Ed, and nodded in understanding.

'I guess you’re right.’

'She should slit his throat while he sleeps.’

You gasped at Carol’s harsh advice but couldn’t help but laugh at the idea of Andrea standing above the sated and sleeping man, knife in hand.  

'Wham, bam, thank you ma'am,’ you murmured.

At that moment, the door to the cellblock opened again, and you saw Rick and Daryl escort Andrea to one of the group’s cars, allowing her to climb into the driver’s seat and start the engine.

'I can’t believe they’re letting her go back to him,’ you muttered to Carol, shaking your head.  'She’s gonna get herself killed.’

'Probably,’ Carol agreed.  'But she’s not one of us anymore.  I would’ve been more surprised if they’d let her stay.’

You watched the car speed away down the road, before standing and stretching, glancing down at Carol.

'I think I’m done here.  I need my bunk.  You okay here 'til I can send someone else up?’

She nodded, ordering you to get some rest, before reaching for her gun and running her eyes over the darkening horizon.  
  
As you entered the cellblock, the first thing you noticed was Daryl sitting across the other side of the room shooting daggers at his brother, ripping into the food on his dinner plate and chewing aggressively.

You approached slowly, nudging his boot with the toe of yours to get his attention.

'You hash things out with Merle?’

'Sorta.’

'How’d that go?’

'How’d ya think?’

You sat down beside him, resting a hand on his forearm as he shoved his plate to one side, done with his meal.

'I’m sorry, D.’

'Ain’t yer fault.  Ya were right, what ya said this mornin’.  He has changed.  I don’t want ya goin’ nowhere near him, okay?’

'Okay.’

The archer squeezed your hand, climbing to his feet and stifling a yawn.  

'Better get back on watch, let Carol get some food.’

’D, you’re exhausted.  Why not let Maggie and Glenn take watch tonight?  I think they could use the quality time.’

It hadn’t escaped your notice that things were still a little strained between them after their treatment by the Governor and his cronies.  A night away from the constant company of the cellblock might do them some good.

'Nah, can’t sleep while everyone’s still up anyways.’  He nodded towards his chosen bed space up on the perch.

'So, move in with me,’ you pleaded.  'Please Daryl, I’m getting really worried about you.  You’re not gonna be any use to anyone if you don’t let yourself take a breath.’

When he didn’t respond, you stood, brushing past him and heading towards your cell, calling over your shoulder.

'Well, fine, but I’m turning in before I drop.  G'night!’

You’d entered you cell and toed off your boots, climbing under the light blanket on your bunk and rolling to face the wall, when you heard the swish of your door curtain and felt a shadow fall over you.  

'Don’ remember ya bein’ this bossy,’ you heard Daryl grumble as he slid into the bed behind you, curling against your back and slinging his arm around your waist.  It was the first time you’d slept like this since you’d found the prison and your breath hitched at the intense feeling of coming home.

'God, I missed this,’ you breathed inaudibly as you felt the body behind you relax and heard the archer begin to softly snore.  'Sweet dreams, D.’


	15. Chapter 15

A loud thump beside you woke you with a start and you sat up, rubbing your hand across your eyes as you took in the sleep-rumpled figure beside you, smiling guiltily at you as he retrieved the book that he’d knocked off the chair onto the concrete floor.  

‘Daryl?  What time is it?’

‘Dawn.  Go back to sleep.’

‘Geez.’  You flopped back against your pillow dramatically.  'Aren’t you s’posed to be a super stealthy hunter guy?’

‘I am.’

'Apparently not!'  You waved your arm at the recovered book, glaring at him as he chuckled at you.

'Where are you goin’ this early, anyway?’

'Huntin’.  Rick’s taking Michonne 'n’ the kid back to his ol’ neighbourhood.  Thinks he might know where he can find some guns 'n’ ammo.  Reckon we might need it if the Governor’s as bad as Merle says.  Anyway, thought we could all use somethin’ fresh to eat.  I’m gettin’ tired of eatin’ outta cans.’

'Can I come?’

He raised an eyebrow at you.

'Y'ain’t never showed an interest in huntin’.  Fact, I don’ think you’ve ever come huntin’ with me before.’

'I’m not interested in hunting.  I’m interested to getting outside of these damn fences for a bit.  Please, D!’ you begged, sitting up again and giving him your best puppy-dog eyes.  'I’ll do everything you say and I won’t leave your side, I promise.’

'Fine, but I’m leavin’ now.’

You rolled out of bed, pulling your boots on and shoving your hair up into a messy ponytail.  

'Ready!’ you announced, grabbing your gun and knife from the table and shoving them into your holster belt.

'Let’s move.’  He shouldered his crossbow, and ducked out of the cell.

Together, you made your way out of the prison grounds and into the forest.  You moved quickly, keeping quiet to avoid drawing the attention of the walkers that were still milling about just inside the treeline.  You could see Daryl scanning the ground, checking for tracks, moving almost silently on the balls of his feet.  He changed your position according to the direction of the breeze, careful not to let your scent drift too far and scare off any prey.  

As you travelled deeper into the wood, you seemed to leave the walkers behind, and you could see him begin to pay closer attention to his tracking, knowing he expected the bigger prey to be living amongst the trees.  You watched him intently, attempting to mirror his movements, trying to pick up what he was using to guide your way.  He noticed you studying him and beckoned you closer, motioning for you to drop into a crouch and joining you on the ground.  

'See this?’  He pointed at the leaf litter in front of you.  'It’s thinner here, like it’s been pushed away.’  He picked up a stick from the floor, and dragged it through a patch of leaves off to the side, showing you how they settled back over the path he’d cut in a light layer.  He brushed the remaining leaves aside from the original track and sure enough there were the slight indentations of animal prints in the dirt.  

'Deer’s been through here.  Ain’t a big one though.  Prints ain’t too deep.’

You nodded, concentrating on what he was trying to teach you, knowing that it was useful, maybe even vital, in this world.  

'C'mon.’

You walked for a while, Daryl stopping every now and then to impart some more of his knowledge:  the unnatural curve of a bush that suggested that something had pushed past it; the nibbled leaves of plants that showed where an animal had been grazing.  You loved the passion that filled his gaze as he talked, never having seen the archer so confident in himself before, amazed by his ability to notice the tiniest details.

It was the most relaxed you’d felt in a long time.  The prison fences brought a sense of safety and security and you knew that they were necessary to survival these days, but you often felt hemmed in and claustrophobic, particularly when the group got a bit too much.  Your need for solitude was affecting you more than you’d thought, as you basked in the near-silence, broken only by the rustle of leaves and indistinct sounds of wildlife in the undergrowth.  You’d lost focus and fallen slightly behind Daryl when you saw him halt and raise his hand, signalling you to stop.  You listened, straining your ears for what might be bothering him, and then you heard it.  The shambling footsteps of walkers, a lot of them by the sounds of it, and, as the breeze shifted, you could just make out their groans.  

You watched the archer for instruction, waiting for him to judge the direction of the crowd, but before he reached a decision, you made them out between the trees behind him.  Seeing panic in your eyes, Daryl turned and saw the wall of walkers heading your way.  

He started towards you, grabbing your arm and dragging you with him as he moved quickly away.  'Gotta go.’

Torn between speed and silence, you were losing ground as the herd continued on their relentless ongoing march.

'How far out are we?’ you whispered as you began to panic.  You could tell the archer had changed your direction, trying to lead you out beyond the walkers, so that they’d pass you by, but there were so many of them that you’d not managed it yet.  

'Too far, and gettin’ further.’

'We’re going the wrong way?’

'To go the right way, we gotta go through 'em.’

'Shit!’

You were scared now, knowing that the corpses could potentially push you out for miles.  You had no choice that you could see but to keep going.  There were too many of them to fight.

'I got an idea.’  Daryl’s eyes were nervous and you looked at him questioningly.  
’D'ya trust me?’

You nodded and then regretted it when he threw his crossbow over his shoulder and made for a tree.  It had a thick trunk and fairly low branches and you understood his choice when he planted his foot against the bark and pushed himself up to grab one the lowest limbs, pulling himself up to rest on it and bracing himself with his legs before reaching back down to you.

'Quick, c'mere!’

You looked back at the walkers that were gaining on you, then ran to the base of the tree, stretching up to him and feeling his hands wrap around your forearms. 

'I got ya.’

He pulled you up, twisting you so that you landed beside him, and then nodded his head towards the branch above.  'Keep goin’.’

You pushed yourself up, careful not to stand on him, and began to climb, hearing his heavy breaths behind you as he followed.  When you struggled to find a foothold, you let him overtake you, watching his movements and following his lead.

'That’ll do it,’ he said when you were maybe 15 feet from the ground.  'We go much further, the branches ain’t gon’ take our weight.’

The first walkers of the herd were passing beneath you now and he raised a finger to his lips.  

You were surprised to find that you were shaking, terrified of the height and the mass of corpses below.

’D, I hate this,’ you breathed, almost inaudibly.

He took in the fear in your face and moved to settle himself in the crook of the branch where it met the tree.  Holding on with one hand, he leaned back against the trunk with one leg propped to the side, and the other dangling down.  
He beckoned you to him, reaching for you as you slid towards him, and guiding you between his legs, turning you carefully to rest against him and wrapping one arm around your waist.

'I got ya, I promise.  I ain’t gon’ let ya fall.’

You nodded and squeezed your eyes tight shut, trying to pretend that you were just sitting in your bunk together or up in the guard tower.

'It’s gon’ be okay.’

He continued to whisper into your ear as you waited out the herd, sweet reassurances that you were alright, that he wasn’t going to let anything happen to you.  You raised your hand and moved it to the back of his neck, pulling his face down to your shoulder and turning your head to kiss his temple.  

'Thank you.’

He remained there, with his face buried in your shirt, the rough stubble on his cheek scratching your skin above the collar.  He nuzzled the fabric out of the way and pressed his lips gently above your collarbone, his grip on you tightening as an unexpected shiver ran through you.

‘S’all gon’ be fine.’

Gradually, the crowd of walkers thinned out, before tailing off almost completely.  Soon, only a few stragglers, dragging their mangled limbs behind them, remained, but Daryl kept a hold of you until even they had passed through.

You felt him squeeze his arm tighter around your waist for a moment before he let go and you felt his hands there instead, steadying you as he instructed you to slide away from him so he could help you down.  He descended before you, reaching out to help you with the longer drops, then you heard his boots thud against the dirt and he was holding his arms out to you as you made the leap from the last branch.  He caught you, quickly lowering you to stand on the floor and you didn’t think you’d ever been so happy to feel the ground beneath your feet.  The relief didn’t last long before you were back on your guard, spinning round to check that the coast was clear, but Daryl shook his head, indicating that there was no need.

'All that noise from the herd will’ve drawn 'em in.  Ain’t gon’ be none left out here now.  This is prob'ly the safest place around.’

You nodded, realising he was likely to be right.

'Damn things’ll have scared my deer away though, if they ain’t already taken a bite out o’ it.’

'Just take me home, D.’

You were exhausted now that the adrenaline had left your system and your shoulders ached from pulling yourself up through the tree.  He grinned at you.

'Ain’t cut out for this huntin’ stuff, are ya?’

'The hunting was kinda fun actually,’ you admitted.  'The rest of it I could’ve done without.’

'C'mon.’  He slung an arm around your shoulders, ruffling your already messy hair.  'Let’s get ya home to bed.’


	16. Chapter 16

The day after your treetop adventure, Rick announced that he was going to meet with the Governor.  

‘Andrea set it up,’ he explained.  'Thinks we should talk, get our viewpoints across, negotiate.’

'Y'ain’t goin’ alone.’  Daryl stepped forward, crossbow in hand.  'Ya’ll need back up in case things go south.’

Rick nodded.  'You and Hershel.  We leave in an hour.  I wanna get there first, scope out the meeting place before he turns up.  I want the rest of you to stay here and arm yourselves, just in case.’

'You think Andrea would double cross you?’ Michonne asked, defensively.  You knew she’d known Andrea for a while, and it seemed the two had gotten close.  

'I don’t,’ Rick admitted, 'but I’d bet the Governor gets up to a lot o’ stuff that she don’t know about.  So, be vigilant.  I want someone on watch round the clock.’

There were murmurs of consent around the room.  Daryl turned to you, a look of confusion in his eyes.

'Sup, D?  You don’t like Rick’s plan?’

'It ain’t that.  I just dunno where ya gon’ be safer if it all kicks off while we’re gone.’

You considered your options for a moment.  You knew you’d rather be at Daryl’s side, knowing that he’d keep you safe, and not sure if you could cope with another battle for your life in the prison yard.  However, you also knew that Woodbury had numbers to its advantage which meant the more boots on the ground at the prison, the better.

'I should stay,’ you sighed, deciding it was best to go along with your leader’s instructions.  'If they come for us we’re gonna need as many of us here as possible.  Those guns Rick and Michonne brought back aren’t going to make a difference if there’s no one here to shoot them.’

Daryl nodded but you could tell that he was still unhappy with the arrangement.  

‘Y'know Rick’s talkin’ 'bout lettin’ Merle outta his cell?’

You shuddered at the thought, having avoided Merle since your last heated exchange.  

'Why?’

'More muscle, I guess.  I wan’ ya to stay away from 'im if ya can.’

'Oh trust me, I will be as far away from your brother as I can get.’

You could still see the doubt in Daryl’s eyes so you decided to take action to reassure him.

'Look, I’m gonna go out and take first watch.  That’s about as far away from Merle as I can get within this fence.  Okay?’

You saw him relax a little and wrapped your arms around him, reaching up to kiss his cheek.  'Be safe out there, D.  Come back to me.’

Then you spun on your heel and left.

 

* * *

 

You’d watched the group leave from your post in the tower and almost wished that you were riding in the car alongside them, but you knew that you were more likely to be needed where you were, especially with Merle free from his cell.  

You heard footsteps climbing the tower, but were surprised to see Michonne appear.  She’d been with the group a little while now but you’d not had a lot to do with her and you hadn’t even really been introduced.  As usual, survival had got in the way of formalities.

'Hey.'  She smiled a little awkwardly at you.  'I hope you don’t mind.  It’s getting a little tense down there.’

You returned her smile, nodding in understanding.  'Now you know why I spend so much time up here.’

'I totally get it.  Don’t get me wrong, the whole group seem really great and it’s nice to not be alone, but… I’m not sure Rick was right to let Merle out of that cell.’

You cast a worried glance towards the cellblock.  'Is he kicking off?’

'Glenn’s got it under control,’ she reassured you.  'But he’s pretty pissed that he can’t go after his brother.  Seems to think he’ll need rescuing.’

You sniggered at that, shaking your head.  'The only thing Daryl’s ever needed rescuing from is his brother as far as I can tell.’

'You too are pretty close.’

'Yeah, he’s pretty much the first good thing that came into my life after the world had gone to hell.  I guess that forges a bond,’ you shrugged.

'I know what that’s like,’ Michonne replied sincerely.  'That’s how I felt about Andrea.’

'It must’ve been hard leaving Woodbury without her.’

'It was.  But it was the right thing to do.’

'How long had you been travelling together?’

'She’d only just got separated from your group.  So, a while.’

'I’m sorry.  You must feel so caught in the middle with all this.’  You couldn’t imagine entering into a battle against a group that included Daryl, though you knew that Daryl’s morals were a little less easily swayed than Andrea’s as a rule.

'Actually, no,’ she admitted.  'It’s tough watching her get bowled over by his BS, but he’s a bad guy.  I trust Rick, he seems like a good man.  I know that I’m on the right side here.’

'He is a good man,’ you agreed.  'One of the best.  I’d follow him anywhere at this point, and so would Daryl.’

'I think I would too.’

You stood together in comfortable silence for a while, before the sound of a gunshot ringing out from the cellblock startled you.

'Michonne-’  You turned to her in panic, knees braced to run.

'Go!’

Leaving her keeping watch, you raced down the steps of the tower, sprinting towards the cellblock with your gun raised.  Your mind had already rushed to some dark places.  Had Merle killed someone?  Had a walker gotten in?  Had the Governor’s men somehow managed to get inside the block?  So, you were shocked when you walked in and saw Beth with the gun, pointing it at Merle who was standing with his hands in the air, smirking arrogantly at her.  Glenn was beside him looking a little rumpled and winded.

'What the hell happened?!’

'They were fightin’,’ Beth filled you in.

You turned to the two men, waiting for a fuller explanation.

'This jackass is hellbent on storming the meeting place,’ Glenn spoke up.  'He’s gonna ruin the plan and he’s gonna get people killed.’

'Merle,’ you rounded on him.  'What the hell is your problem?’

'Ain’t no problem, sweetheart,’ he grinned at you, cocking his head to the side.  'Just wanna go get my little brother 'fore he gets himself killed is all.’

'Daryl is just fine.  You’re going to get him and everyone else killed if you don’t sit your ass down and do as Glenn says!’

'I ain’t listenin’ to some Chinese kid!’

'He’s Korean!’ you screamed, storming forward to get in Merle’s face as much as you could given that he was so much taller than you.  'Dammit Merle, Rick decides to trust you for all of, what, a couple of hours, and you’re already causing trouble?  What the fuck are you trying to prove?!  We work as a team here, so sit the fuck down, shut the fuck up, and listen to Glenn!’

'If he’s the boss, why are you the one telling me what to do?’

“Cause I’m the one who brought you into this group and made you their damn problem,’ you snarled.  'And I am not going to sit here and watch you wreck everything that we’re trying to build!’

'Or what?  What are ya gonna do?’  

'Don’t push me, Merle!’

'What?  Ya can’t kill me!  Can’t kick me out!  Daryl would never speak to ya again!’

'Oh, I reckon he’d get over it.’

He crowed with laughter.  'You obviously don’t know anything about family.’

You stepped closer, lowering your voice into a menacing growl.  'I know Daryl.  He’s better off without you and it’s not gonna be long before he sees it too.  You hold him back, Merle, you’re just a weight around his neck.  He was happier when you were gone.’

He moved so quickly that you couldn’t react and suddenly your back was pressed against his chest as one hand restrained your arm and the other wrapped around your neck.

'How’s he gonna feel when you’re gone, I wonder.’

‘Let her go!’ Carl stepped forward but was held back by Carol.  

'Merle, you don’t wanna do this.’  Your heart was racing as his fingers bit into your skin and you felt your airway start to close off.

'Nah, ya know what I wanna do.’

You heard him chuckle and felt his face press into your hair as he inhaled your scent.  You could see the panicked expressions of the group around you but knew that none of them would risk making a move whilst he had your throat in his grasp.

'We could do that,’ you simpered, pressing back against him, relieved when you felt him relax his grip slightly.  'Or we could do this.’

You slammed the heel of your boot down on his foot, before driving your elbow up hard behind you, feeling it connect with his stomach.  As soon as he let you go, you threw yourself across the room away from him and looked back to see him with his hands in the air once again, as he looked into the barrels of several guns.

'Lock him up,’ you instructed, rubbing your neck where you were sure it must be bruised.

As Glenn and Carol led Merle away with Beth following, her gun still trained on the redneck, Maggie approached you, grasping you gently by the chin and lifting your head so that she could inspect the damage.

'I would not want to be Merle when Daryl gets back,’ she grimaced and you knew it must look bad.

'He’s gonna be mad at me too,’ you confessed.  'He told me to stay away from him.’

'Ya gotta stop thinking of him as your responsibility, Y/N.’  Maggie shook her head.  'Rick made the decision to let him stay.  He’s all of our problem, not just yours.’

'I know, I just don’t want you and Glenn to have to deal with him after what happened, I guess.’

'Me and Glenn will be just fine,’ Maggie reassured you, watching her partner leave the cellblock and stalk outside.  'I’m gonna go talk to him.  You gonna be alright?’

'Yeah,’ you nodded.  'I’m fine.’

 

* * *

 

You were back in the tower when the car returned and you watched as Rick, Daryl and Hershel climbed out and headed inside.  Before long, you saw Daryl leave the cellblock again and head in your direction.  You could tell by his angry stride that he’d heard what had happened and almost wished you had somewhere to hide.

As he made it to the top where you were sat, he pulled you roughly to your feet, grabbing your chin and angling it to the side so he could see the vivid bruises his brother had left.

'Fuck!’

’D, it’s okay.’

’S'not okay, Y/N!’  He kicked your water bottle hard, sending it flying over the fence, before turning and punching the wall.

'Hey,’ you chided him gently, resting a hand on his shoulder.  'Don’t do that.’

'I can’t believe I let that rat-bastard do this to ya!’

'You didn’t let Merle do anything!’ you cried.  'It was my fault.  I lost my temper and I got careless.  But I’m fine, Daryl, I promise.’

'I can’t stand the thought of him layin’ his hands on ya.’  The archer was physically shaking as he struggled to contain his rage.  'I should go shoot that son o’ a bitch in the head right now!’

'Don’t.’  You moved in front of him, resting your hands on his chest as you met his eyes.  'I’m okay.  This isn’t worth losing yourself over.  He isn’t worth it, D.’

He pulled you into his embrace, wrapping strong arms around you, as you were forced to stand on your tiptoes to maintain contact with the ground.

'If he tries anythin’ like that again, I’m gon’ kill 'im.’


	17. Chapter 17

With Rick’s meeting with the Governor having done little to resolve their differences, the group spent the next couple of days preparing for an attack.  You spent a lot of time outside, clearing the prison grounds of walkers and listening to Michonne share ideas for traps that could be set for the Governor’s men.  She was strong and resourceful and you found yourself growing increasingly grateful that she had joined you.

You were taking a break on one of the benches outside the cellblock when Daryl flopped down next to you, sighing loudly, before leaning his head back as he chewed on his lip. 

‘What’s up, D?’  You could tell he was agitated, but put it down to the pressure that the group was currently under.  You could see the tension in Rick as he paced around the prison and you knew that your leader was leaning heavily on the archer these days.  

‘What are we even fightin’ for anymore, Y/N?’

You had been leaning back to soak up as much of the morning sun as possible, but now sat forward, reaching for Daryl’s hand and squeezing it gently.

'Don’t say that.  We’re fighting for our family.’

'I ain’t so sure it’s a family I wan’ be a part of no more.’

You were lost for words for a moment as you studied his face, but all you found there was confusion and anger.

'What happened?’

'Rick’s lyin’ to everyone.  The Governor offered him a deal.’

'What sort of deal?’

'He’ll leave the prison alone if Rick gives 'im Michonne.’

'What?!’

'Yep, 'n’ he’s thinkin’ of doin’ it.’

'Are you serious?  He can’t do that!’

’S'what I said.  Ain’t who we are.  Ain’t what we do.’

He bowed his head and sighed again, digging the toe of his boot into the concrete and kicking up the dust.  

'What are you gonna do?’

'I dunno.  Whatever Rick tells me to, I guess.’

You nodded slowly, trying to wrap your head around this turn of events.

'Not doin’ it puts all of us at risk, but I jus’ don’ know if I can live with myself, y'know.  She’s done right by us so far.’

A tear escaped from your eye and rolled down your cheek, and the archer looked up when he heard the emotion in your voice.  'I hate this.’

He leaned over and wiped away the moisture from your face, pressing a soft kiss against your forehead.

'Sorry for puttin’ this on ya.  Couldn’ bottle it up.’

'It’s okay.  I’m glad you told me.  I just…  I don’t know what to say.’

'Gotta do wha’ we gotta do, right?’

You nodded again, getting to your feet and taking a swig of water from the bottle you carried.  'I’m gonna get back to work.’

'Be careful.  Rick’s decided Merle should be put to work.  He’s out there clearin’ walkers.’

Merle had apologised for his actions, pleading panic and concern for his brother.  You hadn’t bought if for a second, but you knew it would make Daryl’s life easier to let his attack on you go, so you were doing the best you could.  You’d sworn that you’d stay away from the old redneck though, so the idea of working side by side with him didn’t appeal.  You dragged your feet as you walked away from Daryl, intentionally dawdling as you headed back over to the other side of the building.  

You could see Michonne and Merle in the distance, fending off corpses, and you broke into a gentle jog as you realised how outnumbered they were.  Michonne was like a machine, though, cutting through them with her sword like a ninja, and before you even reached the area they were clearing, the threat had been handled.  You were about to holler at them to announce your arrival when you saw Merle bring the handle of his knife down hard on Michonne’s skull, knocking her unconscious.

'Hey!’  The shout left your mouth before you could stop it and Merle whirled round, advancing on you with his weapon still in hand.  

'Well, isn’t this just perfect!’  He crowed, looking you up and down appraisingly.  'Guess it’s two for one for ol’ Merle!’

You were backing away from him slowly as he spoke, but as you made to run he tackled you, catching your ankle in his strong hand and bringing you to the ground easily, your head smacking against the concrete.  

You groaned in pain as your vision swam, and you could feel the warm stickiness of blood trickling down your cheek.  Determined to remain conscious, you clawed against the floor, trying to drag yourself away from the older Dixon, but he was straddling you, pulling your hands behind your back.  You felt the painful friction of rope around your wrists as he bound you, then nearly choked as an old rag was forced into your mouth to gag you.  

You were still woozy when he lifted you from the ground, but you still kicked at him, beating your feet against his stomach as he threw you over his shoulder in a fireman’s lift.  The new angle made the world spin alarmingly, and you passed out before you could even attempt to scream for help.  

 

* * *

 

Your first thought as you slipped back into consciousness was that your head was pounding.  Your eyes flickered open and you panicked at the sensation of being upside down before you realised that you were still hanging over Merle’s shoulder.  You could see Michonne’s legs beside Merle’s and were relieved that she had woken up and was obviously not too badly hurt.  Merle must have felt you wriggle, as he slapped your backside roughly with the palm of his hand.

'Well, look who’s awake!’  

He dumped you unceremoniously to the ground, jarring your body as you couldn’t use your still-bound arms to protect yourself from the fall.  

'Get up!’ he shouted.  'C'mon, we gotta keep movin’!’

He kicked at you roughly and, as his boot collided with your ribs, you let out a grunt of pain.

'Oh, ya not so tough now?’  He sneered, crouching down and grabbing a fistful of your hair, pulling your face up to his.  The movement pulled on the gash in your head and you whimpered.  'Funny how it’s so easy for ya to put me down when ya got back up.  You’re nothin’ but a pathetic little girl.  Dunno what my brother sees in ya.’  

He released your hair and grabbed a fistful of your shirt, hauling you to your feet.

'Now.’  He met your eyes before turning to look at Michonne.  'Let’s move.’

As you took a few tentative steps forward, you did a quick assessment of your situation.  Your head was still pounding and from the stinging sensation just above your forehead and the blood you could feel congealing on your face, you could guess that you’d done yourself some damage when Merle brought you down at the prison.  Your wrists were still secured behind you by some sort of rope, but your legs were free and the rag that he’d gagged you with was gone, probably to ensure you didn’t suffocate to death as he carried you, reanimate and bite his ass, you thought.

Michonne, it seemed, was calm at this point.  She also had her hands tied and you could guess from the whack he’d given her at the prison that she was suffering from a similar headache to you.  She moved carefully, keeping an eye on Merle, as if waiting for him to spin out of control.

You caught her eye and frowned at her, trying to figure out what was going on, when it hit you.  

'You’re taking her to the Governor,’ you murmured, drawing Merle’s attention.  He smirked, and nodded.

'Ya catch on fast, sweetheart.  I’m saving your group’s sorry asses 'cause they’re too weak to do it themselves.’

'But Rick…’  You were struggling to keep up.  From your conversation with Daryl it sounded like Rick had been about to hand Michonne over anyway, so why was any of this necessary.

Merle scoffed.  'He was never gonna go through with it!  Changed his mind as soon as he’d told lil bro what he was gonna do.  So as usual, Merle gets stuck with the dirty work.’

That made sense to you at least.  The only thing Merle remotely cared about in this world was Daryl and, in his warped mind, by handing over Michonne he was ensuring that Daryl was no longer at risk.  You still weren’t sure why you were there though, other than plain bad timing as you’d seen Merle knock Michonne unconscious.  

As if reading your mind, Merle ran his eyes over you, raising his eyebrows at you as glared at him.  'As for you, sweetheart.  Well, I’ve just been waiting for a chance to put you in ya place.  Ya might have Daryl brainwashed with whatever bone you’ve been throwing 'im, but I know girls like you.  Sometimes ya just need someone to knock ya attitude out of ya.’

'Is that what you’re doing then, Merle?  Knocking my attitude out of me?’  You sneered at him.  'Isn’t that what your pops tried to do with you?  Obviously didn’t work too good.’

The flash of rage in Merle’s eyes told you you’d crossed a line and you could have kicked yourself for letting him bait you into snapping back again.  The back of his hand striking your face knocked you to the ground, and you felt your lip split with the impact, your mouth filling with the coppery tang of blood.

'Ya don’t know what you’re talkin’ bout, ya little bitch.’  He reached for you, dragging you up by your hair again, until you were eye to eye.  'I don’t know what Daryl told ya, but you don’t know nothing about me!’

'Hit too close to home for you, big guy?’  You taunted him, watching him grind his teeth as he considered his next move.  'What you gonna do about it?  You can kill me, but your brother would never look at you again, if he doesn’t kill you himself.  You can give it all the bluster you want, but you know I’m right.’

Merle shoved you away, clenching his fists as he paced in front of you, before turning to you again and pulling you to your feet, his grip painful around your arm.  

'Right now, I gotta get this one to the Governor.’  He waved his arm in Michonne’s direction.  She’d been watching the whole exchange with wide eyes, but you’d seen her working at her restraints and hoped you’d bought her a little time to at least loosen them.  'Then you and me are gonna spend some quality time, sweetheart, and I’m gonna teach ya a little respect.’  

He smiled at you, a vicious grin with his eyes full of malice, then turned to continue walking.

You sidled closer to Michonne as you stumbled along behind him, balance becoming an issue with your arms tied as they were.

'He’s lost it,’ you hissed at her, too quiet for the man in front of you to hear.

She nodded, not taking her eyes off of him as she continued to work at her restraints.

'You getting anywhere with those?’

A shake of the head, then Merle was yelling at you to keep up, so you quickened your pace to reach his side.

He stood at the entrance to a parking lot of a small motel.  The place looked abandoned, but there were several cars still there and, as he grabbed you both by the arm, it became clear that he intended to tie you to one of the posts outside the main building while he tried to hot-wire a car.  Once he was satisfied that he’d secured you, he moved to the nearest vehicle and climbed in, leaning down to fiddle with the cables beneath the steering column.  

After several minutes, you heard the roar of the engine as the car shuddered into life, and heard Merle’s victorious whooping.  Seconds later, a piercing alarm ripped through the air and Merle dived back down to the workings of the car to try to shut it off.

'Merle!’ you screamed.  ‘Do something!’

Walkers were appearing from all around you, staggering from the woods, the motel, the road.  You fought harder against your restraints, but they wouldn’t give.

'Michonne,’ you called, watching her struggle against the ropes, but she too was stuck.  The alarm continued to shriek, and you began to panic as you found yourself surrounded.  

As the first walker reached you, you kicked out at it, knocking it back, but were unable to take it down.  You could see Michonne in your peripheral vision, doing as you were, trying to push the corpses back by striking out with her legs.  One dropped and she stamped on its skull, spattering brains across the paved walkway.  Merle, having finally silenced the deafening noise, was getting dragged from the car by the hungry undead, before finally beginning to shoot.  Another walker lunged at you and you darted away, twisting round to pin it against the post you were tied to with the rope that held you there.  You heard another gunshot and the weight on the rope increased, as the body slumped towards the floor.  Merle was edging his way closer, taking down the dead ones that were closest to you, as he freed first Michonne from her pole and then you.  Michonne made a dash for the car, tripping with her hands still tied, but Merle had other ideas for you, spinning you round and slamming you against the post, your face absorbing most of the impact.  Pain shot through your eye socket as the skin broke, and the blood began to run into your eye, blinding you.

'Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t leave you here and let them chow down.’  He was pressed up against your back, forcing you into the metal column.  

You were terrified now, hands bound, half blinded by your own blood, your head throbbing with pain.  You honestly didn’t know if your next word was a reason or just a desperate wish.

'Daryl.’

He growled low in his throat, shooting another walker that had gotten close, before grabbing the back of your collar and dragging you behind him as he made his way to the car, clearing a path as he went.  You couldn’t get your footing and ended up sliding most of the way behind him, the rough ground tearing at your jeans and burning your legs.  

He threw you into the back seat, slamming the door and jumping in behind the steering wheel.  You could hear the screech of tires as the car peeled out of the lot, accelerating down the road.  The pain in your head intensified and everything went black again.  

 

* * *

 

You could hear Michonne’s voice, low and urgent, speaking quietly somewhere nearby.  You tried to open your eyes, but one of them was crusted shut with blood, and your vision was blurry when you managed to blink it away.  

'We can just go back,’ Michonne was saying.  'Why are you still helping that psychopath after everything he’s made you do?’

The car screeched to a halt, nearly sending you flying from the back seat as Merle slammed on the brakes.

The silence was deafening as you lay there waiting to see what would happen next.  As far as you knew, neither of the two in the front had noticed that you were awake, but you knew that, if you tried to make a break for it, Merle would catch you.  Your head was swimming and you weren’t convinced that moving wouldn’t lead to you passing out again.  

You couldn’t contain your gasp of surprise as Merle leaned over and cut Michonne’s wrists free, passing her the sword that he had stashed down beside him.  

'Get outta here.  Take her.’  He tipped his head towards you.  'Get back to the prison and get ready.  There’s a storm comin’!’

Michonne wasted no time in scrambling from the car and slipping an arm around your waist to help you out from the back.  

'What about you?’ she asked through the open window after shutting the door.  

'I’ve got somethin’ I’ve got to do alone.'  He shifted his gaze to you, for once without the arrogant smirk painted across his features.  'I’m sorry.’

Then he was gone, the car flying down the road, wheels screeching as he rounded the bend.

'You okay?’  She turned to you, studying your face with a growing look of horror. 

'Mmhmm,’ you nodded, then regretted the action as the wooziness you were feeling increased.

'Come on,’ she stroked your cheek.  'Stay with me.  We’ve got a long walk home.’

Turning you round, she used her sword to gently cut through your restraints, giving you a moment to massage your bruised wrists, before she wrapped her arm round your waist again.  

'I got you, just stay with me, Y/N.’

 

* * *

 

You felt like you’d been walking for miles.  You weren’t sure how long it had been.  Every step was just more pain, a bigger fight to stay conscious.  Your face felt like it was completely covered in blood, sticky and cold, and you could feel your lip swelling and your eye closing up.  

Your ribs ached from the kick that Merle had aimed at them and the way he’d crushed you up against the pole at the motel, and you were completely exhausted.

Neither you or Michonne had spoken for some time and you could see that she was feeling the same overwhelming tiredness, her tread growing heavy, the arm that was supporting you coated in sweat.  

The sound of your footsteps had become a dull monotonous thud in time to the pounding in your head and it took a moment for you to register that you could now hear a third set of boots hitting the ground, faster than the pace that the two of you had set, and getting louder.  Raising your head, you could see a blurry figure approaching, vest flapping in the breeze, and your breath hitched in your throat as you blinked to clear your vision and saw Daryl flying down the road towards you.

He collided with you at full speed, wrapping his arms around your waist and lifting you off the ground, as you wrapped yourself around him, burying your face in his neck as you sobbed.

You could hear him exchanging quiet words with Michonne, but all you could process at that moment was the comfort of being in his arms and the sound of his pulse thrumming away in his throat, as you breathed in his familiar smell of smoke, leather and diesel.  

He finally released you, placing you gently on the ground, as he pulled back and cupped your face in his hands, the look of anguish across his features breaking your heart as he took in the mess that his brother had made.  You felt him pull you close again, brushing feather-light kisses over all of your injuries: the gash on your forehead; your black eye; the bruising on your cheek; your split lip…  As his lips ghosted against yours, you felt a ripple of electricity pass through you, but he was already stepping away.

'Sorry,’ he mumbled awkwardly.  'I didn’t mean to… I just… I was so scared I’d lost ya.’

He took a deep breath, taking your sore and swollen wrists into his hands.  

'Did my brother do all that to ya?’

You nodded and he pulled you into his chest, as you felt his growl rumble through his body.

'I gotta go find 'im.’

'No,’ you grasped desperately at him, whimpering pathetically.  'Please don’t leave me, Daryl, please.’

'He’s lost his mind, Y/N.  I gotta go make sure he ain’t gonna hurt no-one else.’

'Go.’  Michonne took control, easing you away from the archer and slipping her arm under yours again.  'I’ve got her.  I’ll get her back safe.’

'You okay?’  Daryl asked, giving her a once over, noticing the bruising round her wrists that was identical to yours.

'I’m good.’  She smiled at him, tilting her head to one side to study him, the rage in his eyes, the clenched fists at his sides.  Such similar body language to his brother, but such a different man deep down.  'He let us go, Daryl.  You should know that.  He did the right thing, eventually.’

He nodded, chewing on his thumbnail, as he processed that information.  'I still can’t forgive 'im for what he’s done.’

'I know, I didn’t imagine for a second that you would.  But he’s your brother, and you need to know that he changed his mind and let us go.’

You felt her arm tighten around you and then she was steering you away, leading you down the road.  You glanced over your shoulder to see Daryl still standing there, watching you, before he turned his back on you and continued his search for his brother.


	18. Chapter 18

By the time Michonne had gotten you back to the prison, you could barely stand.  Your head was swimming, your whole face stung, and you were completely exhausted.

You heard Michonne call out for the gate to be opened and then Rick was there, cursing loudly, lifting you with his strong arms around your back and under your legs.  

You were vaguely aware of him carrying you through into the cellblock, shouting for Hershel, and seeing the kind old man’s face leaning over you, his gentle hands running over your injuries.

‘There’s nothing broken as far as I can tell,’ you heard him tell Rick and Michonne who had remained at your side.  'But it looks like she’s taken some hard hits to her head.  I’d imagine everything’s a bit fuzzy for her right now.’

You tried to nod in agreement, but couldn’t manage it, feeling like the world was starting to slip away from you again.

 

* * *

 

You woke to the feeling of moisture on your face and, as you started to come to, you felt the drops of liquid cool against your skin.  As they trickled down your cheek, you thought for a moment that they were your own tears, before realising that they were falling from above.  A large, calloused hand was holding yours and somebody was stroking your hair.

'Hey, yer okay.’

The whisper of Daryl’s voice brought you fully back to consciousness and you opened your eyes, blinking a couple of times against the darkness that filled your cell.

'Daryl?’  Your voice was husky as if you’d been asleep for days, and you coughed to clear your throat.  'You’ve made my face all wet.’

You heard him chuckle quietly, leaning back as he scrubbed his hands over his eyes.  

'What’s wrong?  Where’s Merle?  Did you find him?’

As your recollection of the day crept slowly back, you began to bombard him with questions, stopping when you saw his face crumple with emotion.  

’D, what is it?’

'Merle’s dead.’  He spoke so quietly that you almost didn’t catch the words.  'He took out a bunch o’ the Governor’s men by the looks of it.  Found him chowin’ down on one of 'em.’

'God, Daryl, I’m so sorry.’  Your brain was working at 100 miles an hour trying to process the information.  Merle had ultimately tried to do the right thing, attempting to thin the Governor’s army for the group, and it had cost him his life.  After everything he’d done to you, you weren’t sure how you felt about it all, but you knew that Daryl must feel equally conflicted.

'Put 'im down myself.’

'I don’t know what to say,’ you admitted, and he lifted his head to meet your eyes.

'How bout good fuckin’ riddance?  Must be what yer thinkin’.’

'I’m not thinking that.’

'Well, I am!’ he snapped, his raised voice making you jump.  'Look at what he did to ya.  How can I be cryin’ over the bastard that hurt ya?’

'He’s your brother,’ you shrugged, reaching out a hand to cradle his cheek, but he pulled away from you, standing up and kicking the chair back against the wall.  

'Ain’t no brother of mine that’d turn into a psycho killer for some asshole Governor.  Ain’t my blood that’d lay his hands on ya and mess ya up like he did!’

'It’s still okay to cry for him though, D.’

'How can ya say that when yer lyin’ there lookin’ like that?’

You tried to lighten the mood, to make him smile.  'You saying I don’t look pretty right now, Dixon?’

'Yer beautiful.  Always.’

You both fell silent for a moment before he sunk down on the bed beside you, rolling onto his back so you could tuck in against his side, your head resting on his arm.

'In the end Merle did the right thing,’ you began quietly.  'He did some terrible, terrifying things, y'know, I’m not denying that.  God, I can’t deny that!  But he went down trying to protect us all.  You gotta hold on to that.’

'How can ya talk 'bout 'im like that after what he put ya through?’

Daryl’s hand came up to stroke your hair and you rested yours on his chest, feeling the pulse of his heartbeat against your fingers.

'He thought that I’d stolen you from him.  He blamed me for you coming back here and he hated me for it.  But I know what it’s like to be scared of losing you, Daryl.  Had I been there when you chose to leave with Merle instead of coming back home, I’d have shot him where he stood.’

'If ya’d been there I wouldn’ve been leavin’.’

'And Merle knew that.  That was the problem.’

The archer sighed heavily, but his body remained tense.

'I ain’t ever gon’ forgive him for what he did.  I ain’t ever gon’ forgive myself either.’

'You can’t spend your life being angry at a ghost, D.’  You sat up to lean over him so you could look him in the eyes.  'And you haven’t done anything to need forgiveness.’

'I told ya I wouldn’ let 'im hurt ya.  I promised ya, Y/N!’

'You can’t protect me 24/7!’

'I coulda kicked 'im out when Rick wanted to.  I coulda left him out there in the woods.  I knew he was outta control.’

'But if you’d done that, you wouldn’t be the man that I know, the man that I respect.’

'Nah, I’d be the man that kept ya safe.’

'God, Daryl, I’m the one sitting here all battered and bruised, and with a pounding headache by the way, and you’re the one pouting about it.’  You clambered over him to get off the bed, ignoring his attempts to grab your arms as you straddled him.  

Once on your feet, you turned to look down at him.  'Be sad about Merle, grieve, cry, do whatever you need to do.  But stop blaming yourself, D!  You’ve gotta stop feeling responsible for me!  I kept getting into fights with Merle even after you told me to stay away from him.  I kept letting him bait me into arguments and losing my temper!  Do I feel guilty?  Hell no!  The only person to blame for any of this is Merle.’

You spun on your heel and left the cell, pressing a hand to your temple to try to relieve the pain in your head.  You headed for the bathrooms, hoping there’d be some clean towels lying around, and were already stripping off your shirt so you could give yourself a scrub down when you entered the changing room.  Your attention was caught by the mirrors above the sinks and you stepped cautiously over to one, taking in your appearance with a gasp of shock.  

A large gash ran from somewhere beyond your hairline to just above your right eye.  Hershel had cleaned you up and applied butterfly stitches from the prison’s first aid box, but it still looked red and sore.  You had a deep cut through your left eyebrow and the eye beneath was black and swollen.  You prodded at it tentatively, hissing in pain, then ran your fingers over the bruised cheek beneath, to the split that marked your bottom lip.  

Your mind drifted back to your reunion with Daryl on the road, the feeling of relief and safety that you’d found in his arms, and the electricity that had sparked through you when he brushed his lips against yours.  It had only lasted for a second, but it had taken your breath away.  You lost yourself in the memory for a moment, testing your feelings, trying to work out what that rush had been.  It had never been like that between you and Daryl.  He’d always been your friend, your brother.  He was your home.  You decided it must have been the after effects of the adrenaline that had been coursing through your body all day, that’s all, nothing to do with the kiss, but you couldn’t deny that your heart skipped a beat when you saw the reflection of the archer entering the room behind you.

'I’m sorry,’ he murmured, approaching you where you stood at the sinks and running his hands lightly down your bare arms, grimacing when he reached the rope burn on your wrists.  'Yer right.  I should be lookin’ after ya now, not pickin’ over stuff I can’t change.’

You nodded slowly.  'Good.’

’D'ya need some help cleanin’ up?’

'Actually that would be good.  I’m kinda sore,’ you admitted.

Daryl fetched a towel and a cloth whilst you sat down and kicked off your boots, shimmying out of your jeans, and rolling your tank top up to fold just under the band of your bra.  

When he turned back to you, you didn’t recognise the look that flashed across his face until you turned back to the mirror.  Your body was littered with bruises: on your neck, the marks from your previous run-in with Merle, starting to shift from purple to yellow now; fingerprints just above your elbow, and on your waist from being manhandled; a large purple blemish on your ribs where you’d been crushed into the post outside the motel, and on the other side from Merle’s well-aimed kick; another on your hip where he had dropped you from his shoulder.  As you turned to inspect the view from the back, you could see burn marks on the backs of your thighs from being dragged across the motel parking lot, the friction ripping at your jeans.  

A hand on your arm brought your mind back to the here and now, and you felt Daryl guiding you gently back over to the bench.  

Neither of you spoke as he dipped a cloth into a bucket of water and began to wipe away the dried blood and dirt from your body, lingering over the cuts and bruises, his hands gentle as they worked.  As he washed the grime away, your injuries looked even worse, the reds, blues and purples a stark contrast to your pale skin.  Your eyes met his from time to time and he’d offer you a strained smile before turning back to the task at hand.  When he was finished he towelled you dry, then pulled you into his lap, holding you as you broke down and sobbed.

'It’s gon’ be okay.  He can’t hurt ya no more.’  He rocked you gently, as if you were made of glass and he was scared that he might shatter you into a million pieces.  'I got ya now, Y/N.  I got ya.’


	19. Chapter 19

‘That e'rything?’  Daryl asked, taking your bag from you and slinging it into the back of one of the cars.

‘Yep, my whole life,’ you nodded at the half-empty duffel, shrugging your shoulders.  'Kinda depressing, really.’

‘Ain’t how much you got that matters,’ the archer reassured you, rubbing your back and leaning down to press a kiss to your forehead, careful to avoid the cuts and bruises that marred your face.  'It’s who ya got.’

'I like that.’

He winked at you, jogging across the yard to relieve Beth of two more bags that she was struggling with.

The group was packing up, ready to put Rick’s plan into motion.  You knew that the Governor was rallying his troops in Woodbury, and you needed to be prepared.  

'Y'okay with yer part in all this?’  Daryl asked as he crossed to the truck to fling the packs into the back.  'Y'know what yer doin’?’

'All up here.’  You tapped your finger against your head.  'I think I got the easy job to be honest.’

'Ya just do what ya gotta, then get outta there, alright?’

'It’s okay, D.  It’s a good plan.  Long as we all stick to our parts, it’ll be just fine.’

Carl stormed past you, throwing his rucksack into the trunk of the car and slumping down beside it, scuffing the ground with his boot.  Daryl raised his eyebrows at you and headed back inside, whilst you whistled at the young boy to get his attention.

When he looked up at you, you pouted at him.  

'Sup with you, bud?’

’D'you know they’re not letting me fight?  They’re sending me off to hide in the woods.’

'You know your Dad just wants to keep you safe.  You don’t wanna end up looking like me, do you?’

He continued to sulk, so you moved towards him and nudged his foot with the toe of your boot.

'It’s actually kind of a big job, kiddo.  You’ll be out there with Hershel, Beth and Judith.  You’re gonna be looking out for them, right?’

Carl shook his head at you, frowning at your patronising attempt to cheer him up.

'I gotta go take Judith from Carol so she can finish packing.’

He stood up and slunk off back into the cellblock, radiating frustration and angst.

'Kids, huh?’  Rick appeared round the side of the car, watching his son’s retreating back.  'I’m not sure I’m gettin’ anything right with him.’

You rested your hand on his shoulder, giving it a quick squeeze.  'You’re doing great, Rick.’

'So, what happened to my little boy?’

'He grew up!’ you laughed.  'Trust me, the attitude would have appeared, apocalypse or not.’

'And how long does it last, exactly?’

'Ooh, 'til he’s about 18, I’d say.’

'Just… great.’

You chuckled to yourself as your leader followed his son inside, before leaning back against Daryl’s bike, enjoying the feeling of the sun on your face, soothing your aches and pains.  Hershel had given you some painkillers, but you were trying not to take them, figuring that at some point someone else would be in greater need than you.  

'Someone’s slackin’ off,’ you heard Maggie’s singsong voice chant from nearby, and you tilted your head back down to see her pouring fuel into the tank of the truck.  

'Shut your mouth, Greene,’ you smirked.  'I’ve worked hard this mornin’.’

'Whatever you say!’ she batted back, before her expression grew more serious.  'You doin’ okay over there?’

'I’m good.  I’m ready.’

'Good.’  She sauntered over to you, throwing an arm around your shoulders.  'I know I haven’t checked in with you since…  Well, since Merle.’

'It’s only been a couple of days, Mags.’

'I know, but still.  It’s just, I could see Daryl takin’ care of you and I didn’t want to get in the way.’

'You are never in the way,’ you scolded her, leaning in to her.

'I guess you two musta had a lot to talk about, huh?’

'Yeah,’ you sighed.  'It was… It is complicated.  I mean, he’s grieving for his brother and I’m still recovering from what he did to me.’  

'Life when the world ends, huh?’  She smirked.

'Tell me about it!  How are things with you and Glenn now?’

'Better.  We talked.  We… made up.’  She winked at you and you laughed.  

'I’m glad.  He really loves you, Mags.’

'Hmmm,’ Maggie’s eyes followed Daryl as he left the cellblock and made his way over to you.  'Same to you.’

 

* * *

 

You crouched behind the generator in the electrical compound, your heart thudding in your chest as you waited for your cue.  You could hear the echoes of footsteps in the building’s corridors, but due to the way sound travelled in the stark concrete halls, it was impossible to tell where the Governor’s army was.  The door had been left ajar so that you could see out, and you felt panic rising in your throat as you convinced yourself that the man himself would round the corner at any second and discover your hiding place.

'Come on,’ you breathed, growing increasingly impatient.  'Where are you guys?’

Finally, you heard the tell-tale crack and hiss outside of smoke bombs detonating and reached for the generator switch, throwing your weight against it to shift it into the 'On’ position.  The shrill screech of the alarm pierced the air and you heard shouts of confusion from the invading group.  You sprinted for the door, dropping into a low crouch as you peered out into the corridor, checking that it was clear before you made a sharp right and crept down to the next corner.  You breathed a sigh of relief as you found that that too was empty, and you made a dash for the door that you knew led to a fire escape at the back of the prison.  Shoving it open, you threw yourself through it, slamming it behind you and easing the bolt into place, knowing that it meant the only way out for the Governor’s men was through the walkers that had been unleashed inside.  Grinning to yourself at the knowledge that your part of the plan was done, you stole along the building, heading for the far back corner of the yard, where you unhooked the carabiners that held the cut fence wire together, slipping through the gap and disappearing into the woods.

Conscious that walkers would be drawn towards the ongoing alarm, you were cautious as you moved through the trees.  You looked for the trunk marked with a deep cross gouged into the bark and breathed a sigh of relief as you saw that the lowest branch was within your reach.  The archer had chosen well.  You pulled yourself up, climbing until you reached a spot a few metres from the ground.  You weren’t confident enough on your own to go as high as you had with Daryl.  In the distance, you could hear gunfire and knew that Maggie and Glenn had sprung into action, firing on the fleeing force.  Engines revved into life, and you held your breath as you prayed that it was the sound of the Governor and his cronies retreating.  

You stayed where you were, as you’d been instructed to do, driving yourself crazy as you wondered what was going on back in the prison complex, hoping that your family were safe.  

You heard the sound of a motorbike approaching and waited until you saw the patterned fabric of Daryl’s poncho through the trees before beginning your descent from your perch.  Your boots hit the ground with a thud and you almost lost your balance and fell, but strong hands grabbed your hips, holding you steady.  You leant back against him, as he slipped his arms around you, holding you to him.

'Did we do it?’ you whispered, barely daring to voice the question.

'Let’s go find out.’

He led you back to his bike and you climbed on behind him, your grip tight around his waist, as he drove back round to the prison gate, whizzing through without stopping as Glenn pulled it shut behind you to stop the gathering walkers from gaining access.  As you flew down the track towards the buildings, the alarm finally ceased.  You could see members of the group gathered in the yard, and counted them off as you pulled up, noticing only Rick missing.  A moment later, he exited the cellblock and you realised he’d been the one to shut off the generator.

He nodded to you and Daryl as you climbed off of the bike, making his way over to you.

'We gotta go after them, the ones that got away.’

Daryl nodded and you realised that it still wasn’t over.

'Is that really necessary?  I mean, Michonne said it was just about making it too much effort for them to get to us, right?  Surely we did that.’

'Nah,’ Daryl shook his head.  'He’s gon’ think we made a fool of 'im.  He’ll be out for revenge now.’

You saw him exchange a loaded look with Rick, before your leader walked away.

You looked up at the archer, taking in his scowl, and knew he was worried.

'Do we really need to do this now?’

'Can’t wait for him to make another move, Y/N,’ Daryl said.  'And it ain’t 'we’.  Yer stayin’ here.’

'What?  No!’

'I ain’t takin’ you out there.  We don’ know where he is or how many of his men survived.  It’s too dangerous.’

When you glared at him, moving away from his touch, he shrugged his shoulders at you.  'Be mad at me if ya wan’.  Ain’t gonna change nothin’.’

You rolled your eyes at him, but stepped closer again to give him a hug.  'Just don’t get yourself killed, D.’

'I ain’t plannin’ on it.’

'Right, you, me and Michonne.  We leave in ten.’  Rick strode past, not breaking his step as he issued his instruction to Daryl, who nodded in acknowledgement, before turning back to you.

You watched as he pulled his poncho up over his head, and dropped it gently over yours, where it swamped you instantly, but surrounded you with his warmth and his scent.  You hadn’t even realised you were cold until you felt the soft fabric settle around you.

'I wan’ that back,’ he hollered at you as he made to follow Rick.  'Ya still got my damn shirt!’

'Looks better on me,’ you called after him, smirking as he turned round mid-step to give you an appraising once over.

'So it does.’

 

* * *

 

You’d volunteered to take a shift in the guard tower after helping with some of the clean up.  You were aching all over and couldn’t handle much more physical labour.  You missed ice, you thought, holding your bottle of water against your bruised ribs and growing frustrated when it wasn’t much cooler than your skin.  

You heard footsteps, but didn’t shift your gaze from the horizon until Carl flopped down next to you, removing his hat and placing it in his lap.

'Guess you heard what I did.’

'Hershel might’ve mentioned it.’

'He told my Dad too.’

'Your Dad needed to know, bud.’

The kid sighed and glanced over at you, anxiety creasing his brow.

'If Daryl had killed Merle, you wouldn’t have gotten hurt right?’

'I guess…’

'And if Dad had killed Andrew when we first got here, then my Mom would still be alive?’

'Maybe, but-’

'And if he’d killed the Governor, then maybe a lot of people wouldn’t have died, people that we don’t even know.’

'Dude, you gotta stop!’  You were concerned by this road that Carl seemed to be going down and you knew somebody needed to get through to him.  'Yeah, maybe things might be different if Daryl and your Dad had made different choices, but if they’d done that, how does that make them any better than Merle or the Governor?’

Carl didn’t react and you tried a different tactic.

'Okay, well, what about if Shane had shot Daryl when he met him in the woods back at the quarry?  What if he’d shot all three of us when we turned up to join your camp?  You have to give people a chance, Carl.  That boy, the one you killed, he could’ve been innocent.  He could have been fighting for the Governor to protect his family.  He might’ve been just like you, with people he cares about at home.’

'Then he was dangerous.’

At your look of confusion, he continued.  'Caring about people makes you dangerous.’

'Carl,-’

'Would you kill someone to protect Daryl?’

When you didn’t answer, he pressed harder.

'What about me?  What about my Dad, or Maggie, or Carol, or Hershel?  You’d kill for all of them if you thought they were in danger.’

'I would,’ you admitted.

'Which makes you dangerous.’

You fell into an uneasy silence and remained that way until night began to fall, and Maggie and Glenn came to relieve you.  

'No sign of them yet?’ Glenn asked and all you could do was shake your head.

'He’ll be okay, Y/N,’ Maggie reassured you, squeezing your arm as you moved past her towards the stairs.  'They all will.’


	20. Chapter 20

You’d had a restless night, tossing and turning in your bunk, thinking about Carl’s disturbing words and struggling to settle in Daryl’s absence.  The idea that the Governor’s forces may have ambushed the small troop from the prison wouldn’t leave you and you were determined to head out that morning and follow their route, even if you had to sneak past whoever was on watch.  

You crawled out of your bed at sunrise, changing into a clean pair of jean shorts and a t-shirt, pulling Daryl’s shirt on over the top.  Stuffing some supplies into your pack, you draped the poncho round your shoulders, then crept out of your cell.  You could hear the others starting to stir behind the curtains that covered their doorways and exited the building quickly.  You took a moment to sit on the bench and take advantage of the dawn light to study a map that Daryl had left in your cell.  You vaguely knew where Woodbury was so could guess the roads that the Governor and Rick would have taken.  

As you folded the map and shoved it back into your bag, you heard a shout and saw Maggie up in the guard tower waving down at the road, disappearing for a second, before you caught sight of her dashing out of the exit and making for the gate.  

Your heart skipped a beat as the distinctive black motorcycle came into view, bumping along the prison track, followed by the group’s car and, to your surprise, some sort of armoured bus.  

As Daryl pulled up, you abandoned your pack on the bench and ran to him, falling into his arms as he climbed off his bike and reached for you.

‘God D, I was so worried.’

'I know, m'sorry.’

'What the hell happened out there?’  Your eyes watched the bus over his shoulder, taking in the unsure faces of the people crammed inside.

'Governor had gone rogue, shot up his army not far from here, then took off.  Found one survivor.’

'Oh my God.’

He nodded, scuffing the ground with his boot as he continued.  'We went with her to Woodbury, let her explain what had gone down.  Rick offered 'em all the chance to come back with us, to join our community.’  He nodded towards the bus.  'An’ here we are.’

'Andrea?’

You saw something flash over Daryl’s face, but he just shook his head.  'She’d been bit.  Michonne was with 'er, at the end.’

You let out a shaky breath, nodding slowly as you processed the news.  

'Well, that sucks.’

'Yeah.’

You watched as people started to step from the bus, clutching their belongings to them and looking around at the new surroundings.  The other members of your group had been drawn from the cellblock at the sound of the vehicles parking up, and Carol and Hershel were greeting the newcomers, chatting quietly with them, whilst Carl glowered at them from across the yard.

'I guess we have some work to do.’

'Ya need to be restin’ for now.'  Daryl turned to face you and pulled his poncho further round your shoulders.  'I saw how you was movin’ yesterday.  Yer hurtin’ still.’

'Maybe a little,’ you confessed.  'I’m pretty much a big walking bruise.’

He nodded but stayed silent and you knew his thoughts had drifted to his brother.

You reached for his hand, squeezing it gently.

'I’m okay, D.  I promise.  Now that you’re back, I’m okay.’

 

* * *

 

Contrary to Daryl’s instruction, the day had been spent ensuring that the other prison cellblocks were clear and allocating everyone a bunk, trying to get some sort of register of names, and introducing yourself over and over and over…  It was exhausting, and with the additional people within the fences, your claustrophobia grew to be almost overwhelming.  As the evening sun began to fade, you slipped away, making your way up to the guard tower for some peace and solitude, intending to relieve whoever was currently on watch.

When you saw a cloud of smoke drifting up from the platform, you smiled to yourself, knowing that Daryl had beaten you it.

'Mind if I join you?’ you asked as you reached the top of the stairs, watching him roll his head back to see you approaching.

'Be my guest,’ he drawled, patting the spot next to him on the floor.  'Y'alright?  Y'look beat.’

'I’d forgotten how draining people are,’ you admitted, leaning back and taking a deep breath to relax yourself.  'My face literally hurts from faking smiles and if I have to hear myself say, 'Hi, I’m Y/N!’ one more time I’m going to scream.’

He snorted at you and wrapped an arm around your lower back, pulling you into him.  You leant your head against his chest, feeling his fingers find bare skin where your t-shirt had ridden up and begin to stroke it gently.

'That’s how we both felt when we joined the group at the quarry, an’ now they’re family.  Gotta give 'em a chance.’

'I know.  It’s nothing personal with them, it’s just how many of them there are!  I mean, have you noticed that they’re everywhere?’  You knew you were whining and couldn’t be offended when Daryl laughed at you again.

'Ya really ain’t a people person, are ya?’

You shook your head, wrinkling your nose.  'I’m really not.  And it sucks, 'cause I’m actually really hungry and really cold and really tired right now, and all I want to do is go inside and get some dinner and go to bed, but I can’t go back down there or I’m gonna kill someone, D!’

He cocked his head to study you, before moving to stand, stamping out his cigarette.

'Wait 'ere.  I’m gon’ be right back.’

He left you sitting there alone as you watched him stride over to the prison buildings, returning 10 minutes later with his arms full.  You heard him marching purposefully up the stairs, then the muffled thump of him dropping something inside, before he appeared with a smug smile on his face.

'Right, so, it was cold?’

You looked up at him confused until he whipped his poncho out from behind the doorway and chucked it at you, waiting until you had time to slip it on and snuggle down in the soft folds of fabric before continuing.

'An’ hungry?’

You nodded eagerly this time and waited whilst he retrieved a couple of tins of food and some cereal bars, handing them to you as you grinned up at him, before disappearing back inside.

'An’ ya wanted ya bed, right?’ he called out to you.

'God, yes, I really want my bed!’

This time when he reappeared, it was with a pile of blankets and pillows from your bunk which he dumped unceremoniously on top of you.

'Looks like we’re havin’ a sleepover,’ he announced, dropping back down beside you whilst you fought to get the sheets into some semblance of order.  'That make ya feel better?’

Having freed your arms, you leant over to him and wrapped your arms around his neck, kissing his cheek.  'You are my favourite person in this whole damn world, Daryl Dixon.’

'I’ll even find somewhere else to keep watch an’ let ya have some peace when we’re done eatin’, if ya wan’.’

You shook your head, nestling into his side.

'Don’t you dare go anywhere.’

You both fell silent as you ate the food that Daryl had provided for your impromptu alfresco dinner.  The night had set in and you arranged your pillows and blankets so that you could lie back and look at the stars.  It brought you a sense of peace that you hadn’t felt in a long time, and as Daryl slipped under the covers and stretched out beside you, leaning up on his elbow and wrapping an arm around your waist, you thought it might actually be a perfect moment, despite the world you were living in.

'Thank you for this,’ you whispered, reaching up to cup his face in your hand, stroking his cheek with your thumb.  'I really needed this.  You have no idea how much.’

'I know.  Ya think I can’t read ya after all this time?  Ya’ve looked like ya gon’ break for a while now.  I’ve hated watchin’ ya seem so… fragile.’

'It’s just kinda been one thing after another.  I’m not even sure when I last felt like things were gonna be okay.’

'But ya feel like that now?’

'Maybe.’

He leaned down over you, burying his face in your neck, as you wrapped your arms around him.  

'I’m so sorry, 'bout e'rything, Y/N,’ he mumbled against your skin.  'I know ya say it ain’t my fault, but I’m sorry.’

You clutched him tighter to you, reaching up to stroke his hair, as you felt his lips press a soft kiss to the hollow above your collarbone.

Your stomach dipped, and you felt your body shiver, telling yourself it was a result of the cold night air, despite being wrapped up in the archer’s poncho and buried deep in a pile of blankets.  

When he pulled away, your gaze met his, and you smiled at him as you brushed his fringe out of his eyes.

'Can we just start over?’ you asked, as he looked at you, confused.  'I mean, can we just let go of the guilt about everything that’s happened?  I hate it, and it’s not doing either of us any good.’

'What’re ya feelin’ guilty about?’

'Pushing you away.  Ignoring you.  Rising to your brother’s baiting.  If I hadn’t, he probably wouldn’t have come after me like he did, and you wouldn’t be feeling guilty about that.  Maybe you two would’ve been on better terms when he…’  You tailed off when Daryl lowered his head.

When he looked back up at you, he was nodding.

'Yer right.  We should let it go.  Start over, like ya said.  I don’ wan’ nothin’ to come between us.’

'It won’t,’ you reassured him, pushing him over onto his back, so that you could tuck yourself into his side and lay your head on his chest.  'We’re gonna be just fine.’


	21. Chapter 21

As the newcomers settled in to the prison, you found yourself more and more desperate to get outside, be free of the fences and the constant chatter.  Daryl felt the same and was going out on daily hunts or runs, in theory to try to keep the larger community fed and clothed, but you knew he also found the new society draining.  More often than not, you joined him on his outings these days, the two of you leaving at dawn and returning just as the light started to dim.  You knew that Rick was putting him under pressure to join the new council that was being put together to help keep order, Rick having stepped back from leading to spend some more time with his son and work through his issues, but he was resisting so far, preferring to be out on the road than tied up in meetings.

It was dawn, maybe a month after the Woodbury citizens had moved in, and you were out with Rick checking the traps that you’d set in the wood to see if any small wildlife had wandered into them.  You’d been using the opportunity to check in with him, to see if Carl was in a better mindset yet, when you heard footsteps approaching and looked over your shoulder to see Daryl picking his way through the trees.

You raised a hand in greeting, standing up from where you’d been kneeling to reset a small noose.

‘Hey,’ he greeted you, nodding to Rick who was a short distance away.  'I got a proposition for ya.’

‘I’m listening.’

‘I think we’ve got as much as we gon’ get from the local towns round ‘ere.  I was thinkin’ of takin’ a truck out with some campin’ gear, maybe spendin’ a couple o’ nights out on the road.’  He rubbed his boot along the floor, making the path that led to your trap more defined, before looking up at you, a small smile on his face.  'Ya wan’ come?’

‘Hell yes.  Let me finish up here and grab some things.  I’ll be with you in, say, 20 minutes.’

‘Alright.  Make sure to bring somethin’ warm.  S'gon’ get cold at night.’

You nodded, watching him walk away before turning back to the task at hand.

20 minutes later, you swung your pack into the footwell of the truck and climbed into the passenger seat.  

‘Seems kinda weird not being on your bike,’ you confessed, watching as he slid his seat back and started the engine, turning it over a couple of times before it caught and roared to life.  

‘Bike’s gon’ be no good for the haul we’re gon’ find.’  He winked at you, and you laughed.

‘Haul or not, it is going to be so good to get out of here for a few days!’

You saw Michonne making her way over to the truck and wound your window down so she could lean in.

‘Long time no see,’ you smiled at her, tilting your head and taking in her tired eyes and dusty skin.  'Still no luck?’

You knew she had been going out for days at a time in search of the Governor, determined to avenge Andrea’s death.  She was worried, knowing that he knew your location and could reappear at any time in another attempt to take over the complex.

'Nope, nothing,’ she sighed.  'It’s like he just vanished into thin air.’

'Maybe it’s time to give up,’ you said tentatively.  'Put your energy into something else.’

'I’m not ready yet,’ she admitted, and you nodded in understanding.  'You guys be careful out there.’

'We will,’ you promised, turning to wave to her shrinking figure as you drove away.

'So, where are we going?’

'There’s a few towns further up the route north from 'ere.  They’re kinda in the middle of nowhere so they might not o’ got hit yet.  It’s a few hours’ drive to the first one, so I figure we check that out, find somewhere to hole up for the night, then move on an’ hit the other two tomorrow.’

'Sounds good to me.’

You fell into a comfortable silence for several minutes, before you heard Daryl start to snigger.

'So, how’s it goin’ with Jack?’

You’d been waiting for Daryl to bring up your shadow, one of the guys that had come over from Woodbury and taken a shine to you.  Jack had taken in your bruised face and laboured movements, and decided that he would go out of his way to help you with whatever task you’d been assigned to that day, something which had been sweet at first but grown to drive you slightly crazy as you recovered.  You knew he meant well, so you’d let it go on for too long, not wanting to hurt his feelings and not seeing any real harm in it, but last night at dinner you’d found yourself sitting close to him, his arm casually slung across your shoulders as he laughed with his cellmate.  You’d caught Daryl’s eye as he’d entered the room, pleading with him silently to come and rescue you, but he’d simply smirked and disappeared outside, presumably to eat alone in the guard tower.  

'It isn’t going with Jack,’ you sighed.  'I’m not really sure what he expects from me.’

'I think it’s pretty damn obvious what he expects from ya from the way he was touchin’ ya at dinner.’

'Not necessarily,’ you argued, though you knew you were burying your head in the sand.  'You touch me like that all the time and we’re just friends.’

He went quiet for a moment, glancing over at you before turning back to the road.

’D'ya like 'im?’

'What?  No!’

“Cause if ya do, ya just gotta say, y'know.  I can back off.’

'No!  That is the absolute last thing that I want.’

'Ya sure?  I mean, ya looked pretty cosy.  I don’t wanna-’

’D, stop it,’ you interrupted.  'It isn’t like that.  I just don’t wanna hurt his feelings.  He’s sweet.’

'An’ sweet ain’t yer type?’

You considered this for a moment, running your eyes over the rugged redneck beside you, his face twisted into a scowl as he waited for your response.  

'No, I guess it isn’t.’

 

* * *

 

By the time you reached the first town, the afternoon sun was beating down on the truck, turning it into an oven.  Your t-shirt was sticking to your skin and you were using the shirt that you had been wearing over the top to wipe the sweat from the back of your neck, having pulled your hair up into a messy bun.  

As Daryl pulled the truck up outside an old convenience store, you took your gun from its holster and slipped out of the door, landing lightly on the balls of your feet and closing it gently behind you.  You scanned the street, looking for any signs of movement, alive or undead, but everything was still.  Daryl had also left the vehicle and, together, you moved towards the storefront, weapons raised.  The archer rapped his knuckles against the glass, waiting for a moment to see if anything appeared inside, then, when nothing did, proceeded to kick the door in.  He entered first, moving quickly and quietly down the centre aisle, sweeping the building with his eyes.  You followed behind him, before branching off when the aisles intersected and continuing to check the store for threats.  

'All clear?’ you heard Daryl call a couple of minutes later, and you shouted back confirmation.  

'Looks kinda empty though,’ you sighed, taking in the bare shelves.  'Someone musta got here first.’

'Or it was the people that lived 'ere, back when the panic first broke out.  Worth checkin’ the store room in the back.’

You watched as he headed to the rear of the building, before making your way over to the counter and slipping behind it.  You scanned the shelves underneath the cash register, picking up a couple of unopened soda cans and dropping them into your bag.  There was also a locked cupboard in the bottom corner which you broke into easily with your knife, though the contents was a little less exciting than you’d hoped - a pack of cigarettes and some sort of inventory book.  You took the cigarettes for Daryl, then went to find him in the store room, hoping he’d had more luck than you.

'Anythin’?’ he asked as you entered the room, his shoulders slumping slightly when you shook your head.

'Nothing useful.  You?’

'A couple o’ cans of pork 'n’ beans.’

'I reckon we definitely coulda fit this haul on the back of the bike.’  You nudged him, giggling at his dejected expression, but he quickly pulled himself together and got his game face back on.

'C'mon, we’re here now.  Might as well check out the rest of the town.’

 

* * *

 

Your search of the rest of the town turned out to be just as fruitless and you boxed up the few cans you’d scavenged in an old carton you’d found at a grocery store to stop them ratting around in the back of the truck.  

Daryl had pulled out his map and spread it on the hood, tracing your route with his finger as he worked out where you would go next.

'We still got an hour or so of daylight I reckon,’ he observed, glancing up at the evening sky.  'Should be enough time to reach this housin’ estate here.’  He pointed at a stop on the map, a few squares up from where you were currently located.  'Can hopefully hole up in one o’ those for the night, then carry on in the mornin’.’

'Great, let’s do it.’

You slid back into the truck, stifling a yawn as Daryl got in next to you and started the engine, releasing the handbrake, before lifting his arm up for you to curl up against him.

'I’m sorry.  This was prob'ly a waste of time,’ he mumbled, chewing his lip as he drove.  

'It was worth a try, D.  Besides, we might hit a goldmine tomorrow, you never know.’

You heard him grunt, and looked up at him, his brow creased with worry lines.  

'Hey, we’re out here trying, right?  That’s gotta count for something.’

He didn’t reply, so you just snuggled further into him, and let your eyes close as he drove, letting yourself relax to the thrum of his heartbeat.  

You stirred as the truck brakes creaked to a halt and sat up to look around at the houses that lined the street Daryl had pulled up on.  They looked pretty standard: steps leading up up to wraparound porches; two floors; abandoned.

'Any preference?’ you asked, sitting up further and stretching as Daryl let himself out of the vehicle, reaching behind his seat for his crossbow.

'That one.’  He pointed to one that was set slightly further back from the road than the others.  You weren’t sure if there was any reason behind his choice, but you didn’t care enough to question it at that point, and followed behind him, gun in hand, as he made his way over.  You repeated the process you’d carried out at the convenience store, knocking to see if any walkers appeared, then breaking in and doing a full sweep of the property.  It was pretty empty of everything, including furniture, but the locks on the doors and windows were secure, and you settled in for the night, making camp on the living room floor, dining on the cans of food you’d brought with you from the prison and sipping on the sodas you’d managed to scavenge.

Daryl was keeping watch whilst you tried to get some sleep, but you were shivering too much to drift off, despite the archer’s poncho wrapped around you.

’D, I’m freezin’,’ you whined, clutching the soft fabric tight around your body, and looking up at him with pathetic puppy dog eyes, your face illuminated by the moonlight streaming into the room.

'I left the campin’ gear in the car.  Didn’ figure we’d need it in 'ere.  I can’ go get it if ya want.’

The thought of opening the front door and letting even more cold air in didn’t appeal, so you pushed yourself slowly to your feet, shaking your head.

'No, it’s fine.  I’m gonna go see if there are any blankets or anything in the bedrooms that we missed.’

He nodded, remaining in his position by the window as you crept up the stairs, letting your eyes adjust to the darkness.  

You started in the master bedroom, checking all of the wardrobes and chests of drawers, but finding nothing,  You moved swiftly on to the other two rooms, coming up empty in those too.  As you felt your way back along the hallway, your fingers scraped against a seam in the wall, and you moved your hand along it, feeling for a handle and finally finding a small hollow in the wood and using it to ease the cupboard door open.  It was obviously some sort of linen closet, with a couple of shelves up the top, and a larger space underneath for hanging things, but it was also completely empty.  

'Dammit,’ you breathed, about to close the door and return to the living room empty-handed when you heard heavy footsteps on the stairs and felt Daryl’s arms around you, forcefully pushing you into the cupboard, as he crammed himself in behind you, ducking low to avoid the shelves, your pack slung over his arm, his crossbow in hand.  

'Daryl, what the hell-’

You were cut off by his hand covering your mouth and, as your eyes adjusted, you could just make out his finger pressed over his lips, warning you to stay quiet, his eyes wide.

Before you could question him again, you heard the front door slam back against the wall and several male voices drifted up the stairs, raucous laughter echoing through the house.  Your heart began to pound as you realised that your home for the night had been invaded and your mind raced as you tried to think of a way out of this.  From the noise coming from downstairs, it was obvious that you were outnumbered and, by Daryl’s panicked reaction, you could tell that you were likely outgunned too.

'Daryl,’ you whispered, but he shook his head at you as you heard boots thudding up the stairs, coming closer.  You barely dared to breathe as the invader moved along the corridor, checking the rooms out, before calling down to his comrades.

'There’s beds up here, guys!  Ain’t enough for e'ryone though.  I got dibs on the master!’

A stampede of footsteps on the stairs, more laughter, and then strong southern accents outside in the hall, arguing over the best sleeping places for the night.

'Fuck the lot o’ ya then!’  This voice was right outside the closet door and you were sure that the intruder must be able to hear your heart pounding through the wood.  'I’m gon’ sleep right 'ere!’  

_No, no, no, no, no…_

A muffled thump as a body dropped to the ground, then the rustle of clothing and creak of floorboards as he rearranged himself into a comfortable sleeping position, bumping into the door as he fidgeted.  You were trapped.

You could see Daryl’s eyes close in frustration and fear as he came to the same realisation and reached for his arm, squeezing it tightly, trying to stop your own  hand from shaking.

A few moments later you heard soft snores coming from outside in the corridor and finally dared to speak as Daryl lowered his bow.

'What are we gonna do?’

All Daryl could do was shrug.  'Get comfy, I guess.  We ain’t goin’ nowhere tonight.’

He was too tall for the closet, hunched up under the shelving, and you pressed yourself back into the corner, so that he had space to slide down to the floor, his knees nearly touching the opposite wall, his crossbow tucked in beside him.  You climbed in between his legs and settled yourself against his chest, feeling his arms wrap around you and hold you to him.

'How many are there?’

'Counted at least 6 of 'em comin’ up the path.  Looked like they were well-armed, had guns 'n’ machetes at least.’

'Shit.’

'I’ll get ya out o’ here, I promise.’

You nodded dumbly, scared into silence, listening to the cacophony of snoring that filled the house.  The minutes crept slowly by as Daryl held you, his warmth doing nothing to fend off the chill that was creeping into your bones.


	22. Chapter 22

It was a long, sleepless night, stuck together in the cramped closet, scared to move, to make a noise, in case you should give away your hiding place.  You’d managed to remove the poncho and twist yourself round so that you could bury your face in the crook of Daryl’s shoulder, trying to use the familiarity to relax yourself but it didn’t really work.  Your mind was still going over and over your options, or lack thereof, and the worst case scenarios of what could happen if you were discovered.

You could feel your breathing growing short, your chest constricting, as anxiety washed over you, your body beginning to shake uncontrollably.  Daryl immediately sensed the change in you as your panic attack took hold, gripping your chin and turning your face to his to meet his concerned stare, breathing in and out with an exaggerated slowness as he encouraged you to pace your breaths with his.  His other hand was rubbing soothing circles across your back as he leant his forehead against yours so that you could breathe together, so close that you could almost taste the tobacco tang of him as you inhaled.  

As you fought to get yourself under control, he whispered to you, repeating the same words over and over.

‘Yer gon’ be okay.  Look at me.  Just focus on me.  Yer gon’ be alright.’

You leaned back and found his eyes, allowing yourself to get lost in them, as he stroked your cheek, keeping his gaze locked on yours.  You tried to pretend that you were somewhere else: back up in the guard tower where you’d spent so many evenings huddled together against the cold, talking about nothing in particular, just enjoying each other’s company; curled up in your bunk, drawing warmth from each other as you listened to the group settle in the for the night.  You felt yourself start to relax, your trembling body finally ceasing in its movements, and you took a deep breath, filling your lungs as the iron band sensation round your chest started to dissipate.

You felt Daryl’s hand cease its calming circles, before his fingers grazed the bare skin of your hip where your t-shirt had gotten rucked up against his trousers, and he lightly traced the line of the rumpled fabric, stroking over your hipbone with a calloused thumb.  The atmosphere had shifted as he’d felt your anxiety pass and you felt sure that he was now somewhere else in his head with you.  You shivered as his hand slid up to your waist, ghosting against your skin and leaving goosebumps in its wake.  Your eyes were still locked together and you reached up to cup his face in your hands, pulling him down to you as you whispered to him.

‘Thank you.’

You half expected him to pull away, but he remained there, his face hovering above yours as you tried to smooth away the worry lines from his skin.  

You closed your eyes, the intensity almost too much for you, the intimacy a level above what you were used to with the archer, but you could feel the hairs of his beard scratch against your chin as he lowered his face to yours until your lips brushed, neither of you moving, not quite a kiss.  

His grip on you tightened, as you curled your fingers into his hair, almost daring him to make a move, and at the same time terrified of what might happen if he did, the knowledge that a kiss between you, a real kiss, could change everything.  

A loud thump outside the closet broke the tension and you released each other immediately, as you moved out from between Daryl’s legs so he could reach for his crossbow.  You pulled your gun from its holster, training it on the door.  

‘Get up, ya lazy shit.’

There was mumbling from the corridor and then two sets of footsteps trudged down the stairs, followed soon after by several more.  

'Is that all of them?’ you breathed and Daryl shrugged, then nodded after several moments of silence followed.  Slowly, he pushed himself to his feet, crouching low as he eased open the door a crack to peer out into the hallway.  You could hear movement and voices from downstairs, and watched as the archer made a quick assessment of the situation. 

'Quick,’ he whispered, pushing the door open further and leaning his crossbow against the wall, motioning for you to follow him.  He pointed to a hatch in the ceiling and lifted you so that you could push it up and slide it across, opening up the entrance to the attic.  Your fingers found the lip of the hole as he raised you up higher, and you gripped it, pulling yourself up and into the small room.  You reached down to take your pack and the crossbow from Daryl and moved out of the way as he used the radiator on the wall as a leg-up to climb up into the ceiling with you.  

Silently, you lowered the hatch back into place, just in time as you heard someone jogging back up the stairs.  You froze, wondering if you’d been spotted, but whoever it was passed directly under the hatch and went into one of the bedrooms.

As Daryl kept his crossbow trained on the entrance, you took a moment to scan the room.  The ceiling was low, and the floor was made up of old wooden boards, with the odd rag rug scattered over them here and there.  It was empty except for an old suitcase shoved into one corner, and there was only one tiny window, letting in a beam of light that highlighted the dust motes floating in the air.  You were still trapped, but at least this time you had space to breathe, room to move around.

As the figure below moved back downstairs again, you edged over to the suitcase, leaning back against the wall as you found the clasps and clicked them open, easing back the top to reveal the contents.  You gasped as you were met with piles upon piles of photos, faces smiling happily up at you from beneath a fine layer of dust.  

You reached for one on the top and blew gently on it to reveal more detail of the people underneath.  A child stared up at you with big blue eyes, chubby cheeks dimpled by the big toothy grin that she was directing at the camera.  Off to the side, a lady was watching, her hands clasped together, her gaze completely focused on the little girl.  You reached for another.  This time it was the same lady, though younger, with a man, staring into each other’s eyes, lost in each other as they danced together, a natural loving moment caught on camera.  The third that came to hand was the three of them, crowded around a birthday cake, party hats askew, as the little girl pursed her lips to blow out the four candles in front of her.

'Y'alright?’  You felt Daryl’s hand on your shoulder and realised he’d moved across the room to join you.  You hadn’t been aware until that moment that you had tears streaming down your cheeks, which you now hurriedly scrubbed away with the back of your hand.

'I’m fine,’ you nodded, averting your eyes from the pictures as you tried to pull yourself together.

'What ya got there?’

You handed him the three photos in your hand and watched as he flicked through them, frowning as he turned back to you.

'Thinkin’ bout ya family?’

'No, not really.’  You shook your head.  'More thinking about the things that I’ll never have, y'know.  You grow up expecting that your life will be a certain way and I guess it just hurts to think that I won’t ever do those things that I was supposed to get to do.’

When he tilted his head, you took that as a cue to continue and you let your emotions run wild for a moment as you vocalised the thoughts in your head.

'I mean, I spent all my time at school or studying, and then I went to university, and I was either studying or working to pay my rent.  I should have been out there dating, and dancing all night long, and kissing in the rain or whatever, because that’s what really matters isn’t it?  The moments that make up a life, not a stupid certificate and money in the bank.  And I won’t ever fall in love, or get married, or have children, or take photos like these…’  You tailed off as more tears welled up in your eyes, wiping them away.  'I’m sorry.  My birthday’s around this time of year, and even though I don’t know when exactly, I can just feel myself getting older, and those things that I always knew I wanted in the future have been weighing on my mind, I guess.’

'Ya don’t know ya won’ have those things though,’ Daryl spoke softly, reaching for your hand and rubbing his thumb over your knuckles.  'Look at lil’ asskicker.’

'You mean the child that’s going to grow up with no mother?  Knowing fear, and hunger, and desperation, but not knowing what home feels like?  I couldn’t do that, Daryl.  I couldn’t bring a baby into this world knowing what its life is going to be like.’

You could sense that he was at a loss for words, so instead he changed the subject.

'So, ya birthday’s comin’ up?’

'Or just gone.  I guess dates don’t have a lot of meaning anymore.’

'You should o’ told me.  We could o’ done somethin’.’  

'I’ve been trying not to think about it.’

You reached for another photo from the case, your fingers gently wiping the dust away from a sepia image of an older couple, sitting side by side on an old floral couch, laughing together.  You smiled at it, passing it across to the archer.

’D'you think we’ll live to be their age, D?’

'I think we’ll be sittin’ up in that guard tower when we’re in our 80s, complainin’ about our aches 'n’ pains.’

'You’ll have to carry me up the stairs if you still want me on watch up there with my bad hips.’

'Ain’ got no problem with that, girl.’

You giggled, leaning into him as he wrapped his arm around your shoulders.

'I din’t know ya thought about stuff like that.’

'I try not to,’ you admitted.  'Can’t help it sometimes.’

'Ya can talk to me.’

'I know.’

You heard the sound of the front door slamming, and watched as Daryl moved over to peer out of the window.  

'They’re gone.  We gotta get out o’ here.’

You carefully laid all of the photos back in the case, closing it carefully, whilst the archer watched you with a quizzical expression.  

'Just in case,’ you explained, as you followed him over to the hatch.

 

* * *

 

Back in the truck, you made a speedy exit from the estate, taking the first road you came to and following it across country.

'Are we going the right way?’ you asked, studying Daryl’s map.  'I thought you said the next town was north from us.’

'I ain’t lookin’ for the next town.  I’m just drivin’.’

You watched his tired face, the frown lines that were still etched into his skin, and nodded, folding the map up and tucking it into the glove compartment.  'Just driving it is.’

You zigzagged through open country, fields stretching off into the distance, small farms dotted along the landscape.  It was beautiful, but it was desolate, bleak, empty of any life.  When you spotted a farmyard nearer to the road, you pointed it out, and Daryl pulled onto its bumpy gravel track, cutting the engine halfway down so you could walk the rest of the way to the buildings.

Splitting up to sweep the property, you found yourself in a barn that reminded you of the one at the Greene’s place.  You could hear a scuffling noise coming from behind some wooden boarding and raised your knife as you approached, expecting to find a walker, trapped and ravenous.  You let out a sharp bark of laughter at what you did find.  

'Y/N?’  You heard the archer enter the barn behind you, having come running from the house when he’d heard your outburst, and you turned to him with a big grin on your face. 

’D, we hit our goldmine.’

Behind the barrier, scratching about on the bare dirt floor, were five chickens and a rooster.  They were scrawny and malnourished, their feathers patchy and dull, but they were alive, and you were sure with that with Hershel’s knowledge you’d be able to get them back to health and productivity.  

Daryl managed to find an old crate in one of the sheds, knocking together a lid for it with the other odds and ends that he’d come across, and you carefully loaded the birds into it, depositing them into the bed of the truck and securing it with a length of rope.  You poured some water into a bottle lid for them to peck a  and Daryl chucked in a handful of some nondescript seed that he’d found a sack of in the feed shed.  You were both determined to get them back to the prison alive.

'I found somethin’ else,’ Daryl hollered as he made off towards the house that he’d scouted through earlier.  'I’ll be right back.’

He reappeared carrying a rack of glass jars that rattled together as he walked towards you, smirking at your confusion.

'Moonshine,’ he whispered in your ear as he passed by.  'Yer gon’ have to have these down by ya feet.  Ain’t riskin’ 'em gettin’ broke.  I got somethin’ in mind for these.’

Climbing back into the truck, you moved your seat back a little and propped your feet up on the dashboard, feeling your eyes growing heavy.  

'You okay to drive?’ you asked, as you felt Daryl climb in next to you.  

'Mmhmm,’ he nodded, chewing on his thumbnail as he stuck the keys into the ignition.  'Gotta be.’

'We going back now?’

'Ya want to?’

'Yeah.’  You smiled drowsily at him, as he put the truck into gear and began to reverse back down the track to the road.  'Gotta get those birds back before they give up the ghost.’

Silence fell between you as you fought off sleep, studying the map in the hopes of helping the archer navigate his way back to the main road.  When you finally saw a landmark you recognised and knew you were on the right track, you dropped the map down beside the crate and stretched, stifling a yawn.  

Daryl looked over at you and raised an eyebrow as he noticed you attempting to stay awake.  'Get some shuteye, ya moron.  You ain’t gotta stay awake for my benefit.’

You hit his arm, shaking your head at him, as you felt another yawn rising, failing to cover this one as you had before.  

'Thank you, D.’

'What for?’

'Gettin’ me out for a while, keepin’ me safe, calmin’ me down, listenin’…’

'Get some sleep, girl.  I’ll wake ya when we get home.’

You drifted off to the sound of him whistling the tune of some old country song, his fingers drumming against the wheel.


	23. Chapter 23

‘Look at them, they look great!’ you cried, looking over the chickens scratching about in their run.  It was a couple of weeks since you’d returned to the prison with them and, with Hershel’s attention and knowledge, they were now plump and thriving.

'They’re doing well.’ Hershel nodded beside you.  'They’ve started laying.’

'Amazing!’  You were happy that you’d been able to contribute something significant to the prison, that your nightmare run with Daryl had been worthwhile. 

You couldn’t deny that the incident in the house had shaken you up.  You’d never had a panic attack before, never really suffered from anxiety, and you now lived in fear that another one may creep up on you.  It wasn’t an experience that you wanted to repeat and it made you feel weak.  

The other incident that had happened whilst trapped had been playing on your mind too, your near-kiss with the archer.  You hadn’t thought about him at all that way before the gentle kiss he’d placed on your split lip out on the road, and you thought you’d managed to push down the memories of that and how they made you feel.  Shut away from the world though, scared for your life, all you had wanted was for him to kiss you again, to kiss you properly, and it made you feel weird and uncomfortable.  Daryl had been acting perfectly normal with you, as if it hadn’t happened, and you were beginning to feel like maybe it was all in your head, that maybe he hadn’t felt the atmosphere that had built up in that closet.  You’d always said that he was your hero, that he was always saving you, and maybe the desire you’d felt for him had simply been an extension of that - a way of clinging to him, of feeling safe, of distracting yourself from your situation.  You decided to bury the memory.  Daryl was your best friend, your family, and you couldn’t risk making things awkward with a school girl crush.  You needed him too much.

As you left Hershel tending to his hens, you saw Daryl heading across the yard, crossbow on his shoulder.

'Going hunting?’ you called out to him, jogging over to him when he stopped to wait for you.

'Yeah, I need to get out o’ here today.’

'You okay?’ you asked, concerned by the stressed look on his face, but he forced a smile, nodding to reassure you.

'I’m fine.  Just feels like a lot o’ people today, s'all.’

'I know what you mean.’

'Ya wan’ come along?’

'I can’t, I’m sorry,’ you pouted.  'I’m on babysitting duty.  I promised I’d do some arts and crafts with the kids.’

Daryl scoffed.  'Arts 'n’ crafts?’

'Yeah, we’re going to decorate the walls of the classroom with some chalk Glenn found on his last run.  It’ll keep 'em occupied.’

'Alright.  Guess I’ll see ya then.’

'Hey, you and me?  Tonight?  Guard duty in the tower?’  

'Nah.'  Daryl scuffed the ground with his boot, chewing on his thumb, before looking up to meet your eyes.  'Maggie 'n’ Glenn already offered to keep watch.  Think they wan’ some alone time.’

'Oh, right.’

You were a little disappointed.  Your evenings in the tower with the archer had become the highlight of your day, a chance to get away for a little bit, get a few hours of peace.  

'Guess I’ll see you later then.'  You raised a hand to wave goodbye as he turned and walked away.  

 

* * *

 

Having sketched out a simple design in charcoal on the walls of the room that had been designated a classroom for the kids, you had a fun afternoon watching them colour in the pictures, bringing some light and fun into the gloomy, concrete prison.  You’d noticed Carl watching from the doorway at one point and hoped he might come in and at least speak to you, if not join in, but when you turned back round he’d slunk away.  You hadn’t had a real conversation with him since his cynical outburst in the guard tower after the Governor’s last attack and you worried about him daily.  

You were sitting on your bunk, back against the wall, trying to come up with a way to help the younger Grimes get in touch with his childish side again, or at least let go of a little of his darkness, when you heard a cough from the doorway of your cell.

You looked up to see Daryl leaning against the bars of the door, chewing on his lip, as he peered up at you from behind his fringe.  

'Hey D, how was your hunting?’

'It was a bust.  Can I… Can I borrow ya for a bit?’

You frowned at him, confused by his nervous behaviour, but got up, intending to follow him.

'Ya gon’ want to put somethin’ warmer than that on,’ he advised, looking you up and down in your jean shorts and tank top.  'Sun’s gone down.’

You grabbed a long cardigan that was screwed up on your chair, slipping it round your shoulders as you followed him out of the cellblock and into the prison grounds.  

You could see Maggie and Glenn leaning against the railing up in the tower, laughing together as they chatted, and felt a warm glow at your friends’ happiness, only slightly tainted by a pang of jealousy that they’d found each other in this hideous world.  Your mind slipped back to where it had been up in the attic two weeks’ before, thinking of all of the things you wouldn’t get to do, all the carefree fun you hadn’t let yourself enjoy when you could.  

You felt Daryl’s fingers link through yours, bringing you back to the present.  He was leading you around the side of the building, towards the yard at the rear of the prison that remained mainly unused.

’D, what’s-’

You broke off as you turned the corner and took in the flickering light of the candles lining the benches that bordered the yard.  The group’s truck was parked in the centre, a bedsheet spread across the hood with two plates of food steaming on top of it in the cool evening air, and on the roof sat Daryl’s crate of moonshine from the farm you’d found on your run.  

'What is this?’  You turned to him, eyes wide in wonder, to see him studying you intently, chewing on his lip again.

'Ya said it was ya birthday ‘round ‘bout now.  Wanted to do somethin’ nice for ya.' 

'Daryl, this is amazing.’

'I wanted ya to get to do some of the stuff ya said you didn’ really get to.  Datin’, dancin’…’

'Drinking?’ you laughed, eying up the jars of 'shine, and he smirked.

'We’re celebratin’, right?’

You fell silent for a moment, taking in the scene in front of you.

'So, is this a date then?’ you asked tentatively, feeling the archer’s body tense beside you.

'Nah, I mean, not a real one.  I know yer out o’ my league.  I jus’ wanted it to be special for ya.’

'This is perfect.’  You wrapped your arms around his neck, feeling him squeeze you tight and lift you up, spinning you round before placing you back on the ground.

'Happy birthday, girl.’

He started towards the truck, calling over his shoulder.  'Ya hungry?’

'Starving,’ you admitted, falling into step beside him, before clambering up on to the truck hood and gasping in surprise at the plates in front of you.

'Wait a minute, is that-’

'An omelette, yeah.  Was waitin’ for them damn chickens to lay somethin’ 'fore I could do this for ya.’

It was such a simple gesture, a simple meal, but the thought of eating the fluffy golden food in front of you, made from actual real eggs, not the powdered alternative that you’d been making do with, made you tear up a little.

'It looks delicious!’

'I didn’ make it.  Got Carol to do it.  Didn’ wan’ to risk screwin’ it up and wastin’ the eggs.’

You picked up your fork and took a large bite, covering your mouth with your hand as you squealed in happiness.

'Oh my God, it tastes so good!’

Daryl followed your lead, taking a mouthful of eggs, and wiping his hand across his lips, grunting in pleasure.

You ate in silence, listening to the birdsong from the woods and the echoes of voices from inside the cellblocks.  Halfway through clearing your plates, Daryl cracked open a jar of alcohol and offered it to you, watching with narrowed eyes as you took a small sip.

'Wow,’ you wheezed, taking a moment to get your breath.  'That’s strong, D!’

'Yeah, it is,’ he chuckled, opening his own jar and taking a swig.  'That’s the good stuff.’

Finishing your meal, you lay back against the windscreen, stretching out with your arms behind your head, watching the sky begin to fill with stars.  The archer mirrored your position, leaning back, glancing over at you and smiling at the look on your face.

'Thank you, Daryl.  This was just… perfect.’

'Was?  Ain’t over yet.’

He slipped off the truck, opening the door on the passenger side and reaching in, scrabbling around in the glove compartment until he found what he was looking for.

He returned to stand in front of you, hands behind his back, hiding whatever he’d just retrieved.

'Now, I want ya to know that yer the only person in the world that I would do this for.’

'Right…’

He pulled out a compact CD player, complete with oldschool 90′s headphones, big and chunky.

'What is that?’

He raised an eyebrow at you, leaning on the truck as he fiddled with the buttons on the side of the device.

'Glenn reckons if I turn it up full volume, ya should be able to just abou’ hear it.’

He pushed play and sure enough the tinny sound of an old country song reached your ears.

'Don’ blame me for the music.  There weren’ much choice.’

He placed the player down beside you, offering you his hand.

'Daryl, what are you doing?’

'Ya said ya wanted to dance all night.  This is the only song that don’ skip an’ I ain’ listenin’ to it more than once, an’ I ain’ much of a dancer, but this is the best I can do.’

You took his hand, sliding down the hood to stand in front of him, and let him lead you from the truck a short way, before he pulled you into his chest, placing a gentle hand on your waist.  

You rested your free hand on his shoulder, but couldn’t resist moving it up to tangle in his hair, resting your head in the crook of his neck.  

For a moment you both stood still, straining to hear the music, but you felt him start to sway you gently from side to side and moved with him, giggling as he held out his arm to spin you, before pulling you back into him.

'Thought you said you don’t dance, Mr Dixon,’ you teased, watching the tips of his ears turn red.

'I don’.’

'Well, you’re pretty good at it.’

He hugged you more tightly to him and you snuggled into his warmth, feeling yourself relax completely as he rocked you slowly in time to the beat.

'Thank you,’ you whispered, dropping his hand so you could clasp both of yours at the back of his neck, meeting his eyes and smiling up at him.  'I love that you listen to me, that you actually hear what I’m saying to you.’

'I jus’ wish I could tell ya that yer gon’ get all those things that ya wan’, Y/N.  Y'know, I can’t give you marriage an’ kids.  I would, y'know, if ya wanted me too, but ya deserve to be in love.’

You nodded, your eyes shining with tears.  

'But I could give ya this: a date 'n’ a dance for ya birthday.’

You pulled him into a tight embrace as the song ended, wiping your eyes on the soft fabric of his shirt.

'Right, come on, stop making me cry.’  You took a deep breath, then broke into a big grin.  'Let’s get wasted.’

You spent the next couple of hours sitting on the hood of the truck, sipping on moonshine and talking quietly, only your laughter loud enough to echo through the prison grounds.  

'I never had this much fun at uni,’ you admitted, running your hand through your hair and laying back against the windscreen again to check on the progress of the stars.  They were all out now, shining down over you, and you smiled at the beauty of it.  'This has been a perfect night.  Thank you so much, Daryl.’

He leaned back beside you, draining the last dregs of alcohol from the jar he was holding before tossing it high over the fence, listening to it thud against the grass on the other side.  You giggled drunkenly, trying to do the same with your own empty jar but failing miserably, listening to it clink against the fence wire and bounce back to smash against the dusty ground of the yard.  

'Oops!’  

He laughed at you, shaking his head.  'Don’ worry, I’ll clean it up in the mornin’.’

You pulled your cardigan around you more tightly as a light breeze blew over your skin.  'I guess we should head inside soon, huh?’

'Prob'ly should,’ he agreed, looking to the sky and raising his hand to the air.  'Feels like rain.’

As if he’d summoned it by speaking it, you felt the first light drops of moisture against your skin as the rain began to fall.  It quickly turned heavier, soaking through your clothes as you tilted your head back and howled with laughter.  

'I love this!’ you shouted to Daryl over the pitter patter of the water on the truck, darkness settling over you as the downpour extinguished the candles.  

'Yer crazy girl,’ he shouted back, moving closer to you and wrapping an arm around your shoulders as he saw you start to shiver.  'Come on, let’s get ya to bed.’

'Not yet.’  You were desperate for the night not to end.  It was one thing to survive every day, to run for your life from walkers, to hide out in closets from armed strangers, but lying there in the rain next to the person you loved most in the world was making you feel more alive than you thought possible.

'Why?  Didn’ ya get everythin’ ya wanted for yer birthday?’

You fell silent as you remembered the one last thing you’d listed missing out on up in the attic, watching as the realisation hit Daryl too, his face growing serious as his gaze met yours.  

'I haven’t been kissed in the rain yet,’ you breathed, pushing your wet hair out of your face, your eyes locked on his, inhibitions lowered by the moonshine that you could smell on his breath as he moved closer, his rough hands cupping your face, pulling you up to him as he leaned over you.

Your lips met, and the world disappeared.  He kissed you softly at first, thumbs stroking gently over your cheekbones, as his mouth moved on yours.  His scruff tickled your chin, the rain dripping from his face, running down your skin.  You slid your fingers up to lace into his hair, pulling him in closer, feeling him respond as he deepened the kiss, growing more demanding, his hand moving to the small of your back to pull your body flush against his.  As you whimpered quietly against his lips, he broke away, leaning back to meet your gaze again.  

'Happy birthday,’ he whispered.


	24. Chapter 24

When you woke the following morning, Daryl was already gone.  He’d insisted on getting you back inside after your kiss in the rain in the early hours, sweeping you up into his arms and making a mad dash for the cellblock as you giggled drunkenly, flinging your head back and kicking your legs.  He’d lowered you to the ground just outside the entrance, reminding you to be quiet, that the others were sleeping, and you tried to control yourself as you tiptoed to your cell.  The archer left you to change then, worrying about you sleeping in wet clothes, whilst he crept off to the laundry room in the hope of finding something clean to put on.  When he returned, you were curled up in bed, shivering under the covers as the chill set in, chuckling quietly to yourself at your chattering teeth.  He’d climbed in beside you, wrapping you up in his arms and dragging his poncho from the floor to add an extra layer to the blankets on the bunk.

‘This might be the best non-birthday maybe-birthday birthday day ever,’ you’d mumbled into his chest as you drifted off, the steady beating of his heart lulling you into dreams of dancing by candlelight.

But this morning your bunk was empty and the pounding you could hear was most definitely your own head.

You groaned as you moved to sit up, queasiness washing over you as the room tilted.

'Ungh,’ you groaned, flopping back against your pillow and pulling the blankets up over your head, not ready to face the world quite yet.

 

* * *

 

What felt like a short while later, you heard laughter from the door of your cell and cracked open an eye to see Maggie, clearly enjoying your pathetic state.

'Oh dear, did somebody hit it a little hard last night?’

'Go 'way,’ you moaned, throwing your arm over your face to block out the sunlight that she was letting flood in.

'Guessin’ you’ve never drunk moonshine before, huh?’  She perched on the edge of your bunk, poking your ribs with pointy fingers until you gave in and sat up to allow her more space on the bed.

'You knew what he had planned then?’

'Yeah,’ she admitted.  'He asked me and Glenn to do the night watch so he’d be able to sneak away with ya.’

You smiled, feeling a blush creep over your cheeks at the thought of the planning he’d put into the evening.

'It was completely perfect, Mags.  He’d thought of everything.’

'So…’  You frowned at her as she tailed off, obviously waiting for you to speak.  'Oh come on, don’t keep me in suspense here!  What happened?’

'Nothing!’  You weren’t ready to share yet, even with Maggie, wanting to keep the delicious memory to yourself for a little while longer, to replay it in your head for a few hours.  'We ate, and we danced a little, and we drank…  a lot!’

'Are you kiddin’ me?  The guy puts all that effort into arrangin’ a special evenin’ for your birthday and you’re tellin’ me that nothin’ happened?’

'I keep telling everyone, it’s not like that with Daryl and me.  We’re just friends,’ you insisted, though it hurt your heart a little to say it.

'Fine,’ she sulked, standing up from the bunk.  'I’ll leave you to suffer in peace then.’

As she swept out of the door, the curtain fell back into place before being lifted again almost immediately.  The sun hit your face and you groaned, throwing yourself face down onto your pillow again.

You felt the bed dip beside you as your visitor sat down, before a rough hand rubbed over your back.

'Can’ believe yer still in bed, ya lightweight.’

'What did you do to me?’ you whined, rolling over to face him and sticking out your bottom lip.  'I don’t think I’ve ever been this hungover, ever!’

He smirked at you, but handed you a bottle of water that he’d brought in for you.  You accepted it gratefully, unscrewing the cap and taking a long swig.

'Better?’

'A little,’ you nodded.  'Thanks.’

Silence fell between you and you reached for his hand.

'So, where did you go this morning?’

'Headed out huntin’.  Managed to get a buck that should feed us for a couple o’ days.’

The thought of the bloody meat made your stomach clench, but you fought the rising nausea and smiled tightly.  'That’s good.’

'Thinkin’ I might head out on a run in a while, take another back road, see where I end up.’

'I can come, if you want.  If you give me half an hour I can be ready to go.’

'No offence, girl, but y'ain’t lookin’ too good.’  He brushed your hair back from your face, taking in your pale and clammy skin.  'Think ya should take it easy today.  I’ve asked Michonne to come along.’

'Michonne’s back?’

'Yeah, turned up at first light.’

'Okay.'  You nodded, slightly relieved as you were forced to acknowledge that you would be pretty useless on a run today.  'Just be careful, okay.  Come back to me.’

'Always.’  He raised your hand to his lips and pressed a soft kiss against your knuckles before slipping out of your cell and leaving you alone with your thoughts.

 

* * *

 

Later that evening, you’d finally managed to keep some food down and had offered to keep watch up in the tower, feeling guilty for having done next to nothing all day.  You’d expected Daryl to join you when he got back, but you’d seen him and Michonne pull up ages ago and he still hadn’t appeared.

The sound of footsteps on the stairs drew your attention away from the treeline that you were scanning, trying to distract yourself from watching the cellblock door, and you felt your pulse quicken as you waited for the archer to reach you.  

’D?’ you called when you heard a thump from inside, but the figure that appeared in the doorway was Jack.

'No, sorry, just me.  Dropped my book.’

'What are you doing here, Jack?’

'Oh.'  He hesitated, taken aback by the direct question.  'Daryl told me I should come up.  Said you could probably use the company.’

'Right.’  

Your heart sank at the realisation that Daryl was trying to push the two of you together.  After the moment you’d shared with the archer whilst trapped in the closet, you’d distanced yourself from Jack, somehow more aware that you didn’t want to lead him on.  You’d avoided him at mealtimes and found excuses to take on different tasks around the prison, and eventually he’d backed off.  This was the first time you’d spoken in over a week.

'So, how are you doing?’ Jack asked, sliding down the wall to sit beside you, smiling nervously as he waited for a response.  'Heard you weren’t feeling well earlier.’

'Yeah.'  You finally found your voice.  'Had a bit of a hangover.’

'You were drinking?’  His disapproval was evident on his face.  'Probably not the best idea.  I mean, I know it seems safe behind these fences but you never know-’

'It was my birthday,’ you interrupted, already growing tired of the conversation.  'I had a few drinks with a friend.  I don’t remember asking for your opinion!’

'Right, sorry.’

As he fell silent, you sighed deeply, pushing yourself to your feet.

'I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…  Look, are you okay here for a while?  There’s something I need to do.’

He nodded but refused to look at you, so you left, taking the stairs two at a time and flying down the track to the yard, propelled by hurt and frustration.  

You found Daryl on the picnic bench outside the cellblock, a lit cigarette dangling from his lips.

'What the hell was that?’ you growled as you reached him, glaring at him as he refused to meet your eyes.

'What the hell was what?’

'You sending Jack up to keep watch with me!  What part of that seemed like a good idea to you, Daryl?’

He shrugged, dropping his cigarette to the floor and grinding it out with his boot.

'Jus’ thought ya could use the company, s'all.’

'Bullshit!’

He finally met your eyes and you struggled to keep your temper under control.

’D, last night was… It was amazing, every single part of it.  It doesn’t have to mean anything, but I don’t need you pushing me on to some other guy!  I told you I wasn’t interested in him!’

'I know,’ he mumbled.  'I jus’ thought…’

'What did you think, exactly?  'Cause it seems to me that you weren’t thinking at all!’

'I was thinkin’ 'bout all the stuff ya wanted, an’ how ya deserved someone good enough for ya to have all those things with.’

'And you just decided that Jack was that person?’ you shrieked in disbelief.  'Why?  'Cause he’s the only one that’s interested?  What exactly makes him 'good enough’, Dixon?  Do you even know anything about him?’

'Not really.’  He scuffed his boot against the ground, kicking the ash from his cigarette along the concrete floor.  'I know he ain’t some ol’ redneck.’

'Daryl.'  You stepped closer to him, forcing him to lift his head and look at you.  'You do not get to decide who is or isn’t 'good enough’ for me, do you understand?  That is not your job or your right.’

He grimaced at the vicious tone of your voice but nodded slowly.  ’M'sorry.’

'You better be.  I can’t believe you’d do something like that to me.’

You could feel tears threatening and forced them back down, trying to keep your cool as you delivered your parting shot.

'You can keep watch with Jack tonight.  I don’t want you in my bunk right now.’

With that you stormed off, refusing to look back as you slammed into the cellblock and made your way to your cell, where you finally allowed the emotion to wash over you, dropping to the floor with your pillow clutched in your arms, and crying your heart out.


	25. Chapter 25

As you lay in your bunk the next morning, you couldn’t help but wonder whether you’d overreacted by screaming at Daryl as you had.  It wasn’t what he’d done by sending Jack up to you that had made you mad, so much as the timing of it.  You couldn’t tell whether he was trying to help you or to test you, whether he really thought you’d enjoy Jack’s company or whether it was a reaction to the kiss you’d shared.  It had undoubtedly made your relationship more complicated and you couldn’t deny the fact that your feelings for the archer were changing, though his interest in you seemed to have remained purely platonic.  

Deciding that it was better to suck it up and apologise than face a day of tension and anxiety, you crawled out of bed, shrugging the poncho over your head, and made your way outside into the dawn light.  You could see a trail of smoke rising from the tower platform as you neared the stairs and stood to compose yourself for a minute before slowly climbing to the top.

He was alone, sitting against the wall, flicking a cigarette between his fingers.  

He glanced up at you as you stepped out beside him, his expression unreadable as he took another drag of his smoke.

‘Told ya I wanted that back,’ he eventually grunted, nodding at the poncho, before returning his gaze to the ground.

'Yeah, you did.  I like it though,’ you admitted.

'Why’s that?’

'It’s cosy.  It smells like you.’

'Fine, keep it.  Hell if I care.’

You took a deep breath then slid down the wall to sit next to him, trying not to notice that he flinched away from you.  

'No Jack?’

'Nah, barely made it 'til midnight.  Guy’s not cut out for watch duty.’

You fought back the urge to smirk.  'Fancy that.’

When silence fell between you, you struggled to find the words to apologise, wanting desperately to make things right, but before you could find them, Daryl was stubbing out his cigarette and reaching for you, dragging you over into his lap so he could wrap his arms around you and bury his face in your shoulder.

'I’m sorry,’ he mumbled into the folds of the poncho, his voice almost lost in the thick fabric.  'I’m a jackass.’

'I’m sorry too.  I overreacted because I thought you just did it 'cause we kissed, and it made it weird, and I’m really sorry, D.’

He finally looked up and met your eyes as you smiled awkwardly as each other.  

'It ain’t made nothin’ weird though, Y/N.  Not unless we let it.  Ain’t nothin’ gotta change, right?’

You swallowed down the lump in your throat as your heart broke, just a little, but nodded in agreement.

'I honestly was just thinkin’ of ya being happy.  I can tell yer lonely sometimes, y'know.  When ya kissed me, I could tell ya needed someone.’

 _I needed you_.  You thought the words but daren’t say them when the archer was making it so painfully obvious that he didn’t share your feelings.

Instead you forced a grin, lowering your gaze.  'I guess it’s been a while.’

'You 'n’ me both, girl.’

'But it’s not your job to find me someone, Daryl, especially not someone like Jack.  Sure, it’d be nice to have somebody, but I’m okay.  If that never happens for me, I’ll be okay.’

You’d always genuinely believed those words to be true, but that morning they rang with a hollowness that hadn’t been there before, and you had to avoid Daryl’s eyes to stop him from noticing.

'Course yer gon’ be okay,’ he reassured you, running his fingertips over the back of your hand.  'But I wan’ ya to be happy.’

'You make me happy.’

He pressed a gentle kiss to the top of your head and you barely heard him as he mumbled into your hair.

'But ya deserve more.’

 

* * *

 

Later that afternoon, you were busying yourself walking the perimeter fence, checking for any breaches or weak spots, a weekly routine to ensure the prison’s safety, when you felt someone fall into step beside you and turned to see Carl, scuffing his boots on the ground as he walked, his eyes trained on the floor.  

'Hey bud, long time no talk.’  You kept your voice light and casual but Carl had other things on his mind.

’D'you know they brought people back with them today?’

You did.  Rick and Daryl had gone out on a run with a couple of the others, acknowledging that bigger groups were more effective when scavenging and that you all needed to learn to trust the ex-Woodbury residents.  They’d returned with three more newcomers in tow, having found them holed up in a small petrol station several miles down the road.

'What about it?’

'They’re gonna get us all killed,’ the boy snarled, aiming an angry kick at a rock on the ground.  'They can’t just keep letting anyone in.’

'Daryl said the council discussed it.  They said it was time to start looking for other survivors, inviting them to join us.  We’ve got to start growing the community if we want to make it work.’  

Carl gave you a look of dismay.  'When have new people ever brought us anything but trouble?’

You stopped walking, turning to grip his shoulders and forcing him to face you.

'You’ve gotta stop this, kid.’

'Stop what?’

'This attitude you’ve got going on!  The world really isn’t that different to how it used to be.’

He raised an eyebrow at you, mouth twisted in a sneer and you fought the urge to shake him.

'It’s not!  You’ve got good people and bad people.  The difference is a little more extreme these days, but it’s how it’s always been.  You’ve gotta take a chance on them though, Carl, to find out who’s who.’

'Or what?  We don’t need them!’

You sighed, letting your hands drop to your sides as you realised your words were falling on deaf ears.

'Or you’ll end up alone and angry with life,’ you told him.  'And that’s when you become truly dangerous.’

You walked away, leaving him to process what you were telling him and hoping it would sink in.

 

* * *

 

'Hey, you got a minute?’

Rick nodded, placing his meat back on his plate and sucking grease from his fingers as he got up from the bench and followed you outside.  It was early evening and your exchange with Carl had been playing on your mind for the last couple of hours.  You’d gotten a bad feeling from him, a vibe of recklessness, that you didn’t believe could lead to anything good.

'What’s up?’

You hesitated for a moment, considering your words and the reaction they might trigger.

'I think you need to take Carl’s gun away.’

'What?’  He narrowed his eyes, leaning his head to the side as he waited for you to explain yourself.

'I’m worried about him, Rick, and a little scared if I’m honest.’

'Scared?  I know he’s havin’ some problems but he’s just a kid.’

'He’s a kid who is angry and lonely and who feels totally out of control.  He’s in a dark place right now.’

'Maybe so, but he wouldn’t hurt anyone!’

'Wouldn’t he?’  Your mind went immediately to the young man that Carl had shot in the woods as the Governor’s men retreated, and you knew from the way Rick’s face fell that his thoughts had gone to the same place.

'That was different,’ Rick argued.  'We were under attack and he didn’t know the guy.  He thought he was doing the right thing to protect the group.’

'He thinks the group needs protecting now!  He doesn’t agree that we should be letting more survivors join us and he’s barely spoken to anyone that came here from Woodbury.  He’s cut himself off, Rick, and he’s a ticking time bomb!’

'I’m not listening to this.’

Rick turned his back on you, storming off across the yard into the gathering darkness.

'Well, that went well.'  You heard Daryl’s gruff voice from round the corner and took a couple of steps forwards until you could see him leaning against the wall, smoking.  

'What was I supposed to do, D?’

'Maybe not accuse his son of bein’ a homocidal maniac?’

'Is that what it sounded like I was doing?’

He smirked as he ground out his cigarette and ambled over to you.  'Nah, not really.  But he was always gon’ hear it that way.’

You sighed.  'I’m worried about Carl.  He just seems so mad all the time.  He hasn’t really spoken to anyone in weeks.  He just lurks in the shadows.  It’s not good for him to cut himself off like this.  He’s just a kid.’

Daryl cupped your cheek in his hand, giving you a small smile.

'Ya care so much, don’t ya.  'Bout the kid, 'bout everyone.’

'I do.  And so do you.  So help me, please, before he does something he can’t come back from.’

'Ya wan’ me to talk to him?’

'Who?  Carl or Rick?’

'Either.  Both.’

'Yes, please, D.  They might listen to you.’

He scoffed.  'Doubt it, but I can try for ya.’

'Rick respects you, Daryl, more than anyone else here.  If he’s gonna listen to anyone, it’ll be you.’

You could just make out the figure of the distressed father at the far side of the field and you saw Daryl chewing his lip as he watched the other man pacing.  

'Here goes nothin’, I guess.’


	26. Chapter 26

The dawn air was cool and crisp, the sun just peaking over the tops of the trees, as you reached the top of the guard tower, relieving the night watch.  You’d finally managed to get to sleep in the early hours, after tossing and turning for hours thinking about Carl and your argument with Rick.  You’d been waiting for Daryl to crawl into bed beside you but he never came, and the fact that this was now two nights apart weighed heavily on you too.  You were torn between thinking he was avoiding spending the night with you, either sleeping next to you with his arms wrapped around you or whiling away the hours up in the guard tower as you’d done almost every night since the attack on the quarry camp all that time ago, and wondering whether you were just reading too much into it because your head was a total mess.  

Movement down in the prison grounds caught your eye, and you watched Rick stride across to the fresh vegetable beds that he and Hershel had been working on, looking as though he was on a mission.  You could see that he was armed, a gun in his hand, and scanned the area for a threat but couldn’t see anything that rang any alarm bells.  You watched in increasing wonder as Rick dropped to his knees beside one patch of dug-up dirt and began to dig with his hands, scooping out a hole several inches deep.  He dropped the gun in and then stood, kicking the misplaced soil back into place, looking around to check that nobody had seen him hiding the weapon.  When he noticed you up in the tower watching him, he raised a hand to you, and you waved him over, waiting until he was standing beneath you before speaking.

‘All okay?’

’S'all good,’ he nodded, resting his hands on his hips as he looked up at you.  'I’m sorry, Y/N, about last night, the way I reacted.  I should’ve listened to what you had to say.’

‘It’s okay.  I know it wasn’t easy to hear.’

'It wasn’t easy for you to talk to me about either though.  I appreciate you lookin’ out for him, y'know, for Carl.  I’m glad that he still talks to you.’

'He’s just going through a rough patch is all.  He’ll get through it.’

'He will, but in the meantime he won’t be carrying a gun inside the grounds.  There are enough people here that are armed at all times.  He’s safe enough without a weapon.’

You nodded slowly, realising that the gun Rick has buried was his son’s.

'Have you talked to him about it?  He’s not going to take that well.’

'I snuck it out of his cell while he was still asleep.’

'Wimp!’

'I know.  But I won’t be carrying my gun with me either.’

'Woah.’  You were slightly shocked by that revelation, not able to imagine Rick Grimes without his Python at his hip.  'That’s a big step for you.’

'Carl gettin’ all aggressive and gun-happy is just a reflection of what he’s seen me become.  I don’t regret that because I needed to be that person to keep our family alive, but I don’t think I need to be that way anymore.  The council have things under control, and we have enough people now to go on runs, keep watch and patrol the fences without me having to get involved.’

'So, what are you going to do?’

He shrugged.  'I’ve been working the land with Hershel.  He’s been teaching me a lot and I’m enjoying it, providing for the group, using my hands for something other than killing thangs.  I think maybe that’s my place for now.’

'I’m glad you’ve found something that brings you some peace, Rick.  I hope Carl finds his too.’

He nodded at you, turning to walk away.

'Rick!’ you called out, causing him to pause and turn back to you.  'For what it’s worth, you were a good leader.  I’d have followed you anywhere.’

You saw him smile, before he continued on back to the cellblock to talk to his son.

You watched as he crossed paths with Daryl en route, stopping briefly to talk.  The archer was smiling, chewing his lip, slapping Rick’s back as he walked away.  It was obvious that there were no hard feelings after whatever had been said the night before to convince Rick to heed your warning.  

'Hey you,’ you called down as Daryl got closer.  He raised a hand in greeting and jogged up the stairs to join you.

'You okay?’ you asked when he’d reached your side, taking in the bags under his eyes, the tiredness that lay behind them.

He grunted and pulled out a cigarette, taking a long drag, before nodding.  'Am now.  You?’

'I’m okay.’  

'Ya look tired.’

'Look who’s talking.’

He raised an eyebrow at you but didn’t respond so you continued.

'I guess I don’t sleep too well on my own these days.’

You heard him sigh, inhaling more smoke, as he glanced over at you.

'Sorry.  I ain’t been sleepin’ too good either.  Didn’ wan’ to disturb ya or nothin’, tossin’ ‘n’ turnin’.’

'Why aren’t you sleeping?  Something on your mind?’

'Could say that,’ he husked, his voice grittier than usual from too many cigarettes and too little rest.  You felt heat rising in your cheeks as he met your gaze for a little too long, sure that his eyes drifted to your lips before he turned to stare out over the treeline.  'I, er, I’ve been thinkin’ 'bout goin’ out on some bigger runs.’

'Bigger how?’ you asked, attempting to calm your pulse as you assured yourself that you’d misread the look he’d just given you.  Of course, he’d been thinking about survival, about the group.  What else would be keeping him up at night?

'Bigger targets, bigger groups.  'Bout time them Woodbury lot made 'emselves useful.  If I could get a half dozen people, maybe more, we could raid some o’ the places we’ve passed that have had walkers crowded outside.  We could handle 'em if we had the numbers.’

'You trust them enough to take them out with you?’

'Ain’t got no choice.  We need to pull together if we’re gon’ get the things we need to survive here.  'Sides, they’ve been here long enough now.  Ain’t no one slit my throat in my sleep yet so I figure they’re alright.’

'Okay, one, you hardly ever sleep anyway so they’d have to have pretty impressive timing to kill you like that, and two, how do you know I haven’t been fighting them off when you’ve been crashed out in my bunk.’

He snorted, grinding the butt of his smoke out on the metal railing and dropping it to the ground.

'So, when are you gonna do this thing?’

He shrugged.  'Today, tomorrow, the next day…  Long as it takes 'til we get it right.  Some o’ them folks ain’t barely seen a walker close up, let alone taken one out.  S'not gon’ be easy.’

'Do you…’  You took a deep breath.  'Do you need any back-up?’

'Nah.’  He shook his head, shoving his hands deep into his pockets.  'I ain’t riskin’ takin’ ya out there with a bunch o’ people who don’ know what they’re doing.’

'I can handle myself.’

'I know.  I just don’ want ya to have to.  Plus,’ he paused, reaching up to rub the back of his neck as he looked over at you.  'I ain’t seen ya leave this prison since we got trapped in that house.’

You dropped your eyes to the ground, avoiding his gaze as you sighed deeply.  He was right.  Since the incident, you’d been avoiding going on runs or out hunting, instead busying yourself with menial tasks around the prison grounds or volunteering to keep watch for hours on end.  It wasn’t so much the incident itself that had you scared to leave, as your reaction to it.  You knew you couldn’t afford to have a panic attack and lose your shit in the midst of a horde of walkers, putting yourself and those you were with at risk, so you avoided any situation where that might happen.  You hadn’t realised anyone else had noticed, but you really should have known that Daryl would.

'I know,’ you admitted, swallowing hard.  'I guess I don’t trust myself out there anymore.  I fell to pieces in that closet.’

'An’ I brought ya back.  Long as yer with me, I’ll hold ya together.’

'But I don’t want to put you in danger, I don’t want to put anyone in danger.  You can’t be worrying about me when we’re surrounded by corpses or clashing with another group.  It’s not fair.’

'Ya think I don’ worry 'bout ya anyway?  It don’ really make no difference to me.  I’m always watchin’ out for ya.’

He stepped toward you and brushed the back of his knuckles down your cheek.

'Let me get through today, then I’ll take ya out on our own, ok?  Ya gotta get past this.  Ya can’t stay stuck in here all the time.  It’ll drive ya crazy 'n’ I’ll have to take yer gun away too.’

You tried to smirk at that last comment, but it became a smile before you could stop it.  'Just try it, Dixon.’

You froze as he cupped your face in his hand and rubbed his thumb over the curve of your bottom lip.  'There’s tha’ smile.  Ain’ had a real one o’ those out o’ ya for days.’

You couldn’t find any words to speak, as he trailed his fingertips down the side of your neck, over your shoulder and down the length of your arm, sending shivers through your body as his eyes followed his hand.  You could feel yourself blushing red and your stomach dipped as he linked his fingers through yours.

'Hey!  Daryl!’  A shout from below pulled the archer’s attention away from you and he hung over the railing to see Sasha standing at the foot of the tower.  'Glenn said you were gonna take a group out on a run today.’

'Tha’s right.’

'I want in.’

'Can ya shoot?’

'Oh please, don’t patronise me.  I’ve killed more walkers than you’ve had birthdays, old man!’

'Fine.  We leave in 20.  See if ya can find anyone else that wants to come but make sure they know the pointy end of a damn blade, alright?’

'Got it, boss.’  She saluted and hurried off, back towards the cellblock.

He turned back to you, running his hand through his hair and giving you an apologetic smile.  'Guess I better…’  He cocked his head back towards the buildings and you nodded, trying not to let your disappointment show in your eyes.  

'Be safe, Daryl.’  You kissed him on the cheek, millimetres away from the scruff that bordered his mouth, then turned your back on him to watch the fenceline, not able to bring yourself to watch him walk away.


	27. Chapter 27

Your trip for two with Daryl never happened.  He had been out with various different groups nearly every day over the past six weeks or so, hitting bigger targets, building on the numbers of those in the community that were able and willing to venture outside of the fences, to take down walkers and get the resources you all needed to survive.  You suffered losses, people didn’t always come back, but he was also bringing in survivors they found on the road, having questioned them and decided that they were trustworthy.  Most days, when he was back before dusk, he’d leave the rest of his team unloading their haul and head out into the forest with his crossbow, bringing back fresh meat for dinner.  

You’d barely seen anything of him, often waking in the middle of the night when he crawled into your bunk beside you, sliding an arm around your waist and burying his face in your hair, only to find him gone again the next morning.  On the nights that you kept watch up in the tower, he would occasionally join you, but his mind was occupied with keeping the group safe, keeping them fed and healthy, running over possible targets for runs, keeping note of anyone he took out with him that turned out to be particularly quick and capable.   You had hoped that his absence, his distance, would give your emotions time to settle down, quash the feelings that were developing no matter how hard you fought against them, but you continued to fall a little bit deeper for him every day.  Mostly though, you just missed him.

It made you proud to see how members of the community had begun to look up to him, finally seeing him as the hero you’d always known him to be, but you could also see the toll that it was taking on him, the pressure he put himself under to keep those he took out with him safe, the weight of the lives lost weighing heavy on his shoulders.  He didn’t talk to you about it, but you knew he blamed himself for every death, every injury and it made your heart hurt to see that pain behind his eyes.

And then came the week with no losses, the fortnight…  With each successful run, you watched the archer’s swagger become more pronounced, his burden a little less heavy.  With the realisation that it had been 30 days since you’d lost a member of the group, it seemed that you weren’t just surviving anymore, you were thriving.  

 

* * *

 

On the 31st day, you walked into your cell mid-morning to grab your cardigan before heading out to work the fences, only to be brought up short to see Daryl still there, stuffing things into a bag on the bed.

‘Hey stranger,’ you greeted him with an easy smile.  'I was starting to think I dreamt you.  You’re only ever here when I’m sleeping.’

‘Hey.’  He paused in his task for long enough to give you a quick hug, then went back to sorting out his kit.  'Sorry I’ve been neglectin’ ya.  Just been so busy, ya know.’

‘Oh, I get it, totally.  Don’t worry about me.’

He glanced up at you and nodded, returning his attention to his quiver, counting his arrows, pulling one out to press a thumb to the end, checking it was sharp enough.  

‘Got a big one today,’ he told you.  'Been plannin’ it for a while.’

‘How many you taking with you?’

‘Enough to get the job done.  We could get a big haul out o’ this one if it works out.  Place has been surrounded by walkers.  Ain’t nobody been able to get in for a good long while.’

‘Sounds pretty dangerous, D.’

He heard the worry in your voice and squeezed your arm reassuringly as he passed you to leave the cell.  'We got it.  See ya later.’

You watched him walk away, thinking back to the days when your conversations had rambled on all night.  These days you felt lucky just getting a few minutes of his time.  You felt a hand on your shoulder and realised Maggie had come up beside you.

‘Oh sweetie, he’ll be back.’

‘I don’t know.  This one sounds kinda dangerous, Mags.’

'He’s playin’ smart though, Y/N.  He’s not just taking newbies out this time, he’s got Glenn and Michonne goin’ along too.’

It didn’t make you feel much better.  You had a bad feeling about the run that you just couldn’t shake and it left you feeling out of sorts for the rest of the day.  You kept to yourself, avoiding any jobs that meant working with others and skipping dinner in favour of hiding out in the guard tower, telling Karen, who looked a little peaky, that she should rest, that you were happy to keep watch alone for the evening.

You saw the trucks rumbling slowly down the track towards the gate, and ran down the steps to grant them access, locking up behind them as they rolled on down to the cellblock.  Returning to your post you breathed a sigh of relief, your sense of impending doom easing slightly as you’d seen the archer behind the wheel of one of the vehicles, Glenn and Michonne in the back.  You felt more able to relax now that the people you loved were back within the fences.  So long locked away from the outside world had left you fearful of what lay beyond the prison grounds.  You preferred it when you and your family were safely inside.

 

* * *

 

An hour or so later, you heard footsteps climbing the stairs and smelt cigarette smoke before Daryl appeared in the doorway, leaning against the frame and staring out over the horizon.

Neither of you spoke until he finished his cigarette, grinding out the butt beneath his boot.

'I’m sorry we ain’t talked much lately.  I’m sorry I ain’t been there for ya like I shoulda been.  I’ve been so busy tryin’ to make this work, tryin’ to keep everyone alive.’

'I know.  You don’t need to worry about me.  I’m okay.’

He fell silent again, leaning his head down so his fringe fell into his eyes.  You pushed yourself to your feet and approached him, reaching up to push his hair away as you took in his pained expression.

’D, what happened?’

'I lost someone today.  Zach.  He was just a kid.’

'Is that the guy Beth’s been seeing?’

He nodded, bowing his head further and you knew he was fighting to keep it together.

'Does she know?’

'I just been 'n’ told 'er.  She didn’ even cry, y'know.  She’s so used to people dyin’.  She’s only a kid 'erself.’

'Daryl, I’m so sorry.’

He leant forward and buried his face in your shoulder, waiting for your arms to reach out for him before taking a step closer so you could wrap him up in your embrace.

'I’ve jus’ been tryin’ so hard to keep everythin’ goin’.’

'I know.’

'It was easier when Rick was leadin’.  We were in it together.  Now it feels like everyone’s lookin’ to me for the answers.  We sit in them council meetin’s an’ they all expect me to have an opinion or know what we should do.  An’ I don’t.  I ain’t cut out for this.’

'Hey.’  You grasped his chin, forcing his head back up so you could meet his eyes.  'You are the best thing this group has going for it, but you’re just one person.  You can’t put all of this on yourself.’

'Ya know, the kid, Zach, he was tryin’ t’ guess what I was before all this.  It was a game he played, stupid really, but he was always guessin’ these impressive things.  Like, today he asked if I was a homicide cop.  Can ya believe that?’

'Why didn’t you just tell him?’

'What?  Tell the kid that’s expectin’ me to keep him alive that I’m just some washed up redneck no-hoper who ain’t ever held down a real job?  How was I sposed to do that an’ still ask him to trust me?’

'Daryl, that’s not who you are, and it’s not who you ever were, not really.  You had a rough start in life, and yeah, maybe it took the world ending for you to break away from that, but look at you now!  Those people down there look up to you.  Zach looked up to you.  It wouldn’t have mattered if he knew what you were before.  He still would’ve followed you.’

'Yeah, well, look where that got 'im.’

'It’s not your fault, D.’

'How would ya know?  Ya weren’t even there!’

'Because I know you, and I know you will have done everything possible to keep our people safe.’

He sighed, pushing past you to slump down the wall.  You sat down next to his dejected form, reaching for his hand and stroking his dirt-stained knuckles.

'You’re still my hero, Daryl Dixon.  I wish you could see yourself how I see you.’

'An’ how’s that?’

'Brave.  Strong.  Resourceful.’  You listed his traits easily.  ‘But mostly kind.  You’d do anything for any one of us in here.  That’s why people like you, why they trust you, even though you can be a surly S.O.B. some days.’

'I ain’t surly.’

'Yes, you are.  You’re surly, and angry, and aggressive.  You get all defensive over nothing sometimes and march round this place like there’s a chip on your shoulder the size of Everest!  But you’re also smart, and you make people feel safe, and you really listen when they talk to you.  Plus your eyes are kinda pretty which doesn’t hurt,’ you added with a grin.  'And your arms…’  You bit your lip as you glanced at him, seeing him watching you with his eyebrow quirked.

'Ya been checkin’ me out or somethin’, girl?’

You blushed and focused your gaze on the treeline, scanning it intently as you waited for the moment to pass.

'Yer smile.’

'What?’

'That’s what I like about ya.  Yer smile makes the days brighter, y'know.’

You could feel your pulse quicken at the unexpected compliment, but you fought your reaction, not wanting him to see the effect he had on you.

Instead, you smirked.  'That all?  Really?’

It was his turn to blush, the tips of his ears reddening as he avoided your eyes.

'Nah, I got a list a million things long but I don’ want yer ego to get any bigger.’

'Screw you,’ you laughed, punching his arm playfully, as he wrapped it round your shoulders and pulled you into him.

'Yep, there it is.’  His expression grew serious and it was like Sasha’s interruption of your moment with the archer all those weeks ago hadn’t happened, as his thumb rubbed over your mouth, sliding up to press into the hollow of your dimple, brushing over your cheek as his gaze locked onto yours.

'Daryl,’ you murmured, not wanting to ruin the moment but knowing that you had to say something.  'You need to know something.’

'What is it?’  He hadn’t taken his hand from your skin as he turned his body into yours, stroking back your hair before running his fingers gently down the side of your neck, the arm around your shoulders slipping to curl around your waist.

'I liked kissing you.  The night of my birthday, I liked kissing you, maybe too much.’

'Really had been a while, huh?’

'No, that’s not what I-’

You didn’t finish your sentence before his lips brushed yours, tentative, almost teasing; light ghosts of kisses that made you tremble.

'Daryl.’  You tried again to tell him how you were feeling, to beg him to stop if he had no intention of this going anywhere, but he took the sound of his name as encouragement, deepening the kiss and tugging at you, dragging you on to his lap as he caught your bottom lip between his teeth.  You moaned involuntarily against his mouth, emboldening him further as his hand traced down your side, fingers biting into the bare skin of your thigh.  

You knew that your new position put you in control, that you could push him away and force him to listen to you, but you could see the need in his eyes and immediately understood it.  He’d lost someone out there, for the first time in a long time, and he needed to not think about it, just for a little while.  So you cupped his face in your hands and pulled it back to yours, losing yourself in the movement of his mouth, the deep smokey taste of him, the scratch of his scruff against your skin.  

You lost all sense of time as you kissed him, over and over, your hands gripping the tight muscles of his arms to ground yourself, whilst his skimmed over you, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake.  You only pulled apart when you heard the thud of boots climbing the stairs and the mumble of voices getting closer.  

You pushed yourself out of the archer’s lap, running your hands through your hair and hurrying to straighten your clothing, untwisting the straps of your tank top and pulling down the legs of your shorts.  You’d just reached for your shirt which had been discarded on the floor and shrugged it back on when Sasha and Tyreese appeared, coming to an abrupt halt as they took in your dishevelled state.  

'Erm, hey!’  Sasha greeted you, her eyes drifting from you to Daryl who was only now getting to his feet.  His eyes were glazed, his lips kiss-bruised, and you knew you must look even worse.  'We just came to relieve you guys.’

'Thanks.’  You nodded.  'That’s great.  I’m really tired.’

'I’ll bet,’ she muttered, as you took the stairs two at a time, hurrying to get away from their curious eyes as you rubbed your hand across your face and felt the telltale tingle of stubble burn.  

'Hey, where ya runnin’ off to?’

You heard Daryl behind you and turned to him, half-expecting him to pull you back into his arms.  Instead, the eyes you looked into were cold, as if a wall had slammed down behind them, and you took a step back at the anger in his expression.  It only lasted a moment, the length of time it took for you to blink, and then it was gone and he was smirking at you, throwing an arm around your shoulders as he turned you back towards the cellblock.  'Let’s get ya to bed, girl.’

You lay awake long after he had drifted off, curled against you, his heat penetrating your thin cotton vest, replaying the look on his face when you’d turned to him out there.  You tried to pinpoint what had happened to bring about that change, to put that hardness in his stare.  The only conclusion you could come to was that he’d been humiliated, mortified to have been caught kissing you, using you, when it hadn’t been anything more than a distraction for him.  You hated yourself in that moment for letting yourself get drawn in, for letting him find easy comfort in your arms, whilst you just fell a little more in love with every press of his lips against yours.  


	28. Chapter 28

When you woke the following day it was to a gentle brush of fingers against your cheek, but, when you cracked open your eyes, it was just in time to see Daryl slip from your cell, letting in a sliver of dawn light before the curtain fell back into place.  You lay there for a while as the events of the previous evening caught up with you, wondering if it would be possible for you to just close your eyes and go back to sleep, shut yourself away for the day, but you knew you’d feel guilty if you didn’t do something productive, so you rolled out of bed and got changed, exchanging your shorts for a pair of ripped up jeans and slipping a clean shirt over your tank top, rolling up the sleeves and shoving your hair up in a messy bun.  You’d laid awake until the early hours, determined to push your feelings for the archer down, to smother them until they slowly burned out, knowing that, if you continued down the path you were on, you’d lose him.  Lack of sleep had left you feeling grungey and headachey, and your heart felt bruised.

You crept from your cell, careful not to wake up those that were still sleeping, snagging a bottle of water from the table as you went.  As you stepped outside, you shivered at the slight breeze that blew across the field, walking over to the picnic table and plonking yourself on top of it, taking a drink before putting the water to one side and burying your face in your hands.

‘Yer up early.’  You looked up to see Daryl, swinging his knife between his fingers as he casually strolled over.  'Ya look how I feel.’

‘Like shit, you mean?’  You raised an eyebrow at him and watched as he raised his hands in surrender.

‘Alright, Miss Snark, what crawled up your backside?’

‘I didn’t sleep well.’

‘Yeah, I noticed.  That’s a damn small bunk when someone’s tossin’ 'n’ turnin’ all night.’

'Well, feel free to find your own.’

He let out a low whistle, shaking his head as his eyes roamed over your face.  'Got an attitude on ya today, huh?’

You rolled your eyes and ignored him, stretching out your legs, and sliding from the table.

'What needs doing?’

'I’m thinkin’ I might take a break from runs today.  Looks like they could use some help on the fences.’

You looked over to the far side of the outer field where you could see several figures already hard at work, spearing the heads of the crowd of walkers that were gathered there.

'We’re gonna need to reinforce those at some point.’

'The council have talked about it.  Now we’ve got a stock o’ supplies to keep us goin’ it’s gon’ be a priority.’

'Well, it’s good that the council have things under control.’  You smiled sweetly, a direct contrast to the sarcasm dripping from your voice.

'Okay, I’m jus’ gon’ stay out o’ ya way today.  Ya know where I am if ya wan’ me.’

'Hey, I’m just giving you the excuse you need, right?’

'Yep, ya should definitely go work on the fences.  Sounds like ya got some aggression to get out ya system.’

You whipped your head round to him to deliver a retort, but the sound of gunshots echoed through the air, sending you both running in the direction of the other cellblock, where you could now hear screams as people began to flee out of the doors.  

'Hey!  Hey!’  You grabbed the arm of one of the women who was running across the yard, yanking her to a halt as you took in the fear in her eyes.  'What’s happening?’

'Walkers,’ she gasped, before wrenching away from you.  You turned back to Daryl but you’d lost him in the chaos.  

You made your way to the cellblock door, dodging around scared survivors, and were about to slip inside when Daryl reappeared, a crying child in his arms.

'Here, take 'er,’ he demanded, shoving the little girl roughly into your arms.

'Daryl, let me-’

'No!’  He shouted, struggling to be heard over the screams and shouts coming from inside.  You could hear Rick shouting instructions somewhere behind the archer.  'Ya stay out here, ya hear me!  Y'ain’t t’ come in here!’

He disappeared, leaving you standing in the midst of a panicked crowd, clutching tightly to the small child who continued to wail as you bounced her gently on your hip.

'Hey cutie, do you know where your Mommy is?  No?  How about Daddy?’

The little girl shook her head as tears and snot streamed down her face, growing increasingly distressed.  You worked your way back towards the other yard where it was quieter, feeling relief as you spotted Carol.  

'What the hell’s going on?’ she asked, her eyes wide as she took in the scared faces gathered in the field.  

'Walkers in the cellblock.  Daryl’s in there, Rick too.  It sounded bad.’

Carol nodded, already reaching for her gun.  'I’m going to help.  Stay here!’

You growled in frustration as you sank down onto a bench, settling your charge in your lap and trying to hush her hiccupping sobs, bouncing her gently on your knee.

'Jessica!’  You heard a shout nearby and the child was wrenched from your arms as her mother claimed her, holding her close.  'Thank you, God, thank you so much.’  She smiled at you, her eyes wet with tears, and you nodded in acknowledgement, watching as they walked away.

The panic around the cellblock was calming and you picked your way back over to the door, pulling it open and slipping inside.  You were met with a scene of devastation.  Bodies lay scattered on the floor - men, women and children, their skin marred with red, bloody bite marks.  You could see Rick walking from corpse to corpse, sliding his knife into their skulls, ensuring that they wouldn’t come back.  The image made your stomach knot and you backed up a few steps, coming up against a solid body behind you, strong hands moving to your waist to steady you.

'I told ya to stay outside.’  The archer’s voice was a low growl in your ear.

'I wanted to help.’

'Ya didn’ need to see this.  I didn’ wan’ ya to see this.’

You turned and met his eyes, his hands falling to his sides.  You held his gaze for a long moment, before brushing past him and heading for the door.  

 

* * *

 

Flu.  That had been the verdict delivered by Hershel after some consultation with Rick and Daryl.  Patient Zero, Patrick, a young boy around Carl’s age, had developed flu-like symptoms the previous day and passed away in the night, turning and wreaking havoc.  A couple of others were also showing signs of having picked up the virus and it was decided that they would be quarantined in an empty cellblock to try to stop the spread of the disease.  You had shaken your head in disbelief when Daryl had approached you to deliver the news, keeping his distance in case he’d picked something up whilst clearing the bodies, a bandana wrapped around his nose and mouth in a feeble attempt to stop himself from breathing in the infection.  You had almost laughed at the idea that, having survived this long, fighting the undead, finally finding a safe place to call home, you could all be wiped out by something that could have been treated easily before the world fell to pieces.  

The situation had gotten worse when walkers, attracted by the screams and gunfire, had piled up against the outer fences, almost bringing them down as you fought to thin the herd, jabbing your knives through the wire again and again.  Rick had been forced to sacrifice the piglets that he’d spent time and energy raising, spilling their blood to attract the ravenous horde as Daryl drove him slowly away from the prison’s perimeter.  You’d seen the look on Rick’s face when he’d tossed the last squealing victim into the jaws of the corpses.  He looked broken.  You knew they were the first lives he’d taken in weeks and you could see the toll it had taken on him, the whole day having demonstrated how vulnerable you really were, despite your superficial successes.  It was no surprise that the next time you saw Carl he once again had his firearm at his side.  

 

* * *

 

You’d taken refuge in the guard tower that evening, sitting up there alone and wallowing in the losses that the group had suffered in the past 12 hours.  So many dead, others sick and shut away.  You knew that Daryl was concerned that those who had rushed into the compromised cellblock had been exposed and wondered if the few minutes that you’d spent inside would have been enough for you to become infected.  You shuddered at the thought, focusing your eyes on the treeline and concentrating on keeping watch to stop your mind from dwelling on the day’s events.

The sound of a gruff voice calling your name from below caught your attention and you stood to lean over the rail to see the archer beneath you.

'You not coming up?’

'Nah, don’ wan’ to risk makin’ ya sick.’

'Daryl, I went in there too.’

'Yeah, but I been heftin’ bodies 'round all afternoon.  I’d never forgive myself if ya caught it from me.’

'You’re feeling okay though, right?’

'Mmhmm, okay as ever.’

'Good.’  You nodded.  'I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you.’

'Ain’t the vibe I was getting’ from ya this mornin’.’  

Your exchange on the picnic bench at first light felt a long time ago now and you realised that you didn’t feel angry anymore, no longer felt used or hurt.  Your feelings for Daryl had changed, more than you cared to admit even to yourself, but ultimately you just needed him in your life, whatever the capacity, and with this new threat looming over your head, everything else just seemed to fade into irrelevance.

'I’m sorry about that.’

'Ya wan’ talk about it?

'Not really.  It doesn’t matter anymore.’

'Why not?’

You sighed, looking away from him and across the prison grounds, thinking of the many lives under your watch right now, those grieving, those sleeping, those feeling afraid.

'All that matters now is that we’re alive.  There are a lot of people that aren’t.’

You saw him tilt his head to the side as he considered this, before replying.  'Ain’t to say we shouldn’ work out our issues though.’

'Maybe not, but it sure puts the issues into perspective, doesn’t it?

He grunted and you watched him scuffing his boot against the grass as he chewed on his thumb nail.

You knew he was waiting for you to explain yourself, so you went on.  'I just can’t lose you is all.  So, as long as you stay alive for me, the issues don’t matter.’

'I’ll do my best.’  He looked up at you, offering a small smile which you returned.

You watched as the archer stepped closer to the tower, disappearing from your view, though you heard the thud of his body as it slumped to the ground, and saw the trail of cigarette smoke twisting into the air.

'What’re you doing?’

'Keepin’ watch with ya.’

'You don’t have to do that.’

'I know.’

You copied him, stepping back to slide down the wall, leaning your head back so you could study the stars above you.

'Thank you.’


	29. Chapter 29

‘Hold still, or you’re gonna end up with my finger in your eye.’

'That’d be the least o’ my problems right now,’ Rick grumbled, but he settled on the bench and allowed you to clean the cut on his brow, grimacing as your hand moved over the graze on his cheekbone.  

Finishing your task, you sat down next to him, stretching your legs out and leaning back as you observed him.

'Now, are you gonna tell me what the hell happened?’

'I got in a fight with Tyreese.’

You raised an eyebrow at him in disbelief, snorting through your nose at his angry expression.

'Really?  Tyreese?  What the hell did he do to piss you off?  He always strikes me as kind of a gentle giant type.’

'He punched me in the face, actually, so not so gentle.  I didn’t mean to hurt him.’

You slipped your hand into his, lifting it into the light to check out the bruises blooming across his knuckles.  'Evidently.  You should get a doctor to check that out.’

'Hershel’s with Tyreese right now and Doctor S is in quarantine.’  He bent his head and ran his fingers through his hair, wincing at the pain in his injured hand.  'God, Y/N, he was just so mad.  I had to subdue 'im and… I just lost it, I guess.’

'What was he mad about?’

Rick grimaced and bowed his head, squeezing his eyes shut.

'You don’t know?  I figured Daryl woulda told you.’

'Daryl hasn’t come near me since he convinced himself he’s carrying that damn virus.  Why?  What’s going on, Rick?’

'Someone killed Karen and David.’

'What?  No…’  You felt your chest tighten at the shock of his words, your mind reeling.

'Yeah.  Dragged them outside and burned the bodies.  Tyreese found them, wants to know who’s responsible.’

'Oh my God.’  You fell silent contemplating the horror of the image that must have greeted the man who would have just been checking on his girlfriend, seeing how she was feeling.

'You’re sure the flu didn’t just take them?  Someone might have burned their bodies to make sure they didn’t turn.  People are pretty scared.’

'I’m sure.  They weren’t that far gone yet.  They were murdered.’

'Do you know who did it?’

'I have some ideas, but I can’t be sure.’

'Are you going to tell Tyreese?’

'I honestly don’t see how that can help the situation, do you?’

'I guess not,’ you admitted.

'I need to go check on the crops.  Thanks for cleaning me up.  I appreciate it.’  Rick pushed himself to his feet, his hand automatically going to his hip to check his Python was in place.

You nodded.  'Anytime.’

 

* * *

 

The following morning, you were reading in your cell, having spent the early hours out on watch duty, when a tentative rattle of your bars signalled a visitor.  You leant forward, lifting the curtain and waving Hershel inside, motioning for him to take a seat in the chair opposite you.

'What can I do for you, doc?’

'I’ve just come from the council meeting.  Got a job for you, if you’re willing.’

You laid down your book and wriggled forward to sit on the edge of the bunk.  'Of course, tell me what you need me to do.’

'We’re quarantining all of the children.  They’re the most vulnerable ones here and it makes sense to keep them away from anyone that might be carrying.  I’ve asked my Beth to stay with them, but young Carl’s putting up a bit of resistance.  Daryl suggested that he may react better if you talk to him.’

'I think Daryl may be overestimating the bond I have with that kid these days.  He hasn’t spoken to me since Rick took his gun away.’

'Are you saying you won’t do it?’

You shrugged.  'I’m saying I’ll try.’

The doctor nodded in understanding and reached forward to rest a hand on your knee.  'That’s all any of us can ask.’

'So, what else happened at the meeting?  Anyone come up with any magic cures for this damn virus?’

'If only.  Daryl and Michonne are going to take a small group out to look for antibiotics.  There’s a veterinary college about 50 miles from here that might have what we need.  I’m hoping people wouldn’t think to raid it, but who can say these days.’

The thought of Daryl leaving in the midst of all that was happening made you feel sick, but you knew he was doing what needed to be done.

'When are they going?’

'As soon as they’ve prepared the car I believe.’

You nodded slowly.  'Can you excuse me, doc?  I need to-’

'Go.’  He gestured to the door with his stick, the only aid he now needed to get about with his prosthetic leg.

You smiled gratefully at him and slipped out of the cell, heading towards the top of the track where the cars were lined up.

'Hey!  Dixon!’ you called when you were a short distance away from the archer who was tinkering under the bonnet of one of the vehicles.  You didn’t get too close, knowing he’d only tell get angry with you for exposing yourself to the virus he may or may not be infected with.  'You leaving without saying goodbye?’

He slammed the bonnet shut, wiping the grease from his fingers onto an oily bandana which had been hanging from his back pocket.

'Don’ need to say goodbye.  We’ll be back before nightfall.’

'You don’t know that.’

He held your gaze, backing up a pace when you stepped towards him.

'Don’, Y/N.’

'Promise me you’ll come back to me, D.’

'I always do.’

'Promise me!’

'Alright, I promise, but ya got t’ promise ya ain’t gon’ do nothin’ stupid when I’m gone.  Stay away from anyone that looks sick, anyone that was heftin’ bodies around in that cellblock, ya hear me?’

You nodded, wishing you could wrap your arms around him, needing to hear the reassuring thud of his heartbeat before he disappeared off into the outside world.  He was always going out on runs, this was something that you were used to, but your fears had been tied up in what was out there, the corpses and the human monsters.  Now, the cause of your anxiety was inside the fences and you couldn’t do anything to fight it, leaving you feeling helpless and, as you watched the archer chucking a couple of empty packs into the trunk, very alone.

'I promise,’ you whispered.

 

* * *

 

You’d eventually managed to convince Carl to join the other children in quarantine under Beth’s care, though you were sure that, in the end, he only went along with your request to stop you from nagging.  Once you’d delivered him directly to the lower level that had been assigned to the kids, you backed away quickly, unable to stop the stomach-clenching claustrophobia that took a hold of you.  It was dark and dingy down there, the place reminding you of a tomb, and you shivered despite the heavy poncho that draped around your shoulders.  

'Help Beth, alright?’ you called to Carl as you made your escape.  'She’ll need you to keep an eye on things.’

You could see the look of frustration on his face as you left him, knowing that he wouldn’t remain down there for long but sure that you’d done all you could for now.

As you made your way up the stairs and through the maze of corridors to the exit, you almost tripped over the forlorn figure of Maggie, sobbing quietly in the dark.

'Mags?’  You dropped to your knees beside her, reaching for her and pulling her into your arms, holding her as she cried.  'Mags, what is it?  What’s happened?’

'Glenn,’ she croaked, trying to gain control of her tears so that she could speak.  'He’s got it.  He’s sick, Y/N.’

'Oh Mags,’ you gasped, your heart breaking for your friend as a fresh round of sobs racked her body.  'I’m so sorry.’

Whoever had killed Karen and David had failed in their task, you thought bitterly.  They’d obviously been trying to stop the spread of the disease, but it had been too late.  The virus was spreading like wildfire through the prison.  Was this, you wondered, how it would all end?  

You stroked Maggie’s hair, whispering reassurances to her as she cried out her misery and fears, telling her over and over again that the man she loved would be okay.

'He’s strong, Mags.  If anyone can survive this, Glenn can.  Look at everything he’s come through to get to this point.  He’ll be okay.’

As her breathing began to even out and her sobs turned into the occasional hiccup, she pulled away from you, leaning back against the wall to rub her hands under her eyes, wiping the tears from her face.  

'God, I’m sorry,’ she whispered, shaking her head and pushing her hair back from her face.  'I’m okay.  I just needed to-’

'I know.  It’s okay.  He really will be alright though, Mags.  I truly believe that.’

'I hope so, Y/N.  I don’t know what I’d do without 'im.’

You nodded in understanding, imagining how you’d feel if it was Daryl that had been taken ill, that had been locked away from you.  You pushed the image from your head as you felt your chest tighten, trying to focus on something else, noticing that Maggie was shivering against the cold concrete wall.

‘Here, put this on.’  You pulled Daryl’s poncho over your head and handed it to her, watching her slip it on, before getting to your feet, offering your friend your hand and hauling her upright.  'Come on, let’s keep you busy, yeah?’

'Will ya come with me to go see 'im?’ she asked, linking her arm through yours as you exited the building, just in time to see the car that was going out in search of antibiotics pull away from the gate and drive off down the road.  You hesitated for a moment, distracted, before turning to her and pulling her into a tight hug.

'Of course I will.’

You made your way to the cellblock where those that had gotten sick had been shut away.  It just happened to be death row which you took as a cruel mockery for those fighting for their lives inside.  As you reached the quarantine area, you heard voices and turned the corner to see Rick and Hershel, clearly engaged in some sort of dispute.

'Daddy.'  Maggie’s arm dropped from yours as she stepped towards the doctor.  'What’s goin’ on?’

'I can help these people, Maggie.’  The old man turned to her, his voice calm and resigned.  'I’ve made some of your mama’s natural flu remedy.  It could keep them alive for a little while longer, give the group enough time to get back with the medication we need.’

'Daddy, no,’ Maggie begged, desperation writ across her face as she clung to his hand like a little girl.  'Please, don’t.  I don’t want ya to get sick.  I can’t lose you too.’

'Glenn’s in there,’ Hershel reminded his daughter.  'And he’s not dead yet.  I can help him, Maggie.  I can save lives.  That’s reason enough to risk mine.’

Your eyes locked with Rick’s and he shrugged, obviously having already heard this argument.  You watched as Maggie’s hand fell from her father’s and he brushed past Rick, pulling a bandana that was tied around his neck up to cover his mouth and nose.  

'Don’t you be worrying about me, now,’ the old man instructed as he pulled open the door and slipped inside, wrenching it back into place behind him and appearing in the window to the side of the entrance.  'We’ve all got jobs to do.’

Beside you, Maggie crumbled.

 

* * *

 

That night, you sat alone in the guard tower, watching the road for any trace of life as the darkness settled in around you.

Daryl’s words echoed in your ears.   _Don’ need to say goodbye.  We’ll be back before nightfall_.

The group had still not returned and you tried to keep your mind occupied to fight the growing sense of hopelessness that you felt.

Glenn, Sasha, little Lizzie…  They were among the sick, locked away on death row, a hotbox for disease and infection, where Hershel was diligently working to ensure that at least the strongest would survive, putting himself at risk.  Plus, somewhere amongst you was a murderer, somebody capable of killing Karen and David and dragging their bodies into the yard to dispose of them.  No matter how good their intentions had been, this person had killed two of your own, something you couldn’t imagine doing, and it scared you that they still lived within the community, undetected.  You could see walkers lining the fences, groaning as they pressed themselves into the wire, the smell of humanity a constant lure for the hungry corpses.  There weren’t enough at this moment to put the fence under any strain, but you knew that in the morning more would come, drawn by the buzz of prison life that stirred up the undead already there.  

You’d felt so safe within these fences just days ago; secure, locked away from the outside world, a scary place that your anxiety now prevented you from entering.  Now you felt trapped, not wanting to be stuck inside with the virus waiting to strike you down, but not able to venture out and run the risk of a panic attack taking hold of you at the worst possible moment.  

_Where are you, Daryl?_

Your eyes roamed the horizon, your ears straining to catch the sound of engines on the evening breeze, but there was nothing.  You were alone.


	30. Chapter 30

You refused to leave the guard tower, wanting to know the exact moment that Daryl returned to you safe.  You set up camp on the platform, waiting out the long hours of darkness, and remaining at your post as the sun appeared over the horizon and another day began.

Mid-morning, footsteps roused you.  You’d been beginning to drift off, exhaustion permeating your body, but turned to see Rick appear in the doorway, looking down at you with concern in his eyes.

‘You’re still up here?’

'I’m not leaving until I see him coming home.’

'It’ll be okay, Y/N.  He’ll be alright.  They all will.’

You nodded to appease him, though you weren’t sure that you believed his words.  It seemed that nothing was really okay anymore.

'What’s up, Rick?’ you asked, tilting your head up to him and shielding your eyes from the sun as he leant against the metal railings, his eyes fixed on a spot on the floor.

'I just came to let you know that I’m taking Carol out on a run today.  We lost all the food we had stored in D-block so we’re getting a little low on supplies.’

'Okay.’  You were confused.  Rick didn’t normally advise you of his daily movements so you were unsure why he was having this conversation with you.  'Well, good luck.  Be careful.’

To your surprise, he moved towards you, sinking to the ground beside you and resting his back against the wall, his head in his hands.

'It was Carol.’

'What was?’

'The person who killed Karen and David.  It was Carol.’

You shook your head is disbelief.  'No way, Rick.  She wouldn’t do something like that!’

'She would and she did.  I asked her and she told me straight out.  Thought she’d stop the virus.’

Your mind reeled at this new information, not able to imagine quiet, caring Carol taking their lives so easily, though you knew she was a powerhouse that would protect the group at all costs.

'So, what are you going to do?’

Rick shrugged.  'I don’t know.  Talk to her, I guess.’

'Rick, you’re not going to…’

He looked at you questioningly, before realising what you were suggesting.

'Kill her?  God no, I’m not going to do that, Y/N.’

'Just checking.  I mean, have you even told Tyreese?’

He gave an almost imperceptible shake of his head and you exhaled heavily, leaning your head back against the tower wall.

'What’s happened to us, Rick?  God, I thought we hit rock bottom back at the farm when everything was falling apart, but this…  Sometimes I don’t even know what we’re fighting for anymore.’

Movement in the yard caught your attention and you watched as Carol exited the cellblock and crossed over to the waiting car, tossing a bag into the back along with a container of fuel.

'Guess I better go,’ Rick sighed, getting to his feet.  

'Hey, Rick.’  You waited until he’d brushed the dust from his jeans and looked down at you.  'Whatever you decide to do, it will be for the best.  I trust you.  You’ll do the right thing.’

He gave you a lopsided smile, tinged with sadness, and made his way slowly down the stairs.  

You watched as he made his way over to the car, with his distinctive bowlegged walk, and saw him exchange brief words with Carol before they both climbed in.  As the vehicle rolled down the track, you watched as a couple of guys that had been on fence duty yanked the metal gate back to allow them through, chaining it shut behind them.

Later that day, he returned alone.

 

* * *

 

As the evening began to draw in again, you finally left the tower, deciding to release some of your pent-up angst by working with Rick and Maggie to spear the gathering walkers through the fenceline, sliding your knife through putrid flesh, watching the bodies fall.

'So, Carol’s gone then?’ you asked, not having had a chance to speak to Rick before now.

'Yeah.’  He nodded, thrusting his blade into another skull.  'I told her I couldn’t bring her back here, not after what she’d done.’

'It was the right thing to do,’ Maggie sighed, gore splattering onto her clothing as she wrenched her knife out of the bone it had become embedded in.  'We couldn’t trust her anymore.’

'I just still can’t imagine her doing it.’

'Well, she did.’  Rick’s voice was firm and unrelenting.  'And now she’s gone.’

You moved further up the fenceline, dragging the handle of your knife against the wire, the sound drawing the walkers along with you, spreading them out to relieve the pressure.  

As you set to work again, a gunshot rang out from death row, sending Maggie sprinting in that direction, knowing that her partner and her father were inside.  You made to follow her, but a sharp shout from Rick halted you in your tracks.

'Y/N, no!  I need you here!’

The sound of the shot had riled up the walkers, who were pressing more forcefully against the fence as they jostled about, eager to get through.  The wire was beginning to cave, the supports leaning alarmingly.  

'Shit.’

You looked wildly along the fenceline, at the clusters that were building, knowing that any more shots would begin to bring even more corpses from the woods.  Leaping into action, you plunged your knife into the head of the nearest dead one, immediately moving on to the next, and the next.  You could see Rick working beside you, but you weren’t quick enough and you knew that, without reinforcement, the fence was bound to give way.

'Carl!’  You glanced over to see Rick waving his arms at his son who had appeared in the yard outside your cellblock.  'We need help here!’

Within seconds, the young lad was at your side, helping his Dad to lift a heavy wooden strut that had been left nearby, waiting until the group had time to strengthen their perimeter.  As Rick kicked at the base, securing it against the ground, you watched in horror as the wood began to buckle, backing away, reaching for Carl’s arm and dragging him with you as the fence gave way and the walkers began to pour in.

'Rick!’

'Go!’

The three of you took off, fleeing across the fields, reaching the internal fence, and slamming the gate shut, chaining it as the corpses stumbled across the grass towards you.

'It’s not gonna hold, Rick,’ you warned as they began to pile up against the wire, the weight of them causing the metal of the gate to creak ominously.

He was already ahead of you, cracking open the lock on the weapons stash and handing a rifle to his son , his eyes locking with yours as he passed one over to you.

'Come on, we got this.’

As the secondary fence gave way, you opened fire, aiming as best you could, as the undead stumbled through the gap, holding your position until Rick called to you to move.

You backed up a step at a time, never letting up, firing constantly, only stopping to reload.  You could see Carl beside you, focusing his gun, his face a stoic mask, no sign of fear in his eyes.  Your heart was pounding inside your chest, louder in your head than the shots fired, but you didn’t let the anxiety take over, running on pure adrenaline.

As the last walker dropped, your guns fell quiet, and you fell to your knees as the energy drained from your body, taking in the carnage that lay before you.

'Hey, you okay?’  Carl’s hand rested on your shoulder, and you glanced up at him, nodding as you fought against the iron band that had formed across your chest, shortening your breaths.

'I’m okay,’ you managed to choke out.  

'Get inside,’ the boy instructed.  'We can take care of the clean up.’

'But I-’

'When was the last time you slept, Y/N?’  His voice was stern but kind, so like his father’s, and your worries about the person he was growing into diminished slightly.

'I don’t know.  A couple of days ago maybe.’

'Go.  Get some rest.  We got this.’

You managed to clamber to your feet, you limbs leaden, as you dragged yourself back to your cell.  

Once there though, you found yourself restless, tossing and turning as you listened to those who were still up going about their nightly routines, the atmosphere of fear and uncertainty suffocating.  

 

* * *

 

You weren’t sure how long you’d been lying there when you heard heavy footsteps approaching.  You knew it wasn’t late as you could still hear murmured voices and movement in the cellblock, but you felt like you’d been fidgeting in your bunk for hours.

When your curtain shifted and Daryl appeared, you let out a breath that you didn’t even know you’d been holding.

Without a word, he wrapped you up in his arms, pulling you from the bed so that you could encircle his waist with your legs, your arms tight around his neck.

’D, I was so worried.’

'I know, I’m sorry.’

'I thought you’d left me.’

'I told ya I’d never do that.’

'People are dying, D, and Carol’s gone, and the fence came down, and-’

'Shush, it’s okay.’  He hushed you, one of his hands sliding up your back to stroke your hair.

His grip on you loosened and he gently lowered you until your feet hit the cool concrete floor.  

‘Did you find the antibiotics?’

‘Yeah, we got ‘em.  I left ‘em with the doc.’  He cupped your face in his hand, studying your tired eyes.  ‘Ya look beat, girl.’

'I was watching out for you.’

'I’m here now.  Come on, lay down, get some rest.’

'Will you stay?’

'I ain’ goin’ nowhere.’  He shrugged off his vest and jacket, kicking his boots from his feet as he crawled into the bunk beside you, draping his arm over your waist and burying his face in the crook of your neck, his scruff scratching against your skin.

His breath was warm against your shoulder, his arms strong as they held you close, and for the first time in days you finally felt safe.


	31. Chapter 31

_The archer’s body lay prone in front you, his eyes puffy and bloodshot, the pupils unfocused, seemingly staring at something beyond the ceiling.  His skin was hot to the touch, covered in a sheen of sweat, as you ran your hand down his cheek, pulling away when another bout of coughing tore through him, doubling him up with pain, blood spattering from his mouth down the front of his shirt.  He was trembling, his breathing becoming laboured, a hideous wheezing noise emanating from his chest.  You called for Hershel, for anyone to help you, as Daryl’s eyes finally focused on yours._

_‘I’m so sorry,’ he murmured, barely audible, almost choking on the words as more blood bubbled up his throat.  You took his hand, stroking his face, whispering reassurances as he fought for life, and then he fell still._

_‘No!’_

 

‘No!’ you screamed, waking with a start, pushing yourself upright, your heart pounding against your ribcage.  'Daryl!’

‘Hey.’  The soft rasp of his voice from beside you broke through your terror, his rough hand rubbing across your back as he pulled you into his arms.  ’S'okay, I’m right here.’

You could feel yourself shaking, reliving the final moments of your dream, watching his life drain away.  'Daryl, you died.’

‘I’m right here.’

‘No, you left me.’

‘I ain’t goin’ nowhere.  It was just a nightmare.’  His hand was stroking your hair, holding you against his chest, rocking you gently.

‘I can’t lose you!’

'Y'ain’t gonna.  I’m right here.’

'Please don’t leave me.’  You pulled away from him to meet his gaze, wrapping your hand around the back of his neck and bringing his mouth to yours, pressing your lips to his in a desperate kiss, reassuring yourself that he was real, that he was alive and solid and within reach.

As you broke away, you could see his eyes full of concern and bewilderment, and you couldn’t stop the words from coming out.

'I love you.’

Silence.  You were still reeling from the images in your head, still seeing the archer’s dead body before you, and you could feel tears welling up again.

'Please, Daryl, please kiss me.  I won’t hold you to anything, I promise.  I just need you to be kissing me right now.’

A low growl rumbled in his throat as he reached for you, rough hands cupping your face, tilting your head back to give him better access to your mouth, his fingers lacing in to your hair.  His kisses were greedy, leaving you breathless, as you whispered to him each time he broke contact.

'I need you…  I want you…’

With a groan, he rolled on top of you, every inch of his body pressed to yours as you lost yourself in your need for him, the weeks of tension that had built up between you erupting in something wild and frantic.  Your skin felt feverish, slick with sweat, as his heat penetrated your clothing, and he peeled it from your body as he explored you, discarding it carelessly on the floor, his joining it not long after.  His mouth left hot, hungry trails across your skin as you fell to pieces under his touch, reality slipping away from you as you wrapped yourself around him, your senses overloaded, overstimulated.  You were completely under his control, coming undone at the crook of a finger, the ghost of a breath, as he devoured you.  

Your fingers tangled in his hair, pulling his mouth back to yours, needing to taste him, to bury your face in his neck, teeth scraping against the sensitive skin, and inhale his scent.

You whimpered as he pulled away from you, hovering above you with hesitation in his eyes, dark with lust as they roamed over your face, watching your reaction to every movement of his fingertips as they drifted over your trembling frame.

'Ya sure ya wan’ this?’

You nodded, yes, your body vibrating with suspense.  You’d never been more sure of anything than you were of Daryl in that moment.

If you’d thought your kisses had been charged, the feeling of the archer melding into you was like a lightning strike, leaving you dazed and tingling, every nerve ending screaming in anticipation.  He stilled and you knew he was there with you, completely enraptured by the moment.

As he moved above you, you lost all sense of time, of where you ended and he began.  He was everywhere, permeating you, enveloping you, and you were drunk on him, with no hope of regaining control, lost in the delicious frenzy of his onslaught.  You felt completely detached from the world, as if you might float away to a plane of pure sensation, but his hands on your hips, nails biting into your skin, held you firmly in place, tethering you to the bunk where he claimed you.  

As ecstasy flooded through you, you felt the archer’s muscles tense, his movements stuttering and stalling, and then he was falling onto you, his lips grazing your neck as he fought to get his breath back.

Every cell in your body was humming with pleasure as he rolled off of you onto his side, pulling you with him so that you were curled up in his arms, pressing soft, wistful kisses to his chest, tasting the saltiness of his skin on your lips.

As your bliss began to slowly ebb away, you felt anxiety pool in your stomach, risking a glance at Daryl, unsure if you wanted to see the look on his face, scared in case it was the cold anger that you’d seen at the bottom of the guard tower the last time you’d kissed.

Your heart skipped a beat as you saw that he was gazing at you in wonder, lifting a hand to brush a lock of hair away from your face.  Your eyes met his and he offered you a small smile as he chewed nervously on his bottom lip.

'So, did ya mean it?  What ya said before?’ he rasped, still trying to regain his composure.

You knew you needed to be honest.  There was no going back from this.  You couldn’t just be friends with this man anymore, no matter how much you needed him in your life.

'Yeah, I meant it.’  When he didn’t speak, just nodded slowly, you continued.  'I know it’s kinda late in the day for us.  I mean, we’ve been friends a long time now and it’s never been like this with us, not ever.  I’ve never really looked at you like that before, but…  God, Daryl, that day on the road when you found me, after Merle, and you kissed me, it was just…  it was only for a second, I mean, it was fleeting, y’know, but it was electric.  That kiss changed everything.  I’ve been trying to sit on this, to bury it, because I didn’t want to ruin what we’ve got and, God, I really don’t want to lose you because I need you, D, so much.  I mean, you’re my whole world, but I… I can’t hide it anymore.  Yes, I love you.  I am in love with you, and you just… You need to know that.’

You’d been staring at his chest the whole time you’d been speaking, not wanting to see his reaction to your words, but now you met his eyes, waiting for him to say something, anything.

'Y’know I ain’t good at this stuff, but… I don’ think anyone’s ever loved another person s'much as I love you.’  His voice was a low rumble as he shifted slightly, pulling you tighter into his chest so that you couldn’t see his face.  'Way I see it, with soulmates, or whatever, yer jus’ whatever the other person needs ya to be at the time, y'know, if that’s a friend, or fam’ly, or… somethin’ else.’

You smiled, considering his words.   _Soulmates_.  'I like that.  You’re better at this than you think.’

'Yeah, 'cause it’s you.  I’m better at everythin’ with you.’

You pressed a gentle kiss against his collarbone, feeling a shiver run through his body.

'Can I ask ya somethin’ though?’

'What is it?’

'Why ain’t ya never said nothin’ before now?  I mean, this ain’t the first time somethin’s happened with us, an’ y’ain’t never said a word.’

'I didn’t think you thought about me like that.’

'Would never’ve kissed ya if I didn’.’

'But after the kiss on my birthday, you acted like it hadn’t happened.  You sent Jack up to sit with me in the tower.  It was like you were trying to push me away.’

'Firs’ thing I heard ya say that mornin’ was that nothin’ had happened.  Ya told Maggie we were jus’ friends.  Thought ya was tryin’ to forget it.’

'God, no, Daryl, I just wanted to keep it between us until we’d had a chance to talk.’

You felt him shake his head, the scruff on his chin ruffling your hair.  ‘An’ when we did talk I told ya nothin’ had to change 'cause I thought tha’s what ya wanted to hear.’  He sighed in frustration.

'Exactly.  Then after the guard tower you looked so angry,’ you continued.  'You had this cold look in your eyes.  I’d never seen you look at me that way before.  I felt…  Honestly, Daryl, I felt like you were just using me to make yourself feel better.  It sucked.’

'Usin’ ya?  Y/N, how fast did ya crawl out o’ my lap when ya heard people comin’?  I thought ya was ashamed to be caught with me like that.  Ya couldn’ get out o’ there fast enough.’

'Because I didn’t think we were anything!  I didn’t want to start gossip about something that I didn’t think was going anywhere!  I would never be ashamed to be seen with you, D.  How could you even think that?’

He shrugged, his hand slipping to your waist, stroking along your skin with a calloused thumb.  

'Ain’t nobody here not gon’ think ya can do better than me.  Ya deserve better than some ol’ redneck.’

'Would you stop?  You are not an old redneck.  You’re my hero, remember, you’re the reason I’m alive right now.  Plus, you’re the man I love.  You’re the only one I want, Daryl.’

His fingers slipped under your chin to tilt your face up so that he could kiss you, lingering above you, as he whispered, 'So, what happens now?’

'Well.’  You smiled at him, raising an eyebrow as you pushed him over onto his back, leaning over him so that your hair formed a curtain around you both.  ‘Now, I’m wondering if you have enough energy left for round two, old man.’

 

* * *

 

You woke early the following morning after only an hour or two of sleep, having spent most of the night with Daryl wrapped around you, limbs tangled together as you explored each other, coaxing out the only secrets that remained between you.  You reached over to lift the corner of the curtain at your door and saw the watery rays of first light streaming in through the cellblock windows.  Looking down at the man sleeping beside you, you felt your heart race at the memory of the night before.  It had been perfect, everything that you needed and wanted it to be, but you knew that, in the cold light of day, the archer had a habit of closing himself off, and you weren’t ready to deal with that just yet, to wake up alone again after he stole out as you slept.  Shuffling carefully out from under his arm, you slipped out of the bed, pulling on the first clothes that came to hand, and picking up your boots and gun as you crept from the cell.  

By the time Daryl joined you, you were perched on top of the picnic bench in the yard, your feet on the seat, enjoying the fresh breeze that blew in across the field, sipping from a bottle of water, looking up as he approached.

'Hey, you,’ he called as he crossed the yard, stopping in front of you and shifting awkwardly, his hands buried deep in his pockets.

'Hey, yourself.’

'How ya doin’?’

'I’m okay.’  You shrugged, dropping your eyes to the ground before raising them to meet his again.  'Tired, y'know.’

'Yeah, tell me about it.'  He rubbed the back of his neck as you shared a nervous smile and you could feel the heat rising in your cheeks.  'Any regrets?’ 

You considered the question, unsure of the response he was hoping for, but decided that at this point it was best to just be honest.

'No.  Not from me, anyway.’

'Me either.’  He sidled closer, stopping when he was between your legs, kneeling on the bench so his face was level with yours.  ‘That mean I can kiss ya then?’

You couldn’t suppress the grin that spread across your face, as you giggled at him.  'You don’t have to ask permission.’

His expression was serious.  'No?’

'No.’  You mirrored his gaze, reaching up to cup his cheek in your hand.  'I’m your girl, D.  You can do what you want with me.’

You felt his mouth curl up at the edges as he pressed a determined kiss to your lips, pulling back to smirk at you, before reaching for your hips and throwing you over his shoulder before you had time to react.

'Well, in that case, we’re goin’ back to bed.’


	32. Chapter 32

That morning passed in a haze of messy kisses, tangled limbs, and a pulsing need for each other unlike anything you’d ever experienced before.  You were insatiable, quenching a thirst you didn’t even realise you’d had, after a long drought you’d barely been aware of.  You felt yourself fall in love with him over and over again, with every touch, every movement, every rasp of your name.  Your body ached exquisitely, your hips bruised in the shape of his fingertips, as you lost yourself in a bubble, wondering how it was possible to feel so blissfully happy with everything that was going on outside.

Reality has a pesky way of bursting bubbles though and, as you were curled up in the archer’s arms exchanging lazy, languid kisses, the curtain of your cell was pushed aside and Maggie appeared, starting to speak without even looking at you in the bunk, completely oblivious to the archer’s presence and the position you now found yourself in.

‘Daddy’s drivin’ me mad, Y/N.’  She was pacing back and forth in frustration, running her hands through her hair.  'He still won’ let me in to help him, even though I broke quarantine when I shot out the damn window yesterday, and I can see he’s exhausted, plus everyone’s gettin’ treated now anyway, right?  And he keeps goin’ on about Carol, how he can’t believe that she’d do what she did, and how he doesn’t think Rick shoulda just left her out there, and I’m tryin’ to tell him that it was the right thing to do, that Rick was just protectin’ us all, but he won’t have it, y'know.  And have you noticed how every time we get this place in order, somethin’ happens an’ we end up having to rebuild fences an’ clean up bodies?  What is even the damn point of that?  We’ll get it all secure an’ tidy, an’ somethin’ else will happen, an’ it’ll all fall apart, an’ we’ll just end up having to sort it out all over again.’

You couldn’t help but let out a giggle at the awkwardness of the situation and she halted in her frantic pacing and turned to look at you, her hand flying to her mouth as she saw you and Daryl, trying to cover as much as you could with the blankets you had to hand, your skin bearing the marks of your activities as you’d laid claim to each other.  

'Oh my God,’ she squealed, covering her eyes as she turned her back to you.  'What in the hell?  I knew it!  I knew all that 'just friends’ stuff was bull!’  She snuck another look over her shoulder at you, and cackled with laughter.   'This. Is. Awesome.  I am totally telling everyone right now.’

'Mags!’  You let out a frustrated cry, chucking a pillow at her as she continued to chuckle to herself.  

'Alright, alright, I’m leaving, I’m sorry.  Enjoy, you two!  We’ll talk later!’  She threw a wink over her shoulder at you as she exited the cell, and you fell back against the bunk and buried your face in your hands, trying to cover your red cheeks.

'Oh my God, that was so embarrassing.’

Daryl peeled your hands away from your face and gave you a gentle smile, though you could see that the tips of his ears had turned red too.  'If ya wan’ keep this between us, ya prob'ly got about 30 seconds to catch her 'fore she broadcasts it to the whole damn prison.’

You met his gaze, reaching up to slip a hand around the back of his neck and pull him down for a kiss, teasing his lips with the tip of your tongue.

'Let her tell them.  I don’t care.  I want everybody to know!’

'Ya do?’  You could see a flicker of uncertainty in his eyes and you rolled onto him, planting your elbows either side of his face and grinning down at him, leaning down to place light fluttery kisses over his cheeks and lips, causing him to growl softly and grasp your chin to hold you in place so he could kiss you properly.  

'I do.  I’m so happy, Daryl!  You’ve made me this happy.  I don’t want to hide that.’

'But-’

'Besides,’ you cut him off before he could argue.  'With all this drama going on, people could use some good news, right?’

'Maybe.  Wha’ was all that stuff Maggie was goin’ on about anyway?  You said somethin’ ‘bout Carol last night too.  Sounds like I’ve missed a lot.’

'Right.’  You rolled off of him, feeling the weight of reality set in as a more sombre mood settled over you both.  'About that…’

 

* * *

 

It had only taken a few minutes to fill Daryl in on what he’d missed.  The frown lines that you’d kissed away earlier that morning were back and his body was tense as you cuddled against it, his grip on you growing tighter as you talked.  When you’d finished, you watched as he processed everything he’d been told, waiting for a reaction, knowing that he was going to take Carol’s absence particularly hard.

'So, yer tellin’ me Rick took her out on a run an’ he just left her out there?’ he growled, his eyes flashing with anger as his fingers bit into your flesh.

'Daryl,’ you whimpered, pulling away, and he released you immediately.  'He did what he thought was best.’

’S'like Merle all over again.’

'No, it’s not.  Carol killed two of our own, D.’

'They weren’ our own!  Not like she is.  She’s fam'ly!’

'Hey!’  You reached over to stroke his face, your thumb rubbing over his cheekbone.  'Calm down.’  You felt his tension ease slightly under your touch and leaned forward to kiss him softly.

’M'sorry.  Jus’ can’t believe she’d do somethin’ like that.’

'Neither could I,’ you admitted.  'But I trust Rick and so do you.  If he thinks he made the right call, then I’m with him on it.’

'I need to talk to 'im.’

You nodded, shifting onto your back so that the archer could clamber over you and out of the bed, pulling on his clothes, and reaching for his crossbow which he slung over his shoulder.

As he made to leave the cell, he hesitated for a moment, turning back to you and leaning over you to press his lips to yours, the kiss deepening as you laced your fingers into his hair and held him in place, not ready to let him go just yet.  He broke away, lingering over you as he gave you a sad smile.  

'I love ya,’ he mumbled, resting his forehead against yours.

'I love you, Daryl Dixon.’

You pulled him in for one last kiss, sighing as he left the cell, leaving you alone.

You stretched, your muscles feeling sore after the hours of activity, your head fuzzy with tiredness.  It would be so easy to let yourself drift back off to sleep, but it must already be midday and you needed to get your ass out of bed.  

You sat up and twisted round to place your feet on the ground, holding the sheet to you as reached for some clean underwear, pulling it on, then standing to wriggle into your jeans and slide a t-shirt over your head.  As you gathered your dirty clothes from the floor, you found the shirt Daryl had been wearing the night before, holding the collar to your nose to inhale the earthy scent of him, tinged with leather and smoke.  You couldn’t stop the smile from forming on your face as you slipped the shirt on, rolling up the sleeves to above your elbows.  

'Would ya look at that smile on your face!’  Maggie crowed from the doorway, startling you as you hadn’t heard her approach.

'Shut up!’ you giggled, turning your back on her to hide the blush that was creeping over your cheeks.  

'Hey, come 'ere.’  Your friend pulled you into a tight embrace, laughing as you practically vibrated with happiness.  'It’s so nice to see you like this.  You deserve it.  Seriously though, you guys weren’t fooling anyone with all your 'just friends’ rubbish.’

'It wasn’t rubbish,’ you insisted, sinking down to sit on the edge of your bunk.  'It really wasn’t like that between us.’

'So, what changed?’

'I don’t know really.  It happened after Merle, kind of slowly and then all at once.  I think I was in love with him before I even realised it.’

'I know what that’s like.’  She grinned, obviously thinking of the beginning of her relationship with Glenn, dropping down beside you onto the bed.  'I can’t really imagine Daryl Dixon doin’ feelings though.’

'He’s softer than he makes out.  He just hides it 'cause he feels like he has to be one of the strong ones.  I think he’s always had to be one of the strong ones, even before the world ended.’

'It’s good he has you, someone he can let in.’

'Oh Mags, I love that he talks to me, that he lets me see this other side of him.  He’s just… He’s amazing!’

'And, erm, how was, y'know, last night?’  She winked suggestively at you, and you snickered, lowering your gaze to the floor.  'Oh, come on, Y/N, I want details!’

'It was… incredible.’

When you didn’t offer any more information, she shook her head at the dreamy smile on your face.  'Well, it certainly musta been somethin’ to get you lookin’ like that.’

'I think I’ve just found my forever,’ you whispered to her, feeling the heat rise in your face again, and she leaned into you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders.

'You and me both, sweetheart.’

You both sat in peaceful contentment for a minute, before she pushed herself to her feet and reached for your hand.

'Right, come on.  We’ve got work to-’

A loud bang from outside cut her off, the sound reverberating through the building, her eyes widening in horror as her gaze locked on yours.

'What the hell?’

She dragged you from the cell, giving you just enough time to grab your knife from the table, sprinting from the cellblock and coming to a sudden halt in the yard, your chest constricting as you took in the view in front of you.

A large group of people was assembled on the other side of the fence, all armed from what you could tell, crowded around a tank, smoke rising from its muzzle.  At the head of the army stood a man you recognised and your eyes flew to Daryl’s as he rounded the corner of the building and came immediately to your side, with Rick close behind him, both scanning the fenceline as they assessed the threat.

The Governor had returned.


	33. Chapter 33

‘We need to talk.’

The Governor’s voice cut through the tense silence that had fallen over the group, and you watched in horror as Michonne and Hershel were manhandled into view, being pushed roughly to their knees in front of the madman addressing you.  

You could feel your chest constricting, trying to keep your breathing steady as you fought against your rising anxiety.  Daryl’s fingers brushed against yours and you met his eyes to see him watching you, concern writ across his face.  You nodded, reassuring him that you were okay, and felt him leave your side, losing track of him briefly as Rick broke away from your group and made his way slowly down to the fenceline at the Governor’s request.  

Your gaze flickered to Carl, watching his fingers wrap slowly around his gun in its holster, resting a trembling hand on his shoulder to still his movement, and giving him an almost imperceptible shake of your head.  Not yet.

Maggie had moved forward to the inner fence when Hershel had been brought forward, Beth at her side, pressing against it as they watched the ongoing exchange with growing panic.  

You felt the pressure of cold metal against your arm and realised that Daryl was beside you again, pushing a rifle into your hand, handing others to those around you.  

‘It’s gon’ kick off,’ he murmured in your ear.  'Gotta be ready.’

'Daryl-’

'If we get separated, ya wait for me round the back, okay.  The tree where ya hid after they attacked last time, with the cross marked in the trunk.  I’ll find ya there.’

You nodded, taking the box of bullets that he pressed into your hand, then turned your attention back to the scene before you, just in time to see the Governor raise Michonne’s katana above his head and slice it into Hershel’s neck.  You couldn’t help the scream that flew from your mouth as you watched the doctor keel over, hidden from your sight in the long grass, but it was drowned out by the heart-wrenching howl that left Maggie as Beth called for her Daddy.  

After that, it was like everything was happening in slow motion.  You saw Rick backing away, raising his handgun and opening fire on the Governor and his troops.  You could hear shouted instructions from across the yard and realised that all of the children were being guided out of the cellblocks and on to the prison bus, as per the evacuation plan that the council had drawn up some time ago.  Everyone around you had broken apart, finding cover as bullets whizzed through the air, firing back as another explosion erupted from the tank.  A shower of debris from above you brought you to your senses and you spun round to locate Daryl, seeing him backing away and holding out his hand for you.  

'Y/N, come on!’

You ran for him, but another shower of glass and concrete came down between you and you lost sight of him in the cloud of dust, turning on the spot to race for safety behind one of the benches, sliding down behind it as the tank started to move, ploughing through the perimeter fence and rolling on up towards the prison.  You could see people dropping around you as bullets found their marks, could see smoke rising from the damaged sections of the buildings as the tank let loose another barrage of fire.

The iron band across your chest was tightening as your breaths became short, and you forced yourself to prop yourself up, raising your rifle on the edge of the bench and taking aim at the advancing threat.  You shot once, twice, three times, before spots began to dance in front of your eyes, as you gasped to get oxygen into your lungs, your body shaking violently.  You needed to get control of yourself, to try to help your family protect your home, or else get out of there to try to make it to the tree where Daryl had said he’d look for you when it was over.

Strong hands grabbed you under your arms before you could make your move and hauled you upright, but you could tell from the touch and the smell that it wasn’t Daryl.  As you were dragged from your hiding place, you managed to glance behind you to see Jack’s face, his eyes full of anger and fear.  

'Jack,’ you managed to choke out.  'What are you doing?’

'Getting you out of here,’ he shouted, hauling you across the yard, weaving to avoid the gunfire being exchanged.

'No!’  You managed to twist yourself around, trying to pull your body from his grip, but he refused to let go, eventually swinging you up over his shoulder as he broke into a run.  

You didn’t realise what was happening until you felt your back hit a smooth cold surface and realised that he’d lowered you onto the steps of the bus, his hand hammering on the dashboard as he instructed the driver, 'Time to go!’  You watched in horror as he jumped off, the doors closing behind him, as the engine roared into life.

'No!’ you screamed, pounding your fists against the door, tears pouring down your face as you turned to the guy at the wheel.  'Stop!  Let me off, please!’

'I can’t.’  He didn’t even turn to look at you.  'I’ve got kids on here.  We’ve got to get them out.’

You pushed yourself to your feet, grabbing on to a pole to steady yourself as the bus swung around, bumping over the field as it headed for the gates.  The seats were rammed full of terrified faces, the young, the old, those that had been sick, as they watched you fight desperately to get the door open, but it held fast.  

'Shit!’  You kicked it, falling backwards onto your ass on the steps again, as the vehicle sped away from the prison, from your family, from the man you loved.

You wrapped your arms around yourself, doubling over as you struggled to catch your breath, the pressure in your chest painfully tight, as the panic took over.   _No, no, no, no, no_.  Spots swam in front of your vision as you watched the road rush by, and then, just when you thought you might suffocate where you sat, everything went black.

 

* * *

 

You came to with a start as the bus juddered to a halt and you heard a muttered curse behind you.  You were still on the steps, slumped to one side, and you pushed yourself upright, rubbing your neck, as another expletive came from behind you.

Pushing yourself to your feet and stretching out your aching joints, you peered through the windscreen.

A horde of walkers was stumbling along the road towards you, jostling for position as they approached the vehicle which was still stationary, the driver frozen as he stared in horror at the approaching crowd.

'What are you doing?!’ you shouted at him, slamming your hand down on the dash to rouse him.  'Turn this damn bus around!’

His hands were shaking as he gripped the wheel and glanced over at you before beginning to inch the bus forward.  'No, it’s okay.  We can get through.’

'We can’t!  There’s too many of them!’

'No, it’s fine.  I can do it.’

As the bus met the front of the crowd, you watched as the corpses at the front began to fall beneath the wheels, hearing their bodies squelch under its weight.  As you moved further forward, the vehicle was surrounded, rocking under the strain of the hammering of undead fists.  You heard the engine rev harder, as the driver tried to continue moving, but the wheels were spinning uselessly under you now, unable to gain any traction on the sea of blood and gore beneath the tires.

'Goddamn it!’  You watched in horror as the door began to buckle under the force of the walkers pressed against it and backed up, moving down the aisle as it gave way.  You scanned the bus, looking desperately for a way out, as the back door creaked ominously.  You stepped up onto a spare inch of seat and pushed yourself precariously up onto the back of the chair, as you spotted a hatch in the ceiling halfway down, a sunroof that you knew you could get through.  You wrestled with it for a moment, struggling to keep your balance and praying to God that the window wouldn’t be stuck, but finally managed to push it open as the screams of the passengers became more desperate.  You gripped the edge of the hatch, hauling yourself up and through the ceiling, turning on your knees and immediately reaching back down through the opening to offer help to anyone that needed it, but it was too late.  The aisle was awash with blood as your people were torn apart by the ravenous horde.  The screams died away as the monsters feasted, and you fell backwards, out of sight of the undead, and let the tears fall.  

After so long locked inside the prison fences, afraid to leave, afraid of the threats outside your perimeter and how you might react to them, you were now outside of your safe haven and completely alone.


	34. Chapter 34

You lost track of how long you lay there, waiting for the horde to finish feasting and move off.  The light had started to dim when you peeked over the edge of the bus to see that only a couple of stragglers remained, slipping down onto the bonnet and stabbing the first one through the skull easily, turning just in time to put down the second.  You could hear the beginnings of movement inside the vehicle and knew that those still in tact enough were beginning to reawaken.  

You jogged over to the treeline scanning the ground until you found a length of stick and returned to the door, pulling it closed and ramming the stick through the handles to hold it shut, trapping the undead inside.  Having been unconscious for a while, you didn’t know how long you’d been driving, how far from the prison you were, and you didn’t want to risk them wandering into the woods and finding other survivors, or worse drawing the herd back in your direction. 

The only clue you had as to where you’d come from was the direction that the bus was facing, so you turned back and followed the road the way the vehicle has obviously come.  You were painfully aware that you’d dropped your rifle when Jack had manhandled you onto the bus and were now armed only with your knife.  You knew your pistol was still sitting on the table of your cell.  You hadn’t had time to grab for it as Maggie dragged you outside.  Could that really have only been such a short time ago?

When you’d been walking for twenty minutes or so, the road hit a junction, a break in the trees allowing you to see the skyline.  Plumes of smoke were rising in the distance and, though it hurt your heart to acknowledge it, you knew that it was the prison, or whatever remained of it.  You stopped for a brief rest, leaning over and resting your hands on your knees, trying to ignore the thirst that was clawing at your throat.  You had no water with you and hadn’t had anything to drink since first light.  Spending the afternoon sweating on top of a bus in the high heat hadn’t helped your situation either.  You shrugged off your shirt, Daryl’s shirt, and tied it around your waist, forcing yourself to keep going.  If he was alive, he’d be waiting for you at the tree, you told yourself.  He had to be there.

As you got nearer to the prison complex, starting to recognise the roads and the landscape, you took to the woods to cut the route down, cutting diagonally through the forest, weaving to avoid the occasional walker that stumbled past you, pausing when one got too close so as not to attract its attention.  

When you finally made the treeline, the sun had already set and you knew it wouldn’t be long until night fell.  The scene that met your eyes was desolate.  Bodies were strewn about, littering the fields, walkers shambling about aimlessly between them.  The tank was smoking in the centre of the yard, and a fire still burned in your old cellblock, the smoke rising into the sky in a billowing cloud.  There was no sign of human life.

You picked your way carefully and quietly along the edge of the trees, darting across the road and into the woods the other side.  Luckily, the prison was almost surrounded by the forest and you were able to work your way around to the back under relative cover.  When you could see the exit you’d used after setting off the alarm and trapping the Governor’s men, you knew which direction you needed to be moving in and slipped deeper into the trees, moving slowly to give your eyes time to adjust to the dark.

The shadows of the trees formed terrifying shapes as you moved past them, your knife clenched in your fist so tight that your knuckles had turned white.  You made yourself jump with the sound of your own footsteps, with the rustle of leaves as you brushed through the undergrowth, your heart pounding, convinced that somebody was tracking you or that you were about to stumble into a walker’s reaching arms.  

Feeling like you must have gone far enough by now, you scanned the shadows around you, searching for the specific tree, the one with the low hanging branches that you’d been able to pull yourself up on.  You edged towards one that looked about right, barely daring to breathe as you scanned the area for any sign of the archer, and then you saw it: the cross gouged into the rough bark and, at its centre, an arrow protruding from the trunk, a bandana tied around the shaft.

He had been here.  Daryl had been here looking for you.  He’d expected you to come back, hence why he’d left the arrow as a sign, but he’d been unable to stay.  Why?  Was he hurt?  Bleeding out and desperately needing to get away?  Your mind went to all of the dark places that you knew it should be avoiding as you pictured what might have happened to him, curling into a ball at the base of the tree and sobbing, trying to muffle the sound with the heel of your hand.  You could feel that familiar tightening of your chest again and fought against it, trying to gain control over your tears and keep your breathing steady.  

A groan from somewhere in front of you brought you immediately to your feet as you scanned between the trees for the threat.  Still clutching your knife, you turned back to the arrow, wrapping your hand around it and yanking hard, determined to free it from where it was embedded.  You wrestled with it, twisting to try and work it loose, your hand aching from the effort, before it finally came away, sending you sprawling onto your back.

Almost immediately a walker was on top of you, its jaws snapping centimetres from your face.  You brought the arrow up and plunged it into the creature’s skull, rolling it off of you and scrambling away, climbing to your feet as you checked that it was alone.  As you stood over it, bending to retrieve your arrow, you felt a pulse of recognition, nearly knocking you back to the ground.  

It was Jack.

* * *


	35. Chapter 35

You wandered aimlessly down the road that led away from the prison, unable to look back and see the devastation and destruction of the buildings that had been your home.  You had lost your safe space, your fences, your family and the man you loved, all in the shortest space of time.  It didn’t seem real and you tried to convince yourself that it wasn’t, that you were just out on a run and you’d be heading back to your bunk soon, but your brain wasn’t playing ball, not allowing you to distract yourself from the stark reality of your situation.  

You were alone, with no food, no water, only your knife for defence, and nowhere to sleep that night.  Darkness had fallen and you knew the woods were full of walkers, attracted by the deafening gunfire and explosions from the battle.  You had no choice but to keep moving, just keep going and hope that you’d find supplies or other survivors from the prison.  Everyone must be scattered, you thought, knowing how relatively few had made it onto the bus before it departed, so they must be in the same position as you, though if they’d been on the move whilst you’d been waiting out the walkers on the bus, they’d be miles away from you by now.

You missed Daryl with a ferocity that took your breath away.  You’d been apart for longer than this before, of course, every time he left to go on a run, but you always knew that he’d be coming home to you, sooner or later.  Now, you didn’t know where he was, or what he was doing, or if he was even alive, and the desolation was crippling.  You berated yourself for not telling him how you felt sooner, wasting so much time trying to push your feelings down, worried about losing him, when you could have been losing yourself in him instead.  Your timing was horrendous and the only small consolation was that, wherever he was now, if he was still breathing, he knew how you felt, knew that you were out here, loving him, wanting him, and missing him.  God, how you missed him.  

Your legs were growing heavy with exhaustion, your body crying out for water, and you knew you needed to find somewhere to rest.  When an abandoned car came into view at the side of the road, you decided it was better than nothing, checking it for supplies and, finding none, crawling into the boot, out of sight, and securing it with the bandana that Daryl had left for you.  You’d slipped your shirt off outside the car and now you bunched it up under your head like a pillow, turning your face into it and breathing deeply, the archer’s scent calming you and lulling you to sleep.  

 

* * *

 

‘Come on, come on, you can do it!’

The sound of a man’s voice infiltrated your dream, and your eyes flickered open, your heart beginning to race at the confined space you found yourself in, until you realised where you were.

‘Oh, so close!  Come on, baby, nearly there!’

You felt the car judder beneath you and realised in horror that the voice you could hear was coming from inside, as someone tried to get the engine running.  From your position in the trunk, you couldn’t see anything, but you knew you needed to get out of there.

Barely daring to breathe, you went to work on the knot you’d tied in the bandana, your trembling fingers making it a dauntless task.  When the fabric finally gave way, you stuffed it into your pocket, easing the lid of the trunk up just enough to peek outside.  You could see no sign of life and the aggravated grunts coming from the front seat told you that whoever had disturbed your slumber was still trying in vain to get the car to start.  

Taking a moment to prepare yourself, you lifted the door a little further until it left just enough space for you to slip out, rolling quickly into a crouch, as you clicked it quietly closed behind you.  

'Hey.’

A voice behind you made you spin so fast that you nearly toppled over and had to take a second to steady yourself as you took in the stranger who had obviously noticed your escape attempt and given up on the clapped out engine.

He was tall and slim, almost gangly, though the sinewy muscles of his arms prevented you from using that description.  His sandy blonde hair was falling into his eyes and he shoved it back with his hand, only for it to flop straight into his face again.  His slender fingers were wrapped around a handgun, though he wasn’t pointing it at you, instead he was inching closer with his other arm outstretched.

'Hey there!’  He greeted you again.  'I’m John, or Johnny, if you’d rather.’

When you didn’t respond he took another step towards you, smile faltering as he saw you skitter backwards like a nervous animal.

'Okay, woah, sorry.  I’m not trying to scare you.  I just haven’t seen anybody else that’s, y'know, alive in a really long time, and I…  I guess I’m not handling this very well.’

He watched as your eyes flicked back to the gun he was holding and he chuckled nervously as he slipped it into the waistband of his jeans.  

'Shit, sorry.  So much for not wanting to scare-’

'Don’t do that,’ you interrupted him, your voice a low growl.

A look of confusion passed over his face as he tilted his head to one side.  'Erm, do what?’

'Don’t put your gun away.  You don’t know me.  You don’t know if you can trust me.  Keep your gun ready.’

'Why wouldn’t I trust you?  You’ve got no reason to want to hurt me, have you?’  Another uncomfortable laugh left his lips as he started inching slowly towards you again.

'Doesn’t matter.  It’s what people do these days.  It’s survival of the fittest.  Kill or be killed.’

'Sounds like you’ve been mixing with the wrong kind of people.’

'They took everything from me.’

He nodded in understanding as he finally got near to you, proffering his hand again.

'Sounds like you could do with a friend.  Like I said, I’m Johnny.’

You met his eyes, examining what you saw there and finding something, though you couldn’t say what, that seemed to be genuine.  Besides, you were alone and barely armed, so you had little choice by this point.

'Y/N,’ you offered, shaking his hand.

'Were you sleeping in there?’  He gestured towards the trunk, rubbing his arm awkwardly.  'Sorry if I woke you.  I’ve been walking for miles and I just figured I’d see if I could get her running.’

'No luck?’

'Cars aren’t really my thing,’ he admitted.  

'What is your thing?’

'Music.  I used to drum in a band, before…’

'Not a particularly useful skill these days.’

'So true.  Definitely should have taken up mechanics or learnt how to hunt or something.  Shoulda, woulda, coulda, right?’

'I can hunt,’ you whispered, unable to say the words any louder for fear they might shatter your heart into a million pieces.  'I mean, I was with this guy and he tried to teach me.  I’ve never really tried it but I still remember what he told me.  I could probably give it a go.’

'Damn, I knew I was due some good luck!’ Johnny crowed.  'Teach me, oh mighty hunter.’

You couldn’t hold in the giggle that bubbled up within you, knowing that he was trying to break the ice and make you feel comfortable.  'So, you’re kind of a dork, huh?’

'Yes,’ he nodded, puffing his chest up proudly.  'Yes, I am!’

When your expression fell again, he laid a comforting hand on your shoulder.  'Look, I can tell you’ve been through something and, if you wanna talk about it, that’s cool, and, if you don’t, that’s cool too.  Honest truth, I am dying for some company and you look like your whole world’s ended… again…  What d'ya say we stick together, huh?  Just keep walking, see where we end up.’

You considered it for a moment, weighing up the pros and cons, but ultimately knowing that you didn’t want to be alone.  If nothing else, Johnny seemed like good fun and could prove to be a welcome distraction from the images that invaded your mind, your family fighting for their lives, the way Maggie’s body had folded in on itself as her father was murdered right in front of her, the smoke rising from the prison and Daryl waiting for you until he couldn’t any longer.

 'Okay,’ you finally agreed.  'But you need to understand something.  I’m looking for someone and I’m not gonna stop until I find him.’

'Of course.  Who is it?’

'My…’  You hesitated, unsure how to refer to him now, how to define your relationship.  'Daryl.  He’s called Daryl.  I lost him and I need to find him.  I need him.’

'Alright, new friend!’  Johnny slung his arm around your shoulder in what you felt was a slightly over-familiar gesture, and turned you to carry on along the road.  'Let’s go find your Daryl.  Where do you wanna start?’


	36. Chapter 36

Johnny wasn’t a bad companion, you decided, as you traipsed through the forest.  He was relentlessly optimistic, somehow always managing to focus on the positive, and keeping you motivated whenever you felt a sense of hopelessness overwhelm you.  His tales of life on the road with his small-time band were entertaining and the flamboyant way he told them made you laugh.  Plus, it felt good to know that someone had your back, even if it wasn’t the right person.  You’d barely spent one night on your own and the loneliness had already been taking its toll on you, but the constant chatter beside you dulled your anxiety and kept your mind from dwelling on what you’d lost.  

You were moving quickly, struggling at times to keep up with his long-legged lope, and, as the evening began to draw in again, you came across a small secluded house in the wood.  You employed Daryl’s method to ensure it was clear, tapping against the window pane and waiting for any sounds of movement from inside, but there were none.  You waited, knife raised as Johnny tried the door and found it unlocked, letting it swing open with a loud creak before inching inside, scanning the room with his gun raised.  You followed him inside, splitting off from him to check the adjoining rooms but finding them empty.  

‘All clear?’ you heard Johnny call from somewhere out of sight.

‘Yep, the place is empty.’

'Not quite!’  You heard a rattle of glass and he appeared, a crate of jars held aloft like a prize.  'Found us some moonshine!  How d'you feel about a toast to new friends?’

You weren’t listening.  The sight of the jars had sent you reeling, as you lost yourself in a memory of a picnic on the hood of a truck, a slow dance by candlelight, and a first kiss that had left you trembling.  

'Hey.’  Johnny set the drinks on the small coffee table in the middle of the room and reached out to lay a hand on your shoulder, jolting you back into the present.  'Where’d you go?’

'God, I’m sorry.’  You felt your cheeks colour as you noticed that your face was wet with tears, ducking your head so that your hair would cover your emotional reaction.  'I was miles away.’

'I noticed.  Something wrong?’

'No,’ you lied, shaking your head.  'I’m fine.  I just, erm… I had a pretty shocking hangover last time I drank that stuff.  Just thinking about it makes me feel kinda queasy.’

'Oh God, I totally get it.  I get that way with tequila!’  He picked the crate back up and began to back out of the room.  'I’ll put this back where I found it.’

'Thank you!’ you called after him as he disappeared again, running your hands through your hair and taking a deep breath to compose yourself.  

By the time he reappeared, you’d settled yourself into the sagging old armchair, a grotesque neon pink ashtray in the shape of a bust, full to the brim with butts, in your hands, twisting it back and forth as you studied it with a look of utter bemusement on your face.  

'What in the hell is that?’ Johnny asked, chuckling at your expression.  

'I… I’m not sure,’ you giggled, placing it back on the floor and stretching out your legs, crossing them at the ankles.  'Hell, who am I to judge someone else’s taste in home decor?  I’ve been living in a damn prison.’

You could see you’d sparked his interest, but didn’t continue, not wanting to talk about the home that had been destroyed.

He dropped to the floor, crossing his legs and leaning his elbows on the coffee table.  'So, I’ve been talking about myself all day, but other than your name and the fact that you’re looking for your Daryl, I still know absolutely nothing about you.’

You shifted uncomfortably, leaning your head back to study the ceiling, grimacing at the mass of tangled cobwebs above you.  'What do you want to know?’

'What were you doing?  Before all this I mean?’

'I was going to uni and working retail to keep some money coming in.’

'What did you study?’

'Teaching.  I wanted to work with kids.’

'Nice.  My sister was a teacher.’

You nodded, hoping that he’d keep talking, draw the focus away from you again, but he was persistent.

'So, you were studying, and then the world ended, and… then what?’

'Well, my family didn’t make it, so I was just on my own.’

'And then you found a prison?’

You smiled as he tried to piece together the little that you’d told him.

'Not straight away.’

'Okay, but something changed 'cause you obviously weren’t on your own before I found you.’

When you didn’t offer any more information he figured it out himself, drawing a long sigh from deep in your chest.

'Ahh, then you found Daryl, right?’

'Yeah, then I found Daryl.’

'What was he to you?  I mean, we’re traipsing all over this wood, tracking ghosts it kinda seems like, so he must’ve been pretty important.’

'He was.  He is.  We were… I mean, he’s my… I don’t even really know.’  You were picking at your thumbnail, pulling on your fingers as you tried to determine how to define your relationship with the archer.  'I love him.  He’s my soulmate.  I need to find him.’

'You’re lucky, y'know.’  You glanced up at him, confused.  'To have had that.  Not many people do.’

'You’re talking like I don’t have it anymore.  Like he’s gone.’

'Well, he’s not here.’

'But he’s not dead!  I’ll find him!’

'Sure you will.’  He nodded, avoiding your gaze.  'But if you don’t, I mean, you were still lucky to have had it at all.’

Silence fell as you fought the anger rising in you.  He wasn’t dead.  You would never give up searching for him, no matter how hopeless it seemed.  You might have been lucky to have had a love like that, but it wasn’t enough.  You’d wasted too much time and you needed to make up for it, needed another night in his arms to show him what he meant to you.  You’d walk to the ends of the earth searching if that’s what it took.  You couldn’t let him go.

'I think I want to sleep,’ you mumbled eventually, shifting in the chair to draw your legs up to your chest, twisting round so that the bulk of the chair cradled you.

'Sure.’  Johnny stood and slipped out of the door to keep watch on the porch, obviously deciding it was best to give you some space.

You sighed, annoyed with yourself for being so easily riled and with him for his persistent questioning.  You knew he hadn’t been trying to upset you, but you felt like you were balanced on a knife-edge, trying desperately to hold it together, and it wouldn’t take much to send you tumbling over into a pit of despair.

 

* * *

 

Sleep came more easily than you’d imagined it would, but you were plagued with nightmares, watching the man you loved die, over and over, in a million different ways.  Each time you would be close enough to see every tiny detail, to hear his last faltering breath, to smell the coppery tang of blood in the air, but you were a ghost, unable to touch him, to help him, a useless phantom standing by, powerless.  You woke covered in a sheen of sweat, shaking as you pushed the last horrifying image back down into your subconscious.  You felt more tired than you had before but knew that you wouldn’t be getting any more rest that night.

You found Johnny out on the bottom step of the porch, absent-mindedly scratching patterns in the dirt with the pointed end of a stick.  You slumped down on the top step, leaning against the railings as you looked up at the stars.  Somehow it calmed you to think that somewhere Daryl may be looking up at the same ones, thinking about you.  

'Feel better for that?’ Johnny asked tentatively, jabbing his stick against a rock buried in the ground.

'Not really,’ you admitted.  'I’m sorry about before.’

'That’s okay.  I didn’t mean to upset you.’

'I know.’  You offered him a small smile and he returned it, before turning his gaze back to the shadows of the trees.

'You wanna take a break?  Get some rest?’ you asked, noticing the dark circles under his eyes.

'You sure you’re okay on your own?’

'Yeah.’  You nodded towards the door.  'Get in there and get some sleep.  I’ll be fine.’

As he climbed up the steps past you, leaning down to ruffle your hair affectionately, you pulled your knife from its holster and took a deep breath of the fresh night air.  

_Are you seeing the same sky I’m seeing, D, those stars blinking up there in space, high above this hell we’re living in?  Are you thinking about me?  Do you miss me like I miss you?_

The darkness offered no answers.

 

* * *

 

You left the cabin at first light, slipping out into the early morning rays, trying to ignore the thirst that clawed at your throat and the aching hunger in your stomach.  Johnny had been carrying a bottle of water in his pack when you’d run into him, which he’d happily shared with you, but it was long gone now, and you knew that finding somewhere to refill it would have to be a priority.  You hated that you were eating into his supplies, but you literally had nothing except the clothes on your back and the knife at your hip.

You picked your way along a narrow path worn into the undergrowth by the wildlife, tripping occasionally on twigs and stones, giggling at your clumsiness.  You knew that if you’d been with Daryl he would have been insisting on silence, moving quietly, keeping low, always aware, always on the hunt.  It somehow eased the ache in your chest to embrace the opposite, made it feel less like he was missing.  It was a temporary relief, but at this point you were taking whatever you could get.  

As the trees began to thin out, you came to a railway track snaking through the wood and made the mutual decision to follow it without speaking a word.  The heat was intense now that you were out from under the shade and your pace slowed as you meandered along, balancing on the raised metal rails.  As the track veered sharply to the left, you were listening to Johnny waxing lyrical about warm beer in America’s dive bars, your eyes fixed to the dust that you were kicking up as you scuffed your feet against the ground, when a sharp intake of breath from beside you made you raise your eyes to the scene in front of you.

A horde of walkers was shambling towards you, their arms reaching out as they caught sight of you, rotten teeth clacking together inside gaping jaws.

'Shit.’

'Quick!’  Johnny was grabbing your arm and dragging you across the track towards the steep tree-studded slope on the other side.  'Up here!  Go!’

He took off, using his hands to pull himself up, bracing himself on the tree trunks as he went.  You scrambled up after him, feet slipping on loose dirt, your hands grazed by the rough bark as you used the trees as anchors to haul your body up the hill.  You could hear the corpses trying to follow you, crawling up the first few metres, then sliding back down when the slope got steeper.

'Come on, Y/N!’  Johnny called down to you from his position on the ridge at the top, just a few metres away from you.  'Nearly there!’

 _I can do this_.

As you felt your feet begin to slip from beneath you, you made a lunge for a low branch that was protruding from a thick trunk just a few inches away and let out a piercing yell as it gave way in your hand, sending you tumbling backwards.  A sharp rock jutting out of the dirt caught you in the ribs as you fell, knocking the air from your lungs, as your arms windmilled, trying desperately to catch hold of something to break your fall.  Your skull glanced off of a trunk, sending a flash of blinding pain through your head, but you managed to wrap your arms around the tree, ending up just a couple of metres away from the walkers, easily within reach as they made a more impassioned attempt to climb up to you.

'Johnny!’ you screamed, your eyes scanning the ridge as you searched for him.  'Help me!’

You saw a flash of blonde as his face appeared above you, but with horror you saw that he was shaking his head and backing away, mouthing at you as he left you to the undead below.  'Sorry.’

'Fuck!’

You kicked out as you felt bony fingers wrap around your ankle, ramming the heel of your boot into the face of the corpse that had hold of you, as you dug your fingers into the dirt and tried to drag yourself up the hill, away from the ravenous horde.  More hands on you, several pairs gripping your left arm, their strength increased by sheer numbers.  You tried to rip yourself away from them, twisting onto your back as you tugged violently against their hold, swearing again as you heard a crack and felt more pain rip through your body.  You swung wildly with your good arm, knocking back those nearest to you, and began to back up the hill, kicking out at any dead creature that got too close.  

When you were halfway up and out of reach of their clutching claws, you stopped, trying to catch your breath and get yourself together, the pain making your head spin.  You did a quick assessment, pressing your fingers to your scalp and bringing them away sticky with blood, prodding tentatively at your collarbone and cringing as it shifted beneath your touch.  You knew it was broken but you couldn’t let yourself panic.  You could feel the iron band tightening across your chest, feel your body beginning to tremble, but you knew that the crowd beneath wasn’t going anywhere whilst you were still in sight.  You needed to keep moving.

_Daryl._

You squeezed your eyes shut, picturing the archer’s face, his deep blue gaze holding yours, his lips pulled into a tight line of concern.  

_'Ya can do it, girl.  Keep goin’.’_

You forced yourself to take a deep breath, then another, and another.  The shaking lessened and the iron band relaxed into an uncomfortable but manageable pressure.

Carefully, you inched your way backwards, holding your injured arm across your chest, pushing yourself up with your legs.  When you finally reached the top, you clambered to your feet, grunting as pain shot through you, scanning the area first for danger, then for Johnny.

He was gone.

You were alone, again.


	37. Chapter 37

Your head was starting to spin and your t-shirt was soaked through with sweat, but you forced yourself to keep moving.  Every step sent pain jolting through your shoulder, your arm elevated in a makeshift sling you’d fashioned from Daryl’s shirt.  The thought of him was the only thing sustaining you, the only thing motivating you to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

_He’s waiting for me somewhere.  I know it._

After Johnny had abandoned you, you’d continued on through the woods in the same vague direction that you’d originally been headed in, rejoining the railway track a few miles along.  You still weren’t sure exactly where it was that you were headed, but as long as you kept walking you could cling on to the hope that you would end up somewhere.  And then you saw it.

_Terminus._

Your eyes scanned the words on the sign, scrawled in big black letters.

_Sanctuary for all…  Those who arrive, survive._

You stopped for a rest, taking a moment to consider the implications of the message.  More survivors, obviously.  Another community somewhere down the road.  But what if it was like Woodbury?  What if it was some kind of trap?  The end of the world had brought out the worst in people and you’d been burned too many times now to walk willingly into that fire again.

However, people meant food, water, and possibly medical care, and they were things that you knew you desperately needed.  Besides, if anyone else had come this way, they may too be headed in that direction.  Daryl might be headed in that direction.  

Taking a deep breath, you readjusted your sling and continued walking.  To Terminus, then.

You were in a bad way, something you were well aware of, and found yourself hallucinating, losing yourself in memories and coming to only to find yourself still shuffling along in your quest to find help, to find Daryl.

 

* * *

 

_Merle was off on one again.  For the last hour since you’d set up camp for the night, he’d been ranting about who he suspected had been the cause of the dead rising.  So far, he’d listed several different ethnic minorities, a couple of religions, and the lesbian that had blown him off in a bar a couple of weeks before the world ended.  As he continued on his diatribe, you caught Daryl’s eye where he sat leaning against a tree across the fire from you, stifling a giggle as he pulled a face.  You knew he got as tired of his brother’s opinionated attitude as you did, but it was rare that he’d step up and shut the guy down._

_When Daryl rolled his eyes and let his head loll back against the trunk like he was sleeping, you couldn’t help but snort, stopping Merle is his tracks as he paced, glancing between the two of you as you tried not to look at the younger brother for fear that you’d burst out laughing._

_‘Well, well, well, what’s going on here then?’  The puffed-up redneck crouched down beside you, turning to study the archer who shifted uncomfortably and looked away.  'Ya got somethin’ goin’ on with lil bro over there, darlin’?’_

_‘Shut it, Merle,’ you snapped, tiring of his dominance over your little group._

_‘Whoa there!’  He held his hands up, as if in surrender, before leaning closer, his breath ghosting over your face.  'I was just gonna suggest that you try the big brother out first, if ya know what mean.’  He guffawed with laughter, rocking back on his heels then closing in on you again._

_'I gotta say, y'ain’t my usual type, but, uh…’  He hooked a finger into your tank top where it rested across your chest, pulling it away from your skin and peering down inside.  'I can definitely find somethin’ to work with.’_

_Daryl was on his feet in an instant as you shoved Merle roughly away from you, catching his brother under the arms and hauling him to his feet.  'Alright, tha’s enough.  Come on, take a walk with me.’_

_'Oh look, lil bro’s tryin’ to play the big man.’  He pulled away from the archer, staggering slightly.  'As matter o’ fact, I was ready to turn in anyways.  G'night y'all!’  He stumbled away to where you’d dumped your packs, collapsing to the ground in a snoring heap.  The one good thing about his drug habit was that once he’d run himself down, he’d crash out almost instantly._

_'Y'alright?’  Daryl was still standing over you and you nodded up at him._

_'Yeah, I’m okay.  Thank you for-’_

_'Ain’t nothin’.  Get some sleep.  I got first watch.’_

_He turned and walked away, leaving you with a growing warmth in your chest.  Maybe you could trust this one after all._

 

* * *

 

A growl from nearby jolted you back to reality and you lifted your knife just in time as a walker lurched at you from the treeline.  You took it down easily, though the action of plunging the blade into its skull jarred your sensitive body, almost bringing you to your knees.  Even moving your good arm too quickly or aggressively disturbed the break and sent shockwaves of agony through you.  As you spun wildly, checking that there were no more, you realised that the evening was drawing in.  You needed somewhere to hole up for the night.

A half hour or so later, you came to an empty building at the edge of a small town that bordered the tracks.  There was smashed glass on the ground, crunching under your feet as you approached, and the bodies of walkers littered the forecourt.  You raised your knife as you slipped in through the door, checking every room as you moved up a floor at a time.  When you reached the top, you found that the building was completely empty.  One of the window panes was missing and a cool breeze floated into the room, but you were too exhausted to move back downstairs and slid to the floor, falling into a restless sleep.

 

* * *

 

_The stars were bright that night, scattered across the sky above the farm like fairy lights.  You were sprawled out in front of your tent, fighting against the chill in the air, enjoying the sense of peace and serenity that had washed over you.  The group’s stresses were only increasing, the friction between people chafing away and leaving tempers frayed, but, laying there, running your fingers through the cool wisps of long grass, it was easy to forget it all, to pretend that the world was still as it should be._

_A snort from a few metres away brought you to back to the here and now and you turned your head to see the archer observing you with a crooked smile on his face._

_'Come and lay with me.’  You beckoned him over with your fingers until he let his crossbow slip to the ground and slumped down beside you, immediately extending him arm so that you could curl into his side, enjoying the warmth that emanated from his body._

_'How was watch duty?’_

_'Alright.’  You felt him shrug beneath you.  'Shane’s taken over now.’_

_An involuntary shudder ran through you and his grip on you tightened in response._

_'Ya know I ain’t ever gon’ let 'im hurt ya again, don’t ya?’_

_You nodded, then let out a contented sigh as you turned your gaze upwards again.  'It’s such a beautiful night.’_

_'Ya looked deep in thought when I was walkin’ over.’_

_'I was,’ you admitted.  'I was pretending that the world hadn’t gone to hell, that everything was still normal.’_

_Daryl’s body tensed and there was a short silence before he responded.  'Sorry I interrupted.  Didn’ mean t’ ruin yer daydream.’_

_You reached up a hand to run through his hair, listening to his heartbeat thrumming beneath your head.  'You didn’t ruin anything, D.  You’re the one thing in this crazy world that I’d want to take with me, if I could go back to the way things were before.  Sometimes I forget that I didn’t know you 'til now.  I feel like you’ve always been there for me.’_

_He’d turned his face towards your touch and you felt him brush his lips against your palm._

_'Ya wouldn’ of liked me before.  I wasn’…  I wasn’ like I am now.’_

_'I think I still would’ve liked you,’ you giggled against his chest.  'I’m not the same person I was before either.’_

_'I ain’t ever gon’ understand what I did to deserve ya.’_

_'Well, you must’ve been a saint in a past life, that’s for sure.’_

_You felt a laugh rumble through his chest, as he snaked a hand into the open tent and yanked out his jacket, spreading it over you where you lay beside him._

_'I ain’t ever been no saint.  Ya make me wanna be better though.’_

_'You’re good enough, Daryl Dixon.  You’re my hero.’_

 

* * *

 

You were woken by the early morning sun streaming in through the window, and sat up slowly, careful not to wrench your shoulder too much.  It was still throbbing painfully and the thought of continuing on your journey made you want to cry.

_Daryl._

You pushed yourself to your feet, moving towards the window to survey your surroundings in daylight.  As you did so, the light reflected off a bottle in the corner of the window sill, and you picked it up, removing the lid and sniffing the inch of liquid which remained inside.

It was water and it smelled like it was fairly fresh.  Whoever had left it had passed through not long before you.

You swigged it down in one go, groaning with relief as it soothed your parched throat.  It was a sign.  You needed to keep moving.

 

* * *

 

_'Hey, where ya goin’?’_

_Daryl’s voice behind you caused you to slow your pace for a moment or two, before you continued your determined stomp through the prison’s lower levels._

_'Y/N!  Hold up, would ya!’_

_You felt his fingers grasp your shoulder as he span you round, forcing you to face him._

_'I’m hiding from Jack, okay?’ you admitted through gritted teeth, flinging your arms up in exasperation.  'He won’t leave my damn side and he’s doing my head in, D!  I managed to slip away but he’s gonna notice I’m gone any second now so I’m finding somewhere to hide!’_

_The archer barely managed to suppress his smirk as he drawled, 'Well, why didn’ ya just say?’_

_'Because I knew you’d laugh at me!’_

_He did laugh at that, chuckling down at you as he shook his head.  'Come on, girl.  Let’s get ya hid.’_

_He took your hand, guiding you through the corridors until you came to a small storage cupboard that was almost invisible when the door was closed, the join with the wall barely noticeable._

_As he hauled it open, you stepped tentatively inside, looking around at the cramped, empty space as Daryl pulled the door closed behind the two of you, plunging you both into total darkness._

_'Erm…D, what is this place?’ you asked hesitantly, blinking blindly into the black.  'This is kinda creepy.’_

_’S'where I found Carol after… It’s where she hid after T…’_

_'Oh.’_

_You felt Daryl’s fingers lace through yours as he guided you to sit on the ground, brushing against your arm as he slid down the wall beside you._

_’D'you think about them much?  The people we’ve lost?’_

_'Nah.  Can’t afford t’ get emotional 'bout it.’  His hand was still clasping yours, his thumb rubbing over your knuckles.  'Why?  Do you?’_

_'All the time.  It reminds me why we keep fighting everyday, what the point is.  It’s not just to survive, it’s to actually, like, live.’_

_You heard him sigh beside you.  'Ya sound like the doc.’_

_'It’s something Maggie’s said to me before.  She’s right though, y'know.  What is the point if everything is just pain and fear and anger?  It’s important to still find pleasure in life, right?  And excitement and beauty…’_

_'Pleasure like this, d'ya mean?’  Daryl’s hand slipped from yours and you heard a rustle and felt something cool and smooth brush the tip of your nose, the scent tantalisingly delicious._

_’D, what is that?’_

_'Trust me.’  You heard a soft snapping noise and then responded to a pressure on your lips by parting them and allowing him to slip something onto your tongue._

_The square of chocolate began to melt instantly, the sugary sweetness dissolving into a rich velvety paste, and you moaned in pleasure at the luxuriousness of it._

_'Oh my God, D!  Where did you get that?’_

_'Found it on a run a couple o’ days back.  Wanted to share it with ya, but it was kinda hard gettin’ ya alone.’_

_You nudged him with your elbow.  'Stop!’_

_'More?’  You felt his hand in front of your face again and leaned forward to take the candy from his fingers with your teeth._

_'You are actually my hero right now,’ you declared after you’d swallowed your mouthful.  'Screw all that saving my life stuff, this is your finest hour.’_

_He wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you into his side._

_'So this is one o’ them moments then?  One of those livin’, not just survivin’ ones?’_

_'Definitely.’_

 

* * *

 

You’d been walking for hours, making good progress from what you could tell.  The heat of the midday sun was beating down on you and, fearing dehydration you moved into the shade of the trees, following the tracks from the shelter of the wood.  You’d thought you’d heard gunfire in the distance earlier too, and figured that the forest gave you more cover should Terminus not hold the answers you were looking for.  It had shaken you up, left you on edge, and you moved with your knife held aloft in front of you, stopping every few steps to check for movement around you.  

The rustle of leaves brought you to a standstill, and you turned in the direction of the noise to see a man approaching you, a baseball cap pulled down over his face, only his stubbled chin on show.  As he got nearer, he removed the hat, nodding to you before speaking.

'Hey there!  You looking for Terminus?’

'Maybe.’  You were hesitant, still on alert after the sound of shots fired.  'Who are you?’

'I’m Martin.  I’m part of the community there.  I can take you back with me.’

'I heard shots.’  Your knife was still raised and you watched his eyes fix on it as he replied.

'Yeah, we, er… We had a few walkers crowding round the main gate so we had to clear 'em.  Sorry if we startled you.’

He moved closer, smiling gently at you.  'I was just out here setting up some fireworks to lure away any corpses that got attracted by the noise.  If you don’t mind helping me, we can get this done and have you home and safe in time for dinner.’

At the mention of food, your stomach growled and he chuckled at you, nodding in encouragement as you slipped the knife into your holster, unable to resist the promise of something to eat.

'I’m not sure how much help I can be.’  You gestured to your arm, still suspended in your makeshift sling.  'I broke my collarbone I think.  You guys got a doctor at all?’

'Ouch!’  He looked at you sympathetically, holding his hand out to you as he stepped forward.  'Let me take a look.’

As you turned to give him access, he gripped your shoulder hard, yanking it back until you screamed, then, armed with a handgun that you hadn’t noticed before, he brought the metal down against your skull, knocking you unconscious.

 

* * *

 

_'I’m so happy,’ you murmured against Daryl’s mouth as he kissed you, long lazy kisses that gave you butterflies and left your lips tingling.  'I don’t know if I’ve ever been this happy, even before.’_

_You felt him smile against your lips as you ran your hand over his bare chest, fingers dancing over the defined muscles that tensed at your touch._

_'I definitely ain’t ever been this happy before.  Yer the best thing I’ve ever had in my life.’_

_'Hmmm…’  You rolled over to straddle him, pulling the blanket up over the both of you like a tent and peppering his face with kisses.  'Better than… your cigarettes?’_

_'Way better,’ he rasped as you traced your tongue over the ridge of his collarbone, letting your teeth graze the sensitive dip below his throat._

_'What about your crossbow?  Am I better than that?’_

_You kissed down his chest, the fine hairs tickling your cheeks as you mapped his torso with your lips._

_'Uh-huh.’  His breathing accelerated as you ran the tip of your tongue down his firm stomach, his hands coming up to grip your hips as you slid down his body._

_'And how about your bike?  You love that ol’ thing.’_

_'Well, actually, ya got a point-’_

_His breath hitched in his throat as you moved lower, meeting his eyes as you teased him, his fingers moving to lace into your hair._

_'Really?  You prefer the bike?’_

_'No, fuck, Y/N, it’s you,’ he growled.  'Yer all I want.’_

_You giggled softly and set to work._

 

* * *

 

'See, I knew the chick with the sword was bad news. Bitch looked like a weapon with a weapon.’

It took you a moment to process Martin’s words as your eyes fluttered open.  

_Michonne…  They had Michonne…_

You heard a crackle of static as whoever he was talking to over the radio replied, trying to turn your head to take in your surroundings.  You weren’t where you’d been when he’d taken you down.  He’d obviously continued in his task, dragging you along with him if the dirt that coated your skin was anything to go by.

'Yeah, I told Albert I want the kid’s hat after they bleed him out.’

_Carl…_

The movement of craning your neck was making your head pound, and the pain in your shoulder was sickening.  It was getting harder and harder to focus and you fought to keep yourself alert.

'Keep your finger off the button and drop it.’

A woman’s voice.  A voice you knew.

'Carol?’ you croaked, but she wasn’t in your line of sight.  'Carol, is that you?’

'It’s me.  Tyreese…’

And then Tyreese was above you, turning you gently so that he could cut the ties that bound your wrists.

You shrieked in pain as you moved your injured arm back in front of you, slipping it back into its sling before any more damage could be done.

'Its okay, you’re going to be okay.’

As he turned to get some water from Carol’s pack for you, you saw Judith’s little face peering at you from his rucksack and that was when you broke down and sobbed.


	38. Chapter 38

‘Let me take a look at that,’ Carol instructed you, guiding you over to a stool in the cabin where you’d settled, having tied Martin up and dumped him in one corner.  You sat down, wincing as she ran her fingers over your collarbone, gently probing your skin to feel what was going on beneath the surface.  'Well, it’s definitely broken.  What happened?’

‘Walkers got a hold of me.  I broke it trying to get away.’

‘You’ve been on your own all this time?’

‘Pretty much,’ you lied, not wanting to discuss Johnny and his betrayal.  'What about you?  Where did you guys meet up?’

'I was heading back to the prison when I saw the smoke.  I was too late to see where most of you had headed but I could hear Judith crying.  Tyreese had grabbed her from her carrier when he realised it was over.’

'Damn good thing you found us too,’ Tyreese added from where he watched over your prisoner, Judith cradled in his arms.  'I was out of my depth with three kids.’

'Three?’  You were confused.  

Silence fell and you watched the two exchange uncomfortable glances before Carol finally spoke.  'We had Lizzie and Mika with us too, but…  They’re gone now.’

You nodded in understanding, feeling your throat constrict at the thought of more lives lost.  You hadn’t known everybody back at the prison.  There’d been too many of them and you had a tendency to distance yourself, still choosing to mostly socialise with your family from the farm and before.  But you’d still seen their faces everyday, worked side by side with some of them to clear the fences or prepare dinner.  The thought of all those that had fallen during the Governor’s attack, the screams of the children on the bus as they were torn apart, weighed heavy on your heart.

Needing a distraction, you pushed yourself to your feet and made your way across the room to where Martin had propped himself up against the wall.

'Hey, you!’  You kicked at his foot, watching his face twist into a sneer as he glared up at you.  'You were talking about a chick with a sword and a kid with a hat, right?’

He nodded slowly, his eyes narrowing as he waited to see where you were going with your questioning.

'Was there a guy with a crossbow?  He’d have been wearing a vest with angel wings on the back.  Is he with them?’

When he raised his eyebrows at you but didn’t respond, you leaned down over him, clasping his chin in your hand, your fingers gripping his face with bruising pressure, as you growled, 'Answer me, dammit.  Do you have him?  Is he at Terminus?’

'Yes!’ Martin finally snapped, tearing his head from your grasp.  'Yes, we’ve got a guy with a crossbow!  Some dirty fuckin’ redneck from what I can tell.’

You’d turned to move away from him now that you had the information that you needed, but, at these words, you saw red and spun back to face him, bringing your good arm down to backhand him across the face, smiling in satisfaction as he spat blood onto the floor.

'You’re gonna be a dead fuckin’ asshole before the day’s out,’ you snarled.  'Watch your fuckin’ mouth.’

He held your gaze, refusing to back down, but didn’t speak again, and you turned back to see that Carol was shouldering her rifle.

'I’m going down there.’

'I’m coming with you.’  You moved towards her, pulling your knife from its holster, but she held her hands up to stop you, backing towards the door.

'You can’t, Y/N.  Stay with Tyreese and help look after Judith.’

'But, Carol-’

'You’re no use to me right now.  You can’t fight and I can’t protect you.’  She’d picked up Martin’s bag now from where he’d dropped it in the entrance, placing it on the stool and searching through the contents, figuring out what he had that she could use.

'You can’t go in there alone!  It’s dangerous.’

'I’ll be fine.’  She hooked her arm through the bag’s straps and hoisted it up, turning to leave once again.

'Please, Carol,’ you whimpered from behind her, halting her in her tracks.  'Please, I need to find him.  I’ll do whatever you say.  I’ll wait in the trees if you want me too, but, please, I just need to find Daryl.’

She sighed as she considered this, her eyes meeting Tyreese’s as they communicated silently, whilst Judith gurgled away happily behind you, seemingly oblivious to the angst and desperation that filled the room.

'Fine.’  Your heart leapt as Carol conceded, refusing to meet your eyes as she motioned for you to follow her out of the cabin.  'But you’re not going inside.’

You turned back to Ty, taking in the cooing baby cuddled up against his chest, before following the older woman out into the forest.

 

* * *

 

You watched in disgust, wrinkling your nose as Carol delved into the guts of the downed walker and slathered the entrails and gore over her body.  

'You’re sure this will work?’

'Should do.’  She sounded confident, but the slight tremble of her hands gave away her uncertainty.  'If they can’t smell me, they won’t realise I’m not one of them.  That’s the idea, anyway.’

'You’re sure you don’t want me to come with you?’

'No, Y/N.’  She turned her steely-eyed gaze on you, repeating the instructions she’d already given you as she’d laid down her plan.  'You follow in the trees.  Just stay slightly behind us and you should be able to move round and find a place for us to get out of there.  The nearer to the treeline the fences are, the better chance we have of getting everyone out alive.  Use the gun that I gave you and fire two shots when you’ve found a place and I’ll bring them to you.  Okay?’

'Yes, boss!’  You gave a mock salute and she smiled at you for the first time since you’d found each other.  'I’m glad you’re back, Carol.’

'Me too.’  She took another handful of guts and began to smear them over her arms.  'So, you and Daryl, huh?’

'What do you mean?’

'I saw that look in your eye back there.  That wasn’t a woman wanting to find her best friend, that was a woman pleading to save her man.  Something happen with the two of you?’

You dropped your eyes to the ground, scuffing your boot against the dusty forest floor, as you considered the question.  'Yeah, something happened.  We didn’t really get a chance to talk about it, but…  I love him, Carol.’  

Your voice cracked as you made your declaration and she placed a bloody hand on yours.  'We’re going to get him back, Y/N.’

'I know,’ you sniffled, brushing your fingers under your eyes to blot away the tears that had gathered there before they had a chance to spill over.  'I know we will.’

'Okay.’  She stood, wiping her hands off on her trousers and performing a twirl in front of you, causing you to giggle at her appearance, even as the stench turned your stomach.  'How do I look?’

'Gorgeous, as ever,’ you smiled encouragingly, applauding quietly, well aware that fear of what was to come was pushing you both towards hysteria.  

'Good.’  She hefted her rifle and the bag back onto her shoulder.  'Let’s do this, then.  You ready?’

You could only nod, as you watched her turn and make her way towards the track, keeping her steps light and quick as she hurried to catch up with the horde that was heading for Terminus, attracted by the gunshots.  Martin hadn’t had the opportunity to set off any of his fireworks before he’d been captured, so the crowd shambled on, getting gradually nearer to the community’s fences.

You matched her pace, but kept your direction straight rather than veering towards the tracks, moving quietly through the forest as you eventually flanked the walkers and watched Carol merge into their ranks.  Your breath caught in your throat as you waited to see how they’d react, but you let yourself exhale as you realised that they’d remained oblivious to her presence.  You hefted the bundle of blankets she’d given you, musty and moth-eaten from the small bunk in the cabin, onto your shoulder, and carried on moving forward, aware that every step was bringing you closer to your archer.

When the buildings came into view, you moved off, away from the gates, leaving Carol to continue her steady march onwards, as you darted around the perimeter, squinting into the bright daylight from your place in the shadows.  Terminus was bigger than you’d imagined and you could see armed guards on a couple of the roofs.  There seemed to be 3 main buildings in your eyeline, though God only knew how many lay beyond, and there were several large train cars dotted about.  The whole place gave you a bad vibe, there was an atmosphere that left you feeling chilled and slightly nauseous, and you waited for the signal that Carol had launched her attack.

And then you heard it.  A single gunshot, followed by an almighty explosion as she fired one of Martin’s fireworks at the propane tank she’d just shot a bullet into.

It had begun.

 

* * *

 

You watched intently as all hell broke loose inside the fences, walkers flooding into the compound, whilst the residents fled from the buildings, firing wildly as they tried to protect their home.  It brought back horrific flashbacks of the fall of the prison, but you suppressed them, reminding yourself that your family were trapped somewhere in the chaos.  

You’d found a spot where the fence came within a few metres of the treeline and slipped from your hiding place, flinging the heavy blankets you carried over the top of the barbed wire to make it safe to climb over.  As you did so, a door to one of the buildings crashed open and you saw him.  Daryl.  His dark hair falling into his face, he was calling to Rick who was hot on his heels, followed by Glenn and Bob, the small group disappearing round a corner seconds later, a crowd of walkers stumbling after them.


	39. Chapter 39

You stopped thinking.  You stopped breathing.  All of your survival instincts had evaporated at the sight of the archer sprinting away from you, the angel wings on his back only barely visible through the smoke that wafted across the compound.  All you could do now was react, your actions completely dictated by your heart because your mind was reeling at the knowledge that you’d finally found Daryl.  He was so close and at the same time still so far away, and all you knew was that you had to close the distance between you, to wrap yourself up in his arms and let him kiss away everything that had happened since he’d last held you.

Your good arm groped desperately at the top of the fence, hauling your battered body up the wire, and flinging yourself headfirst into the chaos on the other side.  You landed hard, jarring your broken collarbone, but rolling immediately to your feet, pulling your knife from your belt as you scanned your surroundings.  Your grunt of pain had attracted the attention of several walkers, who were moving jerkily towards you now, hands reaching out to claw at you.  You ducked under the arm of the nearest one, spinning to ram your knife up through the back of its head, before turning again to kick at the corpse that had grabbed a hold of your sling, knocking it to the ground.  Your tussle with the undead was attracting more of them and you launched yourself over the body at your feet, hitting the ground running as you raced after Daryl, squinting through the clouds of dust and smoke as you reached the building that he’d exited, slowing your pace to steal along the wall, peering around the corner where he’d disappeared from sight.  

You couldn’t see him, but you could hear the gravel of his voice over the shouts around you, almost as if your senses had been honed to pick him out above everything else.  You crept forward, a pace at a time, moving slowly as you tried to blend into the surroundings, keeping low to try to avoid the bullets flying wildly around you.  Sliding your knife away, you reached for the gun holstered at your hip, clutching it to your chest.  You ducked behind a car, taking a moment to slow your racing pulse, as you concentrated on steadying your breathing and keeping your fear under control.  As you leant up to look over the hood, you caught a glimpse of the archer in the same position behind a car maybe 20 yards away.  You forgot where you were as relief washed over you, pushing yourself to your feet and screaming his name.

You saw him glance in your direction, raising his hand to shield his eyes from the sun’s glare as a barrage of bullets exploded around you, forcing you back into a crouch behind the driver’s door.  You tried to raise yourself up enough to check his position again, but you’d revealed yourself to the snipers and they were on you instantly, the shots deafening against the metal shell of the car.  Heavy footsteps thudded towards you and you raised your handgun, ready to defend yourself from the oncoming attack, a cloud of dust momentarily blinding you as a stocky figure slid around the side of the car, immediately turning to look up at you from where they were sprawled on the ground.

You found yourself staring into Daryl’s icy blue eyes, their crystal depths taking your breath away as he gazed back at you.

‘Hey,’ you husked, every cell in your body yearning for him, vibrating with the need to touch him, to feel him in your arms.

‘Hey yerself,’ he rasped, remaining agonisingly still, locked in the moment, time freezing as you both took in the presence of the other in front of you at long last.

And then he was reaching for you, dragging you into his arms and pulling you tight against him as you felt yourself falling apart, dropping your gun and grasping a handful of his shirt to hold him close, whimpering slightly as he shifted against your broken bone.  The sound made him push you gently away, taking in the sling around your neck, the arm hanging uselessly across your chest, and the gash on your head from Martin’s gun.  He moved to touch you again, taking your face into his hands as he leant down to brush his lips against your forehead, your nose, finally finding your lips and kissing you softly, brushing his mouth against yours until you moaned into him, losing yourself in your need as the rest of the world faded away.  His lips became harder, more forceful, and you twisted your hand, drawing him even closer by the front of his shirt, as if it were almost possible for you to meld your body into his and become one right there.

As he pulled away, you reached up to stroke his face, brushing the dust from his stubbled cheek, running your thumb across the dark bruising under his eye.  Your breath caught in your throat as you saw the unfiltered passion in his gaze as his eyes mapped your face, taking in every detail as if he’d thought he’d never see you again.  

‘Daryl, I-’

‘Daryl!’  Rick’s voice jolted you back to the present, pulling the archer’s attention away from you, as he pushed himself into a crouch, searching for Rick through the haze.  'Come on, we gotta go!’

Daryl stood, reaching down to pull you to your feet, passing you your gun, as he placed a hand on the small of your back to guide you out from behind the car.  Bullets hit the ground at your feet and you broke into a run, heading in the direction of Rick’s voice, rounding the corner to find him, Glenn and Bob holding off several walkers.  You took aim, taking down the nearest one, as the men nodded in your direction, before you took off sprinting, following Rick as he tore across the compound towards the largest of the train cars.  You stayed back, hugging the walls of the building with Daryl at your side, as your leader made his way across to the big metal container, grunting as he struggled to slide back the bolt and release those inside.  

Your heart swelled as you saw Maggie descend from the doorway, followed by Michonne, Carl and Sasha, and several others that you didn’t know.  You saw Maggie’s face as she spotted Glenn, alive, and watched her expression brighten.  Your family.  You’d found them at last.

As they hurried over to you, Daryl lowered his head to press a kiss to your shoulder, growling into your ear, ‘We gotta get out o’ here.’

‘I know.  We need to get back round to the other side.  The fence is nearer to the trees there, and I’ve covered the wire.’

‘Alrigh’ then,’ he nodded, turning to speak to Rick, as you peered around the corner of the building to check the path to your escape route was clear.  

'Sounds like where we came in,’ Rick agreed.  'We have weapons buried in the woods there.’

'Let’s go then,’ you pleaded, desperate now to get out of there, to leave the corpses, dead and undead, behind and just revel in being back with the man you loved.  'Come on, let’s move!’

You took the lead, Daryl close behind you, as you ran for the fence, pausing occasionally to shoot at an approaching walker.  You reached the blanketed stretch, and stepped back to let the group file past you, all of them scrambling over with relative ease.  

'Ya ready?’ you heard Daryl’s voice behind you, and turned your head to nod at him, as he wrapped his hands around your waist and hoisted you up and over, into Rick’s waiting arms on the other side.  

'I got ya,’ the sheriff murmured as he set you on the ground, already moving towards the treeline, as you felt Daryl’s hand on your arm, guiding you into the shadows.

You kept moving, despite the exhaustion that had hit you as soon as you were out of immediate danger, feeling your legs starting to give way.  As Rick brought the group to a halt and dropped to his knees to start digging at the dirt with his bare hands, his body tense as he focused completely on his task, you moved a few metres away from the others to slump down at the foot of a tree, leaning back against the trunk with your legs propped up, and resting your head in your hand.  

'Hey, y'alright?’  Daryl was in front of you, crouching down and resting his hand on your bent knee.  'What’s this?’  He gestured at your sling and you smiled sadly at him.

'Broke my collarbone.’

'How the hell’d ya manage that?’

'Fightin’ off walkers.’

'Girl, ya gotta be more careful.  I can’ have ya gettin’ hurt.’

'I know,’ you nodded, reaching out a hand to link your fingers through his.  'But I’m okay.’

'Did ya do all this yerself?’ he asked, turning back in the direction of Terminus where you could still see smoke billowing into the sky above the trees.  

'No, I was with-’

You broke off at the sound of movement behind you and watched as Daryl glanced up to see who was approaching, his eyes widening in wonder.  He squeezed your hand as he stood, disappearing from view until you twisted round to see him sweeping Carol off of her feet in a tight embrace, as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders.  You smiled at their reunion, relieved that she had made it out of the fray unharmed.  You’d lost track of her completely in the drama and felt guilty that you hadn’t insisted that the group stay and search for her.  

As Daryl set Carol back on the ground, Rick approached, and you heard him speaking quietly to her, before he too pulled her into his arms.  

When she’d been released, she picked her way over to you, dropping to the ground beside you as she leant against your good arm.

'Nice work back there,’ you said, resting your head against hers.  'You’re pretty damn impressive, you know that, right?’

'And you definitely didn’t stick to the plan,’ she scolded you, but she had a small smile on her face.  'You okay?’

'I’m good,’ you nodded, your eyes following Daryl as he moved between the members of the group, checking that everyone had gotten out unscathed.  'Actually, I’m amazing.’


	40. Chapter 40

‘Where were ya?  I waited at the tree for ya, but ya never showed.’  Daryl’s voice was anxious as he whispered to you in the darkness.

It was late and most of the group were sleeping as Tyreese kept watch across the other side of the clearing, the embers of a camp fire still glowing in the pit that the archer had dug out earlier that evening.  Following Carol’s return, you had led the group back to the cabin to find Tyreese, reuniting Rick and Carl with Judith.  Watching the small family hold each other had brought tears to your eyes and Daryl had wrapped an arm around your shoulders, burying his face in your hair and inhaling deeply.  Your body still ached, your collarbone throbbing constantly, but somehow it seemed to matter less now that you were back with your people, you were able to block the pain out a little easier.  You’d decided to keep moving, to put more distance between yourselves and Terminus, walking through the forest until the light started to fade, then setting up camp with the limited supplies that you had.

‘What the hell happened, Y/N?’

‘I started to panic,’ you admitted.  'I couldn’t breathe and then Jack found me.’

‘Ya were with Jack?’  Daryl’s voice was tinged with jealousy and you managed to move your injured shoulder enough to bring a hand up from where you lay curled against his chest, your weight on your good arm, to rub his frown lines away, grimacing at the discomfort it caused.

‘No.  He just… He put me on the bus and then they shut the doors and left, and I couldn’t get off, D.  I tried, trust me, I tried, but they wouldn’t stop or turn around, and then…’

He remained silent, waiting for you to continue as you fought against the tears that threatened to overwhelm you.

‘And then there were just walkers everywhere and they got inside.  I managed to get out onto the roof, but when I turned round to help the others it was too late.’

‘Ya was alone out there?’

‘For a while.  I backtracked to the tree, but you were gone by the time I got there.  I found your arrow and this.’  You pulled the bandana from the pocket of your jeans and clenched it in your fist, remembering the hope it had given you when you’d seen it flapping against the cross gouged into the trunk.  'But you weren’t there.’

‘I waited for ya,’ he reassured you.  'I did, for as long as I could, but the place was swarmin’ ‘n’ I had Beth with me.  I needed to get ‘er out o’ there.’  

‘You were with Beth?’  It was only now that he mentioned her that you really noticed her absence from the group.  'Where is she?’

He sighed deeply, moving his hand from your waist to chew at his thumb.  'I dunno.  Gone.  I was fightin’ off walkers, told her to run, but when I got out o’ there, she was jus’ gone.’

You could feel the tension in his body, and you knew that he must be agonising over losing her.  'I’m sorry, D.’

‘I jus’…  I don’ know what I woulda done without ‘er, y'know.’  His eyes were scanning the branches above your head, avoiding your gaze as you lifted your head to look at him.  'Everytime I felt like givin’ up, like I weren’t never gon’ find ya, she was the one that kept me goin’, that told me I had to have faith.  I needed that, I guess.’

You couldn’t help but smirk, attempting to hide it when Daryl’s eyes met yours, but not managing it quickly enough.

‘Wha’ was that look?’

‘What look?’

‘That look ya gave me jus’ now, girl.’

You exhaled loudly, leaning your head back to rest on his chest.  'Just sounds a little different from my travelling companion, that’s all.’

‘Ya found someone then?’

'Uh-huh,’ you nodded, feeling his hand come up to brush your hair away from your face.  'Yeah, I met a guy on the road, but he… He was great, at first. Kept me moving, kept me motivated, but… He was just scared I guess, like we all are, but he just left me when this happened.’  You raised your bad arm slightly to indicate the break.  'I was alone and hurt and terrified and all I wanted was you.’

'I’m sorry, Y/N.’  He whispered against the top of your head.  'I’m so sorry.  I feel like I let ya down.  I shoulda waited for longer.  I shouldn'a left your side in the first damn place.’

'It isn’t your fault, Daryl.  None of it is your fault.’  You inhaled sharply, preparing yourself to say the words that you hadn’t said since the morning after your night together back in the prison.  'I love you.’

You felt him fidget beneath you, reaching into his pocket and pulling something out which he rolled between his fingers, lifting it up so that it glinted in the shafts of moonlight which filtered through the trees.

'What you got there?’ you asked, squinting curiously at the object as he fiddled with it nervously.

When he stilled his hand, you could just make out the shape of a ring, and your breath hitched as you sat up to study it in more detail, shoving the bandana back into your pocket so that you could take it from his fingers and lay it in your palm.  It was silver in colour, made out of two fine pieces of wire that had been cleaned up, twisted neatly together, and flattened out a little to form a piece of jewellery that was simple and beautiful.  

'You made this?’

He nodded, chewing on his lip as he leant up on his elbows to watch your reaction.  'Mmhmm, in that train car.  E'ryone was scavenging for what they could find t’ make weapons, but I jus’… I needed to believe that I’d see ya again, so I… I made it for ya.’

You fought to keep your voice even as you held your hand up to let more light fall onto the ring, gazing at it in wonder as you pictured him sitting in the darkness, working steadily away on creating this for you.

'It’s beautiful.’

'It ain’t… I mean, it’s not… I ain’t proposin’ or nothin’, y'know.  I ain’t ever really believed in all that, even before.  Gettin’ wed never did either of my folks no good.  But I jus’ wanted somethin’ to show that…’  He paused as he struggled to find the words, avoiding your eyes as he spoke, the tips of his ears turning pink.  'I wanted ya to have somethin’ to show that yer mine.  Tha’s all.’

You closed your fist over the ring, leaning down to press your lips to his.  'I love it, D,’ you murmured against his mouth.  'I really love it.’  

As he moved to deepen the kiss, you pulled away teasingly, smiling down at him.  'You’re gonna have to help me put it on though, cos I’m kinda one-handed over here!’

He smirked at you, reaching to take the ring from your hand so he could slip it onto your finger.  It fit perfectly and you shook your head in amazement.

'Wha’?  I’ve spent enough time holdin’ ya hand, girl.  Ya think I don’ know how big yer fingers are.’

'You are a man of many talents, Daryl Dixon.’  

'Mmmm,’ he hummed against your lips.  'Ya reckon?’  He slipped his hand up to cup the back of your neck as his kisses became more demanding.  You gave into him, surrendering to his sensual assault on your mouth, trying to stifle the moans that he was eliciting as he played havoc with every nerve ending in your body, his hands sliding beneath your t-shirt to stroke the curve of your waist with his calloused thumbs.  His weight was pressing down on your good side as he moved you onto your back, his lips attacking your neck, with harsh, stinging kisses that made you whimper and arch up into him.  

’D,’ you rasped as his hands slid upwards, leaving you dangerously close to losing control.  ’D, stop.’

'Why?’ he mumbled against the sensitive skin of your throat.  'Wha’s wrong?’

When you didn’t answer, he leant up to take in your flushed skin and glazed eyes, confusion writ over his face.  When you tilted your head over at Tyreese, he groaned, his head falling onto your shoulder as he shuddered with frustration.  Then, taking a deep breath, he pushed himself to his feet, reaching out his hand to take yours and pull you up to join him.

'C’mon.’

You followed him a few metres further into the trees, the darkness swallowing you up, giving you a sense of solitude away from the eyes of the rest of the group.

He slipped off his jacket, laying it on the ground and guiding you down on top of it, moving over you gently so as not to disturb your arm.  

'Tell me if I hurt ya, alright?’

You nodded breathlessly, already vibrating with anticipation of what was to come, as he lowered his weight onto you and met your lips again.  His kisses were different this time, less hurried, more exploratory.  He took his time over it, kissing you thoroughly and passionately, until you were certain you’d died and gone to heaven.  Only when you were trembling with need and whimpering his name did his hands start to move over you, scorching you as they skimmed over your curves, sliding under clothes and drawing out hushed moans and mewls.  You’d become a mess under his fingertips, feeling as though you might shatter into a million pieces at any second, every touch, every flicker of his tongue over your sweat-slicked skin, bringing you closer to the edge.

When he was finally ready to claim you completely, he moved slowly but with purpose, burying himself in you as if he were coming home.  It wasn’t a rush to the finish line, it wasn’t flirtatious or brutal or tentative, or any of the words you’d have used to describe any one of the multiple times he’d taken you in your bunk at the prison.  It was as if your bodies and souls had merged into one, and you wrapped yourself around him as best you could, crying out in frustration when your useless arm prevented you from holding him as close as you wanted to.  You’d found him, and he was yours, and you were his, totally and completely his.  With every thrust, you felt your connection growing stronger, deeper, in this moment that belonged only to the two of you, and when you finally reached your ends together, it was momentous, stars filling your vision as you floated on a cloud of ecstasy.

Afterwards, he rolled off of you, pulling you close, as your breathing gradually slowed and returned to normal.  For a long time, neither of you spoke, both still revelling in the feeling of being reunited, of being together.  All you could smell, feel and taste was Daryl, and it made your head spin as you nuzzled into his chest.

'I love ya, Y/N.’

'I love you.’

'I ain’t ever gon’ leave yer side again.  I promise ya that.  Yer my girl 'n’ whatever happens next, we’ll face it together.’

You nodded, feeling him place a soft kiss on the top of your head.

'I never feel safer than when I’m with you, y'know.  You are my whole world, Daryl Dixon.’

“An’ I’ll always try t’ keep ya safe, ya know that, right?’

You twisted your ring round your finger, feeling a dreamy smile spreading across your face.

'Of course I know that,’ you murmured, pressing soft kisses against his chest, feeling his heartbeat pulsing through his thin shirt.  'You’re my hero.  Always have been.’

'Yeah?’

'Yeah.’  You leant up to kiss him again, feeling yourself begin to drift off to sleep, exhaustion washing over you now that you felt truly secure and sated.  'Y'know what?  Whatever happens, I think we’re gonna be okay, you and me. Long as we’re together, we’re gonna be just fine.’


End file.
